Warrior of the Pen: Thanks a lot! I know it's a minor miracle that I
updated so soon. :o)
WolfKyr: Thank you! I hope I updated soon enough. I don't want to responsible for any health problems. :o)
Chapter 7
Darkness surrounded him. Darkness filled him. Xanatos pushed at it, but it didn't give. He tried to perceive something beyond it, but the only thing he could hear was the distant roar of a storm. Where was he? Why was there a storm? He again pushed at the darkness and finally it seemed to yield. He felt the power within him recede. Strange, he hadn't felt the power before, but he shook himself from its grasp and emerged into the real world. The storm wasn't distant. He could hear it only a few meters away, but the building he sat in protected him. Then the events came rushing back to him - the mission to the lower levels, the two clans, Obi-Wan missing and being found again and finally Calan's admission. He again felt the darkness push its way into him but he reached out to the Force and found light. He wouldn't be pulled under again, anger would lead to nothing now.
Xanatos moved to stand up and felt a sharp pain in his midsection. He looked down and saw his tunic hanging in burnt shards from his chest. Beneath it the flesh was scorched but he saw immediately that it wasn't a very serious wound. He would deal with that later. Seeing that the storm was still going strong, he decided that he would deal with the matter of finding his Master later as well. That left only one thing for him to deal with now. What the hell had just happened? Xanatos sank down to the ground once more and started trying to remember the exact events before he had passed out.
Qui-Gon had told him to take the ship up to the Temple. Xanatos had disobeyed him because he had felt from the Force that he should search for Calan. He had left the ship, going in the direction Calan had disappeared.
And then he had found Calan and the Master had told him what he had wanted to know but hadn't wanted to believe. Calan had abused Obi-Wan, had beaten him and punished him mentally. And Xanatos had lost control. He tried to recall what it had felt like and it came to him easily. Not just the memory but the power he had felt itself. More power than he had ever had at his disposal, more power than he had ever imagined having. But there it was, easily within his grasp. He just had to reach out and claim it, making it his, giving himself over to it. But no; the power was tainted, he had felt it before but not to this degree. It was then that he realised what it was he had almost done just now, what he had done only a few hours ago. Breathing hard and staring at the opposite wall, Xanatos realised that he had betrayed everything he had ever lived for.
**********************
Obi-Wan heard the storm subside outside and knew that they would go back to the Temple now. Back to his Master. To a punishment he couldn't even imagine. Obi-Wan took a deep shuddering breath when he heard Master Jinn coming towards him. The Master had been nothing but gentle with him but Obi- Wan didn't trust him. He knew where that would lead.
"Come, Obi-Wan. I think it's safe to go out now." The Jedi's voice was encouraging again.
Obi-Wan stood up and followed the man out of the building. Outside, hardly anything had changed. The street was still full of rubble. Trying not to stumble, the Padawan went after the Master, not knowing what would happen now or where they were going.
Suddenly Master Jinn stopped, closing his eyes as if searching for something within himself. Then he started walking again without a word. They walked along several blocks of buildings, not encountering anyone or hearing the slightest indication that other life forms were nearby. Then they stopped before another run-down structure. Obi-Wan looked up, trying to see anything unusual, anything that indicated why they had stopped here, but he couldn't see anything.
Master Jinn stepped over the rubble in the entrance way and into the building. It was dark inside, as it was everywhere else and the older Jedi took out his lightsabre to illuminate his surroundings. He held it out in all directions, searching, before it's light fell on a crumpled form on one wall.
Obi-Wan couldn't hold in the gasp as he saw Xanatos lying on the floor, his tunic ripped and burnt.
**************************
Qui-Gon had known the moment he had felt the darkness coming over the bond that his Padawan had disobeyed him and was still on Coruscant's lower levels. So he didn't waste any time calling the Temple to ask for him but started searching immediately. It didn't take him long to sense the young man's position. But what he found took his breath away for a moment. His Padawan seemed to be unconscious or sleeping and he was definitely hurt. Without another thought he ran towards the still form, crouching down beside him.
**********************
Xanatos came awake immediately when someone dropped down beside him. Instinctively reaching for his lightsabre, the first thing he saw was Obi- Wan standing a few metres away, his eyes wide, staring at him. He turned his head and looked into the concerned eyes of his Master. He almost sobbed with relief but he managed to compose himself and just took a shuddering breath.
"Master..." It came out as a whisper and the relief was evident in his voice.
Qui-Gon reached out, touching his Padawan's cheek softly. "Padawan, what happened to you?"
Xanatos wanted to tell him then, wanted to tell him everything that had happened, about Calan and his admission, about his own anger, about the darkness and the fear. But he couldn't. Not here, not now. Not when Obi-Wan was standing only a short distance away, still staring at him with frightened eyes. And so instead of begging his Master for help as he had decided to do only a few minutes ago, he lied to him.
"I'm fine, Master. I think we should call the transport now."
Xanatos didn't know whether Qui-Gon had guessed his reasons for not saying anything or whether he really believed his Padawan but the Master let it drop and took out his comlink. He spoke with the Temple only briefly, then closed the connection.
"The transport is already on its way. It won't be long until it arrives."
Having taken care of that, Qui-Gon once again knelt by his Padawan's side, examining the wound on his chest.
"It's a minor burn. Don't worry, it will heal quickly."
Xanatos nodded but his Master didn't look at him. He realised that the man was studiously avoiding looking him in the eyes. So instead the Padawan focused on the younger boy, still standing on the other side, now staring at the ground.
"Hey, Obi-Wan.You okay?"
The boy nodded and even came forward a bit but still kept his distance.
While Qui-Gon applied bacta to the burn Xanatos studied Obi-Wan. The young Padawan seemed physically all right but of course Xanatos didn't know what he looked like under the tunic. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to find out. What Calan had told him had been exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear. What would happen to Obi-Wan now? Would he get a new Master or was he too damaged to become a Jedi?
Qui-Gon had just finished tending his Padawan's wound when they heard the approaching transport. The Master helped Xanatos up and together the three went outside.
Upon boarding the ship another thought occurred to Xanatos – was he too damaged to become a Jedi?
**************************
Obi-Wan Kenobi was accustomed to following orders. He had learned to do so early on as an initiate. Maybe that was the reason why he had survived with the Jedi as long as he had. It certainly wasn't because of his skills.
When Obi-Wan had first met Xanatos, another world was revealed to him. A world where one thought freely and without being punished for it. A world where orders were a part of the outside world and didn't come from within him. Orders that made sense and weren't a product of his own guilt. Obi-Wan admired the older Padawan, not for his skills as a Jedi but for his skills as a human being. Despite this experience, it came as somewhat of a shock to him when he realised that Xanatos had disobeyed a direct order from his Master.
Master Jinn had told him to go back to the Temple. Xanatos had stayed. And something had happened. Obi-Wan didn't know what it was but it had had an impact on the Master. It had somehow crossed their bond. Obi-Wan's bond with his Master had never been a strong one, but Obi-Wan was quite sure that it took more than a bit anxiety to make the other feel it. And he also knew that if something crossed the bond, a punishment was warranted. A Padawan was never to disturb his Master with his own feelings. That was one of the first things Obi-Wan had learned from Master Calan. So how could something like this happen to Xanatos, a Padawan strong in the Force, and successful in everything he did?
The Jedi didn't speak on their way back to the Temple and upon arrival, their first destination was the Healers' wing, where Xanatos was to be checked for any other injuries. It was Master Geminga who tended to his wounds and he gave Obi-Wan a friendly smile in passing. Obi-Wan smiled back, knowing that Geminga's Padawan Bant would be out in a minute. It didn't even take a minute for her to arrive in the waiting room and after a respectful bow to Master Jinn she took Obi-Wan by the arm and pulled him into the hallway.
"Are you alright, Obi?" Her huge eyes were full of concern Obi-Wan couldn't understand.
"Of course, I am. The storm wasn't that bad down there. We just had to stay in one of the buildings."
Bant looked at him with incredulity written all over her face. "I'm talking about Master Calan."
Obi-Wan's heart wrenched in his chest. Master Calan? What about him? Did Bant know? Did she know about all the punishments he wasn't supposed to talk about? Did she know about his failing as a Padawan? About his running away? With a lump forming in his throat, he asked, "What about Master Calan?"
It was Bant's turn to be astonished. "Didn't you hear? He didn't come back. The Temple can't contact him. He's just disappeared. I heard it from my Master. They're all looking for him."
Obi-Wan swayed. His mind was in turmoil. His Master gone? What would happen now? Did that mean that he was finally free of him? But what did that mean for his future? The young Padawan wanted to sob, wanted to just sit down and weep and never get up again. He wanted to forget about the world, about his future, about responsibility. He felt like crying and he didn't even know whether it was out of joy or sorrow.
**************************
It was Mace who had told Qui-Gon about Calan. It was just one more thing to worry about. He was so tired of worrying. His mind seemed numbed by the day's events. It felt like an eternity since they had left for their mission only yesterday.
Qui-Gon had sent Xanatos to their quarters after the Healers were done with him and had taken Obi-Wan to Mace. The Council Member had promised to take care of the boy until a solution was found. Qui-Gon would think about that tomorrow. Now he had to deal with his own Padawan. That was the reason why he now stood before the door to his own quarters trying to compose himself for what lay ahead. After another deep breath he finally palmed the lock and went inside.
Xanatos was sitting on the couch of the living area, obviously deep in thought but he looked up immediately when Qui-Gon entered. The Master took off his cloak, hanging it neatly in the wardrobe and then sat down beside his Padawan. For a moment neither of them talked, Qui-Gon staring at the traffic that passed the large window on one side of the room, Xanatos staring at the vid screen that was at the moment turned off.
Then the younger man started to talk. "I followed Calan." It was said neutrally, without any emotion.
Qui-Gon turned towards Xanatos, looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but not saying anything.
"I was on the transport and something told me to stay, to follow Calan."
"The Force told you to stay?"
"I think so. I hope so."
The last statement was whispered and Qui-Gon briefly wondered about it but then turned back to more pressing matters. "You disobeyed me."
Xanatos' mouth curved into an ironic smile. "Certain orders have to be disobeyed so that others remember they might sometimes be wrong."
Qui-Gon had to smile as well as he heard his own teachings repeated. In a soft voice he continued, "What happened then, Padawan?"
The smile vanished from Xanatos' face and was again replaced by a troubled look. "I found Calan. I asked him why Obi-Wan had run away.
"Xanatos..."
"No, don't interrupt me." Xanatos turned a pleading gaze to his Master. "Please, don't interrupt me."
Qui-Gon nodded to him to continue, the silence of the room suddenly oppressive and loud to his ears.
"He taunted me and insulted us both and I got angry." Xanatos sucked in a breath. "I shouted at him to tell me and then... then he told me."
Qui-Gon's voice had a hoarse edge when he spoke again. "What did he say?"
"He told me that he had abused Obi-Wan, beaten him, told him he was worthless. He just told me, without remorse."
Qui-Gon didn't want to hear any more, but he had to. He had to know what his Padawan had done then. He had to. "And then?"
"I snapped. I threw him against a wall and screamed at him. And then he suddenly had his lightsabre. He injured me and then he was gone and I became unconscious. That's all I remember."
But it wasn't. There was more. He had drawn power from the dark side but he didn't tell his Master. He had been prepared to do it back down there. He had meant to tell him everything. But then Obi-Wan had been there and he couldn't.
Xanatos waited for his Master to lecture him on the rightness of his emotions and his actions. But instead Qui-Gon hugged him. He pulled him into his arms and comforted him as he had done when the Padawan had still been a small child. In that instant Xanatos wondered whether anyone had ever done that to Obi-Wan. The crèche Masters were not overly demonstrative with their love, after all. Qui-Gon's voice pulled him back to the present.
"We will work through this, we will work past the anger, Xani. I promise. I won't desert you."
Xanatos wanted to cry then, wanted to cry tears of relief, but he couldn't.
When Qui-Gon pulled back from him, the Master was smiling but it was a sad smile. "So, you were right, Padawan?"
Xanatos sighed. "Unfortunately." Then a thought occurred to him. "What will happen to Obi-Wan, now? Will another Master take him?"
"We will think of that tomorrow. For now, he's safe. Go to bed now, Xani. Good night."
"Good night, Master."
While he was preparing for bed, Xanatos wondered whether Obi-Wan was doing the same at the moment and how he felt. Would he be afraid with his Master still out there?
He considered briefly calling him, but after the latest episode he would probably scare the boy more than calm him.
He would think about that tomorrow. Yes, his Master was right. Or at least Xanatos hoped he was.
WolfKyr: Thank you! I hope I updated soon enough. I don't want to responsible for any health problems. :o)
Chapter 7
Darkness surrounded him. Darkness filled him. Xanatos pushed at it, but it didn't give. He tried to perceive something beyond it, but the only thing he could hear was the distant roar of a storm. Where was he? Why was there a storm? He again pushed at the darkness and finally it seemed to yield. He felt the power within him recede. Strange, he hadn't felt the power before, but he shook himself from its grasp and emerged into the real world. The storm wasn't distant. He could hear it only a few meters away, but the building he sat in protected him. Then the events came rushing back to him - the mission to the lower levels, the two clans, Obi-Wan missing and being found again and finally Calan's admission. He again felt the darkness push its way into him but he reached out to the Force and found light. He wouldn't be pulled under again, anger would lead to nothing now.
Xanatos moved to stand up and felt a sharp pain in his midsection. He looked down and saw his tunic hanging in burnt shards from his chest. Beneath it the flesh was scorched but he saw immediately that it wasn't a very serious wound. He would deal with that later. Seeing that the storm was still going strong, he decided that he would deal with the matter of finding his Master later as well. That left only one thing for him to deal with now. What the hell had just happened? Xanatos sank down to the ground once more and started trying to remember the exact events before he had passed out.
Qui-Gon had told him to take the ship up to the Temple. Xanatos had disobeyed him because he had felt from the Force that he should search for Calan. He had left the ship, going in the direction Calan had disappeared.
And then he had found Calan and the Master had told him what he had wanted to know but hadn't wanted to believe. Calan had abused Obi-Wan, had beaten him and punished him mentally. And Xanatos had lost control. He tried to recall what it had felt like and it came to him easily. Not just the memory but the power he had felt itself. More power than he had ever had at his disposal, more power than he had ever imagined having. But there it was, easily within his grasp. He just had to reach out and claim it, making it his, giving himself over to it. But no; the power was tainted, he had felt it before but not to this degree. It was then that he realised what it was he had almost done just now, what he had done only a few hours ago. Breathing hard and staring at the opposite wall, Xanatos realised that he had betrayed everything he had ever lived for.
**********************
Obi-Wan heard the storm subside outside and knew that they would go back to the Temple now. Back to his Master. To a punishment he couldn't even imagine. Obi-Wan took a deep shuddering breath when he heard Master Jinn coming towards him. The Master had been nothing but gentle with him but Obi- Wan didn't trust him. He knew where that would lead.
"Come, Obi-Wan. I think it's safe to go out now." The Jedi's voice was encouraging again.
Obi-Wan stood up and followed the man out of the building. Outside, hardly anything had changed. The street was still full of rubble. Trying not to stumble, the Padawan went after the Master, not knowing what would happen now or where they were going.
Suddenly Master Jinn stopped, closing his eyes as if searching for something within himself. Then he started walking again without a word. They walked along several blocks of buildings, not encountering anyone or hearing the slightest indication that other life forms were nearby. Then they stopped before another run-down structure. Obi-Wan looked up, trying to see anything unusual, anything that indicated why they had stopped here, but he couldn't see anything.
Master Jinn stepped over the rubble in the entrance way and into the building. It was dark inside, as it was everywhere else and the older Jedi took out his lightsabre to illuminate his surroundings. He held it out in all directions, searching, before it's light fell on a crumpled form on one wall.
Obi-Wan couldn't hold in the gasp as he saw Xanatos lying on the floor, his tunic ripped and burnt.
**************************
Qui-Gon had known the moment he had felt the darkness coming over the bond that his Padawan had disobeyed him and was still on Coruscant's lower levels. So he didn't waste any time calling the Temple to ask for him but started searching immediately. It didn't take him long to sense the young man's position. But what he found took his breath away for a moment. His Padawan seemed to be unconscious or sleeping and he was definitely hurt. Without another thought he ran towards the still form, crouching down beside him.
**********************
Xanatos came awake immediately when someone dropped down beside him. Instinctively reaching for his lightsabre, the first thing he saw was Obi- Wan standing a few metres away, his eyes wide, staring at him. He turned his head and looked into the concerned eyes of his Master. He almost sobbed with relief but he managed to compose himself and just took a shuddering breath.
"Master..." It came out as a whisper and the relief was evident in his voice.
Qui-Gon reached out, touching his Padawan's cheek softly. "Padawan, what happened to you?"
Xanatos wanted to tell him then, wanted to tell him everything that had happened, about Calan and his admission, about his own anger, about the darkness and the fear. But he couldn't. Not here, not now. Not when Obi-Wan was standing only a short distance away, still staring at him with frightened eyes. And so instead of begging his Master for help as he had decided to do only a few minutes ago, he lied to him.
"I'm fine, Master. I think we should call the transport now."
Xanatos didn't know whether Qui-Gon had guessed his reasons for not saying anything or whether he really believed his Padawan but the Master let it drop and took out his comlink. He spoke with the Temple only briefly, then closed the connection.
"The transport is already on its way. It won't be long until it arrives."
Having taken care of that, Qui-Gon once again knelt by his Padawan's side, examining the wound on his chest.
"It's a minor burn. Don't worry, it will heal quickly."
Xanatos nodded but his Master didn't look at him. He realised that the man was studiously avoiding looking him in the eyes. So instead the Padawan focused on the younger boy, still standing on the other side, now staring at the ground.
"Hey, Obi-Wan.You okay?"
The boy nodded and even came forward a bit but still kept his distance.
While Qui-Gon applied bacta to the burn Xanatos studied Obi-Wan. The young Padawan seemed physically all right but of course Xanatos didn't know what he looked like under the tunic. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to find out. What Calan had told him had been exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear. What would happen to Obi-Wan now? Would he get a new Master or was he too damaged to become a Jedi?
Qui-Gon had just finished tending his Padawan's wound when they heard the approaching transport. The Master helped Xanatos up and together the three went outside.
Upon boarding the ship another thought occurred to Xanatos – was he too damaged to become a Jedi?
**************************
Obi-Wan Kenobi was accustomed to following orders. He had learned to do so early on as an initiate. Maybe that was the reason why he had survived with the Jedi as long as he had. It certainly wasn't because of his skills.
When Obi-Wan had first met Xanatos, another world was revealed to him. A world where one thought freely and without being punished for it. A world where orders were a part of the outside world and didn't come from within him. Orders that made sense and weren't a product of his own guilt. Obi-Wan admired the older Padawan, not for his skills as a Jedi but for his skills as a human being. Despite this experience, it came as somewhat of a shock to him when he realised that Xanatos had disobeyed a direct order from his Master.
Master Jinn had told him to go back to the Temple. Xanatos had stayed. And something had happened. Obi-Wan didn't know what it was but it had had an impact on the Master. It had somehow crossed their bond. Obi-Wan's bond with his Master had never been a strong one, but Obi-Wan was quite sure that it took more than a bit anxiety to make the other feel it. And he also knew that if something crossed the bond, a punishment was warranted. A Padawan was never to disturb his Master with his own feelings. That was one of the first things Obi-Wan had learned from Master Calan. So how could something like this happen to Xanatos, a Padawan strong in the Force, and successful in everything he did?
The Jedi didn't speak on their way back to the Temple and upon arrival, their first destination was the Healers' wing, where Xanatos was to be checked for any other injuries. It was Master Geminga who tended to his wounds and he gave Obi-Wan a friendly smile in passing. Obi-Wan smiled back, knowing that Geminga's Padawan Bant would be out in a minute. It didn't even take a minute for her to arrive in the waiting room and after a respectful bow to Master Jinn she took Obi-Wan by the arm and pulled him into the hallway.
"Are you alright, Obi?" Her huge eyes were full of concern Obi-Wan couldn't understand.
"Of course, I am. The storm wasn't that bad down there. We just had to stay in one of the buildings."
Bant looked at him with incredulity written all over her face. "I'm talking about Master Calan."
Obi-Wan's heart wrenched in his chest. Master Calan? What about him? Did Bant know? Did she know about all the punishments he wasn't supposed to talk about? Did she know about his failing as a Padawan? About his running away? With a lump forming in his throat, he asked, "What about Master Calan?"
It was Bant's turn to be astonished. "Didn't you hear? He didn't come back. The Temple can't contact him. He's just disappeared. I heard it from my Master. They're all looking for him."
Obi-Wan swayed. His mind was in turmoil. His Master gone? What would happen now? Did that mean that he was finally free of him? But what did that mean for his future? The young Padawan wanted to sob, wanted to just sit down and weep and never get up again. He wanted to forget about the world, about his future, about responsibility. He felt like crying and he didn't even know whether it was out of joy or sorrow.
**************************
It was Mace who had told Qui-Gon about Calan. It was just one more thing to worry about. He was so tired of worrying. His mind seemed numbed by the day's events. It felt like an eternity since they had left for their mission only yesterday.
Qui-Gon had sent Xanatos to their quarters after the Healers were done with him and had taken Obi-Wan to Mace. The Council Member had promised to take care of the boy until a solution was found. Qui-Gon would think about that tomorrow. Now he had to deal with his own Padawan. That was the reason why he now stood before the door to his own quarters trying to compose himself for what lay ahead. After another deep breath he finally palmed the lock and went inside.
Xanatos was sitting on the couch of the living area, obviously deep in thought but he looked up immediately when Qui-Gon entered. The Master took off his cloak, hanging it neatly in the wardrobe and then sat down beside his Padawan. For a moment neither of them talked, Qui-Gon staring at the traffic that passed the large window on one side of the room, Xanatos staring at the vid screen that was at the moment turned off.
Then the younger man started to talk. "I followed Calan." It was said neutrally, without any emotion.
Qui-Gon turned towards Xanatos, looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but not saying anything.
"I was on the transport and something told me to stay, to follow Calan."
"The Force told you to stay?"
"I think so. I hope so."
The last statement was whispered and Qui-Gon briefly wondered about it but then turned back to more pressing matters. "You disobeyed me."
Xanatos' mouth curved into an ironic smile. "Certain orders have to be disobeyed so that others remember they might sometimes be wrong."
Qui-Gon had to smile as well as he heard his own teachings repeated. In a soft voice he continued, "What happened then, Padawan?"
The smile vanished from Xanatos' face and was again replaced by a troubled look. "I found Calan. I asked him why Obi-Wan had run away.
"Xanatos..."
"No, don't interrupt me." Xanatos turned a pleading gaze to his Master. "Please, don't interrupt me."
Qui-Gon nodded to him to continue, the silence of the room suddenly oppressive and loud to his ears.
"He taunted me and insulted us both and I got angry." Xanatos sucked in a breath. "I shouted at him to tell me and then... then he told me."
Qui-Gon's voice had a hoarse edge when he spoke again. "What did he say?"
"He told me that he had abused Obi-Wan, beaten him, told him he was worthless. He just told me, without remorse."
Qui-Gon didn't want to hear any more, but he had to. He had to know what his Padawan had done then. He had to. "And then?"
"I snapped. I threw him against a wall and screamed at him. And then he suddenly had his lightsabre. He injured me and then he was gone and I became unconscious. That's all I remember."
But it wasn't. There was more. He had drawn power from the dark side but he didn't tell his Master. He had been prepared to do it back down there. He had meant to tell him everything. But then Obi-Wan had been there and he couldn't.
Xanatos waited for his Master to lecture him on the rightness of his emotions and his actions. But instead Qui-Gon hugged him. He pulled him into his arms and comforted him as he had done when the Padawan had still been a small child. In that instant Xanatos wondered whether anyone had ever done that to Obi-Wan. The crèche Masters were not overly demonstrative with their love, after all. Qui-Gon's voice pulled him back to the present.
"We will work through this, we will work past the anger, Xani. I promise. I won't desert you."
Xanatos wanted to cry then, wanted to cry tears of relief, but he couldn't.
When Qui-Gon pulled back from him, the Master was smiling but it was a sad smile. "So, you were right, Padawan?"
Xanatos sighed. "Unfortunately." Then a thought occurred to him. "What will happen to Obi-Wan, now? Will another Master take him?"
"We will think of that tomorrow. For now, he's safe. Go to bed now, Xani. Good night."
"Good night, Master."
While he was preparing for bed, Xanatos wondered whether Obi-Wan was doing the same at the moment and how he felt. Would he be afraid with his Master still out there?
He considered briefly calling him, but after the latest episode he would probably scare the boy more than calm him.
He would think about that tomorrow. Yes, his Master was right. Or at least Xanatos hoped he was.