Jade Queen of the Damed: Glad you like it. There definitely won't be such a pairing in this one. The relationship Xanatos and Obi-Wan are developing is more like that of brothers.

Desperado: Thanks a lot. It's great to know that someone likes it so much. In answer to your question I can only say it took me too long. I've been writing this for more than a year now and I hope to finish it soon. But I'm a slow writer. As for the stars between paragraphs, for some inexplicable reason the editor here doesn't take them anymore, but I've found something else to seperate them. Thanks again for the review!

Laura of Maychoria: I'm glad you like my characterisations, because it's always my main worry in my stories, that they somehow won't be believable. That's why I always show that they all make mistakes, so no one comes across as too shallow.
I've decided that repressing emotion is probably a Jedi-trait. If you look at TPM and AOTC you see that duty always comes first and emotion always last. It seems to be their way of making it through all the horrors of their missions unscathed. I hope that through the fact that Xanatos doesn't think so, I manage to convey that he's different. And those who are different always encounter more difficulties in their lives.
The reason why nobody just tells Obi-Wan that Calan was wrong is partly explained in this chapter, so I don't want to tell everything beforehand. As far as I know the problem with most people who have psychological problems is that they don't really believe others when they present them with a solution. It has to come from the inside, so that they don't have to rely on the trust in someone else, but on their own ability to figure it out.
Thank you very, very much for you kind words.

I want to say a very big thank you to all of you for taking the time to give me such detailed reviews. It's those things that always make my day. When I check my e-mails and there's a review in there and then I see that someone really took the time to write about certain paragraphs, it just makes me happy. :)

All reviews are welcome of course, criticism as well, as far as it is kept constructive. Flames will be redirected to burn the owner.

Chapter 13

Qui-Gon found Xanatos in one of the small meditation rooms. His Padawan sat against a tree staring off into space. Qui-Gon sensed that the young man wasn't meditating and so he approached slowly and sat down beside him. Xanatos said nothing to acknowledge his Master's presence and Qui-Gon just waited, though he wasn't sure whether it was because he wanted to give his Padawan space or whether he just didn't know what to do. He knew sooner or later Xanatos would start talking. But the minutes crawled by and still nothing was said.

Finally Qui-Gon couldn't take it anymore. "Don't you want to tell me what happened?"

Silence followed his question and Qui-Gon started to wonder whether Xanatos had heard him at all. "Xani?"

The Padawan suddenly seemed to snap out of a trance, looking at Qui-Gon briefly before averting his eyes. "It's nothing." He stood up, smoothing his trousers out without making eye contact with his Master. But Qui-Gon wasn't so easily fooled.

"Xanatos, talk to me. Something clearly happened and I would like to know what it was so I can help you."

For a moment Xanatos seemed to hesitate, then he shook his head and held out a hand to help his Master up. "It's nothing. I just got a bit upset, because of something one of my students said, but I'm okay now." He regarded Qui-Gon, his hand still outstretched.

The older man finally took it and pulled himself up, but didn't let go once standing, instead holding on to his apprentice's hand to keep him from leaving the garden. "Who was it?"

Xanatos sighed. "It was Bruck Chun. But I'm okay."

"Was it about Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, it was. Come on, I'm hungry. Let's go home." After a moment's hesitation, he added, "I'm sorry I worried you, but I assure you, everything's alright."

Qui-Gon looked at him with narrowed eyes, but then relaxed and threw an arm around Xanatos' shoulder. "If you say so.Let's get you something to eat, Padawan."

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Xanatos lay awake long into the night after dinner, which had been awkward after the whole episode in the garden. He wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't told Qui-Gon about the darkness. Maybe his Master would help, but then how could he? Xanatos was sure that Qui-Gon had never felt anything like this, had never lost control, least of all in such a situation. Why had Bruck Chun's words gotten to him so? He should just have given an essay as punishment, but as soon as he had heard the boy's words, his brain had stopped working properly, as if something deep within him that had been there all along had suddenly taken control.

Xanatos had never entirely agreed with the general Jedi view that all negative emotion was to be suppressed. He firmly believed in what he had once told Obi-Wan. If you didn't feel the negative emotions, how could you be sure to know when you were happy? These negative emotions had ruled him today and something in him had rejoiced at the opportunity.

But he hadn't been able to talk about it with Qui-Gon. There were simply things that were better kept secret.

Obi-Wan had feigned sleep when Xanatos had gone to his room. He didn't say anything. Obi-Wan probably knew more about those secrets than anyone else in the Temple and if he wished to be left alone, then Xanatos would be the last to force anything on him. So he had just gone to bed and waited for sleep to come. But it proved to be elusive and he was considering getting up again to read a bit. It would certainly be better than just lying there, letting his thoughts come to him without any way of stopping them. He turned on his bedside lamp, took out a datapad and began to read the novel he had abandoned some weeks before.

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He overslept the next day and was therefore spared any more conversation with either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan. The younger Padawan had already left when Xanatos rushed out of the apartment and for once he was thankful for that. A quick 'see you later' to his Master and he had managed to get past without any incident.

Arriving at class a few minutes late, he sat down quietly and reviewed his schedule for the day. Math and Galactic Trade in the morning and no classes at all in the afternoon. Normally he would have looked forward to having some free time, but today was Obi-Wan's session with Master Migaja and he had promised to accompany him again. Xanatos was dead-tired, having been able to fall asleep only in the early hours of the morning and was not sure how he was going to get through the session. Something about the soul-healer always had him slightly on edge. She was entirely too observant for his liking.

"Padawan Crion, pay attention, please. This is important material."

Xanatos's head snapped up and he mumbled a quick apology, before forming his face into the expression every student was so familiar with: feigned interest in whatever the Master was saying.

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Master Migaja welcomed them to her office with her usual warmth, indicating they should take a seat on the couch beside each other while she sat down in an armchair. The setting was familiar; however, the words that she spoke to start the session were not.

"How are you feeling, Xanatos?"

The young man was taken completely by surprise. All the sessions so far had started with this question, but usually it was directed at Obi-Wan, while Xanatos merely observed. He struggled for a moment with a response, before looking down. "I'm fine, Master." In the same moment, he realised that this was exactly the reaction Obi-Wan had shown every time he was addressed and he looked up again, blushing slightly at the lapse.

But Master Migaja only regarded him calmly, her eyes seeming to once again bore into him, stripping him of all his shields. His heart was pounding, but he refused to look away. After a few seconds that seemed like several minutes to Xanatos, she sighed in resignation and looked away,focusing on Obi-Wan instead who had watched the whole exchange with wide eyes and now looked down once again.

"And how are you, Obi-Wan?"

"I'm fine, Master."

Xanatos smiled and the tension evaporated. But Master Migaja didn't pay him any attention, now totally focused on Obi-Wan again. "Do you like living with Master Jinn and Xanatos?"

It should have been an easy question and Xanatos had been sure that Obi-Wan liked living with them, but the boy hesitated, suddenly agitated, looking briefly at the older Padawan and then at Master Migaja. The Master leaned forward slightly. "Obi-Wan, you can say anything you want here. Nobody is here to punish you, we just want to know how you feel."

"I like living with them." The answer was rushed and Obi-Wan looked down briefly, then hurriedly added, "But I liked living with Master Windu as well." He looked at the other two, obviously hoping they would approve of his answer.

Xanatos thought that Master Migaja would in some way reassure the boy, but she said nothing for a while. Then she asked, "Do you think that Master Windu would be angry if you liked living with Master Jinn better?"

It did nothing to calm Obi-Wan and the young Padawan looked desperately at Xanatos, biting his lip while begging him with his eyes to help him. But before Xanatos could say anything, the soul healer spoke again. "Did you have the impression that Master Windu likes you?"

Obi-Wan hesitated, then said in a small voice, "Yes, I think so."

"So, if he likes you, do you think he would be angry if you liked living with Master Jinn better?"

Obi-Wan remained quiet. Then suddenly his face took on the expression of deep concentration, as if he was thinking very hard, trying to figure out something that had up to now been incomprehensible to him.

Master Migaja said nothing, letting Obi-Wan have all the time he needed and Xanatos suddenly realised why she had not reassured him. Obi-Wan had heard too many lies in his young life and he needed to be reassured from within, understanding why there was no fault with his behaviour and feelings. So he kept silent as well, waiting for Obi-Wan to say something.

It seemed to take the young Padawan some time to figure out the answer to the healer's first question and then some more to work up the courage to say what was on his mind.

"I don't think he would mind, Master."

Master Migaja smiled at him proudly and Xanatos realised that today was the first time Obi-Wan had ever uttered an opinion which wasn't a question.

When Master Migaja let them leave half an hour later, Xanatos took Obi-Wan to the gardens for a swim. He hadn't felt so happy in a long time and he wanted the younger Padawan to feel this happiness, wanted to show him what one could feel while also accepting sadness and anger. He knew without a doubt that the healer's session today had been a tremendous success and for the first time he was absolutely certain that Obi-Wan would one day have a normal life again. As they swam and kidded under the artificial sun in the gardens, Xanatos felt more powerful than ever and the darkness of the day before seemed to belong not only to another life, but to another person.

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Qui-Gon had waited for Xanatos to come home. He had asked Mace to take Obi-Wan to the training rooms for some sparring to give Qui-Gon the opportunity to have time with his Padawan alone. He had finally decided to talk to his student about the events of the last evening.

His plan was overthrown once again when the two apprentices came back, hair still damp from a swim in the gardens and with wide smiles on their faces. It took Qui-Gon some time to return his Padawan's greeting in his flustered state. He couldn't remember when he had last seen the young man so light-hearted. Sure, they laughed together often and Xanatos wasn't a particularly sad person, but he often showed a serious side that didn't allow for this kind of complete happiness that Qui-Gon was now sensing from him.

While Xanatos was hanging up his cloak, Obi-Wan stood a bit uncertainly at the door. Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Did you have a good afternoon, Obi-Wan?"

The young Padawan looked up at him and smiled back. It literally took Qui-Gon's breath away. He had seen the boy smile before of course, but it had always been a nervous smile, not at all relaxed. This was one of happiness. "Yes, it was great, Master Jinn."

Xanatos beamed at his Master and Qui-Gon forgot all about talking seriously with his Padawan. This definitely seemed to be a day of celebration.

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Classes the next day went by smoothly, both for Obi-Wan and Xanatos. Both Padawans were sitting in the common room doing homework when the buzzer of the door sounded. Qui-Gon looked up from his datapad, motioned for Xanatos to remain seated and went to answer. For the third time in a short period, he came face-to-facewith Obi-Wan's young friend, Garen. He smiled down at the boy.

"Hello, Garen. What can I do for you?"

Garen seemed more nervous again this time than the last. "Good afternoon, Master Jinn. I was wondering if Obi-Wan might come over. My Master said it was okay."

"Of coursehe may, if he would like to." He stepped aside to let the young Padawan pass, who suddenly looked more nervous with the prospect of seeing his friend than talking to the Master.

"Hi, Obi."

Obi-Wan smiled back warmly. "Hi, Garen. I'm doing homework." He looked up at Qui-Gon though as he said it and the Master realised that he was quietly asking for permission to go.

Qui-Gon certainly wasn't going to pass up on an opportunity to let Obi-Wan spend some free time. "Go on, Obi-Wan. You can do it when you come back. Supper is at seven hundred."

Obi-Wan nodded, while he scrambled to put away his things. "Thank you, Master Jinn." Then they were out the door.

Qui-Gon looked at his own Padawan and raised an eyebrow. "It seems like your protégé is making progress, Padawan."

Xanatos nodded thoughtfully and it was much later that he realised what Qui-Gon had called Obi-Wan.

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"Three main thrusters."

"Four."

Obi-Wan grinned widely when Garen grudgingly gave him yet another card. His spaceships were proving unbeatable and he was rapidly winning the third game in a row. He couldn't believe how good it felt to spend time with his best friend. They had played a board game first and now cards, they had talked about classes, girls who were unbearable at the moment and insisted on giggling at the strangest of times and about the newest Nubian transporter.

Obi-Wan looked at his next card, a Correlian fighter, trying to figure out which were its most important features. "Two Corellian repeat blasters, power 4000."

"Oh, forget it." Garen groaned, throwing his last card at Obi-Wan and sinking backwards onto the bed. "How can anyone be so lucky?"

"It's not luck." Obi-Wan argued. "It's all strategic thinking." But he couldn't keep the wide grin off his face as he said it.

Garen gave him a disbelieving look. "Yeah, sure. There's also something called too much self-confidence."

Obi-Wan only grinned wider.

In that moment there was a knock at the door and Master Rhara poked her head in. "I think it's time for you to go home, Obi-Wan. Master Jinn will be waiting for you." She smiled warmly at him and he smiled back.

On his way back to Master Jinn's quarters, he suddenly realised that he hadn't thought of Master Calan in two days.

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Xanatos lay in bed, on the verge of falling asleep, when suddenly Obi-Wan started to speak in the relative darkness of the room.

"Xanatos?"

"Yes?"

"When you make a mistake, what does your Master do?"

The older Padawan stopped breathing for a moment. He knew what Obi-Wan meant to ask, knew how important this was and was suddenly overwhelmed with the fear that he could mess it up by saying the wrong thing. Okay, just be honest, state the facts, nothing else. That's what Master Migaja always does.

"He gives me extra studies or meditation."

A short silence. "And when you make a really big mistake? When you do something very wrong?"

Xanatos thought back to the last time he had really mucked up. "I once had to help out in the healer's wing for a cycle."

Another pause and Xanatos heard the younger boy take in a deep breath. "What did you do?"

He didn't really want to think about it. "I sneaked out of the Temple against my Master's order and went to a bar with my friends."

The breath was released slowly. "Thanks."

Xanatos waited for a moment, wondering whether Obi-Wan would say more, but after some time his breathing evened out and he seemed to have gone to sleep. Xanatos stared at the ceiling, suddenly wide-awake.