One shot: Yami muses on the differences between him and Yugi.
Disclaimer: Go kiss a crocodile.
WARNING: YXY, one-sided, angst.
Iam Yami. That is both what I am and who I am. I am many things, to many different people. To my friends I am "Mou hitori no Yugi", to the fans of my work I am "Yugioh",
To my aibou, my best friend, I am "Mou hitori no Boku." To my enemies, I am "The nameless pharaoh" and to myself, I am the face I see in the mirror, though even that can change. I am the voice that speaks my thoughts.
Strange names, I know.
I am rather strange, you see.
"Other Yugi", "King of games", "Other me"…"Pharaoh"? Yes, I know.
He is Yugi. Many people see him many ways as well. Though often, they just call him Yugi. Though Jou, Yugi's best friend, calls him "Yug'," and some parties whom I do not wish to mention…call him "twerp," among other fond nicknames.
To me, he is "Aibou." Yes…partner, friend, and companion. He is my best friend. We're an odd pair, I know. Very, very strange.
We are opposites, Yugi and I. Perfect human antonyms.
He is everything I am not. I am everything he cannot be. Together, we are two halves of one whole…two sides to one soul.
And yet, we are entirely different people. I existed long before he did…he is not another me, yet I am another him. It's…so strange. We fit together…it could only be fate. That's why I believe that there must be some sort of drawing force. It's impossible for two people like us to just exist and meet by chance. No…this was destiny.
He is all that I am not. I am all he cannot be.
I am yami and he is hikari. Darkness and light.
It's so funny to see such a contrast. Everything about him is brighter then I am. His smile, his laughter, his eyes, his soul. Everything is darker about me…a smirk. An almost… malicious chuckle. Blood red eyes. A dark and tainted being, I am.
He is forgiving…I, unfortunately, am not.
Yugi shows me this every day. It amazes me at his capacity to forgive and befriend such strange and, at first glance, terrible people. Jounouchi Katsuya, for instance.
Or better yet: Me. I'm a perfect example of how Yugi is kind, willing to forgive and accept. He gave me a second chance a long time ago, when I did something I thought was unforgivable.
I am not, because, though the ones who receive justice by my hand deserve it, were it me and only me, they would be shown no mercy.
He is open, so willing to share his heart with people, his eyes always show his emotions so clearly, like true "windows to the soul."
I am so secluded, so self-contained. To quote Charles Dickens, "as solitary as an oyster."
I've learned to put away my feelings…and it's a trait, which I so much as take pride in.
My eyes will remain lifeless if I wish them to.
Yugi is always happy, it seems. I, on the other hand, appear like I'm always in a dark mood. On my best days I seem like a brooding dragon, contained in his cave, puffing smoke.
It is our nature to be whatever the other is not.
He is energetic, but the shadows of my mind keep my spirit mellow.
And…
I find myself so amazed and so proud of Yugi because of our differences. I'm proud to be paired with someone like him. Proud that I share my soul with this hikari. And it's because of this, because of how I have so much fondness for him, that…I wish we were not so different.
At the first mention of this thought, I recoil at the implication of wishing him to be like me. No, I don't wish he were really like me. But…I wish, just some times, that we weren't so different.
Because…
He is light and I am dark.
He is forgiving, I am not.
He is open, I'm reclusive.
He is happy, I am always sorrowful.
…
He is straight and I…am gay.
Yes…now you know. You see…I love him. I love my light, my beautiful hikari. How could I not? Not only do I owe him my life, my freedom…not only do I owe him for his trust and his friendship, such precious gifts. But everything about him, I cannot help myself but love.
But he--he loves…her.
I envy her. To the point of despising her, loathing her. I know I should not. I know that she doesn't deserve my anger. She is kind and caring, thoughtful, even beautiful. She has been kind to me. Not as kind as my hikari, no. Still, I cannot find it in myself to forgive her. I cannot forgive her for taking my light away from me. I know I can never have him, I know.
But it hurts. It hurts even more, so much more, to know that he belongs to someone else. It is as if, it's not enough to get slapped in the face, but I'm punched in the stomach as well.
And, sometimes, I ask myself "What does she have that I do not?"
Then, I always laugh at myself afterwards. What a stupid question. The answer is obvious. Painfully obvious. "Many, many things, you fool."
For one thing, she's a girl: A fact that I cannot deny or excuse myself in. It is one thing in which I have no power, no excuse, no hope and no argument.
I have no choice but to pretend, every day, that I do no care in the way I know I do. I have no choice to smile that sorrow-masking smile. Just for him. I have no choice but to stand in denial of the fact that everything he says about her just twists the knife further into my heart and will one day bleed me to death.
And so…
We are opposites, Yugi and I.
He is everything I am not. I am everything he cannot be. Together, we are two halves of one whole, two sides to one soul.
I am Yami.
Slowly, I sink back into the darkness from which I came…further I slip, every day.
No one can save me this time.
OWARI