Always Doesn't Last Forever
Chapter 10: The Things That Hold Us BackDisclaimer: I own nothing off Inuyasha! Just the plot and any original characters!
It took Sesshoumaru the better part of the day to find Aislinn and when he did it was quite obvious she wasn't very pleased to see him. "Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru? Is there anything I can help you with, Lord Sesshoumaru?" She asked coolly.
"I've been looking for you." He answered.
"Oh really?" She asked and raised one eyebrow delicately as she turned away. "I can't imagine why."
"Aislinn, please. I was startled earlier to find you suddenly here. I did not mean to hurt you so…"
Sighing, she turned back to face him. "I know. Why are you angry with me Sessho?"
"I'm not angry with you." He denied.
Aislinn walked over to him then and placed her smaller clawed hand on his face to make him look at her. Gold clashed against amethyst as their gazes locked. "You have never lied to me before Sessho. Why do you begin now?"
"Why didn't you return when I needed you most?"
Aislinn's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she suddenly hugged her cousin who was also her beloved brother. "It was forty years before we had news of Inutaisho's death and then… I was detained from returning home for another thirty before I finally could."
"Connlan was murdered-"
"What!" He interrupted.
"Shh! Wait and then you may ask questions." She scolded and glared at him briefly before laying her head on his shoulder; she didn't want to look at him as she told him this, not at all. "Connlan was killed almost thirty years ago."
Sesshoumaru jerked in surprise and looked down at her bent head but didn't say a word. However, he couldn't help the tightening in his heart that followed her words. "Afterwards, I went hunting for my father's killer and ended up becoming captured myself." She stopped for a moment then to gather her thoughts and continued. "I was in Northern China and the youkai who'd captured me was a hybrid mix of dragon and serpent who called himself 'One Above Death' and was well known for his sadist pleasures and cruelty." She smiled softly then, but it was a bitter smile, born from harsh memories of the past.
"It was hard for me to protect myself against his cruelty, and not just physically. He did not fear to have his mind read at all because he knew what any who dared to do so would find."
"And what was that?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"Evil stained with complete and utter madness." She whispered.
"Aislinn, what did he do to you?"
"Nothing to horrendous. I was beaten often but never raped in body or spirit, thanks to my father's teachings, but I could not escape." She shook her head sorrowfully and looked at him for a moment. "If it were not for a human then I would very likely still be there."
Sesshoumaru growled softly in his throat but waited patiently for her to continue. "Apparently one of the 'One Above Death's' playthings hated him enough to sacrifice his own life just to take him out."
"A human did this?" He asked.
"Indeed. They are amazing creatures are they not? Some so fiercely loyal and courageous, others twisted and cruel, yet it is because of these contrasts that we are able to classify then as either or because each is their own person and vastly different from the next." She murmured thoughtfully.
Sesshoumaru stroked her hair softly with his hand and then tilted her face up to look at him. "I'm sorry." He apologized.
"And I too, cousin." She answered. No more was needed to end the resentment and sorrow that each had held in their hearts for sometimes, even the strongest can be made a pawn in life's game of fate.
"So tell me about the girl, Kagome, and why are raising a human child, although she is very delightful and why-"
"Aislinn, one question at a time." Sesshoumaru interrupted.
"As you wish," she agreed. "Tell me about Kagome."
Sesshoumaru looked down haughtily at her and even frowned a bit when she just smiled up at him. "You think this is funny don't you?" He asked in a dangerously soft voice.
"Let's see… My older cousin who is also my brother as well as the Lord of the Western Lands falling in love with a very beautiful and kind miko who happens to be a human…" She mused thoughtfully even as her eyes danced in mischief. "Nope, nothing funny about that."
"I did not say I was in love with her."
"You didn't say you weren't either." She pointed out. "Look," she suggested and moved her hand across his face to smooth out the subtle frown lines that were forming. "Why don't you tell me how you feel about her then since you get so defensive when I start suggesting things."
"She's like an illness that won't stop plaguing me." He muttered finally.
"Sessho!" She scolded.
"You wanted the truth so you'll listen to me now." He shot right back and watched in satisfaction as she obediently quieted. "She loved Inuyasha and showed that half-breed more loyalty than even I would have thought was possible to exist."
"He was once your brother." She reminded him gently.
"It was not my choice for us to become enemies or do you blame me for that?"
"I have never blamed you for anything." She answered softly. Save for the fact that you locked out almost everyone even remotely close to you. She thought but did not say.
"Inuyasha must have hurt her very deeply for Kagome to finally leave him and I will not be his replacement in her eyes." He said with a cold finality.
"Have you ever considered that maybe she sees you for you just as clearly as you see her for who she is?" Aislinn asked.
Sesshoumaru looked at her and his golden eyes swirled with deeply hidden emotions that most would never be allowed to see and he considered her words. Aislinn was someone he'd trusted from the moment he'd met her and knew that she would fight to protect him and his own as well as any secrets he might confide as fiercely as she would her pups when she decided to have them. However, that did not mean he liked baring his soul to her yet Aislinn would accept nothing less and she gave as much as she took.
"No," he answered finally. "I don't see how she could ever come to care for someone as cold as I am."
Aislinn looked at him sadly and rubbed her cheek against his briefly, a comforting touch that they'd both learned from their mothers, and shook her head. "What kind of coldhearted youkai takes in a small child to raise her? What kind protects a hanyou from the insanity of his own father? Perhaps… you do not see your own worth Sesshoumaru. Maybe your Kagome will be the one to show you?" She suggested and after stroking his cheek with one hand she turned and left the room, leaving him with more than a little to think about.
Kagome was wandering about the castle again when she stumbled across a fairly large room that was tucked away in one of the unused wings of the castle. There were hundred of pictures hung all over the walls of the room and some were still on easels, completed but just not hung. It was just as obvious that the youkai in the paintings were Sesshoumaru and his family. There were paintings of his parents, a pair of beautiful dog demons with the same snow white hair yet his eyes were the darker amber that Inuyasha had inherited while Sesshoumaru had inherited his mother's molten gold eyes. Oddly enough, Sesshoumaru's mother and Aislinn resembled each other even more than she and Sesshoumaru did.
Another painting showed Sesshoumaru's parents and two more adult youkai, who were obviously a couple, standing together. The female was almost the exact mirror image of Sesshoumaru's mother except her eyes were a golden green and she was slightly taller than the other woman. Her mate had honey brown hair and dark amethyst eyes that fairly glittered with mischief. His features were not as refined as the obvious dog demons he posed with but looked just as appealing.
"That must be Aislinn's family." Kagome said softly and turned to look at another set of paintings. These showed a young Sesshoumaru and Aislinn as they grew from children to pre-teens, to teens, and then as young adults. Well by human standards anyway. If she had to guess she'd say that there were about five years between Sesshoumaru and Aislinn and if the paintings were any indication. They'd been very close to one another. And obviously they were very different then because both were smiling and had laughing expression in their eyes, almost as if they painter had captured the very playful nature of the two royal members.
But as they grew older the laughter began to fade, as did the pictures of Sesshoumaru's mother. There was only that one of Aislinn's mother but she and her father did appear often in Sesshoumaru and his family's portraits. Then she saw a painting of his father and a beautiful, but obviously human, woman. Aislinn and Sesshoumaru were standing behind and off to the side but not separated, instead they represented a united front; much like siblings would against unreasonable parents. Aislinn's father also stopped appearing in the paintings with Sesshoumaru's father and stepmother although he did continue to pose with his daughter and Sesshoumaru.
Then she spotted a really surprising picture. This one was of an obviously much older Sesshoumaru and Aislinn but what made this one so different was the simple fact that a baby Inuyasha was also in it. Inuyasha was cradled in Aislinn's arms and Aislinn was standing next to Sesshoumaru and looking down at Inuyasha with a soft loving look in her yes. Sesshoumaru had an arm wrapped around her waist and the other was being held in Inuyasha's tiny claws. A look very similar to Aislinn's was on his face as he gazed down upon his baby brother.
They looked more like a family in that painting than Inuyasha's own parents did in others where his mother was holding him. If not for the fact that Sesshoumaru and Aislinn obviously thought of each other as siblings Kagome would probably have turned green with jealously. As it was she only sighed a little in envy and a smidgen of jealously. One of the last two paintings had Aislinn, Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha in it. Inuyasha was probably about five years old in the painting and Aislinn looked as though she was about to leave because she was dressed in traveling clothes and Sesshoumaru had on an outfit that was very similar to the one he wore today. This time Sesshoumaru was the one holding Inuyasha but the teasing happy looks were missing from both his and Aislinn's eyes, instead there was a great deal of hidden emotions that she couldn't decipher yet both wore a smile and Inuyasha had a positively thrilled expression on his face.
The last painting was just of Aislinn and Sesshoumaru; obviously it must have been completed on the same day as the previous because they were wearing the same clothes. Their expressions were still guarded but if one looked closely the would not the tight grip the two seemed to have on each other's hands and the sorrow and pain that seemed to radiate from their eyes. In all, it was the saddest thing she'd ever seen.
"I see you've found one of the more elusive rooms." Sesshoumaru said as he strode into the room.
Kagome whirled around and looked at him a little guilty. "I was just wandering about and ended up here." She explained.
"It's fine." He replied and studied the picture of Aislinn and himself.
"You two were very close." Kagome noted.
"Closer than blood siblings." He agreed. "Although I wonder sometimes if Aislinn knew that we'd be split apart."
"Why do you say that?" Kagome asked.
"Aislinn inherited gifts from her father that allow her to see the future. This painting was done just before they left and I can still see the sorrow that her face held in my memory as well as on this canvas."
"Sesshoumaru… what caused the split between you and Inuyasha? You seemed so happy when you were younger." She said slowly.
For a long moment he was silent and turned to stare at the picture of himself, Aislinn, and of a baby Inuyasha. "There were many factors that all tied into one another. I was still too inexperienced enough to recognize the signs of betrayal my father to besotted and cruel. Connlan, Aislinn's father, was probably the only one with a real clue as to what was going on but left before the storm truly hit." Sesshoumaru chuckled then, a deeply bitter sound. "If I'd known what lay ahead I may have gone with them and brought Inuyasha with me as they pleaded but such was my pride."
"What happened?" Kagome asked quietly and gently placed her hand on his arm, seeking to comfort the youkai lord.
Sesshoumaru turned to look at her and Kagome was more than a little shocked when he pulled her up against him, his golden eyes burning intently into hers. "Are you really as you seem Kagome?" He asked softly. "Are you really as kind and gentle as you make yourself appear to be or are you just playing games with me and mine?"
"I'm what you see Sesshoumaru," she answered. "I'm just Kagome."
He chuckled dryly at that and shook his head. "No one is ever what another sees." He corrected her, his hand reaching up to gently stroke her face.
"What are you?" She whispered.
"I don't know anymore." He confessed and dipped his head down to kiss her. Kagome, it seems as though you've stolen my very identity from me. Who am I? I don't know any longer. I just know that I'm tired of being alone. But would you stay…
Lady Fate watched the unfolding scene in satisfaction and nodded to herself. "Finally." She muttered. Unfortunately for Lady Fate life has a way of throwing twists that can mess up her plans as well as they can any other beings. Because for now they were still in the time of the calm before the storm but the storm was building in danger and was waiting impatiently to be unleashed…
~ Wow. A long chapter to make up for how long it took me to update. Anyways I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I know, not a lot of interaction between Sesshoumaru and Kagome but hey, who's in a rush? Plus, I needed to get you guys some background info on Aislinn and all that good stuff. *smiles* Just wait till she and Hunter meet! I apologize for any grammar errors but since I'm the not so proud owner of a black eye I kinda expect there to be a few
Final note. This story was nominated for the First Annual Single Spark Fanfiction Award. If you feel like voting for me you'll find 'Always Doesn't Last Forever' under the Best Romace/Floff/WAFF category. And although I'm not expecting to win I feel happy knowing I was nominated at least. The web address is and if that shows up on ff.net I'll be shocked but if it doesn't I'll have the address in my info.
But please remember to review! Reading people's reviews are what makes my day! Thanks! Silver Destiny ~