Disclaimer: I do not own, claim to own, or pretend to own the characters involved in this tragic work of fiction. Even though all I want to do is hold Kyo and tell him it's all right.
Enjoy, su!
"Normally…people would avoid me…"
"Keep their distance…"
"So why do you care about me so much anyway?"
I Guess Not
Kyo blinked at Tohru before her words finally sunk in. His crimson eyes narrowed almost dangerously.
"What did you just say?" he asked her, tone low so that she had to strain to hear. He had never used this tone with her before.
Tohru flinched at his voice. "Ah-um, I was just wondering what kind of person your mother was. Y-you don't really talk about her much, and I'd heard stories…" she stuttered, her gaze not meeting his as she trailed off.
The cat's fist clinched, fighting to keep from going off on her. Of course she had heard stories; who the hell hadn't?! Slowly, he began to count backwards, the distraction taking some of the edge off his anger. Turning around sharply so she wouldn't see his face, he began to storm off. "It's none of your business," he hissed loud enough for her to hear.
She watched him go sadly. "Kyo-kun…"
~*~
"She saw me…"
"She saw me…"
"She saw me…"
"It's over!"
"It's over. Everything…"
"It's all…"
"…hopeless."
*
Why would she ask something like that? Shouldn't it be obvious? My mother hated me, she was ashamed of me. She never wanted me, wished I had never been born. It's just like it was with Momiji, except it was worse. My mother actually pretended she loved me. Pretended my being a member of the zodiac didn't bother her, thinking it would make me happy and she could forget. She never did.
Because I'm not a member of the zodiac; I'm just the stupid cat, like Yuki said.
*
"It's his fault! It's all his fault!"
"I'll kill him then I'll kill myself!"
"Then you'll be satisfied, right?"
"If I die too, you'll be satisfied, right?!"
*
I wonder what she would have said if she'd heard me say that. Would she have been disappointed? Would she have been happy? Or maybe she wouldn't have cared anyway…
I remember, once, when she was checking my beads, I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. I nearly fell back when I saw her looking at me, her eyes looking real sad. I don't remember her looking like that before, like she wanted to cry and give up. Why would she look like that?
Was it me?
*
"You really were scared weren't you?"
"That's why every day, dozens of times…"
"You checked to make sure my beads hadn't come off, right?"
"You were ashamed weren't you?"
*
It was after that… that I started watching her. She never knew I was watching her watch me; she couldn't tell I was anyway, since I always hid it well. It kept me up at night sometimes, wondering why she would look at me like that. Like she actually cared.
*
"You won't even acknowledge the real me…"
"…so why are you always acting like you love me so much?"
*
Why did you act like you loved me so much? It's not like it would have mattered; you could have rejected me and it wouldn't have made a difference. You would have lived longer, a lot longer. So why keep me? After all, all I did was cause you pain.
*
"Your mother loved you more than anyone!"
*
That's not it; he only acted like she did because she thought that's what a mother should do. Because she thought it would make me happy, to think that I was accepted by at least one person. I'm sorry mom, but you were a terrible actor.
Did my mother love me? No, of course not.
~*~
Tohru walked into Shigure's office with her head hung low and clutching a worn leather book in her hands, one that looked older than several years.
"Ah Tohru, how did it go?" the dog asked, not looking up from the manuscript he was typing. "Did you get an answer?"
She let out a huge sigh, causing Shigure to look up curiously. "No, he stormed off before I could ask anything else," she told him tiredly.
"What did you expect? Kyo's mother has always been a sore spot with him," he said, taking his glasses off. His dark eyes darted to the worn book in her hands. "Are you finished reading that?"
Tohru looked a bit surprised before regaining her bearings. "Ah-um, yes, if you could, please return this to Hatori. He probably wants it back now," she murmured, handing it to him.
"I'm sure it made for some interesting reading," Shigure replied, taking it from her. "The journal of the mother of the cat, I mean. What did you think?"
The brunette looked down, a sad look in her blue eyes. "Kyo's mother's journal was very…sad. I wish he knew how she really felt."
"Perhaps it would be best if he didn't. What would he do if all he has known was suddenly swept away?" he suggested knowingly.
Tohru nodded before turning to leave. "I'm going to go make dinner," she said before closing the door behind her.
Shigure gave the door an understanding smile before going back to working on his manuscript. "Although, I think he probably would have appreciated the truth, too."
Outside, Tohru sniffled and wiped at the tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes. Looking up at the ceiling, she imagined she could see Kyo through the wood hunched over trying to understand where her question had come from. She could almost see him sitting with his head in his knees like a lost child, trying to answer it, to see if his anger toward his mother was justified.
'Did you know your mother loved you Kyo? I guess not…'
Fin
A redone chapter two, as promised! Again, I know it doesn't look like much of a difference, but if you look closely, it's the little things that make it better. Like Tohru's new question (the old one never really did sit well with me) and some of the things Kyo thinks about... Anyways, as some of you might remember, I wrote this back when there were still about six books of Fruits Basket out. Yes, I know, it was a while ago, but because if that, I now propose this: a possible third chapter in which we either have Kyo stumble across the journal, have him make peace with his mother after finding out that it was his father that drove her to suicide, or have it from daddy dearest's point of view. I'm not saying to hold your breath or anything for this possible addition (I still need to go through my other fics and fix them, plus update and rename Rose Colored Moon and Wish Shop), but once I figure out how to make a poll (yes, I am quite the special one, I know) I will begin asking. Until then, tell me what you think via review. See you soon!
Reviews save lives. Especially if you're like Shigure's editor, who won't find out until it's almost too late that that manuscript of his was already done.