Chapter Four

Need

Woody sucked in a deep breath as he watched Nigel get up and walk away without saying another word. I'll need to talk to him after all of this is over … before I go back to Kewuanne…try to explain to him that I'm not such a hard ass…it's just this case. Christ…Max…how did Jordan even find out? A dozen questions ran through Woody's mind all at once. The last he had heard, Max and Jordan were still estranged. And he seriously doubted the situation had changed all that much. Had Jordan's father been sick long or was it sudden? Was it an accident or natural causes? For the umpteenth time since he had taken this case, Woody inwardly cursed this assignment. Now Jordan needed him…really needed him and he might not be able to go to her.

Worse yet, she may turn to Danny McCoy or JD Pollack again for comfort. He had to stop himself from grinding his teeth.

"What was that all about, Hoyt?" Little Johnny asked, sitting down by Woody's side. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Swallowing hard to get control of his emotions, Woody didn't know anyway to answer the man except with the truth. "Do you remember the dark-haired girl that came in here a few months ago? The one that I talked to in my office?"

"The real pretty one? I haven't seen her in here since…She's a beauty. You shouldn't have let her go…at least not the way you did…in tears."

Woody looked startled for a moment. Little Johnny was watching him more closely than the detective thought. The mobster must have observed him watching Jordan…and seeing Jordan cry.

"Her father passed away last night."

"Oh, God. That's too bad."

Woody nodded, hoping Johnny wouldn't ask too many questions. Due to Max's past history with Blackie Conroy and the old Irish mob, the last thing that Johnny needed to know was the Jordan was Max Cavanaugh's daughter.

"You are going to go to her, aren't you?" Johnny asked, breaking Woody out of his reverie.

"Me? I don't know…we didn't part on such good terms…"

"She cares for you, Hoyt. And you care for her. I can see it in your eyes. Go to her. She's going to need you now…even if she won't admit it, she will. We'll cover for you here…Go. Not all your connections with your past life have to be completely broken."

Yeah, but I can't jeopardize this assignment, either, Woody thought, before slowly getting up and walking away from the table. "If you're sure it will be okay," he said over his shoulder.

"Go to her. She needs you. And what's worse, you need her to need you…"

Woody was sure that covert operations inside Afghanistan at the Pakistani border didn't require as much undercover security as his new assignment did. Trying to clear his attending Max's wake with Walcott and Freeman was nearly next to impossible.

"Look," he had finally ground out to Renee', "you know Jordan's and my past…it hasn't always been perfect, but we've been close. I need to go to the wake to be with her. Let her know that I'm supporting her."

"But how will we handle the questions that are raised? I mean, the word is out among the department where you are and what you're doing. You're not the best liked guy in the police world now, Hoyt."

Woody thought for a minute. "What if I wait until the very last…until nearly everyone has cleared out and I can see her alone….at least for a few minutes? Then I'll leave and go right back to the bar."

Renee' hesitated for a minute. She appreciated Woody's loyalty, but this assignment had already cost thousands of dollars to set up and more man hours than she cared to count. Woody was now deep inside the mob…she didn't want anything to go wrong. But still…even as hard nosed as she was, she understood the workings of the heart. "That should be okay," she finally said. "Let Jordan know that you care…then leave. And incidentally, Hoyt, you're doing a great job."

"Thanks," Woody let out a sigh of relief as he hung up the phone. Now that he had permission from both of his bosses to go see his grieving girlfriend, he walked over to this closet to make sure his best dark suit was pressed.

Girlfriend. He had just called Jordan Cavanaugh his girlfriend. He sighed to himself again . In the deep recesses of his mind, she had always been that. Even when he had tried to push her away, in his mind, he always referred to her as that.

And right now, he needed to see how she was doing. He got dressed and headed out for the funeral home.

There was a crowd…carloads of people…former Pogue patrons, former cops…friends of Max's and friends of Jordan's. Woody watched them all come and go…waiting until nearly ten o'clock to go in. There were virtually no cars in the parking lot then, and he watched as one-by-one, Garret, Lily, and Bug left. The only vehicles left in the lot then were Jordan's El Camino and Nigel's bike.

It was only then that he climbed out of his car, and flashed his badge at the funeral home workers to get them to let him in. Nigel was in the outer hallway, waiting on Jordan. "Woody?" he said.

"Nigel…thanks for letting me know." He stuck out his hand for Nigel to shake and was surprised when the Brit readily took it.

"She's in there, mate," Nigel replied softly, nodding toward a small room. "She wanted another minute alone with her dad before she went home."

"How's she doing?"

Nigel's face nearly crumpled. "Not good. Max hadn't spoken to her in months. Then all of a sudden she gets this call that a funeral home in Bismark is shipping his body to Boston…"

"Bismark? What the hell…"

Nigel shook his head. "We don't know…there's a lot of unanswered questions that right now Jordan doesn't care about knowing the answers to. She just misses her dad…and you. She needs you, Woody."

Woody nodded and headed off to the small room that Nigel had indicated. Jordan was still there…looking extremely small and fragile as Woody saw her standing by her father's coffin, looking in. Her hair was up, with little wisps falling around her neck. The black dress she had on just emphasized her vulnerability…and the dark circles under her eyes. "Jordan?" he whispered softly, so as not to surprise her.

She turned at the sound of his voice. All evening she had hoped he would come…but when nine-thirty had rolled around and still no Woody, she had given up hope that he even still cared about her a little bit. That he might find time to comfort her in her time of grief. "Woody…" she replied, "it's…it's…good of you to come." She held out her hand and he took it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been here earlier." He shut the door to the small room in order to give them privacy.

She shook her head. "I understand. It's just good to see you." She turned back to the body in the casket. Woody heard her take a deep, shaky breath. "This was just so sudden, you know?"

"I know…" He came up behind her and gently put his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest. He felt her sag against him. "Do you know what happened?"

"According to the ME is South Dakota, he had a massive heart attack. He never knew what hit him…he had no pain," her voice cracked. "So…"

Woody turned her around and hugged her against him. "I'm so sorry, Jordan."

"It's bad enough that he died…but we hadn't talked in months, Woody. I didn't know how to get in touch with him…I tried. Nigel tried…but he was better at running away than I am…" Woody felt something warm and wet on his shirt. He pulled her closer, wanting Jordan to know, somehow even unconsciously, that even though he wasn't going to be able to stay long, his thoughts were with her…and that he wanted to be, even though he couldn't.

God, I'll be glad when this assignment is over and I can tell her everything…before I fly out to Wisconsin… The quiet life of a dairy farmer was becoming more appealing everyday…knowing his life wouldn't be in danger…unless a cow got really upset with him and decided to kick…and knowing his emotions wouldn't have to deal with the mental Jordan Cavanaugh roller coaster.

But right now, that roller coaster was snuggled in his arms and it felt so good and right, he was having a hard time pulling away and leaving. The first time in her life that she really needed him to be there for her and he was going to have to turn a cold shoulder and leave before too much longer.

The wet spot was getting bigger. He reached across and grabbed a tissue off a table to the left of the casket. "Hey…" he tried to pull away long enough to wipe her face, but found her snuggling closer. Damn…damn The Old Irish Rose, Little Johnny, Renee' Walcott, Captain Freeman…damn, damn, damn… "Jordan," he finally whispered. "I need to go. I can't be away from the bar too long…I just wanted you to know that I was so sorry to hear about Max," he raised her face long enough to wipe the tears away gently with the tissue, "And you're in my thoughts…I know how you feel, baby…just remember that." He began to try to pull away from her…set her out of his arms.

Jordan nodded, looking up into the face of the man who held heart, but obviously didn't care any longer…That hurt to know…but right now, she needed him. Needed him more than at any other point in her life. And for once, she told that little voice in her head…the one that continued to shout warnings about a relationship with Woody to shut the hell up. She tightened her grip on him. "Stay with me…please, Woody? I really need you right now…please, don't leave me?"

Damn…she's asked me that for the second time… Woody swallowed hard and steeled himself against the pleading look in her honey-colored eyes. "I can't, Jo. I have to go. The bar…"

"The bar? The Rose is more important to you now than….than your friends?" Jordan was about to ask if the bar was more important than her, but she didn't want to know the answer to that question…at least not yet.

"I would stay if I could…but I can't." Walcott is having a fit as it is…

Jordan let go of him abruptly. "Fine…then go. I understand…" she turned to gaze at her father's face one more time before leaving. "I'm used to it, you know."

"Used to what?" Woody tried to put his arm around her as she walked to the door.

"The men in my life leaving…when I really need them…I guess maybe JD was right about me."

"JD?" Woody felt all the air leave his lungs. Was the Aussie here tonight? Was he going to comfort Jordan now that Woody couldn't?

"I'm too independent. I give people the impression I don't need anyone." She turned and looked Woody in the eyes then. "But you know what? I do. I need someone…I need you tonight…but I understand. I guess that ship has sailed…" She shrugged, opened the door, and left, looking around for Nigel.

Leaving Woody to stand there for a full minute, gathering his thoughts. She believes it's over…That's good. Now she'll stay the hell out of the bar and away from trouble. He raked his fingers through his hair as one final thought struck him. And that will make going back home to Kewuanne a lot easier. I may not need to talk to her when this assignment ends after all…just leave. I'm sure if I ask Renee', she'll clue Jordan in on exactly what happened.

They were turning out the lights in funeral home. With another deep sigh, Woody walked outside. Her truck was gone, as was Nigel's bike. He imagined the criminalist was going home with Jordan tonight to make sure she was okay and to keep her company.

God, he wished it could be him. He would take her back to her apartment and just hold her…

But that wasn't going to happen. Not now. Probably not ever.

The ringing of his Boston PD cell phone interrupted his thoughts. Freeman had given him a new one on this assignment…with a new number known only to Walcott, Woody, and him. It was a secure line…one that Woody didn't have to worry about the mob listening in on. "Hoyt," he said softly in the receiver.

"How'd it go?" Renee's voice filtered through the other end.

Woody stood for a minute, fighting back tears. "She's hurting."

"I know. I was there earlier."

"I wish…"

"I know that, too. But you can't. And Jordan would be the first one fighting for justice on this case. She'll understand when it's all over."

Woody took a deep breath. "I don't know. Tonight was … difficult. Just do me a favor, Renee'?"

"Keep an eye on her?"

"No…I think Nigel and Garret will do that. Just…when this is all over, explain this to her after I've left for Wisconsin."

"Why don't you do that?"

"No." Woody shook his head vehemently, even though Renee' couldn't see it. "The minute this assignment is over, my ass is going to be on a plane to Milwaukee." He flipped his phone shut and got in his car, pulling out of the parking lot into the darkness of a cold Boston night.

Completely unaware of a dark sedan that was following him.