Author's Note: Hi, folks. So sorry for not updating for so long. School and
work started at the same time and I moved. (I now have a real flat together
with a friend. It has a real kitchen and a real bathroom. :o) ) Well,
anyway, to tell you the truth I have also been quite lazy recently. But I
will try to write more often again and hopefully update more frequently.
The bad part about having moved is that now I don't have Internet anymore,
which means I can only update on weekends when I'm at my parent's house.
Well, wouldn't be able to do it more often anyway. :)
Many, many thanks to Warrior of the Pen for the great review. It's absolutely amazing to know that someone likes it that much.
Also, many thanks to Seung Mina, Master Elora Dannan and lilandra magnus. Please keep reviewing. I need it as a motivation. And please tell me whatever you think of it! I need the criticism just as much as the praise.
Chapter 3
When Xanatos emerged from his meditation it was already evening. He briefly considered going to the dining hall for a meal but then decided that he didn't want to face his Master after their fight with a hundred other people around them. He slowly walked back to their quarters. He had to admit that he was stalling for time, but he really didn't know what to say to Qui-Gon. Should he apologise? No, definitely not. It wouldn't be sincere since he still couldn't see that he had done anything wrong. After talking to Obi-Wan he was now certain that the boy's relationship with his Master wasn't a normal one. The young Padawan obviously respected Calan but he just didn't speak of him with this complete adoration that most children at the Temple did. He then realized that he had never heard the boy talk about his Master except when he recited a lesson. There was definitely something wrong but how could he make Qui-Gon see that? Sighing to himself, Xanatos pushed the button that opened the door to their quarters. Upon entering he immediately sensed that the rooms were empty. He walked to the dining table where he found a message from his Master.
'Xanatos,
I had to attend a council meeting on short notice and didn't want to disturb your meditation. I will be back for supper.
Qui-Gon'
Xanatos left the note on the table and decided to take a shower while waiting for Qui-Gon. Maybe that would help him clear his head.
Twenty minutes later he left the `fresher and hearing his Master in the kitchen, returned his things to his room and then joined him. Qui-Gon looked up briefly and gave him a smile that lacked, however, the usual warmth. "How was your meditation?"
"It was...revealing. How was the meeting?"
Qui-Gon sighed deeply which was a sure sign that something was wrong. The man normally cut straight to the point with whatever had to be said. "We have to talk, Xanatos."
The Padawan nodded and led the way back to the living area. He sat on the couch and Qui-Gon took the seat opposite him.
After a moment of looking into his apprentices eyes with a troubled expression on his face, he began to speak. "I need to know what exactly you know about Kenobi and Master Calan."
Xanatos was taken completely by surprise by the course of the conversation. He had expected his Master to lecture him on his behaviour earlier in the day, maybe tell him that it was inappropriate to talk about another Jedi in the way he had, at least say anything that made him understand his point of view on the matter. He had never expected to be asked about what he knew of Obi-Wan's and Calan's relationship. Of course, his Master always considered his opinion and wanted his input on important matters and he was widely known for disregarding orders if he felt the Force showed him a different way and for encouraging his Padawan to do the same, but he would never let him get away with disrespect towards a fellow Jedi.
Xanatos stared at him for a moment before realising that he should probably answer the question. "Well, I met Obi-Wan today in the meditation gardens and I have the impression that his relationship with his Master is very different from that of most Padawans. He seems to respect him but he talks about him the way I would talk about a teacher I barely know. It's as if he doesn't have a personal relationship with him at all."
Qui-Gon didn't say anything but just nodded his head in silent contemplation.
"Is there something wrong, Master?"
At this the older man looked up. "I don't know, Padawan. I was summoned by the council today for a mission briefing."
Xanatos perked up at this. "But I thought we wouldn't have any missions for at least three months. That's why I took on the Culture class."
Qui-Gon smiled slightly at him and this time the warmth was back in his eyes. "Patience, Padawan. I didn't say that we would be gone for long. It is a mission on Coruscant. In the lower part of the southern hemisphere to be exact. I take it you're aware of the fact that on the lower levels of this highly-developed planet, there are regions where no real society exists?"
Xanatos nodded and waited for his Master to continue. He had no idea where this was going. "Well, it seems that in one of those regions, two factions have formed that have been quarreling about their rights on the territory for several months. Security Forces haven't given much thought to this up to now, as there are always minor conflicts between the gangs. Now, however, the situation seems to have escalated. One of the groups started to commit attacks on civillians in the upper levels in order to pressure the other one. They followed suit and now civillians are dying as a lever and neither of the factions care about it."
Xanatos took a deep breath. It wasn't uncommon for things to turn out like this on unstable planets. However, it was hard to imagine that something like this could happen on some part of Coruscant without a planetwide uproar. But he knew that this couldn't be the reason his Master was so troubled. They had had to deal with far worse situations. So he just remained silent.
"The council wants us to go there and negotiate. I don't think it will be a difficult mission but of course it could turn out to be dangerous. Now, as to my earlier question. We won't be going alone. Master Calan and Padawan Kenobi will be joining us."
Xanatos just stared at him. That was the second time in ten minutes he was rendered speechless. But he quickly recovered and voiced his concerns. "But, Master, why should the council send two teams? It will only raise the risk. They could think we want to force an agreement. And besides, Obi-Wan is only 13. Since when does the council send children to the lower parts?"
"I don't think that his age will be a problem. Junior Padawans face far more dangerous missions on other planets. As to your first question, the Council or rather Master Yoda, seems to think along the same lines as you. They want us to observe the way the two of them are working together. They have only been on two short missions since Calan took Kenobi as a Padawan. He mostly went on solo missions, leaving the boy in the creche. Now, I don't want you to make any accusations as long as we don't know anything. But I'm prepared to look into the problem. It's not that I don't want to believe you, Xanatos. It's just that you sometimes tend to be a bit rash with your guesses."
Xanatos understood his Master's concerns. It was never good to alienate another Jedi. It compromised the peace in the Temple. There was enough mistrust in the galaxy already. They couldn't afford to harbour it in the Order. "I understand, Master. I will be objective on the mission."
Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Good. Now, it is late and we have to get up early. So I suggest we get some sleep. This assignment shouldn't take long. I'm sure we will be back in time for your next lesson in two days."
Xanatos stood up and made his way over to his room.
But before he closed the door he turned around. "I didn't mean to show any disrespect, Master. I'm just a little worried."
"I know, Padawan. But I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Good Night, Xani."
"Good night, Master."
****************************
As Xanatos lay in bed an hour later, still wide awake, he wondered whether Qui-Gon really believed this. He had felt the fear and sorrow emanating from the boy and it sure wasn't something as easy as a stomach ache. Another thing he had realised was that his Master never used Obi-Wan's first name. He always said 'Kenobi' or 'the boy'. Maybe it was his way of distancing himself from the fact that the young Padawan might really be in trouble. Whatever it was, Xanatos knew that the man would never just ignore something like this. He had a far too caring nature for that. As he lay in bed, the young man promised to himself that he would help Obi-Wan any way he could. He would observe Rin Calan very carefully. With that thought in mind and again that nagging feeling he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.
****************************
The angry voice was back. It always came at night. When there were no other sounds, no other thoughts, to drown it out. When the sounds of the planet were held outside by the thick glass of the Temple it would come and there was nothing that prevented it from penetrating the shields Obi-Wan had erected around himself. Of course, it would always vanish as soon as he woke up from the nightmare, but the echo kept sounding in his head for hours until being washed away by the light of the day.
As soon as the sun rose over this part of Coruscant the voice would die down. For a few minutes or sometimes half an hour he could pretend that everything was alright. Until the real voice would be heard through the door to his room. His Master was always angry when he didn't get up early to make breakfast. But the minutes of peace were worth this anger and Obi- Wan cherished them more than anything.
When the young Padawan woke up this morning it was no different. As he sat on the windowsill, staring out at the speeders and ships that reflected the rising sun, however, he couldn't free his mind as he usually did. Instead he replayed the events from the day before after he had left the meditation garden.
When the doors to the garden had closed, Obi-Wan looked at his chrono and upon realizing that he was a bit late began to run toward the practice rooms. His Master was already there when he reached them, which was never good. Taking a deep breath to calm his fluttering nerves, Obi-Wan stepped inside, discarded his shirt and put on his training clothes and then made his way over to Calan. He had been right, it was not good that the man had had to wait for him. Bracing himself for what was to come, Obi-Wan bowed and said:"I apologise for being late, Master. I forgot the time."
Calan crouched down, so that he was on the same eye-level as his Padawan. Narrowing his eyes, he hissed in a dangerous voice,"And may I ask, Padawan, what it was that had you so occupied?"
Maybe it was the fact that his head was still so full of Xanatos' words or maybe it was his fear of what was to come that prevented his brain from drawing the right conclusion and making him lie, but without even thinking about the consequences, the young boy said,"I talked to Padawan Xanatos in the meditation gardens and he gave me some advice for my lessons." He realised his error immediately after the words had left his mouth.
Calan's eyes shot daggers at him. His voice was a mere whisper. "I will only tell you this once, Padawan, so you better listen. If I ever see you near Xanatos outside of classes again, I will make sure that you will never again be with one of your friends. You know how generous I am to even let you meet them so often. You know that not every Master would let you have this kind of freedom. So if you don't want to be confined to our quarters except for classes and missions for the rest of your life, you better do as I say. You're lucky that you even have a Master. I really wouldn't tempt my fate, if I were you. I could send you to Agricorps on a moment's notice."
Obi-Wan swallowed hard and looked into his Master's eyes before looking at the floor again and whispering,"Yes,Master. I won't talk to him again."
"Good." His Master stood and spoke in a normal voice, again. "Now, let's see if you have learned anything at all since the last time we sparred."
Sitting in his room now, Obi-Wan wondered why the Masters never raised their voices when they punished their Padawans outside their quarters. He had never seen it with the other Masters and never with his own. He knew of course that he was being punished more often than most apprentices. He had realised that when Garen or Reeft talked about such things. But obviously he deserved it. Well, no use dwelling on it. The Masters probably just didn't want to break the silence in the halls.
The sparring had not been good. No matter how hard he had tried Master Calan had always found fault with something. He was not fast enough or not agile enough. Or he was just plain clumsy like in Master Linko's classes. "How can someone your age be so incapable?" He heard that sentence almost every day. Yes, he was incapable, he knew that. He was always a step behind the others of his year. Sometimes even Bant could outmaneuver him with the saber and she was two years younger.
But then something else his Master had said yesterday came to his mind."You're too fearful. You're a coward. No real Jedi would let his negative feelings control him like this." But Xanatos had said that it was okay to feel these things or otherwise he could never really be happy. Obi- Wan tried to remember the last time he had been really happy. As an initiate. That was the problem. He had never been completely happy as a Padawan. Even while he was with his friends, laughing and talking with them, there had always been that little part of his mind that was occupied with thoughts about his own faults. Thoughts about his Master and the punishment he would get if he misstepped. And he would eventually misstep. That much was certain. And sitting there on the windowsill, staring out at the slowly rising sun and the busy people going about their lives, Obi-Wan Kenobi doubted for the first time that this was the way it should be.
Many, many thanks to Warrior of the Pen for the great review. It's absolutely amazing to know that someone likes it that much.
Also, many thanks to Seung Mina, Master Elora Dannan and lilandra magnus. Please keep reviewing. I need it as a motivation. And please tell me whatever you think of it! I need the criticism just as much as the praise.
Chapter 3
When Xanatos emerged from his meditation it was already evening. He briefly considered going to the dining hall for a meal but then decided that he didn't want to face his Master after their fight with a hundred other people around them. He slowly walked back to their quarters. He had to admit that he was stalling for time, but he really didn't know what to say to Qui-Gon. Should he apologise? No, definitely not. It wouldn't be sincere since he still couldn't see that he had done anything wrong. After talking to Obi-Wan he was now certain that the boy's relationship with his Master wasn't a normal one. The young Padawan obviously respected Calan but he just didn't speak of him with this complete adoration that most children at the Temple did. He then realized that he had never heard the boy talk about his Master except when he recited a lesson. There was definitely something wrong but how could he make Qui-Gon see that? Sighing to himself, Xanatos pushed the button that opened the door to their quarters. Upon entering he immediately sensed that the rooms were empty. He walked to the dining table where he found a message from his Master.
'Xanatos,
I had to attend a council meeting on short notice and didn't want to disturb your meditation. I will be back for supper.
Qui-Gon'
Xanatos left the note on the table and decided to take a shower while waiting for Qui-Gon. Maybe that would help him clear his head.
Twenty minutes later he left the `fresher and hearing his Master in the kitchen, returned his things to his room and then joined him. Qui-Gon looked up briefly and gave him a smile that lacked, however, the usual warmth. "How was your meditation?"
"It was...revealing. How was the meeting?"
Qui-Gon sighed deeply which was a sure sign that something was wrong. The man normally cut straight to the point with whatever had to be said. "We have to talk, Xanatos."
The Padawan nodded and led the way back to the living area. He sat on the couch and Qui-Gon took the seat opposite him.
After a moment of looking into his apprentices eyes with a troubled expression on his face, he began to speak. "I need to know what exactly you know about Kenobi and Master Calan."
Xanatos was taken completely by surprise by the course of the conversation. He had expected his Master to lecture him on his behaviour earlier in the day, maybe tell him that it was inappropriate to talk about another Jedi in the way he had, at least say anything that made him understand his point of view on the matter. He had never expected to be asked about what he knew of Obi-Wan's and Calan's relationship. Of course, his Master always considered his opinion and wanted his input on important matters and he was widely known for disregarding orders if he felt the Force showed him a different way and for encouraging his Padawan to do the same, but he would never let him get away with disrespect towards a fellow Jedi.
Xanatos stared at him for a moment before realising that he should probably answer the question. "Well, I met Obi-Wan today in the meditation gardens and I have the impression that his relationship with his Master is very different from that of most Padawans. He seems to respect him but he talks about him the way I would talk about a teacher I barely know. It's as if he doesn't have a personal relationship with him at all."
Qui-Gon didn't say anything but just nodded his head in silent contemplation.
"Is there something wrong, Master?"
At this the older man looked up. "I don't know, Padawan. I was summoned by the council today for a mission briefing."
Xanatos perked up at this. "But I thought we wouldn't have any missions for at least three months. That's why I took on the Culture class."
Qui-Gon smiled slightly at him and this time the warmth was back in his eyes. "Patience, Padawan. I didn't say that we would be gone for long. It is a mission on Coruscant. In the lower part of the southern hemisphere to be exact. I take it you're aware of the fact that on the lower levels of this highly-developed planet, there are regions where no real society exists?"
Xanatos nodded and waited for his Master to continue. He had no idea where this was going. "Well, it seems that in one of those regions, two factions have formed that have been quarreling about their rights on the territory for several months. Security Forces haven't given much thought to this up to now, as there are always minor conflicts between the gangs. Now, however, the situation seems to have escalated. One of the groups started to commit attacks on civillians in the upper levels in order to pressure the other one. They followed suit and now civillians are dying as a lever and neither of the factions care about it."
Xanatos took a deep breath. It wasn't uncommon for things to turn out like this on unstable planets. However, it was hard to imagine that something like this could happen on some part of Coruscant without a planetwide uproar. But he knew that this couldn't be the reason his Master was so troubled. They had had to deal with far worse situations. So he just remained silent.
"The council wants us to go there and negotiate. I don't think it will be a difficult mission but of course it could turn out to be dangerous. Now, as to my earlier question. We won't be going alone. Master Calan and Padawan Kenobi will be joining us."
Xanatos just stared at him. That was the second time in ten minutes he was rendered speechless. But he quickly recovered and voiced his concerns. "But, Master, why should the council send two teams? It will only raise the risk. They could think we want to force an agreement. And besides, Obi-Wan is only 13. Since when does the council send children to the lower parts?"
"I don't think that his age will be a problem. Junior Padawans face far more dangerous missions on other planets. As to your first question, the Council or rather Master Yoda, seems to think along the same lines as you. They want us to observe the way the two of them are working together. They have only been on two short missions since Calan took Kenobi as a Padawan. He mostly went on solo missions, leaving the boy in the creche. Now, I don't want you to make any accusations as long as we don't know anything. But I'm prepared to look into the problem. It's not that I don't want to believe you, Xanatos. It's just that you sometimes tend to be a bit rash with your guesses."
Xanatos understood his Master's concerns. It was never good to alienate another Jedi. It compromised the peace in the Temple. There was enough mistrust in the galaxy already. They couldn't afford to harbour it in the Order. "I understand, Master. I will be objective on the mission."
Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Good. Now, it is late and we have to get up early. So I suggest we get some sleep. This assignment shouldn't take long. I'm sure we will be back in time for your next lesson in two days."
Xanatos stood up and made his way over to his room.
But before he closed the door he turned around. "I didn't mean to show any disrespect, Master. I'm just a little worried."
"I know, Padawan. But I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Good Night, Xani."
"Good night, Master."
****************************
As Xanatos lay in bed an hour later, still wide awake, he wondered whether Qui-Gon really believed this. He had felt the fear and sorrow emanating from the boy and it sure wasn't something as easy as a stomach ache. Another thing he had realised was that his Master never used Obi-Wan's first name. He always said 'Kenobi' or 'the boy'. Maybe it was his way of distancing himself from the fact that the young Padawan might really be in trouble. Whatever it was, Xanatos knew that the man would never just ignore something like this. He had a far too caring nature for that. As he lay in bed, the young man promised to himself that he would help Obi-Wan any way he could. He would observe Rin Calan very carefully. With that thought in mind and again that nagging feeling he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.
****************************
The angry voice was back. It always came at night. When there were no other sounds, no other thoughts, to drown it out. When the sounds of the planet were held outside by the thick glass of the Temple it would come and there was nothing that prevented it from penetrating the shields Obi-Wan had erected around himself. Of course, it would always vanish as soon as he woke up from the nightmare, but the echo kept sounding in his head for hours until being washed away by the light of the day.
As soon as the sun rose over this part of Coruscant the voice would die down. For a few minutes or sometimes half an hour he could pretend that everything was alright. Until the real voice would be heard through the door to his room. His Master was always angry when he didn't get up early to make breakfast. But the minutes of peace were worth this anger and Obi- Wan cherished them more than anything.
When the young Padawan woke up this morning it was no different. As he sat on the windowsill, staring out at the speeders and ships that reflected the rising sun, however, he couldn't free his mind as he usually did. Instead he replayed the events from the day before after he had left the meditation garden.
When the doors to the garden had closed, Obi-Wan looked at his chrono and upon realizing that he was a bit late began to run toward the practice rooms. His Master was already there when he reached them, which was never good. Taking a deep breath to calm his fluttering nerves, Obi-Wan stepped inside, discarded his shirt and put on his training clothes and then made his way over to Calan. He had been right, it was not good that the man had had to wait for him. Bracing himself for what was to come, Obi-Wan bowed and said:"I apologise for being late, Master. I forgot the time."
Calan crouched down, so that he was on the same eye-level as his Padawan. Narrowing his eyes, he hissed in a dangerous voice,"And may I ask, Padawan, what it was that had you so occupied?"
Maybe it was the fact that his head was still so full of Xanatos' words or maybe it was his fear of what was to come that prevented his brain from drawing the right conclusion and making him lie, but without even thinking about the consequences, the young boy said,"I talked to Padawan Xanatos in the meditation gardens and he gave me some advice for my lessons." He realised his error immediately after the words had left his mouth.
Calan's eyes shot daggers at him. His voice was a mere whisper. "I will only tell you this once, Padawan, so you better listen. If I ever see you near Xanatos outside of classes again, I will make sure that you will never again be with one of your friends. You know how generous I am to even let you meet them so often. You know that not every Master would let you have this kind of freedom. So if you don't want to be confined to our quarters except for classes and missions for the rest of your life, you better do as I say. You're lucky that you even have a Master. I really wouldn't tempt my fate, if I were you. I could send you to Agricorps on a moment's notice."
Obi-Wan swallowed hard and looked into his Master's eyes before looking at the floor again and whispering,"Yes,Master. I won't talk to him again."
"Good." His Master stood and spoke in a normal voice, again. "Now, let's see if you have learned anything at all since the last time we sparred."
Sitting in his room now, Obi-Wan wondered why the Masters never raised their voices when they punished their Padawans outside their quarters. He had never seen it with the other Masters and never with his own. He knew of course that he was being punished more often than most apprentices. He had realised that when Garen or Reeft talked about such things. But obviously he deserved it. Well, no use dwelling on it. The Masters probably just didn't want to break the silence in the halls.
The sparring had not been good. No matter how hard he had tried Master Calan had always found fault with something. He was not fast enough or not agile enough. Or he was just plain clumsy like in Master Linko's classes. "How can someone your age be so incapable?" He heard that sentence almost every day. Yes, he was incapable, he knew that. He was always a step behind the others of his year. Sometimes even Bant could outmaneuver him with the saber and she was two years younger.
But then something else his Master had said yesterday came to his mind."You're too fearful. You're a coward. No real Jedi would let his negative feelings control him like this." But Xanatos had said that it was okay to feel these things or otherwise he could never really be happy. Obi- Wan tried to remember the last time he had been really happy. As an initiate. That was the problem. He had never been completely happy as a Padawan. Even while he was with his friends, laughing and talking with them, there had always been that little part of his mind that was occupied with thoughts about his own faults. Thoughts about his Master and the punishment he would get if he misstepped. And he would eventually misstep. That much was certain. And sitting there on the windowsill, staring out at the slowly rising sun and the busy people going about their lives, Obi-Wan Kenobi doubted for the first time that this was the way it should be.