A/N: I'd write little individual thank yous, but… well, I'm a lazy bum. Hehe. So, thank y'all for all the lovely reviews. :-)

The first part of "Past" (where Suze is narrating) is one of those rare parts that I haven't thought to death and planned out. Hopefully it'll work out okay, anyway. -crosses fingers- If it doesn't… be nice and pretend it does. ;-)

Chapter 10

Past:

Days rolled by. That's what it seemed like, anyway. The mornings and afternoons were a little lonely, until Paul would come by. He gave me books to read so I wouldn't be bored during the day, but I was still happier when he'd open the door in the evenings and smile at me.

Evenings were spent curled up in his lap, eating dinner, and afterward… well. Nothing really happened. But it was still nice. Really nice.

Which is why, when I could finally get up the stairs on my own, I found myself laying next to Paul in his bed, curled up next to him. He was just holding me, and occasionally kissing me, and it felt so good at that moment that I didn't mind when he rolled over on top of me and started untying the sash on my robe.

"Paul?"

"Hmm?" he murmured, leaning down to kiss me again.

"I love you." I didn't even think about saying it. It just sort of slipped out, and I didn't really think he would be surprised by it. Or that he would react like he did.

Paul froze, staring at me. "What?"

I blinked at him, confused. "I said I—"

He suddenly rolled off me and started for the door. "Don't," he ordered, opening the door. "Don't say that."

"But—"

Before I could finish, though, he was out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Now was definitely a bad time to start feeling guilty, Paul thought as he stormed down the stairs. It wasn't as if this wasn't something he'd wanted—wasn't Suze loving him what he had been trying for anyway?

He sat on the bottom step, leaning against the banister. Yes, that's what he wanted, but not like this.

Wasn't that a hell of a note? He didn't want her love if he had to force it from her, but that was the only way he was going to get it.

When Jesse returned, he half expected to find Paul lurking around somewhere. He had waited—agonized—for two weeks before coming back. He was fully prepared to deal with Paul when he arrived, but apparently it wouldn't come to that. Not today, anyway.

Jesse wandered down the hallway, looking for Susannah. He glanced into the room he had been in before, but she wasn't there. About halfway down the hall, he finally found her.

"Susannah." Paul had locked her in a cell. A cell. As if being able to control her wasn't enough?

Susannah looked up from the book she had been reading and smiled at him, setting book down beside her. The smile she gave him didn't quite reach her eyes—nothing seemed to penetrate that blank gaze. She stood and moved toward him.

He reached through the bars to touch her cheek. "Oh, querida," he said softly. "What has he done to you?"

She frowned. "I don't know what that means."

Jesse smiled faintly, thinking for a moment of when they had first met and he had called her that. "It means 'sweetheart.'"

"Oh," she murmured, blushing a little.

"Querida," Jesse said again, stroking her cheek as best he could. "Don't you remember me?"

She frowned again. "Of course I do. I met you just a few—"

"No," he interrupted. "You knew me before." Jesse pressed closer. "Paul has made you forget. You have to remember."

Susannah backed away from him, looking suddenly uneasy. "No," she whispered.

"Yes," he urged. His hand connected with her shoulder and he pulled her closer again. "I'm not going to hurt you, querida," he promised when she tried to pull away, "I love you."

She stared at him. Jesse waited a beat, not sure what to do. Finally, when she didn't pull away, he leaned down and kissed her through the bars. He felt her stiffen for a moment, and then, thank God, she was kissing him back.

Finally, she drew back and gasped out, "Jesse."

Present:

"Basketball, Joe? Now?"

"Yes, now. Come on, Jesse, I haven't been able to drag you onto the court in months." Joe bounced the basketball on the kitchen floor. "You used to love it."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Correction, you used to make me play so you could have someone to beat."

Joe grinned. "True." He winked at Susannah, who was sitting at the kitchen table. "He's a horrible shot, you know." He turned back to Jesse. "Come on, man, you owe me."

Sighing, Jesse threw down the dish towel he'd been holding. "You're never going to let me live down the Biochemistry experiment, are you?"

"Never." Joe tossed the ball in the air. "Go change, and let's go. Suze can even come watch. You'd like that, right, Suze?" Joe didn't seem particularly bothered by the fact that Susannah wasn't going to answer him. Even if it had been under normal circumstances, Joe still would have found a way to make her come if he had his mind set on it.

Jesse just shook his head and started for his room. "Fine. But just for a couple hours, all right, Joe?"

"Whatever you say, Jess."

He really was an awful shot.

It wasn't a very nice thing to say, I knew that. But as I sat on the grass next to the basketball court—the only bench nearby was all the way down on the other end, and someone was sitting on it, anyway—watching Jesse and Joe play, it was becoming increasingly obvious. He wasn't bad, per se. It was just that he only got the ball through the hoop about half as often as Joe did. But he could block well—probably because he was a bit taller.

There, I thought. I would just focus on that. Jesse had been so nice to me, I hated to think anything bad about him. I had the niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I could trust this man—why couldn't I just bring myself to do it?

Maybe it was that thought that brought it up, or maybe it was sitting there, watching them, but suddenly it was like I'd been pulled back in time. The setting was the same, but so still so much different…

"That's not how you do a lay-up!"

"I am doing exactly what you showed me to do, Joe." Jesse ran to retrieve the basketball from where it had rolled next to me. He smiled at me. "Sorry, querida." He scooped it up, careful not to disturb the notes I had spread out in front of me.

"Jesse, come on, are you going to play, or flirt with your girlfriend?" Joe called, sounding exasperated.

Jesse rolled his eyes and I laughed, watching as he returned to the game. Joe trying to teach Jesse how to play basketball—not exactly what I had envisioned happening with Jesse being alive, but God, it felt good to watch them.

I shook myself out of my revelry, staring at them. A memory, I realized, not some crazy rambling. A real memory.

Jesse.

A/N: Hmm. Feeling if-y on this one. Didn't turn out quite as I wanted it to, but still.

And before anyone asks me: No, Suze and Paul did not have sex. O.o I've apparently been writing fanfiction too long—I'm anticipating confusion. What I think makes perfect sense doesn't necessarily make sense to everyone else. :-P Right, I'm the one writing this. Of course it makes sense to me. Lol