Fire Emblem 7, The Parody
Side Chapter 2: The Plains Revisted
Yoshimo rushed over to the nomad girl, the pegasus knight, and green armoured cavalier. "Lyn! Oh thank God you're back!" he beamed with joy.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Sain hinted.
"Oh, right. Welcome back, Florina."
Sain gave a loud cough.
"And...Sain? Why'd you bring him along."
"He insisted" Lyn shrugged. "So we made him sleep in the tub."
"It was actually pretty comfortable" Sain nodded. "But even then, it's hard to sleep with these two around. Nouisest sleepers you'll ever meet."
Lyn and Florina looked at each other, blushing. "Um, Sain..." Florina started.
"We weren't sleeping..."
"...Oh. OH! ....oh, why didn't I get to see that!? It's not fair!"
"Perverted knights aside" Yoshimo interrupted, "does anyone know what happened to Eliwood?"
"Sure" Lyn nodded. "He and Ninian were taking dance classes. But Eliwood went and bumped into another couple, and that's when the chain reaction started. Long story short, the fat couple behind them fell over. Eliwood shoved Ninian out of the way, and his legs were smooshed."
"He's in the hospital as we speak" Florina continued. "He should be out in a few more days."
"We don't have time for this. The fans are getting restless!"
At this point, a short man in his mid-30s by the look of it, entered. He had a brown, hooded adventuring armor, and a long, green cape. "Everyone" Yoshimo introduced, "this is a friend of mine, Winnie Gnome. He's created a few side chapters scripts, like the Dorcas and Bartre prequiel."
Dorcas suddenly stormed in. "So you're the one!!" he bellowed. He raised his axe to strike, but the wily gnome was already behind him.
And proceded to push the big warrior down to the ground. "Don't mess with the gnome" Winnie said simply.
"Anyways, Winnie here worked out a script that I need you to act out. We start filming in a few hours. Think you can do it?"
Lyn and Florina looked at each other, and nodded. Lyn turned back to face the director. "We'll give it a shot."
The newly risen sun shone through the window, past the drapes, and into the eyes of the noble nomad. Lyn gave a soft groan, before yawning. She rolled over on the bed, and looked through sleep crusted eyes, to see Sain looking at her lovingly. "Morning, m'lady" he said gallantly.
"Mmm, morning Sain" Lyn said tiredly, before suddenly realising what was going on, and waking up. "SAIN! What the hell are you doing here! I told the guards to kill on sight--I mean keep you from entering my room! So why are you here!?"
Sain beamed. "Ha! Those guards were no match for me! Be there 5 or be there 20!"
Lyn raised an eyebrow, folding her arms over her chest, and drumming her fingers on her arm.
"They were all off polishing their armour for the departure today."
Lyn beamed. "That's right! Today's the day we head out!"
"Yeah, about that..." Sain brought up sheepishly. "Just...where are we going again?"
"Sain, we've been planning this for MONTHS!"
"Well, I was asleep at all the meetings."
"There weren't any meetings."
"That's my point exactly."
"I'm taking my grandfather to the plains." Lyn clapped her hands together, and gave a sigh. "Finally, I can show my grandfather the land of my birth. The vast fields, streaching as far as the eye can see..."
"And the women that are ripe for the picken!"
"...Right, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get changed."
"Getting changed involves you getting naked, right?"
"At one point, yes."
"If you don't mind, I'll just be staying."
"Where'd I put my sword..."
"If you don't mind, I'll just be going..."
Kent was walking down the hallway to meet with Lyndis in her chambers, when he noticed someone else hanging around outside her door. "...Sain, what the hell are you doing here?"
"Kent! Lyndis!" Sain said, gesturing towards the keyhole.
"Might I ask why your armour isn't even remotely clean?" Kent continued. "You are coming to the departure ceremoney, correct?"
"Of course!"
"Oh?"
"Lyndis and Florina are going!"
"So are Wil and I."
"So?"
"And don't forget, Lady Lyndis will be missing her anger managment courses."
"...Don't care, I'm still going."
"Alright then. Then be at the main gates at 0900 hours."
"That's days from now!"
"...That means nine o'clock."
"Works for me."
"Alright, maggots!" Cecil barked at the group. "Listen up! We leave here at noon, and head to our first stop, the inn at the Arpharet/Caelin borderline. We'll cover further instructions upon arrival. Any questions? Lyn?"
"Why are you calling us maggots?" Lyn asked, eyebrow raised.
Cecil blushed, and scratched the back of his head. "I...kinda got swept up in the moment. ahem. Any other questions? Sain?"
"May I please go to the washroom?"
"No."
"May I not not go to the washroom?"
"No!"
"May I not not ungo..."
"Could somebody hit him?"
--SMACK--
"Thank you, Lyn."
"Alright, Lyn" Cecil beamed, standing outside the gates. "Ready to go?"
"You bet. Everyone's all here" Lyn replied with a somewhat mean glint in her eyes.
"Um, Lyn...where's Sain?"
"I told him he couldn't come" Lyn informed calmly.
"Um...Lyn...if your grandfather's gone...and you're gone...and Kent's gone...that puts Sain in charge."
"...Sain!" Lyn shouted, rushing towards the castle. "Get your stupid horse! We're leaving!"
"Alright, maggots..."
"Cecil" Lyn seethed.
"Sorry...Alright, everyone, here's our first stop out of 20. We'll need to make sure we don't spend our money carelessly, unlike some people I know." Cecil gave Sain a glare.
"So I spent 2 grand in one night" Sain said, annoyed.
"Give or take about a hundread."
"Grand."
"How in hell did you spend over 100,000 in one night?"
"I...anticipated your question...and have prepared an answer that is right...behind you!" With that, Sain took off in the opposite direction.
--WHAM--
"Lyndis, did he..." Hauseen observed. "Did he just run right into a wall?"
"Yes, Grandfather, he did..."
The group had hit the road again. Lord Hauseen took this time to ask his granddaughter a question that had been bothering him for a while. "Lyndis, might I have a word with you?"
"Huh? Sure, grandpa. What is it?"
"When you get older, you'll need to marry in order to become queen. Have you given any thought to that?"
Lyn blushed, and started to scratch her cheek. "W..well, there is this one person I like, but I haven't entertained the thought of love, let alone marriage." Her eyes, if pulled by string, shifted over towards Florina, who was busy talking with Kent about her training.
Hauseen misinterperated her gaze. "Ah, Kent. Capital idea. Charming, gallant, stout heart, and a head for politics. Plus he knows how to treat his superiors. Couldn't have made a better..."
"Um, grandfather?"
"Yes, Lyndis?"
"It's not Kent."
"...Oh. Well, is it that tacticion, Weasel?"
"Grandfather, for the last time, his name is Cecil."
"Right. Measel."
"CECIL!"
"Cecil. Hmm. A bit of a rube, but he's good at heart. Strategic mind, and probably would lead Caelin into an age of prosperity."
"It's not him either."
"...It IS someone in this group, right?"
"Yes, grandfather, it is."
"Hmm...well, is it that squirrelly boy, Wil?"
"I'm not squirrelly!"
"No, it's not Wil" Lyn calmly explained.
"Oh, it better not be that dolt, Sain."
"No, oh dear God, not Sain."
"Oh. Then the only one that leaves is..."
"Yes...?"
"Me! Is that the way you savages swing up there!? That's it, I'm going home. What was your mother thinking?" Lord Hauseen trodded off.
Lyn could only sigh. "Not even halfway, and already grandfather wants to go home."
"Alright, we're at stop number 17" Cecil explained. "We'll have to double up on rooms so that we don't exhaust our coin. Lyn, you and Florina will take one room..."
Lyn gave a strained smile, a few beads of sweat, and a "sure". Florina just blushed timidly and twiddled her thumbs.
"Lord Hauseen and Wil will take the next..."
"Do I really have to share a room with squirrelly boy here?"
"I'm not squirrelly!"
"Alright, Wil and I will take the next room, and Kent and Lord Hauseen will take the third. Sound good?"
"S..sure..." Lyn said with a stutter.
"No complaints" Kent shook his head.
"What about me?" Sain complained.
"Good question" Cecil said sarcastically, not even gracing Sain with a glance.
"Don't I get a room?" Sain asked.
"Do you have any money?" Cecil asked in response, still not looking up from his supply kit.
"Well, no..."
"It's not my fault you spent it all in the first two nights."
"So I bought a few beers..."
"Sain, we found you piss drunk..."
"So..."
"Riding a camel..."
"Well..."
"On the roof..."
"You see..."
"Of a five story building."
"Cecil, are we lost?" Florina asked timidly.
Cecil grinned, blushing a tad. "Of course not! What ever gave you that idea?"
"Well, you've been looking left and right, confused, for the past few hours now" Florina pointed out innocently.
Cecil rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah..."
"Peh" Sain coughed. "Cecil's inner compas is as acurate as General Wallace's. Don't worry, hunny cakes, I, your gallant champion Sain, shall save the day."
"...hunny cakes?" Kent asked, eyebrow raised.
"Shut up, Kent. Now, as the plains are over the mountains, all we have to do is follow them until we hit an opening. So, let's go! To the mountains!" Sain rode off.
The group just stood there, staring in desbelief.
"Mountains" Sain repeated, riding in the opposite direction, towards the mountains.
"Gods, you're worse than Wallace and Cecil combined!" Kent complained.
"We're not that lost" Sain protested.
"We're in a cave!"
"Minor setback."
"Sain, has anyone ever told you that you were an idiot?" Wil asked, annoied.
"I don't see you doing any better."
"Oh yeah? Alright, everyone. Follow me."
Five minutes later
Wil waved his arm across the horizon. "See? Here we are. The plains."
"Now why didn't we take this shortcut the first time..." Cecil wondered outloud.
"Well, you never asked" Wil replied with a joking smile.
That earned him a few glares. "Well, squirrelly boy" Sain taunted.
"I'm not...oh forget it."
"If you're a master if directions, why don't you scout around to see if it's safe. These mountains are plauged with bandits, you know."
As Wil left, Kent turned to Sain. "Wow. You remembered the Talivar bandits. I'm impressed."
Sain got off of his horse. "Well, it's kinda hard to forget when they go out of their way to make themselves known." He proceded to pluck an arrow from his behind.
After a while, Wil returned, looking nervous. "Um, guys? Remember those bandits you warned me about?" he asked. "Well, they're camped just a ways ahead, and they might've seen me."
Lyn pulled out her sword. "We should be able to take care of them easily" she said with a slightly evil grin.
Florina mounted her pegasus, and pulled out her lance. "I'll act as the decoy so that you can make the first strike."
Kent shook his head. "It'd probably be best for Sain or I to act as the decoy. If something were to go array, at least we can hold our own for a while."
"I've been doing some training on the side back in Caelin..."
"I like a little something on the side" Sain said slyly, placing a hand on Florina's shoulder.
"I'm going to smack you UPside the head, if you don't get your hand off of her!" Lyn snapped.
"Hey! Bandits! Up here! I'm a distraction!"
"Hey look! A distraction! Get her!"
Kent blinked, as the bandits began to chase the pegasus knight, even though she was high in the air. "Well, that worked..."
As the team were busy wiping out the small camp of bandits, Cecil and Marquess Caelin were getting to know one another.
"So..." Cecil scratched behind his ear. "What do you think of today's music?"
"Was there ever a yesterday's music?" Hauseen asked, rolling his eyes. Which suddenly went wide, as he got to his feet. "Lyndis! A bandit is coming from behind her! She'll be killed!"
Cecil snapped his fingers. "Damn. They're too far for me to shout at, and also too far for me to reach in time. No time to lose then..." And so, Cecil crafted a working megaphone, using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone.
Needless to say, the team achieved victory. The bandits were defeated, Lyn was unharmed, Sain did some cheesy battle techniques to impress the ladies, and my wrists are getting sore. Of course, this wasn't the end of their problems.
"...You tied a squirrel to a what?" Wil asked, eyebrow raised.
"Okay, gang. I got some good news, and I got some bad news" Cecil reported grimly.
"Seriously, how'd you pull that off!?" Wil continued, befuddled.
"Good news is, we're all safe and the bandits are gone. Bad news is...bear got our stuff."
"Maybe because you tied a friggin' sqiurrel to a friggin' megaphone!"
"Ha!" Sain laughed. "I, Sain the Mighty, will give that bear what for! Stand aside!" With that, Sain marched off.
"Aaaaaahhhh!" Sain screamed, rushing back to the group and ducking behind Lyn. "The bear is after me!"
"Sain the Mighty?" Lyn asked, tauntingly.
"It takes a REAL man to run that fast!"
Lord Hauseen groaned. "Alright, I've HAD IT! Wil! Get the carriage!"
"Yes, my lord!" Wil gave a slaute, before walking off. Not even a minute passed before he returned. "Um...it's not here."
"Well, where is it!?"
"Back at the castle."
"Go get it, then!"
"But..."
"I SAID GO!"
"Okay, we got these babies ready, so here we go" Yoshimo said, wiping his brow. "Welcome to another episode of the Wheel of Randomosity!"
Up in the sound booth, Ryuu played the "You Don't Know Jack" theme song.
"Alright, we all know how this works, so let's begin. Who wants to spin the wheel?"
Minoa raised her hand, and started hopping up and down. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Yoshimo! Over here! Me! Minoa! Pick Minoa! Ooh! Yoshimo!"
Yoshimo pondered a bit. "Mmm, Sain, you want to do this?"
"No!" Sain snapped, turning his back to the chibi-fied director.
"Over here in the back!"
"Kent?"
The red knight shook his head. "No" he said calmly, but with a bit of malice in his tounge.
"The girl with her arms raised and getting sore!"
"Lyn?"
The nomad girl folded her arms behind her back, and traced circles on the ground with her toes. "Not exactly..."
"Then...I suppose Minoa."
"Yaaaaay!" Minoa squealed, bounding towards the wheels. She spun them both in quick succession.
"Wheel of Randomosity, whirl whirl whirl. Give us a pairing, and don't make us hurl" Yoshimo sang.
Both wheels started to slow down. The first landed on Wil, and the next on...
"You know, for Wheels of Randomosity, it's not all that random..." Yoshimo muttered to himself.
Rath.
"Not agaaaaaaain!" Wil screamed, latching onto one of the support beams. Chibi-Zell proceded to attempt praying Wil off with a crowbar.
"Come on, Sain and Kent had to do it, countless others will have to do it, it's your own bad luck that you were selected" Chibi-Zell explained calmly.
Minoa blinked. "What did you mean by Not very random?"
"Wil and Rath is another one of those over done pairings that make no sense what so ever. Like Kent and Sain. Or Guy and Matthew. Or Lui...no, wait, there is evidence to support that case" Yoshimo explained.
Minoa beamed. "Yay!" she pulled out a piece of cardboard, and drew a chibi-fied Wil and Rath kissing.
Yoshimo groaned. "Am I the only one here who supports straight pairings on a majority?"
"Unless Winnie were here right now...I'd have to say yes."
Chibi-Zell had succesfully pried Wil off, and was currently dragging him towards the stage. "I got the unwilling sucker" he reported.
"Now where's the other sucker?" Yoshimo asked, looking around.
"Oh, he's off in Detroit. He's still on long weekend" Sain explained.
"Then...I guess we'll just have to have end the Wheel right now. Wil, you're free to go."
Wil cheered, as Chibi-Zell released the back of his shirt. "I'm free! My lips are Rath-less!"
"Just be warned, Wil" Chibi-Zell said lowly and ominousily. "Soon, Rath will return. And then, when you least expect it...SMOOCH!"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Wil screamed, running the other way, arms flailing.
Chibi-Zell fell over backwards, laughing hysterically.
"Right, so, until next time, I'm Yoshimo..."
"Hee hee--I'm---ha ha ha--Chibi-Zell...bwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"And I'm dissapointed that Rath wasn't here today..." Minoa pouted.
Side Chapter 2: The Plains Revisted
Yoshimo rushed over to the nomad girl, the pegasus knight, and green armoured cavalier. "Lyn! Oh thank God you're back!" he beamed with joy.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Sain hinted.
"Oh, right. Welcome back, Florina."
Sain gave a loud cough.
"And...Sain? Why'd you bring him along."
"He insisted" Lyn shrugged. "So we made him sleep in the tub."
"It was actually pretty comfortable" Sain nodded. "But even then, it's hard to sleep with these two around. Nouisest sleepers you'll ever meet."
Lyn and Florina looked at each other, blushing. "Um, Sain..." Florina started.
"We weren't sleeping..."
"...Oh. OH! ....oh, why didn't I get to see that!? It's not fair!"
"Perverted knights aside" Yoshimo interrupted, "does anyone know what happened to Eliwood?"
"Sure" Lyn nodded. "He and Ninian were taking dance classes. But Eliwood went and bumped into another couple, and that's when the chain reaction started. Long story short, the fat couple behind them fell over. Eliwood shoved Ninian out of the way, and his legs were smooshed."
"He's in the hospital as we speak" Florina continued. "He should be out in a few more days."
"We don't have time for this. The fans are getting restless!"
At this point, a short man in his mid-30s by the look of it, entered. He had a brown, hooded adventuring armor, and a long, green cape. "Everyone" Yoshimo introduced, "this is a friend of mine, Winnie Gnome. He's created a few side chapters scripts, like the Dorcas and Bartre prequiel."
Dorcas suddenly stormed in. "So you're the one!!" he bellowed. He raised his axe to strike, but the wily gnome was already behind him.
And proceded to push the big warrior down to the ground. "Don't mess with the gnome" Winnie said simply.
"Anyways, Winnie here worked out a script that I need you to act out. We start filming in a few hours. Think you can do it?"
Lyn and Florina looked at each other, and nodded. Lyn turned back to face the director. "We'll give it a shot."
The newly risen sun shone through the window, past the drapes, and into the eyes of the noble nomad. Lyn gave a soft groan, before yawning. She rolled over on the bed, and looked through sleep crusted eyes, to see Sain looking at her lovingly. "Morning, m'lady" he said gallantly.
"Mmm, morning Sain" Lyn said tiredly, before suddenly realising what was going on, and waking up. "SAIN! What the hell are you doing here! I told the guards to kill on sight--I mean keep you from entering my room! So why are you here!?"
Sain beamed. "Ha! Those guards were no match for me! Be there 5 or be there 20!"
Lyn raised an eyebrow, folding her arms over her chest, and drumming her fingers on her arm.
"They were all off polishing their armour for the departure today."
Lyn beamed. "That's right! Today's the day we head out!"
"Yeah, about that..." Sain brought up sheepishly. "Just...where are we going again?"
"Sain, we've been planning this for MONTHS!"
"Well, I was asleep at all the meetings."
"There weren't any meetings."
"That's my point exactly."
"I'm taking my grandfather to the plains." Lyn clapped her hands together, and gave a sigh. "Finally, I can show my grandfather the land of my birth. The vast fields, streaching as far as the eye can see..."
"And the women that are ripe for the picken!"
"...Right, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get changed."
"Getting changed involves you getting naked, right?"
"At one point, yes."
"If you don't mind, I'll just be staying."
"Where'd I put my sword..."
"If you don't mind, I'll just be going..."
Kent was walking down the hallway to meet with Lyndis in her chambers, when he noticed someone else hanging around outside her door. "...Sain, what the hell are you doing here?"
"Kent! Lyndis!" Sain said, gesturing towards the keyhole.
"Might I ask why your armour isn't even remotely clean?" Kent continued. "You are coming to the departure ceremoney, correct?"
"Of course!"
"Oh?"
"Lyndis and Florina are going!"
"So are Wil and I."
"So?"
"And don't forget, Lady Lyndis will be missing her anger managment courses."
"...Don't care, I'm still going."
"Alright then. Then be at the main gates at 0900 hours."
"That's days from now!"
"...That means nine o'clock."
"Works for me."
"Alright, maggots!" Cecil barked at the group. "Listen up! We leave here at noon, and head to our first stop, the inn at the Arpharet/Caelin borderline. We'll cover further instructions upon arrival. Any questions? Lyn?"
"Why are you calling us maggots?" Lyn asked, eyebrow raised.
Cecil blushed, and scratched the back of his head. "I...kinda got swept up in the moment. ahem. Any other questions? Sain?"
"May I please go to the washroom?"
"No."
"May I not not go to the washroom?"
"No!"
"May I not not ungo..."
"Could somebody hit him?"
--SMACK--
"Thank you, Lyn."
"Alright, Lyn" Cecil beamed, standing outside the gates. "Ready to go?"
"You bet. Everyone's all here" Lyn replied with a somewhat mean glint in her eyes.
"Um, Lyn...where's Sain?"
"I told him he couldn't come" Lyn informed calmly.
"Um...Lyn...if your grandfather's gone...and you're gone...and Kent's gone...that puts Sain in charge."
"...Sain!" Lyn shouted, rushing towards the castle. "Get your stupid horse! We're leaving!"
"Alright, maggots..."
"Cecil" Lyn seethed.
"Sorry...Alright, everyone, here's our first stop out of 20. We'll need to make sure we don't spend our money carelessly, unlike some people I know." Cecil gave Sain a glare.
"So I spent 2 grand in one night" Sain said, annoyed.
"Give or take about a hundread."
"Grand."
"How in hell did you spend over 100,000 in one night?"
"I...anticipated your question...and have prepared an answer that is right...behind you!" With that, Sain took off in the opposite direction.
--WHAM--
"Lyndis, did he..." Hauseen observed. "Did he just run right into a wall?"
"Yes, Grandfather, he did..."
The group had hit the road again. Lord Hauseen took this time to ask his granddaughter a question that had been bothering him for a while. "Lyndis, might I have a word with you?"
"Huh? Sure, grandpa. What is it?"
"When you get older, you'll need to marry in order to become queen. Have you given any thought to that?"
Lyn blushed, and started to scratch her cheek. "W..well, there is this one person I like, but I haven't entertained the thought of love, let alone marriage." Her eyes, if pulled by string, shifted over towards Florina, who was busy talking with Kent about her training.
Hauseen misinterperated her gaze. "Ah, Kent. Capital idea. Charming, gallant, stout heart, and a head for politics. Plus he knows how to treat his superiors. Couldn't have made a better..."
"Um, grandfather?"
"Yes, Lyndis?"
"It's not Kent."
"...Oh. Well, is it that tacticion, Weasel?"
"Grandfather, for the last time, his name is Cecil."
"Right. Measel."
"CECIL!"
"Cecil. Hmm. A bit of a rube, but he's good at heart. Strategic mind, and probably would lead Caelin into an age of prosperity."
"It's not him either."
"...It IS someone in this group, right?"
"Yes, grandfather, it is."
"Hmm...well, is it that squirrelly boy, Wil?"
"I'm not squirrelly!"
"No, it's not Wil" Lyn calmly explained.
"Oh, it better not be that dolt, Sain."
"No, oh dear God, not Sain."
"Oh. Then the only one that leaves is..."
"Yes...?"
"Me! Is that the way you savages swing up there!? That's it, I'm going home. What was your mother thinking?" Lord Hauseen trodded off.
Lyn could only sigh. "Not even halfway, and already grandfather wants to go home."
"Alright, we're at stop number 17" Cecil explained. "We'll have to double up on rooms so that we don't exhaust our coin. Lyn, you and Florina will take one room..."
Lyn gave a strained smile, a few beads of sweat, and a "sure". Florina just blushed timidly and twiddled her thumbs.
"Lord Hauseen and Wil will take the next..."
"Do I really have to share a room with squirrelly boy here?"
"I'm not squirrelly!"
"Alright, Wil and I will take the next room, and Kent and Lord Hauseen will take the third. Sound good?"
"S..sure..." Lyn said with a stutter.
"No complaints" Kent shook his head.
"What about me?" Sain complained.
"Good question" Cecil said sarcastically, not even gracing Sain with a glance.
"Don't I get a room?" Sain asked.
"Do you have any money?" Cecil asked in response, still not looking up from his supply kit.
"Well, no..."
"It's not my fault you spent it all in the first two nights."
"So I bought a few beers..."
"Sain, we found you piss drunk..."
"So..."
"Riding a camel..."
"Well..."
"On the roof..."
"You see..."
"Of a five story building."
"Cecil, are we lost?" Florina asked timidly.
Cecil grinned, blushing a tad. "Of course not! What ever gave you that idea?"
"Well, you've been looking left and right, confused, for the past few hours now" Florina pointed out innocently.
Cecil rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah..."
"Peh" Sain coughed. "Cecil's inner compas is as acurate as General Wallace's. Don't worry, hunny cakes, I, your gallant champion Sain, shall save the day."
"...hunny cakes?" Kent asked, eyebrow raised.
"Shut up, Kent. Now, as the plains are over the mountains, all we have to do is follow them until we hit an opening. So, let's go! To the mountains!" Sain rode off.
The group just stood there, staring in desbelief.
"Mountains" Sain repeated, riding in the opposite direction, towards the mountains.
"Gods, you're worse than Wallace and Cecil combined!" Kent complained.
"We're not that lost" Sain protested.
"We're in a cave!"
"Minor setback."
"Sain, has anyone ever told you that you were an idiot?" Wil asked, annoied.
"I don't see you doing any better."
"Oh yeah? Alright, everyone. Follow me."
Five minutes later
Wil waved his arm across the horizon. "See? Here we are. The plains."
"Now why didn't we take this shortcut the first time..." Cecil wondered outloud.
"Well, you never asked" Wil replied with a joking smile.
That earned him a few glares. "Well, squirrelly boy" Sain taunted.
"I'm not...oh forget it."
"If you're a master if directions, why don't you scout around to see if it's safe. These mountains are plauged with bandits, you know."
As Wil left, Kent turned to Sain. "Wow. You remembered the Talivar bandits. I'm impressed."
Sain got off of his horse. "Well, it's kinda hard to forget when they go out of their way to make themselves known." He proceded to pluck an arrow from his behind.
After a while, Wil returned, looking nervous. "Um, guys? Remember those bandits you warned me about?" he asked. "Well, they're camped just a ways ahead, and they might've seen me."
Lyn pulled out her sword. "We should be able to take care of them easily" she said with a slightly evil grin.
Florina mounted her pegasus, and pulled out her lance. "I'll act as the decoy so that you can make the first strike."
Kent shook his head. "It'd probably be best for Sain or I to act as the decoy. If something were to go array, at least we can hold our own for a while."
"I've been doing some training on the side back in Caelin..."
"I like a little something on the side" Sain said slyly, placing a hand on Florina's shoulder.
"I'm going to smack you UPside the head, if you don't get your hand off of her!" Lyn snapped.
"Hey! Bandits! Up here! I'm a distraction!"
"Hey look! A distraction! Get her!"
Kent blinked, as the bandits began to chase the pegasus knight, even though she was high in the air. "Well, that worked..."
As the team were busy wiping out the small camp of bandits, Cecil and Marquess Caelin were getting to know one another.
"So..." Cecil scratched behind his ear. "What do you think of today's music?"
"Was there ever a yesterday's music?" Hauseen asked, rolling his eyes. Which suddenly went wide, as he got to his feet. "Lyndis! A bandit is coming from behind her! She'll be killed!"
Cecil snapped his fingers. "Damn. They're too far for me to shout at, and also too far for me to reach in time. No time to lose then..." And so, Cecil crafted a working megaphone, using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone.
Needless to say, the team achieved victory. The bandits were defeated, Lyn was unharmed, Sain did some cheesy battle techniques to impress the ladies, and my wrists are getting sore. Of course, this wasn't the end of their problems.
"...You tied a squirrel to a what?" Wil asked, eyebrow raised.
"Okay, gang. I got some good news, and I got some bad news" Cecil reported grimly.
"Seriously, how'd you pull that off!?" Wil continued, befuddled.
"Good news is, we're all safe and the bandits are gone. Bad news is...bear got our stuff."
"Maybe because you tied a friggin' sqiurrel to a friggin' megaphone!"
"Ha!" Sain laughed. "I, Sain the Mighty, will give that bear what for! Stand aside!" With that, Sain marched off.
"Aaaaaahhhh!" Sain screamed, rushing back to the group and ducking behind Lyn. "The bear is after me!"
"Sain the Mighty?" Lyn asked, tauntingly.
"It takes a REAL man to run that fast!"
Lord Hauseen groaned. "Alright, I've HAD IT! Wil! Get the carriage!"
"Yes, my lord!" Wil gave a slaute, before walking off. Not even a minute passed before he returned. "Um...it's not here."
"Well, where is it!?"
"Back at the castle."
"Go get it, then!"
"But..."
"I SAID GO!"
"Okay, we got these babies ready, so here we go" Yoshimo said, wiping his brow. "Welcome to another episode of the Wheel of Randomosity!"
Up in the sound booth, Ryuu played the "You Don't Know Jack" theme song.
"Alright, we all know how this works, so let's begin. Who wants to spin the wheel?"
Minoa raised her hand, and started hopping up and down. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Yoshimo! Over here! Me! Minoa! Pick Minoa! Ooh! Yoshimo!"
Yoshimo pondered a bit. "Mmm, Sain, you want to do this?"
"No!" Sain snapped, turning his back to the chibi-fied director.
"Over here in the back!"
"Kent?"
The red knight shook his head. "No" he said calmly, but with a bit of malice in his tounge.
"The girl with her arms raised and getting sore!"
"Lyn?"
The nomad girl folded her arms behind her back, and traced circles on the ground with her toes. "Not exactly..."
"Then...I suppose Minoa."
"Yaaaaay!" Minoa squealed, bounding towards the wheels. She spun them both in quick succession.
"Wheel of Randomosity, whirl whirl whirl. Give us a pairing, and don't make us hurl" Yoshimo sang.
Both wheels started to slow down. The first landed on Wil, and the next on...
"You know, for Wheels of Randomosity, it's not all that random..." Yoshimo muttered to himself.
Rath.
"Not agaaaaaaain!" Wil screamed, latching onto one of the support beams. Chibi-Zell proceded to attempt praying Wil off with a crowbar.
"Come on, Sain and Kent had to do it, countless others will have to do it, it's your own bad luck that you were selected" Chibi-Zell explained calmly.
Minoa blinked. "What did you mean by Not very random?"
"Wil and Rath is another one of those over done pairings that make no sense what so ever. Like Kent and Sain. Or Guy and Matthew. Or Lui...no, wait, there is evidence to support that case" Yoshimo explained.
Minoa beamed. "Yay!" she pulled out a piece of cardboard, and drew a chibi-fied Wil and Rath kissing.
Yoshimo groaned. "Am I the only one here who supports straight pairings on a majority?"
"Unless Winnie were here right now...I'd have to say yes."
Chibi-Zell had succesfully pried Wil off, and was currently dragging him towards the stage. "I got the unwilling sucker" he reported.
"Now where's the other sucker?" Yoshimo asked, looking around.
"Oh, he's off in Detroit. He's still on long weekend" Sain explained.
"Then...I guess we'll just have to have end the Wheel right now. Wil, you're free to go."
Wil cheered, as Chibi-Zell released the back of his shirt. "I'm free! My lips are Rath-less!"
"Just be warned, Wil" Chibi-Zell said lowly and ominousily. "Soon, Rath will return. And then, when you least expect it...SMOOCH!"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Wil screamed, running the other way, arms flailing.
Chibi-Zell fell over backwards, laughing hysterically.
"Right, so, until next time, I'm Yoshimo..."
"Hee hee--I'm---ha ha ha--Chibi-Zell...bwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"And I'm dissapointed that Rath wasn't here today..." Minoa pouted.