Okay, here's the next chapter and I would really appreciate it if you left a review after you've read it, no matter what you think.
Chapter 11
He should have said
no. It wasn't his place to interfere. And it certainly wasn't his
place to promise something to Obi-Wan that he couldn't even be sure
he could keep. After all, if they had wanted him to attend the boy's
meetings with the soul healer, the Masters would have asked him. But
they hadn't even told him about them, so he obviously wasn't
needed. And why should he be needed? All he was to the boy was a
teacher and not a very important one at that. He was a Padawan,
nothing more.
But now he had promised Obi-Wan to go to the
soul healer with him tomorrow. He hadn't told his Master yet and he
hadn't told Master Windu. Whatever had he been thinking? He hadn't.
That was it. He had followed his feelings, trusted his instincts,
just as his Master always told him to. No, that wasn't true. His
Master only told him to trust his instincts, not his emotions.
Somehow the two had become blurred where Obi-Wan was concerned.
Heaving a sigh, Xanatos pushed himself up from the bed and left his
room. The matter needed to be addressed and it was no use to postpone
it further.
Qui-Gon was sitting in the common room with a
datapad in his lap, probably preparing lessons for his Padawan.
Xanatos sat down opposite him.
"I need to talk to you,
Master."
Qui-Gon looked up and smiled at him, laying the
datapad aside. "What is it?"
"Did you know that Obi-Wan
was getting counseling sessions?"
Qui-Gon's face became
serious immediately. "Yes, Mace told me yesterday."
Well,
no use beating around the bush then, Xanatos thought. "He had
his first one today and he asked me to go with him tomorrow."
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. "I had expected something like
that."
Xanatos's surprise must have shown on his face
because his Master continued, smiling softly. "You're surprised,
Padawan? I thought it was obvious that you are one of the few people
the boy trusts. Mace told me that he can hardly wait to see you every
day."
Kiail's words suddenly came back to Xanatos. He
will never let you go. Of course he had seen that Obi-Wan seemed
to like him, but he hadn't thought that it was so obvious to
everyone else. He suddenly was afraid that he would not be able to
live up to that trust.
"Don't worry, Padawan. You will do
fine. So what did you tell him?"
Yes, that was it what he
had been so afraid to tell his Master. Xanatos came back to himself,
suddenly wondering whether his Master had asked him this already more
than once. He looked him in the eyes. The smile was still there, so
obviously he hadn't.
"I promised him that I would do it.
I'm sorry, Master, I should have talked to you and Master Windu
first, but he just seemed so scared. I couldn't help it."
The
smile didn't vanish. "That's okay, Xani. I didn't really
expect you to say no."
Xanatos was dumbstruck again. "You
didn't?"
Qui-Gon laughed at the incredulity on the young
man's face. "Actually, I talked with Mace about it yesterday and
he suggested it himself."
Master Windu had suggested it
himself? Xanatos couldn't believe it. He had always been a bit
intimidated by the tall Council member. Despite the fact that due to
the close friendship between Master Windu and Qui-Gon, he had often
seen a side of him that very few did, outside of their quarters, the
man was simply too stern. Xanatos always felt like an initiate beside
him and had thought that the Master didn't put much trust in him.
But obviously he had been wrong.
Xanatos snapped out of his
thoughts when his Master started to talk again. "I suggest you go
back to your homework now. And next time you're not sure how I will
react to something you did, just ask me, and don't spend all your
time brooding over it."
Xanatos blushed. How did the man do
it? "Yes, Master." With that he returned to his room, finally
able to concentrate on his work.
Lenga Migaja had seen a lot of things in her life. Being a
soul healer meant having to deal with the Galaxy's cruelty through
the eyes of those who couldn't take it anymore. She had known Jedi
who had suffered so much that even the Force couldn't help them any
longer. She had seen the protectors of peace and justice in the
Galaxy reaching the end of their wisdom, sometimes standing on the
edge of suicide. And she had seen them go both ways from there.
Master Migaja knew better than most what it meant to be a Jedi.
Many patients had come to her office during the last 45
years. She distinctly remembered one Master Rin Calan, one of her
younger patients, tall, on the peak of his power, who had been
ordered to see her after his Padawan's death. Ordered to see her
because he didn't think it necessary.
He hadn't wanted to
talk to her. He had been introverted, but she had realised that his
sorrow bordered on desperation. Nall was the boy's name, she
remembered. She had tried to get Calan to talk about his Padawan and
he even had a bit. The therapy had continued for several months and
in the end Lenga had thought that she had had some success.
Her
final report to Master Yoda had contained that Master Calan was a
very sad man who would probably never recover completely from his
loss but who wasn't dangerous to himself or those around him and
could take up his duties as a Jedi once more. She had secretly hoped
that he would take another Padawan. When the man had chosen the
promising student Obi-Wan Kenobi, she had stopped asking about him.
It had turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
Xanatos was nervous. He had
to admit that much. It was quite irrational if he thought about it,
as it wasn't him who would be questioned by a soul healer. Or at
least he hoped so. He would merely be there with Obi-Wan, maybe
encourage the boy a bit, assuring him that it was all right to speak
badly about Calan. They hadn't met that morning, since Xanatos had
had to study. The exam in astronomy would be the next day and it
wasn't one of his strong subjects. So now he was once again on his
way to Master Windu's quarters, not quite sure what awaited him
this afternoon.
Obi-Wan was waiting for Xanatos when he got
there and he tried to appear confident for fhe younger Padawan's
sake.
"Are you ready, Obi-Wan?"
The boy nodded,
closing the door after him. They made their way to Master Migaja's
quarters in silence. She greeted them warmly and they sat down on
some armchairs and a couch. Xanatos realised that Obi-Wan never met
the Master's eyes, mostly staring at the carpet. She addressed
Obi-Wan directly, not paying attention to Xanatos and he was content
to just be an observer.
"Do you remember what we talked
about yesterday, Obi-Wan?"
The Padawan nodded.
"So,
do you have any idea why everyone asks you how you are?"
Obi-Wan
hesitated, then shook his head.
"I would like to ask you
something, Padawan Xanatos. Does your Master ask you how you are?"
Surprised by being so directly included in the therapy
session, Xanatos didn't know what to say at first. "Well, yes, of
course he does."
Master Migaja nodded, then focused on the
younger Padawan again. "Why do you think Master Jinn asks Xanatos,
Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan's gaze flicked to Xanatos for a moment.
"Because he cares about him and wants to know if everything is all
right." It was said with conviction.
"And do you think
you can answer my first question now, Padawan? Why do they ask you?"
"Maybe..." Obi-Wan seemed hesitant to say what was on his
mind. "Maybe because they want to know if I'm all right, as
well?" It was a question.
Xanatos didn't know what he
wanted to do more. Strangle Calan or hug Obi-Wan. He did none of
those things. Instead he waited.
Master Migaja nodded and
smiled at Obi-Wan. "I think you are right. Now, why do you like
Xanatos and Master Jinn?"
Obi-Wan looked at her for the
first time and Xanatos could hear that he was sure of his answer this
time. "Because Xanatos is my friend and Master Jinn loves him."
The older Padawan had to smile at this. When Obi-Wan looked
at him, Xanatos winked and even got a small smile from the boy in
return.
"And how do you know that Master Jinn loves
Xanatos?"
Obi-Wan opened his mouth, then closed it again,
obviously unsure of what to say. "Because... I don't know,
Master."
"Okay, you can think about that later. So why is
Xanatos your friend?"
That seemed to be easier. "Because
he talks to me and..." He swallowed and then continued in a very
small voice. "...and he helps me when I need him."
Xanatos
almost sighed at this, but he restrained himself. When had he become
so important to this boy? How had it happened? And the all-important
question again, did he mind?
Silence filled the room but
Obi-Wan didn't look up. He kept staring at the floor, waiting.
Master Migaja finally began to speak, moving on to less sensitive
subjects for the rest of the session and letting her
thought-provoking questions linger in Obi-Wan's mind.
Later,
on their way back to Master Windu's quarters Obi-Wan was again
silent. When they reached the door, Xanatos looked down at the boy
and asked, "Do you like Master Migaja?"
Obi-Wan shrugged.
"I guess."
Xanatos realised that he hadn't got these
monosyllabic answers for some time now. "I think she's nice."
Obi-Wan looked at him. "You think so?"
"Of
course. I think you will get along."
The boy didn't look
convinced, but Xanatos let it drop. "So, I will see you tomorrow as
well?"
"Sure. Goodbye, Xanatos."
"Have a good
evening, Obi-Wan."
When he had turned around he heard
Obi-Wan take a deep breath behind him. "Thank you for going with
me."
Xanatos looked back and smiled at the boy. "You're
welcome, Obi-Wan." Then he went home.
Master Windu had made dinner that evening. Obi-Wan had been
so surprised that he had almost forgotten to say thank you properly.
Master Calan had never prepared a meal. It was Obi-Wan's job after
all to make breakfast and they had gone to the dining hall for the
other meals.
Obi-Wan wondered whether Master Jinn ever did
something like that. He knew that Xanatos had a good relationship
with his Master and he hadn't thought much of mentioning it to
Master Migaja, but how should he have explained it. He had almost
said it. I know it because Master Jinn doesn't beat Xanatos.
Almost. But he hadn't because Master Calan had taught him that one
didn't talk about such things with strangers. But Xanatos wasn't
a stranger but his friend. He had said so and Xanatos hadn't seemed
to mind. He had to admit that he had been a bit surprised himself
that he had dared to say it. Did that mean that it was all right to
talk to him about it?
Obi-Wan was afraid. And there lay his
fault. He got beaten because he made mistakes and then he was afraid
of being beaten which was a mistake again. But Xanatos didn't get
beaten even when he made a mistake. He couldn't be sure of course,
but he thought that maybe Garen didn't either. He knew of course
why Master Calan didn't come back. It was easy. His Padawan was a
failure and Obi-Wan still wondered why nobody seemed to see it. It
was so obvious.
Master Windu knocked on the door and then
looked into the room. "I think it's time for you to go to bed,
Obi-Wan."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan put away his datapad
and crawled under the covers.
Master Windu switched off the
lights. "Good night."
"Good night, Master."
The
door closed and Obi-Wan lay alone in the darkness. Another
counselling session tomorrow. But at least Xanatos was there. Surely
he wouldn't let them hurt him too badly. He traced the scar on his
chest that he had gotten that time he had failed the politics exam.
Surely Xanatos would stop them before something like that happened
again, at least if it happened while he was there. And if Xanatos
didn't want it to happen, maybe even Master Jinn would help him.
Xanatos was playing chess
with his Master. He should never have let the man persuade him. He
had just decided that he couldn't possibly win the game, all the
time frowning at the large pile of white pieces his Master had
managed to acquire over the last half an hour when the door buzzer
rang.
"Take your time, Xani. I will answer the door,"
Qui-Gon said and, grinning, he stood up.
It turned out to be
Garen again who looked a bit less nervous this time than the last.
"Good evening, Master Jinn. Would it be possible to talk to Padawan
Xanatos, please?"
Qui-Gon smiled at the young Padawan and
let him in. "Of course. We're playing chess, but he is losing
anyway, so I'm sure he won't mind the interruption."
Xanatos
glared at his Master who was still grinning. Then he smiled at his
student. "Good evening, Garen. Come on, we will go into my room."
He sat down on his bed and motioned for Garen to do the same.
The boy did so, never losing the serious expression on his face. "I
would like to talk to you about Obi-Wan."
Xanatos nodded
for him to continue.
"Well, Bant said that you have spent
time with him and we were worried because he hasn't been to all of
his classes since that mission and he doesn't talk to us very much
anymore."
Xanatos had realised that of course. One of the
classes Obi-Wan hadn't frequented recently was his own and he had
to admit that he was a bit relieved. He had no idea how to treat the
boy in class or what to do against Bruck Chun's constant taunting
which was probably the reason why Master Windu let him skip that
class. Apart from that he had realised that Obi-Wan hardly sat with
his friends during meals anymore and when he sat with them he hardly
talked and never laughed.
Garen obviously had more on his
mind. "And then there is Master Calan. We were wondering where he
is and why he doesn't come back."
And you're not the
only one wondering about where he is. But why is another matter.
Xanatos sighed. What was he supposed to tell Garen? He could hardly
tell him the truth.
"I'm sorry, Garen. I can't help you
much, but I can assure you that Obi-Wan will be fine. You probably
know that he is staying with Master Windu at the moment and he takes
good care of Obi-Wan. Maybe you could invite him around to your place
after class some time. I'm sure he would like it."
Xanatos
didn't have the slightest idea whether Obi-Wan would like that, but
his guess was that the boy didn't like being with many people and
that that was the reason for his quiet behaviour.
Garen
nodded and stood up. "Okay, I will, Padawan Xanatos. Thank you for
your help."
The older Padawan stood up and went with Garen
to the door. "You're most welcome, Garen. You can come here
anytime you want."
When Garen had left, Xanatos suddenly
had to think of the talk he had had with Obi-Wan yesterday about
Kiail. One day the young Padawan would realise how special Garen was
as a friend.
He turned away from the door and sat down at the
chessboard again where Qui-Gon was still waiting patiently for him to
make his next move.
Qui-Gon put
the figure he had just taken from Xanatos on his pile when the buzzer
rang again. He raised an eyebrow at his Padawan and went to open the
door. It was a Master Qui-Gon knew only by sight.
She bowed
slightly and said, "Good evening, Master Jinn. My name is Lenga
Migaja. I would like to speak with your Padawan."
Qui-Gon
smiled. "He seems to be on heavy demand tonight. Please come in
Master Migaja."
Xanatos was more than a bit surprised. Why
did the soul healer want to talk to him? Qui-Gon was already on his
way to his bedroom, but Master Migaja stopped him.
"Please
stay, Master Jinn. This concerns you as well."
Qui-Gon
looked at Xanatos briefly and then sat down with both on the couch.
"As you know your Padawan attended today's counselling
session with young Obi-Wan." She looked at Qui-Gon for confirmation
and he nodded. "We have only had two session up to now but I got
the impression that Obi-Wan's main problem is that he thinks the
act ons his former Master has taken were justified. I asked him
yesterday whether he knew why Master Calan didn't come back and he
said he did but didn't want to tell me. I have a very good idea of
the reason as he perceives it."
Xanatos looked at his
Master who seemed to be at a loss as well. So he addressed Master
Migaja. "And what is the reason according to him?"
"It
is likely that he thinks it is his fault, that his Master left. What
I realised in the short time I have spent with him is that he
perceives almost everything he does as a failure. The reason I'm
here now is that I have the impression that Obi-Wan spends very
little time with other people and when he does, it is not willingly.
Except for the time he spends with you, Padawan Xanatos."
The
Padawan took a deep breath. That was the second time he had heard
this in two days and it scared him a bit. What was he becoming to
this boy?
Master Migaja continued. "Now, I think that
Master Windu takes very good care of Obi-Wan, but he doesn't have
much time. What Obi-Wan needs is a sort of family, a place where
there is interaction without him having to interact and as far as I
see it you are the only one he has any real conversation with. You're
a friend to him and he looks up to you."
Xanatos knew where
this was going and he glanced at Qui-Gon who was nodding to himself,
obviously thinking hard.
"What I am asking is that Obi-Wan
live here for some time, be a part of your household.". That
wouldn't mean that you do anything differently than you normally do
but that you continue with your duties as always and just include him
in every decision, ask his opinion and so on. Obi-Wan needs an
environment where his opinion is important but not necessary. He
needs to have a choice in taking a decision. Would that be possible?"
She looked at Qui-Gon now, waiting for him to say something.
He finally looked up, but addressed Xanatos first. "What do you
think, Padawan?"
Xanatos didn't know. He really had no
idea what he thought of the whole matter. But should he say no? That
wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to help Obi-Wan, not because it
was his obligation as a Jedi, but simply because he really liked the
boy. He nodded. "It would be okay with me."
Qui-Gon
smiled at him. "Very well, if it is okay with Mace we will do it."
Master Migaja nodded, stood up and then smiled at the two
men. "I knew that I could count on you. Padawan Xanatos, please do
not stop talking to Obi-Wan outside of counselling. It's very
important to him."
"I will do my best, Master."
"I'm
sure you will." She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment with an
expression that made him slightly uncomfortable, as if she was seeing
something in him that nobody else did and tried to decide whether it
was good or bad. Xanatos tried not to squirm under her gaze. Then she
suddenly smiled again and shook hands with both of them. "I will
talk to Master Windu and then contact you again. Good evening."
When she was gone Xanatos and Qui-Gon looked at each other
silently for some time. Then Qui-Gon spoke. "I guess, we will have
to find a place for Obi-Wan to sleep then."
"Looks like
it." Xanatos looked around in their common room. "Now, do you
want to continue that chess game?"
Qui-Gon grinned. "Of
course I do. Don't think you can get out of it that easily."
Laughing they sat down at the table again, contend to
concentrate on something as easy as a chess game for the time being
before having to deal with a matter far more complicated the next
day.
