First of all, many, many thanks for your wonderful reviews. They are the reason why I keep writing and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to tell me what you think of my story. I'm really sorry that it took so long for me to update, but I moved to France and it took some time to settle here, so I was without internet access for almost three months. I will update more frequently now, I promise.
Dani Thanks a lot for the wonderful words. It encourages me immensely to know that someone likes it so much.
John 'Tenchi' Fimont Well, you never know. But I promise that I will keep the story up, hopefully more regularly now. Thank you for the kind words.
Just a last plea: Please review!
Chapter 12
Sleeping arrangements turned out to be harder to decide on than Qui-Gon and Xanatos had originally thought. They didn't have a spare room which left them with the choice of either putting Obi-Wan into Xanatos' room or on the sofa in the common room. They decided to let him sleep in the Padawan's room and got another bed from the quartermaster the next day.
The counselling sessions wouldn't take place for a few days in order to give Obi-Wan the chance to get used to everything and settle down. Master Windu brought the young apprentice to their quarters in the afternoon after lessons. When Xanatos opened the door, Obi-Wan stood beside the tall Master, a bag slung over his shoulder and staring resolutely at the floor. The older Padawan bowed to Master Windu respectfully and smiled at the boy.
"Hello, Obi-Wan. We've been waiting for you."
Obi-Wan looked up at him with a surprised expression, then smiled back timidly. "Hello, Xanatos."
They stepped into the common room and Qui-Gon sat down with his friend, while Xanatos took Obi-Wan to his room. Once inside, the boy looked around, hugging himself and taking in every detail, from the books on the desk to the photo of Xanatos' real family on his bedside table.
Xanatos motioned to the bed that stood on the opposite wall of his. "You sleep here. You can do whatever you like here, read or, well, whatever." The Padawan realised that there really wasn't much to do in his room. He had never had a real hobby, but instead spent most of his time doing whatever came his way. Qui-Gon had often tried to awaken his interest in various things, but always found that it didn't capture Xanatos's attention for very long.
Obi-Wan didn't seem to mind the lack of entertainment, but instead looked out of the window at the speeders zooming past. Xanatos sat down on his bed and watched him for a while before initiating a conversation.
"So, what do you do in your free time"
Obi-Wan looked at him, obviously a bit flustered. "I..." He blushed and looked down again. "My Master gives me lessons and I practise...things."
Xanatos decided not to ask what he meant by things. "But what do you do for pleasure? What did you do in the crèche outside of lessons"
The young Padawan didn't look up as he answered. "I had model spaceships. I built them with Garen."
"Really? That sounds great! What ships did you have"
Obi-Wan's head shot up at the question and all shyness seemed to fall away. He sat down beside Xanatos on the bed, looking at him with gleaming eyes. "All kinds of passenger ships. I had a Nubian. And once, Garen and I built a Corellianfreighter all by ourselves." He grinned with an excitement one only saw frequently in children and only very rarely in adults.
Xanatos grinned back. "That's really impressive. Those are very complex. Will you show me"
The exuberance left as quickly as it had come and Obi-Wan swallowed, eyes downcast again. "I don't have them anymore. I'm too old for toys."
Xanatos chided himself for asking such a question. He should have expected this. "Obi-Wan" he said in a quiet voice"one is never too old for the things one likes. If you like model spaceships then you can build them until you're as old as Master Yoda."
That seemed to cheer Obi-Wan up a bit and he smiled. "I don't think I will ever be that old."
Xanatos laughed. "Probably not. But if you were, you could still build spaceships. Did you know that Master Yoda collects holovid figures" The younger Padawan looked at him with an expression that said he clearly hadn't known. Xanatos grinned and continued"Do you really want to be the one to tell him that he's too old for such a childish hobby" He raised an eyebrow at the smaller boy and Obi-Wan giggled. Xanatos became aware that it was the first time he had ever heard Obi-Wan giggle, a sound every child should make at least several times a day. He laughed along with the apprentice. "See, I thought so. But, hey, don't tell anyone about thator he will whack me with his gimmer stick. And then I'lltell him that it was all your fault."
Obi-Wan laughed aloud now and Xanatos thought that he could get quite used to the sound.
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The evening went by smoothly, even though Obi-Wan hardly spoke a word. They ate in their quarters, preparing the food together and including the young Padawan in every activity. Xanatos realised that while Obi-Wan seemed quite comfortable and even relaxed in his company, he was always unbearably tense when Qui-Gon was in the room. Then he would go back to his monosyllabic answers and a politeness that made him sound like a grown-up. They watched a holovid together with Xanatos sitting, or rather lounging on the couch between his Master and Obi-Wan. Afterwards they went to bed. The older Padawan lay awake staring out of the window. They hadn't pulled the blinds, both being more comfortable with seeing the lights outside.
Xanatos could hear from Obi-Wan's breathing that the boy wasn't asleep, but he ignored it. He didn't particularly like the evenings. It was okay as long as he had company and there was some noise surrounding him, but when everything in the quarters became silent and all the lights inside went out, his brain would start to work overtime. Then the unpleasant thoughts came, the ones that seemed so trivial in the day and so all-encompassing at night. The memories of failed missions or even successful ones, but only solved with many victims along the way, the big mistakes that had been committed, the self-doubts and finally the thoughts of what was yet to come.
Xanatos at last managed to fall asleep by forcing himself to think of something else and through his efforts he didn't realise that the other occupant of the room was still breathing unevenly.
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Obi-Wan's culture lessons Xanatos taught were last in the morning the next day. The older Padawan's own classes took place in the afternoon. He had gotten used to it, only that today he was to take Obi-Wan with him for the first time after the failed mission. Master Migaja had advised them to start the apprentice's normal schedule again totry building up a routine for him to follow.
They arrived at the class room together and Obi-Wan took his place between Garen and Reeft while Xanatos went to the front desk.
"Good morning, Padawans. Our topic today is the planet of Thebor. Please open the appropriatefile on your datapads."
The students did as told and soon Xanatos forgot everything outside of his lesson and the topic. He loved to teach. It always gave him a sense of accomplishment, as if he had done something very important for these children.
At the end of the lesson, he was just closing all the files when a voice rose above the rumble of everyone leaving.
"Why can't you just leave him alone? You just can't take that he's better at classes than you are"
Xanatos looked up. It was Reeft who had spoken, his hands on Obi-Wan's desk, an angry look on his face, Garen standing beside him. Bruck and Aalto stood across the table from them with Obi-Wan caught between them, his eyes downcast. The senior Padawan felt anger rise in him and he stood up to walk over to the boys.
"Can someone please tell me what is going on"
"Bruck insulted Obi-Wan" Garen was no less angry than his friend and Reeft jumped in immediately.
"He called Obi a baby because he hasn't been to classes lately."
Xanatos's gaze narrowed in on Bruck. "I will speak to Bruck alone. Go back to your quarters." They left without a word and Xanatos didn't see whether they looked at him. His stare didn't waver. "May I ask what your problem is, Padawan Chun? Because I'd be very interested to know why you feel the need to take out your anger on Obi-Wan."
Bruck stayed silent, but his look was challenging. For a moment Xanatos knew what the best course of action would be. Take the boy to his Master and sort it out, but then the anger came back to him, like the night with Calan. How dare this boy hurt Obi-Wan, a boy who had already been hurt so much in his young life? How dare he gain his own self-confidence by bullying Obi-Wan? The darkness closed in on him, leaving him no room to hide or breathe or think. He felt the anger taking control and even while he grappled for it he knew that there was nothing he could do. The anger would win like it always did.
He grabbed Bruck by his tunic and hauled him to the front of the room, knowing that it was not the right thing to do, but not able to control the rage that made him do it.
"What is your problem, Bruck" The words were once again hissed out through clenched teeth. Bruck didn't answer. Xanatos shook him roughly a few times. "I asked you a question" he shouted.
The young Padawan flinched, but defiance shone in his eyes. "I just told the truth. He's a baby. He's clumsy and an idiot. He doesn't deserve to be a Jedi."
"And you do? Tell me, Chun, what did you do to deserve it" Xanatos was furious. The anger had filled him completely and he didn't even try to stop it anymore. He wanted this. He didn't want to reprimand or punish wrong behaviour. He wanted to hurt the boy before him for hurting one who meant so much to him.
Bruck kept silent and Xanatos was about to shake him again, when suddenly the door hissed open. The young man whirled around and faced Kiail. For a moment they just stood there and stared at each other. Then Xanatos let go of the boy and pushed him away, training his gaze once more on him.
"You can go. I will talk to your Master about this, Padawan."
Without another glance the older Padawan left with Kiail staring after him with shock written all over his face.
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Obi-Wan knew that he should be glad someone finally reprimanded Bruck for all his taunting, but somehow the whole thing felt like trouble. Master Jinn was in his quarters when the Padawan returned and Obi-Wan wasn't too thrilled about that. Sure, Master Jinn had always been nice to him, but Xanatos was his security, his guarantee that nothing would be done to him. The Master sat at the table, typing on a datapad, but looked up when Obi-Wan entered and smiled at him.
"Hello, Obi-Wan. Where's Xani"
"He's still talking to a boy from my class."
Master Jinn hesitated for a moment, his eyes narrowing, but then shook his head as if to clear it, stood up and took his cloak from the wall. "I'm sure he will join us in the dining hall when he's done. Are you hungry"
Obi-Wan hesitated. He was hungry and at least when they were in the dining hall, he was safe. "Yes, Master."
"Good. Then let us go."
They went out of the quarters and while they were walking down the long corridors Master Jinn addressed the Padawan again. "Did you have a good day at classes"
Obi-Wan flinched a bit and chastised himself immediately for not staying calm. But Master Calan had never talked to him like this and it was hard getting used toquestions that obviously weren't meant to test him in any way. "Yes, Master."
Obi-Wan looked up briefly to see whether Master Jinn wanted to hear anything else and obviously he did. Searching for the right answer, the apprentice continued"I learned a lot and...and will do my homework for them immediately after lunch." He squinted up again, noting the confused look on the Master's face, but not understanding it. Not knowing what else to say, he bowed his head and remained silent for the rest of the way.
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Qui-Gon had felt the disturbance in the bond he shared with his Padawan shortly before Obi-Wan entered their quarters. For a brief moment intense feelings had flooded their link, but it was too short to identify them. When Obi-Wan had told him that Xanatos would be home later, he had started to become suspicious. But suspicious of what? What did he expect his Padawan to have done? Not coming to a conclusion he had tried to forget about it. It was probably nothing.
Now he sat in the dining hall between Mace and Aurian Linko and watched Obi-Wan talking to his friends. Or rather not talking, but just listening. His mind wandered to the answer he had gotten on their way here. He had waited for the boy to tell him what he had learned, what had been the topic of the lessons, but instead the Padawan had assured him that he had done well. Xanatos always told him about his day, what he had done and what he had learned and experienced. Obi-Wan obviously didn't know that Qui-Gon had wanted to hear about those things. He wondered once again at the factnobody had ever realised what that monster Calan had been doing for almost a year.
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Xanatos almost ran through the corridors of the Temple. It had been there again. The darkness he had felt on the last mission. It had filled him, surrounded him until all he could see was the face of Bruck Chun and all he could feel was the hatred towards the boy. He reached one of the smaller meditation gardens and stormed inside. It was empty and he thanked the Force for it as he settled down behind some trees, out of sight of the door. There was no water here and it disturbed him. Water was soothing and calm and he needed every calm influence he could get at the moment.
He stared at the foliage surrounding him, his breathing ragged and his face and hands sweaty. What have I done? It was the same feeling as down in the lower levels where he had confronted Calan and yet it was different this time. The darkness wasn't gone. It seemed to linger as if waiting for him to reach out to it again. But he didn't. Instead he sat under the tree, desperately searching for the light he knew the plants and animals around him exuded through the Living Force. It came to him with some effort and he grappled for it, trying to sink into it. What had he done?
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Xanatos didn't join them for lunch. Obi-Wan went to 'sabre class with Garen and Reeft and temporarily forgot about him as he tried to concentrate on the kata and on not making a complete fool of himself. It went better today. He didn't have any injuries that would hinder his movements, but he was still behind all of his classmates, a fact that Bruck didn't overlook. He positioned himself near Obi-Wan and every time Master Linko was in another corner of the salle, he would whisper insults. Obi-Wan tried to ignore them, but they disturbed his concentration greatly and Master Linko had to reprimand him again and again.
After the lesson he went back to Master Jinn's quarters. Surely Xanatos would be there by now. But when he arrived, he saw immediately from the look on the Master's face that the older Padawan wasn't back.
After a pause the man asked"Did you see Xanatos on your way"
Obi-Wan shook his head and looked around, not sure what to do now. Suddenly Master Jinn stood up and walked towards him raising his hand. The Padawan's breath quickened. He closed his eyes and waited for the blow. The hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed.
"I will go out to look for him, Obi-Wan. Please do your homework. When you're done, you have the evening to yourself."
The door hissed shut behind him and Obi-Wan stood in the centre of the room, completely bewildered. He had been sure that Master Jinn would hit him. After all, it was obvious that Xanatos was in trouble because of him. But he hadn't. It took him several minutes before he had calmed down enough. Then he went to fetch his datapad, sat down on his bed and started doing homework. But as much as he tried, he couldn't shake the thought that he had once again committed a very big mistake.