It was all Josh could manage to get to the door and out of the building before slamming his fist into the nearest flat surface. What in the HELL just happened! he screamed at himself. Had he lost his mind in less time than it took to go 200 feet in an elevator? Had he come on to Donna? Asked her to cancel a date to be with him? Was she actually going on a date with Bram? He snorted in disgust as he threw himself into a taxi and slammed the door shut behind him. Nothing against Bram – he'd always liked the guy, but it had taken him all of – what? – three weeks to home in on Donna? And she'd said yes?

It surprised Josh when he realized that he wanted to cry. As quickly as it had flared, his anger began to subside, and he was left with an all-too-familiar ache in the pit of his stomach. It was the feeling that always came with thinking about Donna – a sense of failure, of self-pity, and overwhelming regret. Things had always been so complicated between them – he had been her boss, after all, for most of the nine years they'd known each other. But there had been moments, some lasting only seconds and one, in Germany, that went on for days, when he'd felt the ground shifting beneath them and known he'd had the power to change everything. Not that he felt at all certain of her reception, but he knew without a doubt that nothing would ever be the same between them if he dared to cross that thin, irrevocable line.

And so, every time, he had backed away. Until tonight. When she'd told him she had a date, the feeling had come over him all at once that he had just about run out of chances. Fear had rocketed through his body, and with a sense of being in free-fall, he'd asked her to cancel. Thinking back, Josh realized for the first time that she had agreed. The way she had looked at him. . .she'd been calling Bram to cancel, she'd picked him without hesitating or asking questions. Even under the circumstances, this delayed epiphany might have thrilled Josh if it hadn't been immediately followed by the memory of what he'd said to Bram. Good luck! Something about her penchant for Republicans? Had she said anything in response? What did –

"Sir? Sir? We are here, sir."

"Hm?"

"We are here."

Focusing his gaze, Josh realized the taxi had pulled up to the hotel. He gave the driver a twenty without really looking at the fare and got out. Forcing himself to pass up the bar, he went straight to his room and tried to pretend that it was any other night. He even went so far as to open one of the files that had brought him back to the office and into the middle of this nightmare. The words were indecipherable, the numbers meaningless, and it wasn't more than three minutes before he had thrown the entire folder across the room, scattering papers everywhere.

The feeling that he had run out of chances and time was closing in on him. Images of Donna's face flashed before his eyes as if he were dying. All his worst, oldest fears of loss circled the room like vultures biding their time. He pulled at his hair and desperately tried, by willpower and sheer force of habit, to rein himself in. He couldn't understand why he was coming undone now, at this precise moment in time. Even watching Colin at her bedside in Germany, he had been able to maintain some sense of composure. So why had a date with Bram pushed him over the edge?

Because it took him three weeks, a voice in his head practically screamed. Because you've had NINE YEARS! Because if you let her go again, it's game-over. Josh paced the room like a caged animal for nearly an hour before concluding that he would lose it altogether if he couldn't find her, talk to her, make her listen to him. What he would actually say, he had no idea, but he knew that if he let himself think about it much longer, he'd never get past the door.

The lobby was fairly deserted by the time he got downstairs. There were muffled shouts and laughter from the direction of the bar, but only a few people talking quietly in the chairs around him. Just on the off-chance, he had the desk clerk try Donna's room a few times before he took a seat tucked inconspicuously into an alcove. What exactly he would do when she and Bram came walking in together, Josh Lyman, political mastermind and strategist extraordinaire, hadn't the slightest clue.

The next ninety minutes were among the most tortured of his life. The more time that passed, the longer they were gone, the more convinced he became that nothing he could say to her would matter. Every cell in his body told him to get up and walk away, but he remained sitting, motionless, until finally they were there, not fifteen feet away, talking easily and laughing as they headed for the bank of elevators at the back of the hotel.

Josh leapt to his feet, wanting to call her name, but no sound came out of his mouth. He stood there, rooted to the floor, and watched helplessly as Donna and Bram passed by without even a glance in his direction. They were closing in on the elevators, and Josh was desperately trying to make himself move, yell, do anything to stop them. But before he could, a sizable group of campaign volunteers in various states of drunkenness rushed out of the bar and dragged, first Bram, then Donna, back in with them. As suddenly as they had appeared, they were gone.

Stunned, Josh just stood there. For the second time that night, he found himself wondering what had just happened. Why had he frozen? What in the hell was the matter with him? After a few minutes trying without much success to calm down, he began to make his way to the bar, determined to find her, even if it meant causing a scene in front of every barfly volunteer in the entire state of California. He'd taken only a few steps when he heard her call, "See you tomorrow, Angie!" And then she was out the door, headed again for the elevators.

"Donna! Donna, wait!"

She didn't stop. Josh couldn't tell if she'd heard him or not, but he wasn't going to let her get away again. Running after her, he crossed the lobby in seconds and reached her side just as she pressed the up arrow. Closing her eyes, she sighed. "Don't, Josh. Just leave me alone." The resignation in her voice made his stomach twist.

The elevator door opened, and he followed her inside. "Donna, listen to me. I'm sorry about before. I know I was an ass. Please just listen."

She reached around him and hit the button for her floor. Staring straight ahead, she said, "I don't want to do this any more. I can't, Josh."

"Do what?" His voice sounded ragged in his ears.

"Play this game. Keep wondering what it is you want from me, why we can never get past – "

"Get past what?"

"Nothing."

"What, Donna? Get past what?"

When she finally whirled around to face him, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glowing with anger. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

"No, Josh! Just stop. I'm not doing this any more. Do you know, I should have had a great night tonight! I was at a 4-star restaurant with a lovely man who is, you might be surprised to hear, actually interested in me, and all I could think about was you and wonder how it could be so easy for you to humiliate me like that and – "

"Please, Donna, just listen to me! I'm trying to explain!"

"No! No. You can save your breath because I'm not listening."

The elevator came to a stop, and the doors opened onto the 18th floor, where Donna and most of the staff were staying. As she turned to step into the hallway, Josh felt the entire world go still. There were no sounds but his own breathing; he couldn't see anything but her. Finally, quietly, he said it.

"I'm in love with you."

Donna froze mid-stride, and her left hand went up to the wall at her side. For the longest moment of Josh's life, she stood that way, unmoving. Then, as if in slow motion, she turned to face him.