Fire Emblem 7, the Parody
Coffee Break One: Even destined heroes need their time off
"And cut!" Yoshimo said into the megaphone. "And print it! Alright, excellent work everyone! Now, enjoy the long weekend, and I'll see you on Tuesday! I'm off to Walla Walla Washington!" With that, the miniturized director leapt out of his director's chair, left the studio, hopped in his car, and drove off.
"...Should someone go tell him it's still Thursday?" Erk asked.
"Wah-hoo! Four day weekend!" Matthew cheered, before rushing off to get his things.
"I guess not" Lyn shrugged. "Ah well. The sooner we get to our vacation destination, the better, right Florina?"
The pegasus knight giggled, and nodded, before Eskimo kissing Lyn. "I'll go pack" she said, before leaving. Lyn was about to follow, when Sain approached.
"You and Florina going on a vacation?" the green knight asked.
Lyn sighed. Once Sain got his mind set on something, he wasn't going to let up. She blinked, before grinning widely. "Yes we are, Sain. Why don't you and Kent come with us? It'd be like a double date."
Sain beamed, and clapped his hands together. "Excellent! So, are we trying to set Kent and Florina up? I always thought he had something for her, what with how gently and warmly he treats her..."
"No..." Lyn explained.
"...Then...I'm going with Florina..." Sain folded his arms over his chest, scowling. "How can you like Kent more than me!?"
"No..."
"So...I'm not going with you..."
"Right..."
"And Kent's not going with you..."
"Right..."
"So that means Florina's going with you."
"Right."
"But since you said double date..."
"Yes..."
"Oh dear God..."
"Exactly. So, still wanna come with?"
"No! And for the record, I'm not gay!" With that, Sain stormed off.
Lyn snickered. Sain would stay off her case for a while now.
With multiple bursts of speed, Matthew was busy getting everything into the trunk of his car. Suitcases, duffel bags, beach umbrellas...
A certain, red haired woman watched. She had a blue shirt, blue skirt, a long, tattered, yellow cloak, lots of lipstick, and a single freckle under her lower lip. "Matthew, are you sure you need all that stuff for your trip to Palm Springs?" she asked.
--Snatch-- --Wrestle-- --Slam--
With a bit of resistence, Matthew succeded in getting the woman into the front seat of the car. He got in on the driver side, and slipped on some sunglasses. "Our plane leaves in an hour" Matthew smirked. "Next stop, Leila; Palm Springs!"
"Now whoever said that I wanted to go with..." Leila protested, before Matthew reached over, and shut her up with a kiss. Leila just blinked when he pulled away, before snapping her seat belt on. "Turn down the sun roof! Next stop, Palm Springs!" she cheered.
Matthew laughed, before taking off.
Erk sighed, as he folded his shirt, and put it in the suitcase. He turned to get the next one, but as he turned to put it in, he noticed the first shirt was back on the top of the dresser. He blinked, before putting the shirt in his hand into the suitcase, and reaching for that shirt. When he turned back, he found Serra grabbing the shirt in the suitcase and moving it away.
"Serra..." Erk sighed. "What are you doing?"
Serra glared at Erk, pouting. "I'm not letting you go unless I get to come too!" she huffed.
"Serra, I only have two tickets for the bus, and I'm planning on go with Priscilla, not you."
"But that's not fair!" Serra whined. "Why didn't I get a ticket?"
"Because really, I don't like you, and I do like Priscilla. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
Serra huffed again, before turning to leave. As she started to take a step out of the doorway, she turned to notice Priscilla coming to Erk's dressing room, suitcases in her arms. The red head stopped to talk to a tall man with spikey, green hair, with a white streak in it.
The pink haired cleric smirked, and bolted back into the room. Erk looked up. "Serra, what are you-"
Serra didn't let Erk finish his sentence, as she trapped him in a tight lip lock. The purple haired teen blushed, and tried to get away. Serra held fast, ramming Erk into the closet doors, and moving her hands to undo his belt.
Perfect timing on Serra's part, because at that moment, Priscilla entered, and was appaled at what she saw. Erk finally shoved Serra away. "Priscilla! I can explain!" he protected.
--Fump--
Erk's pants fell. "Ehe...she came onto me!" he defended.
"Well!" Priscilla said, obviously hurt. "If you're going to cheat with other women, have the decency to close your door first!" She huffed, and stomped away.
Erk pulled his pants up, and attemtped to do up his belt and run at the same time. "Hold on, Priscilla, wait!" he begged.
"What a shame" Serra fake pouted. "Now you'll have to go with me to avoid wasting those tickets."
"Do I have too?" Erk whined.
"So, what are you doing for the long weekend?" Eliwood asked.
Hector scratched his chin. "Not entirely sure. Maybe just cruise around the city, enjoy a movie or two, try to find a girlfriend..." Hector let out a deep sigh.
Eliwood smirked. "Still mad that two of your possible girlfriends in the game turned out to be interested in each other?"
"How would you feel if Ninian suddenly started acting lovey dovey around other girls!?" Hector snapped.
"Touchè. What about Farina? She likes you."
"She charges me 15 bucks just to TOUCH her!"
"Didn't you once say she was worth every penny?"
"Yeah, but what does she DO with it all!?"
"Pay for your apartment."
"...it sucks because you're right..."
Marcus laid back against the bed. He was wearing a red shirt with a black sweater over it, and long, blue slacks. "Ah" he breathed out. "Now that it's the long weekend, I can finally relax and get over this headac--"
"Hey! It's Dart!" Marcus could hear Fargus cheer in the next room of the hotel.
"Yay!" he could hear Geitz cheer.
"And I brought the beer!" Dart continued.
"Yay!" the other two cheered.
"And it's the long weekend!" Geitz pointed out.
"Yay!" all three cheered.
"Why of all rooms in all the hotels in the world" Marcus groaned, "did they have to take the one right next to MINE!? I'll never get rid of this headache..."
"Hee hee" Kozo snickered. "That should keep that old fart busy."
"Hey Kozo" Roland Pegasus walked up behind him.
"Hmm? Oh, Roland. What do you want?"
"I just want to say it's fun working with you. I can't wait till chapter 15 when we get to star together."
"I can" Kozo sighed.
"So, Moria and I are going away for the long weekend to a Duel Monsters Tournament. What are you doing?"
"Well, I overheard Lyn and Florina planning a vacation at a Couples Camp for Same Sex Couples. I was thinking maybe me and Acentine could tag along."
"Oh...somehow, someway, I am NOT surprised."
"Then you're smarter than you look."
"Must you always be this cynical?"
"Yes."
"Tonight, on Iron Chef, we have our reigning champion, our Iron Chef, Hitari Mitsuni!"
A plump, Asain man with thin, black hair, stepped in, as the crowd cheered.
"And we have our challenger, a famous celebretiy from the Fire Emblem series, Lowen."
The green haired knight stepped out, in a chef's uniform, red in the face, and a little shakey.
"Gentlemen, your main ingredient this evening was freashly caught in the Tokyo harbor: Crab! Very will...begin!"
"And the final score is...Lakers: 78, Celtics: 82" the sports announcer declared.
"WHAT!?" Bartre roared. He tackled the TV, as the two crashed through the window. Dorcas, sitting peacefully on the coach, just watched and listened.
--Honk-honk-- --Screech-- --Crash-- --Wee-ooWee-oo-- --BOOOM--
Bartre came flying back in. He got up, beaming. "That feels much better" he said happily.
"Bartre..." Dorcas stood up. "That's the fifth TV this week you've destroyed."
"Ya, I know, but..."
--POW--
--Honk-honk-- --Screech-- --Crash-- --Wee-ooWee-oo-- --BOOOM--
"Jaffar! Oh Jaffar!" a short, green haired girl shouted, rushing over to a man in dark clothing. She had a navy blue tunic with purple trimmings, and cute, bubbly green eyes.
Jaffar looked over at the girl. His rust coloured eyes barely visable under his gray headband, his gray cape held over one shoulder. "Nino" he muttered.
"So, Jaffar, I got our tickets for the long weekend! We're going on a special vacation to Disney World! Isn't that great!"
Jaffar just stared at her.
"I also got us this GREAT five-star hotel room, so we can live in luxery even away from home! Oh, but as I didn't have any money, I had to use your's. Is that okay?"
Jaffar kept his stare.
"Great! Oh, also, I saved money on tickets by only buying one. Pets get on free. And, well, since they know who I am, you'll have to pretend to be my pet and sit in the pet carrier. That's okay with you, right?"
Again, Jaffar said nothing.
"Great! So, we can head out tomorrow!" She reached up, and petted his head. "Eee, you're as cute as a doggy already, so it shouldn't be that hard to fool them." Nino pranced off, cheerily humming to herself.
Jaffar pulled out a stress ball, squeezing the ever loving crap out of it, eye twitching madly. "Just four mores years and she can legally give you her consent" he muttered. "Just four more years and she can legally give you her consent. Just four more years..."
"And our new Iron Chef is Lowen, for creating a spectacular meal in only half an hour!"
Lowen scratched his cheeck, which was turning visibly red. He wasn't sure where his burst of cooking speed came from, but he was thankful for it. It was as if Sir Marcus were watching over him as he cooked.
Which he was. Marcus blinked. "That boy just never ceases to amaze me..." he muttered.
He was suddenly hit with the full volume that he turned the TV up to. He screamed in pain for his ears, and held down the "Volume -" button. "I thought they'd never shut up" Marcus grinned. "Now I can relax and watch some TV."
"So, Lowen-san, what is your secret?"
"Oh that's easy. See..."
"WHOOOOO!" Geitz whooped, before being followed by a trio of laughter.
"Why...why...why..." Marcus sobbed.
Coffee Break One: Even destined heroes need their time off
"And cut!" Yoshimo said into the megaphone. "And print it! Alright, excellent work everyone! Now, enjoy the long weekend, and I'll see you on Tuesday! I'm off to Walla Walla Washington!" With that, the miniturized director leapt out of his director's chair, left the studio, hopped in his car, and drove off.
"...Should someone go tell him it's still Thursday?" Erk asked.
"Wah-hoo! Four day weekend!" Matthew cheered, before rushing off to get his things.
"I guess not" Lyn shrugged. "Ah well. The sooner we get to our vacation destination, the better, right Florina?"
The pegasus knight giggled, and nodded, before Eskimo kissing Lyn. "I'll go pack" she said, before leaving. Lyn was about to follow, when Sain approached.
"You and Florina going on a vacation?" the green knight asked.
Lyn sighed. Once Sain got his mind set on something, he wasn't going to let up. She blinked, before grinning widely. "Yes we are, Sain. Why don't you and Kent come with us? It'd be like a double date."
Sain beamed, and clapped his hands together. "Excellent! So, are we trying to set Kent and Florina up? I always thought he had something for her, what with how gently and warmly he treats her..."
"No..." Lyn explained.
"...Then...I'm going with Florina..." Sain folded his arms over his chest, scowling. "How can you like Kent more than me!?"
"No..."
"So...I'm not going with you..."
"Right..."
"And Kent's not going with you..."
"Right..."
"So that means Florina's going with you."
"Right."
"But since you said double date..."
"Yes..."
"Oh dear God..."
"Exactly. So, still wanna come with?"
"No! And for the record, I'm not gay!" With that, Sain stormed off.
Lyn snickered. Sain would stay off her case for a while now.
With multiple bursts of speed, Matthew was busy getting everything into the trunk of his car. Suitcases, duffel bags, beach umbrellas...
A certain, red haired woman watched. She had a blue shirt, blue skirt, a long, tattered, yellow cloak, lots of lipstick, and a single freckle under her lower lip. "Matthew, are you sure you need all that stuff for your trip to Palm Springs?" she asked.
--Snatch-- --Wrestle-- --Slam--
With a bit of resistence, Matthew succeded in getting the woman into the front seat of the car. He got in on the driver side, and slipped on some sunglasses. "Our plane leaves in an hour" Matthew smirked. "Next stop, Leila; Palm Springs!"
"Now whoever said that I wanted to go with..." Leila protested, before Matthew reached over, and shut her up with a kiss. Leila just blinked when he pulled away, before snapping her seat belt on. "Turn down the sun roof! Next stop, Palm Springs!" she cheered.
Matthew laughed, before taking off.
Erk sighed, as he folded his shirt, and put it in the suitcase. He turned to get the next one, but as he turned to put it in, he noticed the first shirt was back on the top of the dresser. He blinked, before putting the shirt in his hand into the suitcase, and reaching for that shirt. When he turned back, he found Serra grabbing the shirt in the suitcase and moving it away.
"Serra..." Erk sighed. "What are you doing?"
Serra glared at Erk, pouting. "I'm not letting you go unless I get to come too!" she huffed.
"Serra, I only have two tickets for the bus, and I'm planning on go with Priscilla, not you."
"But that's not fair!" Serra whined. "Why didn't I get a ticket?"
"Because really, I don't like you, and I do like Priscilla. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
Serra huffed again, before turning to leave. As she started to take a step out of the doorway, she turned to notice Priscilla coming to Erk's dressing room, suitcases in her arms. The red head stopped to talk to a tall man with spikey, green hair, with a white streak in it.
The pink haired cleric smirked, and bolted back into the room. Erk looked up. "Serra, what are you-"
Serra didn't let Erk finish his sentence, as she trapped him in a tight lip lock. The purple haired teen blushed, and tried to get away. Serra held fast, ramming Erk into the closet doors, and moving her hands to undo his belt.
Perfect timing on Serra's part, because at that moment, Priscilla entered, and was appaled at what she saw. Erk finally shoved Serra away. "Priscilla! I can explain!" he protected.
--Fump--
Erk's pants fell. "Ehe...she came onto me!" he defended.
"Well!" Priscilla said, obviously hurt. "If you're going to cheat with other women, have the decency to close your door first!" She huffed, and stomped away.
Erk pulled his pants up, and attemtped to do up his belt and run at the same time. "Hold on, Priscilla, wait!" he begged.
"What a shame" Serra fake pouted. "Now you'll have to go with me to avoid wasting those tickets."
"Do I have too?" Erk whined.
"So, what are you doing for the long weekend?" Eliwood asked.
Hector scratched his chin. "Not entirely sure. Maybe just cruise around the city, enjoy a movie or two, try to find a girlfriend..." Hector let out a deep sigh.
Eliwood smirked. "Still mad that two of your possible girlfriends in the game turned out to be interested in each other?"
"How would you feel if Ninian suddenly started acting lovey dovey around other girls!?" Hector snapped.
"Touchè. What about Farina? She likes you."
"She charges me 15 bucks just to TOUCH her!"
"Didn't you once say she was worth every penny?"
"Yeah, but what does she DO with it all!?"
"Pay for your apartment."
"...it sucks because you're right..."
Marcus laid back against the bed. He was wearing a red shirt with a black sweater over it, and long, blue slacks. "Ah" he breathed out. "Now that it's the long weekend, I can finally relax and get over this headac--"
"Hey! It's Dart!" Marcus could hear Fargus cheer in the next room of the hotel.
"Yay!" he could hear Geitz cheer.
"And I brought the beer!" Dart continued.
"Yay!" the other two cheered.
"And it's the long weekend!" Geitz pointed out.
"Yay!" all three cheered.
"Why of all rooms in all the hotels in the world" Marcus groaned, "did they have to take the one right next to MINE!? I'll never get rid of this headache..."
"Hee hee" Kozo snickered. "That should keep that old fart busy."
"Hey Kozo" Roland Pegasus walked up behind him.
"Hmm? Oh, Roland. What do you want?"
"I just want to say it's fun working with you. I can't wait till chapter 15 when we get to star together."
"I can" Kozo sighed.
"So, Moria and I are going away for the long weekend to a Duel Monsters Tournament. What are you doing?"
"Well, I overheard Lyn and Florina planning a vacation at a Couples Camp for Same Sex Couples. I was thinking maybe me and Acentine could tag along."
"Oh...somehow, someway, I am NOT surprised."
"Then you're smarter than you look."
"Must you always be this cynical?"
"Yes."
"Tonight, on Iron Chef, we have our reigning champion, our Iron Chef, Hitari Mitsuni!"
A plump, Asain man with thin, black hair, stepped in, as the crowd cheered.
"And we have our challenger, a famous celebretiy from the Fire Emblem series, Lowen."
The green haired knight stepped out, in a chef's uniform, red in the face, and a little shakey.
"Gentlemen, your main ingredient this evening was freashly caught in the Tokyo harbor: Crab! Very will...begin!"
"And the final score is...Lakers: 78, Celtics: 82" the sports announcer declared.
"WHAT!?" Bartre roared. He tackled the TV, as the two crashed through the window. Dorcas, sitting peacefully on the coach, just watched and listened.
--Honk-honk-- --Screech-- --Crash-- --Wee-ooWee-oo-- --BOOOM--
Bartre came flying back in. He got up, beaming. "That feels much better" he said happily.
"Bartre..." Dorcas stood up. "That's the fifth TV this week you've destroyed."
"Ya, I know, but..."
--POW--
--Honk-honk-- --Screech-- --Crash-- --Wee-ooWee-oo-- --BOOOM--
"Jaffar! Oh Jaffar!" a short, green haired girl shouted, rushing over to a man in dark clothing. She had a navy blue tunic with purple trimmings, and cute, bubbly green eyes.
Jaffar looked over at the girl. His rust coloured eyes barely visable under his gray headband, his gray cape held over one shoulder. "Nino" he muttered.
"So, Jaffar, I got our tickets for the long weekend! We're going on a special vacation to Disney World! Isn't that great!"
Jaffar just stared at her.
"I also got us this GREAT five-star hotel room, so we can live in luxery even away from home! Oh, but as I didn't have any money, I had to use your's. Is that okay?"
Jaffar kept his stare.
"Great! Oh, also, I saved money on tickets by only buying one. Pets get on free. And, well, since they know who I am, you'll have to pretend to be my pet and sit in the pet carrier. That's okay with you, right?"
Again, Jaffar said nothing.
"Great! So, we can head out tomorrow!" She reached up, and petted his head. "Eee, you're as cute as a doggy already, so it shouldn't be that hard to fool them." Nino pranced off, cheerily humming to herself.
Jaffar pulled out a stress ball, squeezing the ever loving crap out of it, eye twitching madly. "Just four mores years and she can legally give you her consent" he muttered. "Just four more years and she can legally give you her consent. Just four more years..."
"And our new Iron Chef is Lowen, for creating a spectacular meal in only half an hour!"
Lowen scratched his cheeck, which was turning visibly red. He wasn't sure where his burst of cooking speed came from, but he was thankful for it. It was as if Sir Marcus were watching over him as he cooked.
Which he was. Marcus blinked. "That boy just never ceases to amaze me..." he muttered.
He was suddenly hit with the full volume that he turned the TV up to. He screamed in pain for his ears, and held down the "Volume -" button. "I thought they'd never shut up" Marcus grinned. "Now I can relax and watch some TV."
"So, Lowen-san, what is your secret?"
"Oh that's easy. See..."
"WHOOOOO!" Geitz whooped, before being followed by a trio of laughter.
"Why...why...why..." Marcus sobbed.