Fire Emblem 7, The Parody
Chapter 12: Birds of a Feather
After speaking to the village magistrate, Eliwood and Co. set their sights on Laus. The road from Pherae to Laus cuts through Santaruz. Eliwood suspects that his missing father may have passed through here en route to Ostia.
In reality, he actually skipped Santaruz entirely and straight towards Laus, but our heroes don't need to know that.
"Don't need to know what now?" Bartre asked.
Damnit, Bartre! Get out of the narrator's room!
"I go where I like. I'm not on for another five minutes, at least."
Out, out, out, out, out!
"Geez, I'm going..."
That's more like it. Now, ahem. Our heroes plan to schedule a meeting with the ruling lord of Santaruz to learn all they can. As if that's going to help them any. Ha.
"Why must you be so cynical?"
DAMN IT, BARTRE!
We find ourselves at Castle Santaruz, where a meeting is present between the ruling marquess, Helman, and a mysterious man, cloaked in all purple, his eyes shining out from under his hood.
"What?" Helman asked. "Eliwood is here?"
"Yes" the cloaked man sneered. "He has set up camp on a hill south of here. He seeks permission to enter Santaruz, and have a meeting with you."
"Well, let him come, let him come! I haven't seen that boy in ages! And his father's a good man, and he always listens to my stories instead of totally ignoring me. Like the time in '92, when I was...."
The cloaked man was busy staring out the window.
"Are you even paying attention?"
"Well I...guess that answers my question...What if he comes to ask about his father? What should I tell him?"
"Tell him you know nothing, and send him on his way. It's a believable tale."
"How so?"
"You didn't even cule in that that was an insult. He'll obviously buy it."
"But...Eliwood's been like a second son to me. I can't look him in the eye and lie to him."
"Well then, we'll just have to chase him away. Don't have to speak with him, don't have to lie to him."
"Are you suggesting we harm Eliwood and his party!?"
"Not harm. Frighten. One smack or two and he'll run on home. Even you can't deny that he's a pansy boy."
"But still..."
The cloaked man was back to staring at the window.
"...Why does no one EVER listen to me?"
Marcus, Eliwood and Kozo gathered to meet for a quick planning process. "If we go into Laus with this meager force" Kozo pointed out, "and we have to do battle, we'll be slaughtered. We should meet with the Marquess Santaruz, with any luck he'll be willing to help."
"An excellent idea, sir Kozo" Marcus grinned. "I see your company will be most helpful."
"You suspected any different, you ancient skeleton?" he glared at Marcus, as Lowen was approaching the group to hear what they were up to.
"Now hold on, that was uncalled for, shrimp!" Marcus commanded, like the paladin he was. "We may be under your command, but that's no reason for you to degrade us!"
"This is a land of free speech, you decrepit old..." Kozo began.
"How dare you insult sir Marcus!" Lowen trotted up next to Marcus (Okay, so it was his horse who trotted next to Marcus, not Lowen, because that would be just silly, because Lowen can't trot, and... I'll shut up).
"Who asked your opinion anyway, you green-haired eyeless trainee?" Kozo glared.
"Oh, now you're asking for it" Lowen raised his sword.
Eliwood gulped, then finally spoke up to change the subject. "Marquess Santaruz has been like a second father to me. I'm sure he'd leap at the chance to help us."
"I was hoping you'd say something like that, pansy-boy" Kozo diverted his attention from Marcus and Lowen, ducking under Lowen's off-center swing, throwing the knight off balance. He fell off of his horse and onto the ground.
Suddenly, there was a shuffling of feet. Marcus's ears perked. "Everyone, on your guard. Someone approaches."
Eliwood held onto his Rapier. Lowen got up, and held up his sword. Kozo sighed, and brushed some of his hair back. A finely dressed, plump man approached them. He shifted his weight onto his cane, and he placed the back of his hand on his forehead melodramatically. "Alms!" he said in a depressed manner. "Alms for the poor!"
The four just stared.
"Damnit, Zagan, you suck at costumes!" shouted a wiry swordsman from the bushes.
"Oh yeah, Kyle? Let's see you do better!"
The swordsman turned his back to them all, before facing them again, scraggily and pale. "Alms..." he wheezed. "Alms for the poor..."
"You know, that's got to be one of the most pathetic thing I've ever seen" Kozo informed them, shaking his head.
"Ah crap" the well dressed man sighed, before ripping off his disguise, revealing your classic highwayman's outfit. "Alright, we'll just do it the old fashioned way. Someone wants the boy dead, and we're going to do it!"
"Which boy?" Kozo pointed to Eliwood. "Me or pansy-boy here?"
"...I don't know."
"So what are you going to do?" Eliwood asked.
"...Kill you both, I suppose" the bandit laughed.
"Oh, for God's sakes..." Kozo shook his head.
Zagan retreated a few yards. "Alright boys! Come out and earn your keep!"
Swarming all over the place were axemen, swordsmen, and bowmen. Eliwood, Marcus and Kozo scanned the area.
"Ah crap" Eliwood muttered.
"This might be a challenge" Marcus said under his breath.
"...Is that all?" Kozo asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"What are your orders, sir?" Marcus asked, as he mounted his horse.
"Just stand your ground" Kozo informed. "In a few minutes, we'll be getting some back up to help even the odds. And then we can start wading through these two bit morons."
"...Are you sure?" Marcus asked. "If we wait any longer..."
"I was right last time, wasn't I? I'm the tactician here, and if you don't like my ideas, you can always leave, you..." Kozo began, shaking his finger menacingly at Marcus.
Eliwood quickly interrupted. "Alright, everyone! Come on out and let's rumble!"
Rebecca, Dorcas and Bartre approached, and got ready for combat. Lowen remounted his horse, and readied himself next to Marcus. The enemy came closer. "Erm...when exactly did you say the help would arrive?" Marcus asked.
"Just wait for it" Kozo said slyly.
The enemy horde was almost upon them. "Kozo, I'd like some exacts" Eliwood whimpered. "When are they coming?"
"Soon"
The enemy readied their weapons. "Kozo!" Eliwood demanded.
"Right about...now."
On the opposite end of the battle field, a small group of four characters entered. Three we know, one we don't. These three were Hector, Matthew, and Serra. The fourth was a man with ruffled, brown hair, and armor like Marcus's. Only bulkier.
"Looks like some commotion over there..." Hector muttered. He turned, and noticed a red armored spear man. "Excuse me, soldier, but why are you just standing there?"
"It is none of your concern, lordling" the soldier said simply. "You hold no power here in Santaruz."
"Well, that's a little different" Hector pointed out. "See, that guy they are attacking is my friend."
"That still doesn't change anything. I've been ordered to stand still, and that's what I'm doing."
"So..if I were to take an axe to you, you wouldn't do anything to stop me?"
"Erm...I don't think so..."
--THUNK--
"Gack...." the solider fell over.
Serra put on a disgusted face. "Eww! I hate violence!"
"Says the girl who beat the crap out of five bandits on the way here" Matthew rolled his eyes.
"Well, I hate bloody violence."
"And you cracked open one of their skulls."
"But I didn't like it."
"And laughed."
"Shut up."
The knight shook his head. "I cannot condone to resorting to violence so quickly" he said sternly.
"You can chastate me later, Oswin" Hector said sharply. "Right now, we've got to save Eliwood."
"Save Eliwood, eh?" Oswin smirked. "Sounds like an excuse for more, obsessive violence."
"Come off it, Oswin" Hector glared.
"Alright, alright. I won't stop you from trying to save your boyfriend" Oswin laughed.
"..." Hector raised his axe. "Oswin, I told you, we were both drunk that time..."
Matthew and Serra stared.
"...we beat up those bandits and saved you" Hector quickly finished. "He is not my boyfriend! Got it?"
"I'm kidding. I'm a kidder" Oswin quickly put up his hands defensively.
"Matthew, take Serra and get her to safety" Hector commanded.
"Me!? Why not Oswin!? He can stand her!"
"I SAID, Matthew, take Serra and get her to safety!"
"Yes m'lord..." With that, Matthew and Serra took off.
"Alright, Oswin, let's go!" Hector laughed, charging into the battle.
"I'm coming as fast as I can, sir!" Oswin shouted from behind, trying to catch up in his oversized armor.
"Okay, everyone, counter attack!" Kozo shouted.
An axeman that had leapt at Dorcas was met with a whirling dervish of Dorcas's whirlwind attack, and sent flying away. Two axemen that were clinging onto Bartre were thrown aside as Bartre flexed. Those that still held on were shaken off with a few flaps of Bartre's arms.
Marcus started swinging his sword left and right, as the enemy fell easily. Lowen drove his lance through several heads, and Rebecca was busy in a shoot out with several archers.
Leaving Eliwood with a trio of swordsmen and the big bad boss man, Zagan. Two of the three decided to gang up at once on our young hero, but Eliwood nimbly dodged the attacks. He then drove his Rapier through their necks, and turned to face the third one, who made a retreat.
Which didn't go so well because Oswin was there, spear ready. And put to good use, taking care of the swordsman.
Eliwood raised his rapier, and and dashed towards Zagan. The bandit raised his axe to counter attack, but was too slow, as Eliwood's blade stabbed through his gut.
At the same time, Hector leapt at Zagan, who had his back turned, and drove his axe down onto his head.
"...Which way should I be bending?" Zagan asked, as the two forces drove him both ways.
"Forward..." Hector ordered.
"Backwards" Eliwood ordered.
"...Backwards."
"Forwards."
"...Just stand up straight!" both ordered.
"Got it." Zagan got into position, before falling over with a thud.
Eliwood shook the blood off his rapier, before turning to notice his savior. He sheathed his sword, and approached the man, hand held forward. "Hector! Great to see you again!"
Hector grinned, and grabbed Eliwood's hand in a bone shattering shake. "Likewise, old buddy old pal of mine!"
Eliwood whimpered, making Hector let go. Eliwood craddled his broken hand bones, as he explained the situation. "See, we're on our way to Santaruz to speak with the Marquess, so we can get an escort to Laus, so we can ask about what happened to my father."
"Is that all?" Hector laughed. "Then perhaps me and Oswin..."
"Oswin and I" the knight corrected.
Hector rolled his eyes. "Then perhaps Oswin and I can provide assistance. We've also got two other companions, so maybe they too can provide assistance."
As if on cue, Matthew and Serra rushed in. Serra first, then Matthew, panting. Serra pouted. "Oh...we missed it all!" she whined.
"I'm sorry, lord Hector..." Matthew panted. "I couldn't restrain her any longer..."
"So I can see..." Hector muttered, before coughing. "Eliwood, meet Matthew and Serra."
"Your companions, I take it?"
"Yes. One might have hoped for better, but..."
"What!?" Serra yelped. "Lord Hector, what a terrible thing to say!" She turned to face Matthew. "Did you hear what he just said about you!?"
"Me!? He was talking about you!" Matthew responded.
Hector ran a hand down his face. "The loud mouthed one is, surprisingly, a cleric."
Serra turned to face Eliwood, and curtsied. "How do you do?"
"And Matthew is a specialist in many trades that involve espionage and sneaking around."
Matthew gave a deep, dramatic bow. "Your highness."
"It's good to see you too" Eliwood smiled. "Anyway, it'd be great if you could all come. Our party numbers only a small amount, so any form of help counts."
Kozo approached, to observe the new troops himself, when his eyes fell upon Matthew. "...It's you..." he hissed.
"You!" Matthew responded, going for his sword. "What are you doing here!?"
"I'm pansy-boy's tactician..." Kozo explained. "Now, I have a score to settle with you." Kozo pointed his finger at Matthew, like it was a gun, dark energy circling around the finger. Matthew gulped a bit, as Kozo gave him another look. Then the shaman sighed, and lowered his hand. "Ah...I couldn't harm a hair on that cute little head of yours."
Matthew blinked. "Um...thanks...I think..."
"You do realize he just flirted with you" Oswin pointed out.
Matthew blinked. "...Huh? Oh...Oh. Oh! OH! ...Oh, give me a moment..." he stumbled off behind the bushes, clutching his stomach.
"What's with him?" Hector asked.
"The guy doesn't know how to take a compliment" Kozo huffed. "You go and call a guy cute, and the next thing you know, they turn yellow and run like a little..."
Eliwood, Hector...heck, everybody stared at Kozo, before taking a few steps away.
"...WHAT!?"
"I never would have guessed..." Eliwood blinked.
"Me neither" Marcus added in. "With a tongue like the one he's got, you'd swear he'd never give a damn about men. He's like a rotten stable hand."
Kozo advanced. "Oh really, you failed excuse for a third rate paladin?"
"What did you call me?" Marcus growled.
"I said you're a no-good, worthless, ancient, scraggly, ugly, (censored) third rate paladin!" Kozo hissed. "And your skeleton of a horse isn't much to look at, either"
"Huh, the little boy urchin's got a tongue as sharp as mine" Hector laughed, before he saw Kozo approaching, a twisted glint in the younger man's eye.
"Wait, what are you doing?" Hector backed up a bit as Kozo approached even more. "No. Keep away from me!"
Kozo, apparently, could move much faster than Hector could, because of his lack of armor. Quickly, he was right in front of Hector.
"...If you try anything..." Hector growled.
Kozo moved his head forward just a bit. Hector backed up nervously.
Then Kozo slammed his forehead down upon Hector's with surprising strength, knocking the man back a foot or two.
"Never call me that" Kozo hissed, before turning around and walking away from the group. "Now don't we have a marquess to see?"
"...Right!" Eliwood quickly followed in step, while Matthew finally returned and helped Hector stand up straight again.
He's a strange one... Rebecca thought.
I seriously didn't expect that. Eliwood, maybe, but not Kozo... Marcus thought.
What is with him? Why was everybody so freaked out? I do not get it Bartre thought.
I can't believe he thinks I'm cute... Matthew thought. This has got to be one of the worst, most twisted...
I wonder what he's got against urchins. Sea urchins, maybe. Mmm...sea urchins...seafood...What's for dinner? Hector thought.
If only this group was as easy on the eyes as Matthew... Kozo thought, and he let out a strangled sigh. Damnit, if he's gonna be the only cute guy in this group of ugly runts, I'm so out of here.
"It's that time again!" Yoshimo beamed.
"Wait, you don't mean..." Chibi-Zell asked.
"That's right! It's time we now turn to the Wheel of Morality!" Yoshimo gripped the wheel, and gave it a spin. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn."
The wheel came to a stop. "Moral Number 5. And the moral of today's story is....George is not a pet name, it is a way of life."
"How profound..." Bartre muttered.
"Truely a saying for the ages" Chibi-Zell rolled his eyes.
"Right, so, until next time" Yoshimo addressed, "remember that a bitch in time, saves nine." Yoshimo blinked, before staring at the cue card. "I'm sorry. A sitch in time, saves nine."
Chapter 12: Birds of a Feather
After speaking to the village magistrate, Eliwood and Co. set their sights on Laus. The road from Pherae to Laus cuts through Santaruz. Eliwood suspects that his missing father may have passed through here en route to Ostia.
In reality, he actually skipped Santaruz entirely and straight towards Laus, but our heroes don't need to know that.
"Don't need to know what now?" Bartre asked.
Damnit, Bartre! Get out of the narrator's room!
"I go where I like. I'm not on for another five minutes, at least."
Out, out, out, out, out!
"Geez, I'm going..."
That's more like it. Now, ahem. Our heroes plan to schedule a meeting with the ruling lord of Santaruz to learn all they can. As if that's going to help them any. Ha.
"Why must you be so cynical?"
DAMN IT, BARTRE!
We find ourselves at Castle Santaruz, where a meeting is present between the ruling marquess, Helman, and a mysterious man, cloaked in all purple, his eyes shining out from under his hood.
"What?" Helman asked. "Eliwood is here?"
"Yes" the cloaked man sneered. "He has set up camp on a hill south of here. He seeks permission to enter Santaruz, and have a meeting with you."
"Well, let him come, let him come! I haven't seen that boy in ages! And his father's a good man, and he always listens to my stories instead of totally ignoring me. Like the time in '92, when I was...."
The cloaked man was busy staring out the window.
"Are you even paying attention?"
"Well I...guess that answers my question...What if he comes to ask about his father? What should I tell him?"
"Tell him you know nothing, and send him on his way. It's a believable tale."
"How so?"
"You didn't even cule in that that was an insult. He'll obviously buy it."
"But...Eliwood's been like a second son to me. I can't look him in the eye and lie to him."
"Well then, we'll just have to chase him away. Don't have to speak with him, don't have to lie to him."
"Are you suggesting we harm Eliwood and his party!?"
"Not harm. Frighten. One smack or two and he'll run on home. Even you can't deny that he's a pansy boy."
"But still..."
The cloaked man was back to staring at the window.
"...Why does no one EVER listen to me?"
Marcus, Eliwood and Kozo gathered to meet for a quick planning process. "If we go into Laus with this meager force" Kozo pointed out, "and we have to do battle, we'll be slaughtered. We should meet with the Marquess Santaruz, with any luck he'll be willing to help."
"An excellent idea, sir Kozo" Marcus grinned. "I see your company will be most helpful."
"You suspected any different, you ancient skeleton?" he glared at Marcus, as Lowen was approaching the group to hear what they were up to.
"Now hold on, that was uncalled for, shrimp!" Marcus commanded, like the paladin he was. "We may be under your command, but that's no reason for you to degrade us!"
"This is a land of free speech, you decrepit old..." Kozo began.
"How dare you insult sir Marcus!" Lowen trotted up next to Marcus (Okay, so it was his horse who trotted next to Marcus, not Lowen, because that would be just silly, because Lowen can't trot, and... I'll shut up).
"Who asked your opinion anyway, you green-haired eyeless trainee?" Kozo glared.
"Oh, now you're asking for it" Lowen raised his sword.
Eliwood gulped, then finally spoke up to change the subject. "Marquess Santaruz has been like a second father to me. I'm sure he'd leap at the chance to help us."
"I was hoping you'd say something like that, pansy-boy" Kozo diverted his attention from Marcus and Lowen, ducking under Lowen's off-center swing, throwing the knight off balance. He fell off of his horse and onto the ground.
Suddenly, there was a shuffling of feet. Marcus's ears perked. "Everyone, on your guard. Someone approaches."
Eliwood held onto his Rapier. Lowen got up, and held up his sword. Kozo sighed, and brushed some of his hair back. A finely dressed, plump man approached them. He shifted his weight onto his cane, and he placed the back of his hand on his forehead melodramatically. "Alms!" he said in a depressed manner. "Alms for the poor!"
The four just stared.
"Damnit, Zagan, you suck at costumes!" shouted a wiry swordsman from the bushes.
"Oh yeah, Kyle? Let's see you do better!"
The swordsman turned his back to them all, before facing them again, scraggily and pale. "Alms..." he wheezed. "Alms for the poor..."
"You know, that's got to be one of the most pathetic thing I've ever seen" Kozo informed them, shaking his head.
"Ah crap" the well dressed man sighed, before ripping off his disguise, revealing your classic highwayman's outfit. "Alright, we'll just do it the old fashioned way. Someone wants the boy dead, and we're going to do it!"
"Which boy?" Kozo pointed to Eliwood. "Me or pansy-boy here?"
"...I don't know."
"So what are you going to do?" Eliwood asked.
"...Kill you both, I suppose" the bandit laughed.
"Oh, for God's sakes..." Kozo shook his head.
Zagan retreated a few yards. "Alright boys! Come out and earn your keep!"
Swarming all over the place were axemen, swordsmen, and bowmen. Eliwood, Marcus and Kozo scanned the area.
"Ah crap" Eliwood muttered.
"This might be a challenge" Marcus said under his breath.
"...Is that all?" Kozo asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"What are your orders, sir?" Marcus asked, as he mounted his horse.
"Just stand your ground" Kozo informed. "In a few minutes, we'll be getting some back up to help even the odds. And then we can start wading through these two bit morons."
"...Are you sure?" Marcus asked. "If we wait any longer..."
"I was right last time, wasn't I? I'm the tactician here, and if you don't like my ideas, you can always leave, you..." Kozo began, shaking his finger menacingly at Marcus.
Eliwood quickly interrupted. "Alright, everyone! Come on out and let's rumble!"
Rebecca, Dorcas and Bartre approached, and got ready for combat. Lowen remounted his horse, and readied himself next to Marcus. The enemy came closer. "Erm...when exactly did you say the help would arrive?" Marcus asked.
"Just wait for it" Kozo said slyly.
The enemy horde was almost upon them. "Kozo, I'd like some exacts" Eliwood whimpered. "When are they coming?"
"Soon"
The enemy readied their weapons. "Kozo!" Eliwood demanded.
"Right about...now."
On the opposite end of the battle field, a small group of four characters entered. Three we know, one we don't. These three were Hector, Matthew, and Serra. The fourth was a man with ruffled, brown hair, and armor like Marcus's. Only bulkier.
"Looks like some commotion over there..." Hector muttered. He turned, and noticed a red armored spear man. "Excuse me, soldier, but why are you just standing there?"
"It is none of your concern, lordling" the soldier said simply. "You hold no power here in Santaruz."
"Well, that's a little different" Hector pointed out. "See, that guy they are attacking is my friend."
"That still doesn't change anything. I've been ordered to stand still, and that's what I'm doing."
"So..if I were to take an axe to you, you wouldn't do anything to stop me?"
"Erm...I don't think so..."
--THUNK--
"Gack...." the solider fell over.
Serra put on a disgusted face. "Eww! I hate violence!"
"Says the girl who beat the crap out of five bandits on the way here" Matthew rolled his eyes.
"Well, I hate bloody violence."
"And you cracked open one of their skulls."
"But I didn't like it."
"And laughed."
"Shut up."
The knight shook his head. "I cannot condone to resorting to violence so quickly" he said sternly.
"You can chastate me later, Oswin" Hector said sharply. "Right now, we've got to save Eliwood."
"Save Eliwood, eh?" Oswin smirked. "Sounds like an excuse for more, obsessive violence."
"Come off it, Oswin" Hector glared.
"Alright, alright. I won't stop you from trying to save your boyfriend" Oswin laughed.
"..." Hector raised his axe. "Oswin, I told you, we were both drunk that time..."
Matthew and Serra stared.
"...we beat up those bandits and saved you" Hector quickly finished. "He is not my boyfriend! Got it?"
"I'm kidding. I'm a kidder" Oswin quickly put up his hands defensively.
"Matthew, take Serra and get her to safety" Hector commanded.
"Me!? Why not Oswin!? He can stand her!"
"I SAID, Matthew, take Serra and get her to safety!"
"Yes m'lord..." With that, Matthew and Serra took off.
"Alright, Oswin, let's go!" Hector laughed, charging into the battle.
"I'm coming as fast as I can, sir!" Oswin shouted from behind, trying to catch up in his oversized armor.
"Okay, everyone, counter attack!" Kozo shouted.
An axeman that had leapt at Dorcas was met with a whirling dervish of Dorcas's whirlwind attack, and sent flying away. Two axemen that were clinging onto Bartre were thrown aside as Bartre flexed. Those that still held on were shaken off with a few flaps of Bartre's arms.
Marcus started swinging his sword left and right, as the enemy fell easily. Lowen drove his lance through several heads, and Rebecca was busy in a shoot out with several archers.
Leaving Eliwood with a trio of swordsmen and the big bad boss man, Zagan. Two of the three decided to gang up at once on our young hero, but Eliwood nimbly dodged the attacks. He then drove his Rapier through their necks, and turned to face the third one, who made a retreat.
Which didn't go so well because Oswin was there, spear ready. And put to good use, taking care of the swordsman.
Eliwood raised his rapier, and and dashed towards Zagan. The bandit raised his axe to counter attack, but was too slow, as Eliwood's blade stabbed through his gut.
At the same time, Hector leapt at Zagan, who had his back turned, and drove his axe down onto his head.
"...Which way should I be bending?" Zagan asked, as the two forces drove him both ways.
"Forward..." Hector ordered.
"Backwards" Eliwood ordered.
"...Backwards."
"Forwards."
"...Just stand up straight!" both ordered.
"Got it." Zagan got into position, before falling over with a thud.
Eliwood shook the blood off his rapier, before turning to notice his savior. He sheathed his sword, and approached the man, hand held forward. "Hector! Great to see you again!"
Hector grinned, and grabbed Eliwood's hand in a bone shattering shake. "Likewise, old buddy old pal of mine!"
Eliwood whimpered, making Hector let go. Eliwood craddled his broken hand bones, as he explained the situation. "See, we're on our way to Santaruz to speak with the Marquess, so we can get an escort to Laus, so we can ask about what happened to my father."
"Is that all?" Hector laughed. "Then perhaps me and Oswin..."
"Oswin and I" the knight corrected.
Hector rolled his eyes. "Then perhaps Oswin and I can provide assistance. We've also got two other companions, so maybe they too can provide assistance."
As if on cue, Matthew and Serra rushed in. Serra first, then Matthew, panting. Serra pouted. "Oh...we missed it all!" she whined.
"I'm sorry, lord Hector..." Matthew panted. "I couldn't restrain her any longer..."
"So I can see..." Hector muttered, before coughing. "Eliwood, meet Matthew and Serra."
"Your companions, I take it?"
"Yes. One might have hoped for better, but..."
"What!?" Serra yelped. "Lord Hector, what a terrible thing to say!" She turned to face Matthew. "Did you hear what he just said about you!?"
"Me!? He was talking about you!" Matthew responded.
Hector ran a hand down his face. "The loud mouthed one is, surprisingly, a cleric."
Serra turned to face Eliwood, and curtsied. "How do you do?"
"And Matthew is a specialist in many trades that involve espionage and sneaking around."
Matthew gave a deep, dramatic bow. "Your highness."
"It's good to see you too" Eliwood smiled. "Anyway, it'd be great if you could all come. Our party numbers only a small amount, so any form of help counts."
Kozo approached, to observe the new troops himself, when his eyes fell upon Matthew. "...It's you..." he hissed.
"You!" Matthew responded, going for his sword. "What are you doing here!?"
"I'm pansy-boy's tactician..." Kozo explained. "Now, I have a score to settle with you." Kozo pointed his finger at Matthew, like it was a gun, dark energy circling around the finger. Matthew gulped a bit, as Kozo gave him another look. Then the shaman sighed, and lowered his hand. "Ah...I couldn't harm a hair on that cute little head of yours."
Matthew blinked. "Um...thanks...I think..."
"You do realize he just flirted with you" Oswin pointed out.
Matthew blinked. "...Huh? Oh...Oh. Oh! OH! ...Oh, give me a moment..." he stumbled off behind the bushes, clutching his stomach.
"What's with him?" Hector asked.
"The guy doesn't know how to take a compliment" Kozo huffed. "You go and call a guy cute, and the next thing you know, they turn yellow and run like a little..."
Eliwood, Hector...heck, everybody stared at Kozo, before taking a few steps away.
"...WHAT!?"
"I never would have guessed..." Eliwood blinked.
"Me neither" Marcus added in. "With a tongue like the one he's got, you'd swear he'd never give a damn about men. He's like a rotten stable hand."
Kozo advanced. "Oh really, you failed excuse for a third rate paladin?"
"What did you call me?" Marcus growled.
"I said you're a no-good, worthless, ancient, scraggly, ugly, (censored) third rate paladin!" Kozo hissed. "And your skeleton of a horse isn't much to look at, either"
"Huh, the little boy urchin's got a tongue as sharp as mine" Hector laughed, before he saw Kozo approaching, a twisted glint in the younger man's eye.
"Wait, what are you doing?" Hector backed up a bit as Kozo approached even more. "No. Keep away from me!"
Kozo, apparently, could move much faster than Hector could, because of his lack of armor. Quickly, he was right in front of Hector.
"...If you try anything..." Hector growled.
Kozo moved his head forward just a bit. Hector backed up nervously.
Then Kozo slammed his forehead down upon Hector's with surprising strength, knocking the man back a foot or two.
"Never call me that" Kozo hissed, before turning around and walking away from the group. "Now don't we have a marquess to see?"
"...Right!" Eliwood quickly followed in step, while Matthew finally returned and helped Hector stand up straight again.
He's a strange one... Rebecca thought.
I seriously didn't expect that. Eliwood, maybe, but not Kozo... Marcus thought.
What is with him? Why was everybody so freaked out? I do not get it Bartre thought.
I can't believe he thinks I'm cute... Matthew thought. This has got to be one of the worst, most twisted...
I wonder what he's got against urchins. Sea urchins, maybe. Mmm...sea urchins...seafood...What's for dinner? Hector thought.
If only this group was as easy on the eyes as Matthew... Kozo thought, and he let out a strangled sigh. Damnit, if he's gonna be the only cute guy in this group of ugly runts, I'm so out of here.
"It's that time again!" Yoshimo beamed.
"Wait, you don't mean..." Chibi-Zell asked.
"That's right! It's time we now turn to the Wheel of Morality!" Yoshimo gripped the wheel, and gave it a spin. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn."
The wheel came to a stop. "Moral Number 5. And the moral of today's story is....George is not a pet name, it is a way of life."
"How profound..." Bartre muttered.
"Truely a saying for the ages" Chibi-Zell rolled his eyes.
"Right, so, until next time" Yoshimo addressed, "remember that a bitch in time, saves nine." Yoshimo blinked, before staring at the cue card. "I'm sorry. A sitch in time, saves nine."