Old Wounds.
Alec understood her better now. Not completely, or about everything- they weren't that close. Besides, he didn't think that anyone understood her that much. Not even Logan, her one true love. Especially not Max herself.
But yeah, he definitely understood her better. When he got out of Manticore? It was like the world opened up, and there was only one person he had to worry about, ever again, and that was himself. He'd slowly gotten drawn into Max's crusade, but sometimes he forgot that it wasn't the same way for her- self first, and everyone else a very distant second.
Max took responsibility. Took too much responsibility, if you asked him, not that anyone ever would. Not that he blamed them for not asking him.
She had let so many transgenics loose in the world. And so many of them couldn't fake it, couldn't pretend to be one of the millions of human beings that walked around every single day. And every time something happened to one of them, or one of the X-series that maybe couldn't figure out how to take care of themselves, like the kids back in the woods around Manticore- well, she hurt for them. And blamed herself.
Personally, Alec thought that was just straight-up stupid. It wasn't like she was to blame for all the ill in the world, for Chrissakes. She wasn't even to blame for the troubles that the transgenics got into. Sure, she'd been the one who opened the gates, and maybe they hadn't had any choice in whether they wanted to go through or not, what with the place burning up behind them, but after that, once they were free- no. Those weren't her fault.
She tended to forget it, because they'd left so young that she never completed training, but they could take care of themselves. Every single person in there had been trained to avoid attention, to go to ground if separated from the group, to save themselves from those who might wish them harm. If they got into trouble, if they got caught- well, they weren't trying hard enough.
Alec could admit it. He'd screwed up, when he first got out. He'd gotten overconfident, hadn't thought that they might be sending a goon squad after the escapees. But he'd learned, after that. He'd gotten more cautious. And if the rest of Manticore couldn't do the same, then they deserved to get caught.
Max took more onto her shoulders than any person he'd ever met. Even Logan, with his do-gooder crusade to clean up the sins of the world, didn't hold a candle to Max. He'd heard tales, from Logan mostly, about how she'd spent the first few months trying not to get involved. But she did, and now her sense of personal responsibility was more finely-honed than was entirely sane, as far as Alec was concerned.
Which made Logan directly responsible for Max-the-crusader. Alec liked the guy, but he also thought it was fair to lay blame for a lot of stuff at the guy's feet, truth be told. He'd certainly been responsible for her upset the night before.
But her tears hadn't been for him. No, her tears had been for the man who'd worn Alec's face. Her brother.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that she bound her heart up in her family, that besides Logan, her fellow Manticore freaks were the ones that really messed her up. But Alec had never seen her break until the night before. Talking about Ben.
Alec would never admit it to anyone just how curious he was about his double. She'd said, "It was Ben," and he'd acted surprised, like he couldn't remember the guy's name, but in truth his ears had just perked up. He'd never known anything about the man who'd shared his genes except that he went insane. He hadn't known what he was like; if he knew how to work a deal like Alec did, if he'd ever had to learn to play the piano, if he'd ever thought he might be in love.
From the little that Max told him, Ben wasn't much like him at all. Alec had never needed answers for anything, had always just taken things as they came. Trying to figure out the why of everything, well, he'd always thought it would just drive you crazy. Looks like he'd been right.
He'd never seen Max cry before. He hadn't even known that she could cry. She was always so self-possessed, so sure of herself and her ability to kick ass and not stop to take names, that he hadn't realize she could break down that much. But she had. Over Ben.
He hadn't known that she'd killed him. He hadn't known she'd even seen him since the escape. But knowing that- well, it explained a lot.
She said it herself, though. That's why she was such a bitch to him sometimes. Because sometimes, he just didn't deserve it. More than once he'd wondered why she always lashed out at him, because it felt like more than being just a convenient target. It felt personal.
Turns out it was personal, just nothing that actually had to do with him. Honestly, he didn't know how she did it. If he'd cared about her clone and had to kill her to stop her from murdering more people, he wasn't sure he'd be able to look her in the face. Not without seeing someone else. And he thought that sometimes, that's exactly what happened. That she looked at him, and she saw Ben, who'd been so bright and curious and made them feel just a bit better, who couldn't live without answers in the world outside. He imagined that they must look different, talk different, have different expressions. It had to trip her up every time she was expecting a smile from her brother and got a smirk from pain-in-the-ass Alec.
And he was a pain in the ass. He knew it. It was how he'd earned his name, wasn't it? Being a smart-alec.
He'd gotten his name from her. She'd also gotten him accidentally, his freedom; reluctantly, his life; indirectly, his job; and eventually, his reason. Because even he understood that when they were out to get you, you had to stick together. She'd taught him to look out for their family, as insane and fucked-up a concept as it always seemed to Alec to call them all "family." But he didn't think Max saw it as fucked-up. He thought that to Max, family was just someone to help when the going got rough.
She was the youngest of her old unit, he remembered hearing somewhere. Zach had been the team leader, and she hadn't even been his second-in-command. Manticore probably spent a lot of time scratching its head over how someone like her got to be in a command position. Before they were burnt out, anyway.
But the truth was, Max was their leader. Alec knew it and was perfectly happy with the state of affairs. He wouldn't want to have to take care of so many people, anyway. He'd wait till she told him to go do something, and he'd grumble about it but secretly, he never minded. Sometimes, he thought she needed all the help she could get.
And if she sometimes flinched when she looked at him, he wouldn't take offense now that he knew why. Max was strong, stronger than anyone he'd ever met, probably, but even she had her hurts. The old wounds healed the slowest, and Max Guevara had one hell of an old wound when it came to her brother Ben.
He'd comforted her, the night before. Even though he wore Ben's face. Maybe a little bit even because he wore Ben's face. And he knew, as he walked away from her building and saw Logan get into his car and pull away without talking to her, that she was going to need comforting again.
He could send Original Cindy after her. She was probably better at the emotional stuff anyway.
But somehow, he knew that come nightfall, he would be the one following her up to the Space Needle.
Sometimes, you just needed a friend.