Fire Emblem 7, the Parody

Chapter 06: Blood of Pride

At long last, Lyn finally returns to the land of her mother's birth. And it's about damn time too. Lycia is a federation of territories, each one ruled by it's own marquess, with about 47% plotting to being more than just that. Stupid power hungry bastards...

Now, Lyn takes her leave from one of these territories, Araphen, and sets out to meet her grandfather, the marquess of Caelin. However, like all evil brothers, Lundgren, the brother of Lyn's grandfather, hungers for power. He is preparing a surprise welcome for Lyn, who threatens his grasp of power.

How cliched is that, eh?

Lyn looked around the town, whistling in awe. "Wow" she muttered. She looked over at Sain. "What's this place called?"

Sain grinned. "Welcome to Araphen" he said beamingly. "After Ostia, it's the second biggest city in Lycia."

"Second biggest, eh?" Lyn gave the town another look around from her position. "It's pretty crowded. By the by...where's Kent?"

"He said he was going on to the castle, but I really think he's making a few pits stops to.."

"To what, good sir Sain?" Kent said, standing behind Sain.

"Eeep!" Sain hyperventalated. He turned around slowly. "Um...to...get...supplies...for the journey...ehe"

"Exactly right" Kent nodded. He turned to face Lyn. "M'lady Lyndis, let us off to the castle. They've prepared an escourt for us. A small army of knights, cavaliers, mercenaries and bowmen."

Cecil was drooling.

"The marquess is really going to help us?" Lyn asked. "We barely know each other."

"Araphen and Caelin have enjoyed several years of sturdy friendship. Once I informed the marquess of our plight, he leapt at the oprotunity to help."

He suddenly grinned, holding up a wrapped gift box. "And gave us this free, complimentary service package!"

Sain grinned as well. "Looks like we have a smooth road ahead! Nothing can stop us now!"

"We're screwed" Wil sighed.

"Down for the count" Erk agreeed.

Dorcas dragged the edge of his hand across his neck.

Kent suddenly returned to his serious face, and looked over at Lyn. "I'm so sorry for all the hardships you've had to endure thus far..."

"Don't be silly" Lyn giggled. "You've been a good bodyguard, Kent."

"Ahem"

"Oh, and you too, Sain."

"You bet your ass! Speaking of which..."

"Finish that sentence, and I'll gut you down" Lyn said coldly.

Sain instantly shut up.

"The castle awaits..."

As the team started to move out, a villager came running towards them, and then started running around in circles. "This is terrbile! The castle is burning! BURNING!"

"What!?" Sain said, shocked. "What's going on!?"

"We'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadie!" the peasent continued, running in circles. "Smoke is coming from the castle! And...oh no! Guys in red! That's worse! Aaaaahhhh!" Every single peasent in the street ran for their dear life.

A man with short, dirty blonde, spikey hair, with a green shirt and a tattered red cloak watched all this, and ran for a better and safer place to watch.

A swordsman with greased, red hair, and an outfit like Wil's approached Lyn.

"Who are you?" Lyn asked.

"You! You're Lyndis, right?"

"What's that....ah shit."

"Prepare yourself!" The red head lashed out his sword, and strode to close the gap between him and his target.

From out of nowhere, a man with short, green hair, a nomad's outfit, and brown turbin rode over behind the red haired assassin, and pulled out an arrow. With a quick spin between his two fingers, he readied the bow, aimed, and...

--Twang--

--THUNK--

The grunt doubled over, screaming in pain, before finally shutting up.

"Who in heck..." Lyn looked up at her savior. "Who are you?"

The nomad just stared at her.

"M'lady!" Kent shouted, riding to her side. "Are you all right?"

"Yes...this man saved my life."

"May I ask your name?"

The nomad just stared at the two of them, before begining to head out.

"Wait!" Lyn begged. "Why did you help me?"

"I thought a Sacaen plainswoman was being attacked. I was mistaken."

"No, you're right! I am from Sacae! Just look at this outfit!" She ran her hands along her dress. "Does this look like anything out of someplace OTHER than Sacae?"

"Point."

"I'm Lyn, daughter of the Lorca chieftain."

The nomad gasped. "The Lorca...there were survivors?"

Lyn nodded.

"You should leave at once. A blaze has started in the castle, and its spreading. Don't be foolish and waste the life I just saved."

"You're from the castle?" Kent raised an eyebrow. "What exactly is going on? How severe is the fire? Is the marquess safe?"

"You sure love to ask a lot of questions, don't you?" the nomad asked, a smirk forming on his lips, before returning to his neutral face. "The castle is under attack, and the marquess has been accosted. That man I just killed must've been one of the marauders. As captain of the guard, it is my duty to rescue the marquess."

"I see..." Cecil said, stepping forward. "Perhaps we can help you?"

"Sir?" Kent asked, looking at Cecil.

"Why?" the nomad asked.

"These brigands are after us." Cecil pointed at Lyn. "Her in particular. If they're attacking us, it's because of us. Mostly her, but us none the less. So we must do something to make up for her putting the marquess in danger."

Lyn gave Cecil a death glare.

"Erm...for us putting the marquess in danger..."

"Better."

"Sounds like you're involved somehow...alright. Let's go."

"You'll accept our aid?" Lyn asked.

"I am Rath, of the Kutolah. Our tribes may be different, but I will not abandon a woman of the Sacae."

Lyn bowed, beaming. "Thank you Rath! A thousand blessings on you!"

Rath's horse reared, as he added in "And a thousand curses upon our enemy!"
Meanwhile...

"And just what are you doing in my house?" a middle aged, somewhat pudgy woman snapped at her unexpected guest.

The same dirty blonde haired man grinned. "Peace! I mean no danger to you (only to your goods)."

"Oh really? I want your hands where I can see them before I continue talking to you."

The man raised both hands in the air. "Your house offers a good view of the battle outside. I'll pay you for the privilage. So, please?"

"Like a vulture..."

--Crash--

A coffee pot came from under the man's cloak.

"Like a vul--"

--Tinkle--

Now silverware. The man was blushing.

"Like a vulture waiting for the spoils, eh? Terrible. Now pay up!"

The man pulled out several gold coins, and put them in her hand.

"Now, I'll be cowering in the far corner of the basement, so don't bother me!" She then left, with a security blankee, to the basement.

"Didn't even realize it was her own money" the man laughed. "Now..." he said, sitting on a chair closest to the window, and pulling out a bag of popcorn, "which side has the most to offer?"
Back with the gang...

"Once the marquess is safe" Rath explained, "my men can move in and attack. Perhaps the secret passageway..."

"Secret passageway?" Lyn asked.

"There's always a secret passageway" Cecil sighed.

"An underground tunnel which..."

"Leads to the throne room?" Cecil cut in.

"Yes."

"I knew it..."

"There are triggers in the..."

"Forest?"

"Barracks."

"I was wrong then..."

"That will open it up. Once we release the triggers, my men can handle the rest. There are three triggers though..."

"And all three of them need to be tripped?"

"Mmm-hmm. Or the tunnel won't open."

"How cliched..."

"We'll need the skills of a thief, though" Rath explained. "The doors are locked, you see."

"Well where are the keys?" Lyn asked.

"Inside."

"Oh great!"

Cecil tapped Lyn on the shoulder. "I saw a guy not to long ago who looked very inconspicuous. Maybe he's just the guy we're looking for."

"Well, where did he go?"

"Thatta way" Cecil pointed to one of the houses.

Lyn walked over to the house, and entered. "Hello?" she asked. "Is anybody here?"

"Why, hello little lady" Matthew laughed. "I may have a word with you..."

"Just who are you, anyway?"

"Name's Matthew. A specialist in acquisitions of all kinds. Would you like to buy my service--"

--Tinkle--

Several spoons and knives fell out of his cloak.

"Would you like to buy my--"

--Crash--

Several pots and pans fell out.

"Would you--"

--Clatter--

"Would..." he paused a bit, before nodding. "Would you like to buy my services?"

"You no good pervert!"

"That's not what I meant. But that option's a no go?"

"Damn straight!"

"Crap..."

Lyn thought a bit, before looking at the utensils at Matthew's feet. "I've no need for a thief."

"And just how do you plan on getting inside the barracks?"

"...how did you..."

"Annnnd Bingo was his name-o! Don't be mad. Hire me. For you'll, I'll even lower my normal fees."

"Well, I do need those doors opened...okay, you're hired. So, why did you choose to ally yourself with me?"

"Your group looks like much more fun than the dead guy's. It's simple, really."

"...You're just...odd..." Lyn left.

"Well, time to get to work."
As the two got outside, they noticed the others doing their best facing some of the bad guys. Matthew ran towards one of the doors, and unlocked it. Rath rode it, and flipped a switch on the back wall. A doorway opened. "One down..."

Matthew's eyes fell upon a certain box that was revealed by the opened doorway. "Whoa! Unless my eyes decieve me, that's a treasure chest!" He looked over at Cecil. "Hey, you look like you're in charge of this group. Since we came all this way, why don't we help ourselves to some of the treasure?"

Cecil shook his head.

"What do you mean no!? You're such a bore. If you want to win, you've got to use every method to your disposel. It's an ironclad rule."

"But..."

"Yeah, I know stealing is bad. I'm well aware of it. We're saving the marquess. So why don't we call this our advance reward, okay?"

"Well...alright. Go get it."

"Yay! It's treasure time, it's treasure time!" Matthew dashed over to the chest, and picked it open. He pulled out a long, white and blue robe, with feathers lining it. "ooh. It's an angelic robe! It's perfect for us on the....less robust style. Like me for example. In fact..."

He slipped on the robe, as a beam of holy light came over him. He smirked, before giving a victory sign. "Now just try keeping me down!"

Meanwhile, Kent and Serra had already found the next door. "We need some method of getting in..." Kent muttered. "Serra, think you can find me a skeleton key?"

"Oh Erky!" Serra called.

The disgruntled mage walked over to Serra, grumbling. "What now?"

"Be a good boy and knock down the door, will you?"

"{grumble} {grumble} Fine. Fire." Two balls of fire crashed into the door, knocking it down. "Happy?"

"Very."

"Well, that works to..." Kent said, scratching his cheek. He sighed, and rode inside. There was a switch on the far wall. After flicking it, there was a low, rumbling noise.

"That must've been one of the switches" he muttered.

"Sorry, that was just me" Sain said sheepishly.

"SAIN!"

"I was joking."
Matthew, Rath and Lyn looked around. The wall around to entrances crumbled down, reveal behind one an archer and a knight, and behind the other...

"Another chest! Treasure time!" Matthew cheered, leaping at the chest. He bashed it open, and dug out what was inside. "Oooh. An Armorslayer. Hmm. While I can use it, I'm not that great a fighter. And I just hate getting counterattacked..."

"Then give it to me" Lyn insisted, taking the sword from Matthew. "I'll be sure to put it to good use. Like right now."

With that, Lyn dashed towards the knight, and with a swift downstroke, cut his armor in half. And his shirt. And his pants. The knight blushed, covered his boxers with his hands, and ran away, sobbing.

The archer gulped, as Matthew pulled out his sword, Lyn raised her's, and Rath readied his short bow. "I submit" the archer begged.

"Smart lad" Matthew smirked. "Now be a sport and flip the last switch, will you?"

The archer nodded madly, before flipping said switch. The wall behind them crumbled down, revealing...

"It's the secret tunnel! Great work, guys!" Lyn cheered.
Lyn, Rath, Kent and Sain were able to enter the throne room, where a small, beady eyed man with a big nose and greasy, blonde hair sat on his throne. He wore a noble, purple outfit, and a long, gray cape.

"Ah, it is Rath!" he said with a smile. "That was a wonderful performance."

"My league...if any praise be given, it should be to this group."

"Hmm?" the man looked over Lyn. "Who the hell are you?"

Lyn bowed. "I am Lyndis. I'm pleased you're well."

"Oh, it's you. You're marquess Caelin's--leave us, Rath, I would speak to her alone."

"..." Rath bowed, and left.

"Now, Lady Lyndis, do you know the identity of those responsible for this vertical shout?"

"Responsible for the what now?"

"Commotion...revolt...outbreak..."

"Uproar?"

"What ever."

"I believe it would be the work of my granduncle, Lundgren."

"Exactly right. Which means my castle has been damaged in your petty inheritence dispute."

"Um...ehe...yeah."

"When I heard Lady Madelyn's daughter was in trouble, I thought to lend my assistence..."

"Please don't tell me..."

"I find now that I change my mind. I withdraw my offer. Now shoo."

Kent stepped forward. "Marquess Araphen! You gave me your word, my lord!"

"...um...Kent is it?"

"Yes."

"You failed to inform me of one vital detail!"

"That being?"

"This girl DOES resemble Lady Madelyn, but...I did NOT expect her to be tainted so much with the blood of Sacae."

"WHAT!?!?" Lyn screamed, before whipping out the Mani Katti, and charging at the marquess. It took the combined force of Kent and Sain to hold her back. "You got a problem with people of Sacae!?!?"

"Do you think the marquess of Caelin would be troubled to meet with this...nomadic mongrel?"

"You no good..." Sain started.

"Hold your tongue, Sain" Kent ordered. He turned to face the marquess. "My apologies, my lord marquess."

"Hmph. Your companion is poorly disaplined."

"HEY!"

"Please, we desperatly we need your aid..."

"We do?"

"Sssh."

"...I hear the Marquess Caelin is ill and abed. I question whether he'll survive to meet this girl or not. In which case, his brother, Lord Lundgren, will claim the title. And I really don't want to get on his bad side."

"You scheming son of a..."

"SAIN!"

"Sorry..."

"I understand..." Lyn muttered, calming down. "Kent, Sain, let's go."

"Lady Lyndis..."

"I am proud of the Sacaen blood the runs through my veins. And I sure as hell will NOT accept aid from someone who disparges my heritage. I say again, let's go..."

With that, the two knights and the nomad girl left.
"So? Where are they?" Cecil asked. "When do we get to see our escourt?"

"We're...not getting one" Kent sighed.

"... ... ...We're WHAT!?!?!?" Cecil screamed. "We're not getting the escourt!? Why!?"

"Because the man providing it was a no good, racist jerk" Lyn explained.

"Besides" Florina pointed out, and stepping over to Lyn's side, "we don't r..really need one. I mean, we're a pretty strong group on our own. Two knights, an archer, an axeman, a mage, a cleric, and Lyn-sama." At that, she rested a head on Lyn's shoulder.

Lyn blushed. "Y..yeah. Good point Florina..."

Florina blushed as well, noticing that she was making Lyn feel a little uncomfortable. "S...sorry..."

"But we're missing out on more archers, and mercenaries, and KNIGHTS DAMN IT!"

"Geez, who put a rattlesnake in your bed?" Serra asked.

"Knights are one of the best things to have in an army! Sure they're slow, but damn it, nothing can hurt them! Have you ever seen a knight fall in combat!?"

"Actually, we have" Sain pointed out. "Poor little bugger..."

"Zapped by twin lightning spells" Kent continued.

"I give up..." Cecil moaned.
"Bah! Arrogent child!" the marquess of Araphen shouted. "If she had but shed a single tear, I would've granted her request...We Lycia nobles will never understand those filthy, smelly, unkept, prideful savages."

"So is THAT what you think about us?" Rath asked, coming out of nowhere.

"Wha! Oh, Rath, I didn't see you there...nah, you're cool."

"Of course. As long as we bend our knee in front of you, you do not care where we are from. But when an equal comes from my lands? What conceit."

"Damn it, can't a man have a siloque without you people acknowledging it!? Besides, I have treated you well, have I not? I have paid you well, and treated you better than your kind deserves."

"Than my kind deserves!?"

"Damn it..."

"My service with you ends here." Rath then left without a word.

"But...but...AH DAMN IT!"
"We must hurry to Caelin, everyone!" Lyn informed. "The marquess of Araphen said that he was ill."

"The closer we get to Caelin, the harder it will be the overcome Lundgren's obstacles" Kent pointed out. "However, I have vowed to see you through this till the end!"

"Thank you, Kent."

"I'm with you too!" Sain grinned.

"Thank you..." Lyn grinned. She turned to face the others.

Dorcas grinned. "I am in your debt for caring for Natalie. You have my axe."

"I'll always be by your side, Lyn!" Florina beamed.

Wil saluted. "My bow is your's" he said simply.

"You can count on us!" Serra nodded.

"(I'm in hell, right? I died, and now I'm in hell...)" Erk muttered to himself. "You're a nice person, though. I'll lend my magic."

"This is going to be muchos fun" Matthew laughed. "I'll just stick around a bit longer."

"I was with you from the start, Lyn" Cecil nodded. "And I'll stand by you till the end."

"Thank you...everyone..." Lyn grinned, wiping her eyes.

Suddenly, there was a somehow familiar clop-clop of hooves. Lyn turned, and noticed..."Rath! What is it? What are you..."

"I overheard the marquess talking to himself. Lyn of the Lorca, proud daughter of the Sacae...I would gladly join you, if you'd have me. I would add my strength to your's."

"Really?"

"And this. I want you to have this." Rath tossed Lyn a sack. She caught it, and opened it up.

She gasped. "This..this is..."

"GOLD!" Matthew cheered. He started dancing in place. "We're in the money..we're in the money..."

"It's too much. We can't accept this."

"Spoil sport!"

"I have no need for it. And if it would help you...I cannot take back something once offered."

"Rath...I thank you."

"Well, now that we've got THAT out of the way..." Cecil called everyone's attention. "M'lady, your grandfather awaits. We should hurry before he bites the big one, takes a dirt nap, etc, etc, etc."

"Oh, thanks for the encouragement."

"I knew that would snap you out of your sappy mood."