Fire Emblem 7, the Parody
Chapter 15: Noble Girl of Caelin
In Laus, Erik tells Eliwood of a plan. A devious plan? Yes. A cunning plan? Well, not so much that you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel, but yeah, it was pretty cunning. There is a plot to use Laus as starting grounds for a rebellion against Ostia. Eliwood needs more proof to believe these accusations. Which is kinda pointless. I mean, come on, Darin's the sort of guy who'd do this, you know?
In order to achieve this proof, Eliwood and Co decide to follow the fleeing Marquess Laus. Where that chase would lead them they couldn't have guessed.
"ARGH!" Hector screamed, kicking the ground, and then stamping his foot like a wild animal. "Where could've that snake gone!? I just know he couldn't have gotten out of Laus already!"
Eliwood sighed. "It's been five days now" he pointed out. "The attack on Marquess Santaruz, our attack on Castle Laus...these should've gotten to Lord Uther, and yet he shows no signs of doing anything about it." Eliwood turned to face Hector head on. "You're his brother. You probably know why."
"He's got his hands tied as it is" Hector pointed out.
"With...what?"
"It's Bern. We've been getting some disturbing reports from our spies."
"Well, that's not a good sign..."
"King Desmond has been acting mighty odd for the past few weeks. We figure that if he sees just one crack in Lycia's defenses...WHAM! He'll invade with all he's got. We've even got raiding parties camping outside our front door."
A small camp of Bern's soldiers are sitting outside of Lycia. Several are playing cards, some are cooking, and some more have set up a pool table.
"We've all been thinking that King Desmond may have doven into the deep end without a life jacket."
Two spies hung to the rafters of Castle Bern. One of them sighed, looking down on King Desmond. "Man, someone should get him to a mental hospital or something."
"Come now" said the other one. "Look how happy he is!"
"Nah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah--Kill Zephiel...--Nah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!" King Desmond chuckled madly.
"As if my brother didn't have enough stress on his hands. First the whole thing with him recently becoming Marquess, then Bern planning to invade, and now this. Can kill a man's nervous system."
"Lord Eliwood! Lord Hector! Bad news!" Marcus interjected, riding up to the two.
"AH BLOODY HELL!" Hector screamed.
"What is it, Marcus?" Eliwood asked, calmly.
"A messenger has arrived from the east. Castle Caelin has fallen to Laus!" Marcus reported.
"SONUVA..."
"Lord Hauseen!" Eliwood interupted quickly. "Is he unharmed?
"The messenger didn't give word onto his condition, nor that of the lady Lyndis."
"I did not expect that. Lord Hauseen....Lyndis..."
"My lords, what are you orders?"
"We ride to their aid!" Eliwood ordered. "We have to save them!"
"That's right!" Hector added, mockingly. "We gotta save Eli's girlfriend!"
"She's NOT my girlfriend!" Eliwood screamed.
"That's right" Oswin said with a smirk. "He's devoted to Hector."
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE WERE DRUNK!" Hector bellowed.
Meanwhile, over in the forest near Castle Caelin, Lyn, Wil, Sain, Florina and Cecil were waiting for someone. That particular someone, Kent, rode over to them. "M'lady" he reported. "I bring news. Laus's soldiers must have scattered from the castle to the edge of the forest. There must be at least fifty of them!"
Sain looked over at the nomad girl. "Are you sure you want to go through with this, m'lady?" he asked. "I mean, lucky enough we escaped when we did."
"My grandfather is still in there" Lyn pointed out. "I'm not leaving him behind, no matter what I have to tear through."
Cecil leaned against a nearby tree, thinking. "Then again..." he pondered outloud, "that's ten enemies to every one of us. Those are odds I'm not too fond of."
"Don't you mean six?" Sain asked.
"I didn't include myself because I'm not a fighter" Cecil explained with an exasperated sigh.
"What about that time when you took out Lundgren's first layor of armor?"
"Okay, maybe that one time..."
"And when you defeated all those axemen outside of the temple of the Mani Katti" Kent pointed out.
"Well..."
"With a spear."
"Look, the point is..." Cecil seethed, obviously getting stressed. "We're going to need reinforcements. Now" he looked up at Kent and Sain "you two can't go anywhere without somebody seeing you..."
He looked over at Lyn. "And you're too important to risk sending out for some help."
"What about you?" Wil asked.
"I'm the tactician, and I don't you think you could fight back if you got attacked without my help."
"So...I couldn't fight back if the enemy didn't have your help?"
"You know what I mean! God, it's like you're all trying to drive me insane!"
Sain leaned over to Kent. "He's on to us..." he whispered.
"Perhaps I can go?" Wil asked. "Lord Haussen did point out once that I am a pretty nimble guy."
"Weren't his exact words squirrely?" Lyn pointed out.
"Shut it..."
"I can go" Florina quipped up.
"WHAT!?" the others gaped.
"You'll be massacred!" Cecil screamed, arms flailing. "The enemy obviously has archers! ..." He looked over at Kent. "Right?"
"And a balista."
"AND A BALISTA!"
"I know" Florina nodded. "But I can go faster than Wil can. I can get reinforcements much sooner, and we can save Hauseen faster."
"No, Florina, you'll be shot down" Lyn held the orchid haired girl's shoulder, as if stopping her from getting on her pegasus.
"My time here in Caelin has made me a little more comfortable around men. And my training has paid off. I'm not the meek little girl anymore."
"But the meek little girl was cute!" Sain whined.
"Shut up Sain..." Cecil growled.
"Well...alright. But please, be careful" Lyn nodded.
"You got it!" Florina chripped pleasently, before getting on her pegasus, and taking off.
Sain smirked. "Did you hear that? Our little Florina is now much stronger."
"A full fledged pegasus knight" Kent nodded.
"And all for you, Lyn" Wil pointed out, looking over at the nomad girl.
"Yeah..." Lyn said meekly, blushing a tad.
"Hol...e...crap..." Eliwood gaped, as he looked over the battle field. Enemy soldiers were everywhere, all poised for attack.
"Please don't tell me we'll have to kill them all..." Rebecca begged.
"Okay" Kozo grinned. There was silence.
"Well, what do we do?"
"You asked me not to tell you."
"Ah nerts."
"Okay, if we can just..." Kozo started, before noticing something. "Say, do you guys see that?"
"Where?"
"That thing in the sky."
Everyone turned their attention towards a red balloon, drifting into the sky.
"No, the flyer!"
Everyone looked at a piece of scrap paper that was drifting by.
"As in the thing with wings!"
Everyone looked over at the forest, where blackbirds aplenty flew out in a frenzy.
"No, the pegasus!"
Everyone looked over at a giant, reptilain flying monster.
"That's a wyvern!"
Everyone looked and noticed Florina.
"No, the...oh, wait, that's the one."
"Wait..." Eliwood muttered, before shouting so that everyone could hear. "That's Florina!"
"Geez, what's with you and knowing everyone these days?" Hector asked.
"It's all those tupperwere parties I've been having."
"I mean social gatherings."
"Of course, pansy-boy..."
Eliwood returned his attention to the skies, and screamed as loud as he could "Florina! We're down here!"
Up in the sky, Florina blinked, and looked down. She beamed when she noticed Eliwood . I don't know how she knew it was him from that distence, she just did. Go with it! "Lord Eliwood!" she called back. She then remembered why she was risking her neck like this. "Lyndis! She's in the forest near..."
"INCOMING ARROWS!" Hector bellowed at the top of his lungs.
The shout took Florina by surprise, as she lost balance. Enough to have avoided several arrows screaming her way. Of course, she also started to fall.
"Hit the deck!" Kozo screamed.
Everyone dove for cover. Except for Matthew. He just continued to stand there, sipping some soda. He gave a short belch, before tossing the cup away. A shadow started growing around him, as Florina came closer and closer.
In a lick of speed, Matthew dashed out of the way, and shoved in a cushion for Florina. That cushion being Hector. Matthew sprinted off.
"Matthew, you coward!" Hector shouted, stamping in place. "Come here and take it like a..."
--WHAM--
Florina toppled off of Hector, while Hector toppled over, facing opposite from the pegasus knight.
"... ... ...ow" both groaned. Eliwood rushed to Florina's side, while Kozo just looked over Hector, snickering.
"Florina!" Eliwood said worridly, propping the girl up gently. "Florina, can you hear me?"
"unh....huh?" Florina asked, slowly coming to.
"Oh, thank heavens..." Eliwood sighed.
Florina's eyes snapped open. "Lady Lyndis! She's in the forest near Castle Caeli--" she started, before freezing, her eyes fixed on one man. One man in blood red robes with short, purple hair, getting glared at by the blue haired noble.
"...Florina? Are you okay?"
"Eyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Florina screamed, before getting away from Eliwood, and ducking behind a bush.
"Florina?" Eliwood asked, rightly confused. "What's wrong?"
"He's gonna eat me!" Florina wailed.
"No, you're female" Matthew commented, rolling his eyes. "He wouldn't eat you up..."
"Geez, what's her problem?" Kozo asked.
"Oh, I don't know" Erk shrugged in a sarcastic manner. "Maybe it has something to do with your TRYING TO KILL HER LAST YEAR!"
"... ....Oh yeah! And if she's here, Lyndis must be here as well!"
"What would Florina have anything to do with Lyn?" Serra asked.
"...You're...you're joking, right?"
"No, I'm confused."
"...Erky, I feel utmost pity for you..."
"Thanks. ...wait, did you just call me Erky?"
"Yes I did, Erky."
"..." Erk leaned over in Dorcas's direction. "Is he always like this?"
The big warrior shook his head.
"Phew..."
"He's often much much worse."
"Ah nuts..."
"Mmm, nuts..."
Erk, Matthew, Bartre, and even Dorcas, all wide eyed, stared.
"...I was talking about cashews, you perverts! I mean, God!"
"No time to lose, then!" Eliwood nodded. "We must get to Lyndis and save her!"
"Yes, we must save..." Hector started.
Eliwood planted the tip of his rapier against Hector's neck. "Swords have a natural advantage over axes, don't forget it!"
"...Lyndis."
Cecil drummed his fingers on the portable table he always had with him, looking over the map. He had arranged game pieces to represent each of the units he figured was on the field. "50 against 4...geez, we're in over our heads here..."
"50 against 18, nimrod" Cecil could hear someone point out, before he was suddenly pelted by 14 more game pieces.
Cecil got up, and glared at Sain, Kent and Wil. "Alright, who did that!?"
"None of them, that's for sure" that voice said again.
"Alright, then who is?" Cecil asked, eye twitching.
"Just me. Kozo the Shaman/Tactician."
"Wait....Shaman...Tactician...same creepy voice...oh dear God, not you..."
"Yep. Me alright."
Cecil's face paled, and he shuddered.
"What!? Geez, what's with you people freaking out like this?"
"Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you TRIED TO KILL ME!"
"Oh that again. Jesus Christ, can't you people get over it already?"
"Where are you anyway?"
"Behind you."
"Wha?" Cecil turned around, staring face to face with the purple haired shaman. "WHA! God, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"
"But it's fun!"
"How'd you get here anyway?"
Kozo pointed his shoulder at Florina. "She brought me here. My..ahem...superiors are on their way as we speak. They should help even up the odds. Weird as they may be, they're pretty decent fighters."
"Florina, you did it!" Lyn cheered, rushing over to the pegasus knight. "I could kiss you!"
She could feel everyone in the immediate area staring. Florina blushed.
"Which...I wouldn't, of course..."
"Of course..."
"Of course" Kozo rolled his eyes.
"It's him!" Kent shouted, rushing over to the shaman, sword drawn.
Sain was riding next to the red knight, lance in hand. "Yeah! Who tried to kill us last year!"
"Please, we're supposed to work together!" Kozo tried to work out diplomatically. "Let's not bicker and argue over who tried to kill who."
"Alright, we'll work together" Cecil sighed. He looked back at the two cavaliers. "Weapons down, boys."
The two were reluctent to, but obeyed.
"Alright, Kozo, who are you bringing along to the party?"
"Let's see...a cavalier, an archer, a sword wielding pansy-boy, an axe wielding loud mouth, two fighters, a thief, a cleric, a myrmidon, a mage, a troubador, a knight and a paladin."
"...Kozo, if I were gay, and I were sure you were gay, I'd kiss you right now."
"Would you?"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Okay."
"'sides, don't think I'd go for you..."
"What!?"
"Nothing."
"Erm...why don't you go with Sain for this mission..."
"I just hope he's as easy on the eyes as Matthew."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"No, no, I mean who did you mention?"
"Matthew?"
"Boo-ya!"
"Didn't know you were interested in him too."
"...There's something funny about you but I can't quite put my finger on it..."
"Okay, everyone" Kozo reported back to Eliwood and Co. "We'll need to go at this strategically. Merlinus, you stay put to collect items. Marcus, you stand guard and defend the supply line."
"Why me? Wouldn't I be more usful on the battle field?"
"We can handle ourselves. If Merlinus gets attacked, he'll need a strong back up." Besides, that's two less creepy old guys I'll have to deal with. "Dorcas, Lowen, Bartre, Hector, you take the front line. Anyone wants to get to the others will have to go through you. Rebecca, Matthew, Guy, Erky, Pansy-Boy..."
"Gah..."
"Follow them close behind. Kill all enemies on sight. Serra, Priscilla, you two follow in last, make sure that the wounded get patched up. Get it?"
"Got it" Hector nodded.
"Good."
"So if he's going to do that..." Cecil muttered, moving some pieces on the board. "Kent, you take Lyn and Florina and try to take out some enemies without causing too much commotion. Sain, you take Wil and attempt the same. In the other direction."
"But I wanna go with Lyndis..."
"Tough it up, green boy." Cecil looked over at Kozo. "You're supposed to be some uber shaman, aren't you?"
"Well, my skills are above average."
"Then why don't you go with one of the two teams? I'll go with the other."
"Alright. I'll go with Sain and archer boy."
"My name is Wil, you know."
"Ask me if I care."
"Do you..."
"No."
"Right. Now, let's go whoop some ass!" With that, the whole squadren of good guys went on the attack.
A wall of soldiers charged towards Dorcas, Bartre and Hector. The axemen charged to counter attack, and easily overcame the feeble footmen. Bartre laughed, as he kicked the corpse of a soldier off. "Too easy! What, was this all they could do?"
"Don't get cocky, Bartre" Dorcas pointed out. "There should be some strong units in their number to have driven out Lyn and the others...I wonder though, how--"
"Kill!" Bartre hollered, charging out towards a few more opponents that just showed up.
"...Oh forget it" Dorcas sighed.
"Fire Spell!" Erk shouted, throwing a ball of flame at the enemy. The archer screamed, as he toppled over. His companion readied his bow, and fired. The arrow plunged into Erk's side. The mage let out a yelp, before throwing another spell at the enemy. He seethed, clenching the wound gingerly, blood staining his hand.
"Oh, Erk! You're injured pretty badly!" Priscilla gasped, rushing over to the mage's side. "Here, let me..."
"Back off, red head!" Serra said, shoving Priscilla out of the way. "I can handle this."
"But he's my escort! I have to be the one to help him!" Priscilla shoved Serra out of the way.
"But I've known him longer!" Serra responded, shoving Priscilla out of the way.
"I've been practicing my healing magic for two years now!" Priscilla shoved Serra away.
"And I've been practicing for four! So I know more of what I'm doing!" Serra shoved Priscilla.
"Um...girls?" Erk wheezed. "I'm losing a lot of blood..."
"I'll bet you practiced longer because it took you that long to realize how it's done!"
"I've been practicing to perfect it! I'm sure you'd do just a rush job, priss!"
"Rather a priss than a shrewish slut!"
"Oh that's it!"
"Girls....I...wow, my hand's all blury..."--thud--
"...Ah, now look what you made me do! He's passed out!" Serra snapped.
"Well, if you just allowed me to heal him..." Priscilla started.
"Okay, that's it!" With that, Serra tackled Priscilla, and the catfight began.
Florina gulped, and held her lance at the ready. Lyn tightened her grip on the Mani Katti.
"Alright, we strike on three" Cecil informed.
A trio of myrmidons shifted silently through the forest, trying to find their pray.
"Thr..."
"Kya-ha!" a green haired myrmidon shouted, leaping out of no where. With three swift strokes, the three enemy units lay at his feet, dead. He spun his sword, before sheathing it.
Cecil leapt out of hiding, smirking. "Well, aren't you quite the myrmidon?"
"Yep! I'm Guy of the Kutolah Tribe, and I'm going to become the greatest swordmaster in all of Sacae!"
"Is that so?" Lyn asked, coming out of hiding as well. Kent and Florina followed. "A friend of mine is from the same tribe. You might of heard of him. Rath?"
"Hmm...yep. Son of the chieftain."
"Wow. Didn't know he was that high up the ladder..." Lyn smirked. "Well, it's good to have you on the team. My name's Lyn. And these are my friends; Kent, Cecil and Florina."
"Good day to you, sir."
"Howdy."
"...um..hi?"
"I thought you were more comfortable around men now" Cecil pointed out.
"All that went out the window when I saw...him..."
"Yeah, he is pretty freaky..."
"Who are we talking about?"
"Kozo."
"Oh, he's the raw definition of freaky!"
"..." Marcus sat atop his horse, and scanned the area, a growl escaping him. Merlinus just traced circles on the counter in his tent, and let out a huge yawn.
"I'm bored..." the merchant complined. "Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. And I'm sure you are too."
"What are you talking about?" Marcus asked. "The job Kozo asigned me is very important! I must defend the supply line, or else--oh, who am I kididng, I'm bored out of my gord!"
"Then....then what do you think we should do to...yawn...pass the...time...snore."
"Merlinus! Wak...wake....snore"
"Oh look, it's the old people's nap time" Kozo sneered.
"Kozo! Watch out!" Sain warned.
Kozo froze, and looked to his side. A mercenary was almost on, him, sword held high. Kozo froze. He didn't have enough time to counter with a spell. So, this is it, huh? Well, I had a good run...
What he wasn't expecting was a lance to stick in between him and the sword. The blade got stuck, before Sain whiped the lance into a tree, taking the mercenary with it. The mercenary screamed as his back became awash with pain. He passed out.
Sain looked down at the shaman. "You okay, Kozo?"
Kozo just stared. Maybe it was because the last time they met, he was only concerned with getting rid of Lyn and capturing Nils and Ninian, but he never recognized how...chivalrous Sain was. Like something out of a storybook, the sun was shining between the trees behind Sain, glinting off of his armor and making it look golden, his hair was falling soft across his forehead, it made Kozo want to reach out and run his hand through it...
So he didn't give it a second thought while he leapt at Sain, trapping the knight in a hug. "Ya! You saved me!"
Sain was honestly freaked out. "Erm...yeah. ...Now, could you please let go?"
"Never!"
"I said leggo!" Sain screamed, before taking off. Kozo was knocked off. He picked himself up, brushed himself off, and began to chase after the cavalier.
"Wait for me, my knight in shining armor!" he begged.
"...okay, um, I'll just, uh...just stay here then..." Wil muttered. "Well, as long as no one leaps out of nowhere..."
"KILL!" Bartre screamed, leaping out of no where.
"AHH!" Wil screamed, before bolting off. Bartre was hot on his heels.
"Commander Bauker!" one of the remaining soldiers rushed over to his commander. A man with a small, thin face, parted, golden brown hair, and a thin moustache. He was wearing oversized green armor. "We've experienced a severe counter attack!"
"What? Someone get me my telescope!" Bauker demanded. The soldier pulled out a telescope, and handed it to the commander.
He looked over the battle field, seeing Oswin and Matthew bowling through various swordsmen. "Oh drat..." he muttered. He looked around a little more, fixing his sight on Hector, brutally slaughtering several enemies at a time while Eliwood was busy carving an E into his opponents' guts. "Oh bloody hell!"
He looked on further, and fixed his sight on Guy and Cecil...doing the can-can. "What the hell?" He looked on, and this time fixed his eye on Priscilla and Serra, still cat fighting. Bauker gave a stupid grin, some droll on his lower lip.
"Commander, what should we do?"
Bauker turned to face the soldier, still looking through the telescope. "I don't--whoa, I can see your skin cells."
The soldier sighed, and slapped the telescope away. "Commander, be serious. What should--GOD ALMIGHTY THE PAIN!"
The soldier crumpled over, as Hector pulled his axe out. He and Eliwood approached menecingly towards the knight.
He growled, raising his lance. "I won't back down! I will..."
"My lords, get down!" Dorcas bellowed.
Hector and Eliwood ducked, as Dorcas threw, with all his might, his warhammer. It flew (as weird as it was) straight and true, right into Bauker.
"Noooo!" the knight screamed, falling over. "... ...um, little help? ...I've fallen and I can't get up."
Eliwood turned to face the big warrior, and gave him the thumbs up. "Nice shot!"
Erk slowly opened his eyes, to see Priscilla leaning over him, concern in her eyes, and scratches on her arms. She was also lacking a shirt. Erk blushed. Topless Priscilla. I must be in heaven...
He looked over, and noticed Serra, her torn dress to her side, as she applied some bandages to her battered body. Half naked Serra. I must be in hell...
"Oh, poor Erk..." Priscilla said. "I'm so sorry I left you like that for a few hours."
"Hey, no worr-wait, hours?"
"Yes..."
"What uh...what were you doing for the past few hours?"
Priscilla looked over at her shirt, which lay discarded and torn next to them. She then looked at Serra, who was grumbling and cursing under her breath.
"...oh" Erk nodded.
Lowen rode over to Dorcas. "Pardon me, good fighter, but have you seen Bartre?"
"Well, the enemies are all gone, and he's still in his bloodlust, so I'd say he's out attacking the innocents."
"Run away!" Wil screamed, as he and a few villagers rushed by.
"Look, innocents!" Lowen beamed.
Bartre soon burst into view, screaming in primal fury.
"Shouldn't we go stop him?" Lowen asked.
"He'll stop himself eventual" Dorcas assured.
Bartre started slowing down, still snorting like a bull. He slowly returned to normal breathing, before shaking his head. "Whoa, I just blacked out there. Did we win the spelling bee?"
"What'd I tell ya?" Dorcas smirked.
Sain peaked from behind the castle walls. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, I think I lost him..."
"At last, darling!" Kozo said dramatically. "We can be alone!"
"What the...!? How did you...when did you..." Sain fainted.
"..." Kozo grinned, and clapped his hands together. "Some days, you gotta work for it, and others, life gives it to you with a cherry on top!"
"Hey, Kozo! There you are!" Cecil called over.
"Damn it..."
"Bring Sain over here. The others are meeting outside in the courtyard. We're about to storm the castle!"
"Alright, fine!" Kozo pouted. He scooped his arms underneath an unconscious Sain's, and started dragging him slowly to the courtyard. "Damn it, he'd be easier to carry without this armor."
So Kozo bent down, and removed the green armor. He stared down at Sain. "While I'm at it..." He then took off Sain's shirt. "...Ah, what the hell."
"Kozo, hurry up!"
"Alright, I'm coming! (ya no good fun wrecker...)"
Cecil streached, and clapped his hands together. "Well, it's good to see some familiar faces among this lot!" he beamed. He offered his hand to shake Dorcas's. "Great to see you again, ol' buddy!"
"Still as quiet as ever, I see." He looked over at Erk. "And here's our resident mage. Might I ask as to what happened to..."
"Eeee!" Serra squealed, rushing over and hugging Cecil. "Cecil! It's been ages!"
Cecil was taken aback. "S..Serra! What are you doing here?"
Serra grinned. "I'm in service of House Ostia. I'm currently traveling with Lord Hector."
"No foolin'..."
Oswin put a hand on Serra's shoulder, and started to peel her off. "I apologize for that, good sir Cecil."
"Eh, I bet you haven't had it half as bad as I did" Cecil shrugged.
"You wanna bet?" Erk asked, rubbing his hands together. "Easiest five bucks I'd ever make."
Wil slumped down near the fountain, panting. "If that pychopath ever tries to attack me again, he's a dead man..." he muttered, before looking up. His eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped. Standing before him was..."Rebecca?" he asked, approaching.
The young archer girl looked up at Wil. "Um...who are you again?"
"It's me, Wil! Remember? The guy next door?"
"Mmm...no..."
"The guy who dressed up as a clown at your 7th birthday party?"
"Don't think so..."
"The guy who got you a pony for Christmas 12 years ago?"
"Doesn't ring any bells."
"The guy who kissed Dan at the prom under drunken influence and ended up having to stay at the hospital for a week or three?"
"Sorry."
"Hmm...Guess I got the wrong person. Sorry to waste your time." With that, Wil returned to Lyn and the others.
Rebecca shrugged, and was about to walk over to talk to Eliwood and Hector, when she froze. They were all coming back to her. The horn, the pony, the blood..."Wil! Wait!"
"Pathetic old fool..." Ephidel chuckled, retreating his hand back into his cloak. Lord Haussen choked, before falling to a heap, burned all over. "Leila! Attend me!"
A young woman with long, red hair, violet eyes, and a single freckle under her lips approached. She wore a tattered yellow cloak, and a blue, almost leathery shirt, a miniskirt practically attached to it. "I am here, sir" she said simply.
"While Eliwood and company deal with the remaining soldiers" he explained, "finish off Marquess Caelin, and dispose of the body. They'll waste prescious time searching for it."
"You got it, sir."
A cold smile crept into Ephidel's lips. "You know, you've only been with the Black Fang for a while, but during that time, you've proven to be a valuable asset."
"Thank you sir."
"In fact, when you return to the Dread Isle, I could perhaps treat you to dinner?"
"Get bent, sir."
"Meh. Your loss." With that, Ephidel teleported out.
"It's that time again" Yoshimo reported beamingly.
"The time where we sit down and discuss politics?" Bartre asked.
"The time where I question why the hell I'm working with you people?" Chibi-Zell asked, rolling his eyes.
"Nope. It's time to find out what we should learn from today's chapter. And to find out, we turn to the Wheel of Morality!" Yoshimo walked over to the dial, before he was butted out of the way by Kozo.
"One side, shrimpy" the shaman said icily. He took the dial, and spun it. It whirled furiously, before slowing down. "And the moral of today's story is..."
"But I didn't get to sing my song!"
"Moral number 4." Kozo took the paper that printed out. "Let's see...We're all going to die eventually. Deal with it. Hmm. How fitting."
"Well, that totally killed the mood" Yoshimo muttered to himself. "So, I guess, until next time, try to get a good night's sleep, even though that thought is hanging over your head. ...Damnit, Kozo, now you've given me nightmares."
Chapter 15: Noble Girl of Caelin
In Laus, Erik tells Eliwood of a plan. A devious plan? Yes. A cunning plan? Well, not so much that you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel, but yeah, it was pretty cunning. There is a plot to use Laus as starting grounds for a rebellion against Ostia. Eliwood needs more proof to believe these accusations. Which is kinda pointless. I mean, come on, Darin's the sort of guy who'd do this, you know?
In order to achieve this proof, Eliwood and Co decide to follow the fleeing Marquess Laus. Where that chase would lead them they couldn't have guessed.
"ARGH!" Hector screamed, kicking the ground, and then stamping his foot like a wild animal. "Where could've that snake gone!? I just know he couldn't have gotten out of Laus already!"
Eliwood sighed. "It's been five days now" he pointed out. "The attack on Marquess Santaruz, our attack on Castle Laus...these should've gotten to Lord Uther, and yet he shows no signs of doing anything about it." Eliwood turned to face Hector head on. "You're his brother. You probably know why."
"He's got his hands tied as it is" Hector pointed out.
"With...what?"
"It's Bern. We've been getting some disturbing reports from our spies."
"Well, that's not a good sign..."
"King Desmond has been acting mighty odd for the past few weeks. We figure that if he sees just one crack in Lycia's defenses...WHAM! He'll invade with all he's got. We've even got raiding parties camping outside our front door."
A small camp of Bern's soldiers are sitting outside of Lycia. Several are playing cards, some are cooking, and some more have set up a pool table.
"We've all been thinking that King Desmond may have doven into the deep end without a life jacket."
Two spies hung to the rafters of Castle Bern. One of them sighed, looking down on King Desmond. "Man, someone should get him to a mental hospital or something."
"Come now" said the other one. "Look how happy he is!"
"Nah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah--Kill Zephiel...--Nah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!" King Desmond chuckled madly.
"As if my brother didn't have enough stress on his hands. First the whole thing with him recently becoming Marquess, then Bern planning to invade, and now this. Can kill a man's nervous system."
"Lord Eliwood! Lord Hector! Bad news!" Marcus interjected, riding up to the two.
"AH BLOODY HELL!" Hector screamed.
"What is it, Marcus?" Eliwood asked, calmly.
"A messenger has arrived from the east. Castle Caelin has fallen to Laus!" Marcus reported.
"SONUVA..."
"Lord Hauseen!" Eliwood interupted quickly. "Is he unharmed?
"The messenger didn't give word onto his condition, nor that of the lady Lyndis."
"I did not expect that. Lord Hauseen....Lyndis..."
"My lords, what are you orders?"
"We ride to their aid!" Eliwood ordered. "We have to save them!"
"That's right!" Hector added, mockingly. "We gotta save Eli's girlfriend!"
"She's NOT my girlfriend!" Eliwood screamed.
"That's right" Oswin said with a smirk. "He's devoted to Hector."
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE WERE DRUNK!" Hector bellowed.
Meanwhile, over in the forest near Castle Caelin, Lyn, Wil, Sain, Florina and Cecil were waiting for someone. That particular someone, Kent, rode over to them. "M'lady" he reported. "I bring news. Laus's soldiers must have scattered from the castle to the edge of the forest. There must be at least fifty of them!"
Sain looked over at the nomad girl. "Are you sure you want to go through with this, m'lady?" he asked. "I mean, lucky enough we escaped when we did."
"My grandfather is still in there" Lyn pointed out. "I'm not leaving him behind, no matter what I have to tear through."
Cecil leaned against a nearby tree, thinking. "Then again..." he pondered outloud, "that's ten enemies to every one of us. Those are odds I'm not too fond of."
"Don't you mean six?" Sain asked.
"I didn't include myself because I'm not a fighter" Cecil explained with an exasperated sigh.
"What about that time when you took out Lundgren's first layor of armor?"
"Okay, maybe that one time..."
"And when you defeated all those axemen outside of the temple of the Mani Katti" Kent pointed out.
"Well..."
"With a spear."
"Look, the point is..." Cecil seethed, obviously getting stressed. "We're going to need reinforcements. Now" he looked up at Kent and Sain "you two can't go anywhere without somebody seeing you..."
He looked over at Lyn. "And you're too important to risk sending out for some help."
"What about you?" Wil asked.
"I'm the tactician, and I don't you think you could fight back if you got attacked without my help."
"So...I couldn't fight back if the enemy didn't have your help?"
"You know what I mean! God, it's like you're all trying to drive me insane!"
Sain leaned over to Kent. "He's on to us..." he whispered.
"Perhaps I can go?" Wil asked. "Lord Haussen did point out once that I am a pretty nimble guy."
"Weren't his exact words squirrely?" Lyn pointed out.
"Shut it..."
"I can go" Florina quipped up.
"WHAT!?" the others gaped.
"You'll be massacred!" Cecil screamed, arms flailing. "The enemy obviously has archers! ..." He looked over at Kent. "Right?"
"And a balista."
"AND A BALISTA!"
"I know" Florina nodded. "But I can go faster than Wil can. I can get reinforcements much sooner, and we can save Hauseen faster."
"No, Florina, you'll be shot down" Lyn held the orchid haired girl's shoulder, as if stopping her from getting on her pegasus.
"My time here in Caelin has made me a little more comfortable around men. And my training has paid off. I'm not the meek little girl anymore."
"But the meek little girl was cute!" Sain whined.
"Shut up Sain..." Cecil growled.
"Well...alright. But please, be careful" Lyn nodded.
"You got it!" Florina chripped pleasently, before getting on her pegasus, and taking off.
Sain smirked. "Did you hear that? Our little Florina is now much stronger."
"A full fledged pegasus knight" Kent nodded.
"And all for you, Lyn" Wil pointed out, looking over at the nomad girl.
"Yeah..." Lyn said meekly, blushing a tad.
"Hol...e...crap..." Eliwood gaped, as he looked over the battle field. Enemy soldiers were everywhere, all poised for attack.
"Please don't tell me we'll have to kill them all..." Rebecca begged.
"Okay" Kozo grinned. There was silence.
"Well, what do we do?"
"You asked me not to tell you."
"Ah nerts."
"Okay, if we can just..." Kozo started, before noticing something. "Say, do you guys see that?"
"Where?"
"That thing in the sky."
Everyone turned their attention towards a red balloon, drifting into the sky.
"No, the flyer!"
Everyone looked at a piece of scrap paper that was drifting by.
"As in the thing with wings!"
Everyone looked over at the forest, where blackbirds aplenty flew out in a frenzy.
"No, the pegasus!"
Everyone looked over at a giant, reptilain flying monster.
"That's a wyvern!"
Everyone looked and noticed Florina.
"No, the...oh, wait, that's the one."
"Wait..." Eliwood muttered, before shouting so that everyone could hear. "That's Florina!"
"Geez, what's with you and knowing everyone these days?" Hector asked.
"It's all those tupperwere parties I've been having."
"I mean social gatherings."
"Of course, pansy-boy..."
Eliwood returned his attention to the skies, and screamed as loud as he could "Florina! We're down here!"
Up in the sky, Florina blinked, and looked down. She beamed when she noticed Eliwood . I don't know how she knew it was him from that distence, she just did. Go with it! "Lord Eliwood!" she called back. She then remembered why she was risking her neck like this. "Lyndis! She's in the forest near..."
"INCOMING ARROWS!" Hector bellowed at the top of his lungs.
The shout took Florina by surprise, as she lost balance. Enough to have avoided several arrows screaming her way. Of course, she also started to fall.
"Hit the deck!" Kozo screamed.
Everyone dove for cover. Except for Matthew. He just continued to stand there, sipping some soda. He gave a short belch, before tossing the cup away. A shadow started growing around him, as Florina came closer and closer.
In a lick of speed, Matthew dashed out of the way, and shoved in a cushion for Florina. That cushion being Hector. Matthew sprinted off.
"Matthew, you coward!" Hector shouted, stamping in place. "Come here and take it like a..."
--WHAM--
Florina toppled off of Hector, while Hector toppled over, facing opposite from the pegasus knight.
"... ... ...ow" both groaned. Eliwood rushed to Florina's side, while Kozo just looked over Hector, snickering.
"Florina!" Eliwood said worridly, propping the girl up gently. "Florina, can you hear me?"
"unh....huh?" Florina asked, slowly coming to.
"Oh, thank heavens..." Eliwood sighed.
Florina's eyes snapped open. "Lady Lyndis! She's in the forest near Castle Caeli--" she started, before freezing, her eyes fixed on one man. One man in blood red robes with short, purple hair, getting glared at by the blue haired noble.
"...Florina? Are you okay?"
"Eyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Florina screamed, before getting away from Eliwood, and ducking behind a bush.
"Florina?" Eliwood asked, rightly confused. "What's wrong?"
"He's gonna eat me!" Florina wailed.
"No, you're female" Matthew commented, rolling his eyes. "He wouldn't eat you up..."
"Geez, what's her problem?" Kozo asked.
"Oh, I don't know" Erk shrugged in a sarcastic manner. "Maybe it has something to do with your TRYING TO KILL HER LAST YEAR!"
"... ....Oh yeah! And if she's here, Lyndis must be here as well!"
"What would Florina have anything to do with Lyn?" Serra asked.
"...You're...you're joking, right?"
"No, I'm confused."
"...Erky, I feel utmost pity for you..."
"Thanks. ...wait, did you just call me Erky?"
"Yes I did, Erky."
"..." Erk leaned over in Dorcas's direction. "Is he always like this?"
The big warrior shook his head.
"Phew..."
"He's often much much worse."
"Ah nuts..."
"Mmm, nuts..."
Erk, Matthew, Bartre, and even Dorcas, all wide eyed, stared.
"...I was talking about cashews, you perverts! I mean, God!"
"No time to lose, then!" Eliwood nodded. "We must get to Lyndis and save her!"
"Yes, we must save..." Hector started.
Eliwood planted the tip of his rapier against Hector's neck. "Swords have a natural advantage over axes, don't forget it!"
"...Lyndis."
Cecil drummed his fingers on the portable table he always had with him, looking over the map. He had arranged game pieces to represent each of the units he figured was on the field. "50 against 4...geez, we're in over our heads here..."
"50 against 18, nimrod" Cecil could hear someone point out, before he was suddenly pelted by 14 more game pieces.
Cecil got up, and glared at Sain, Kent and Wil. "Alright, who did that!?"
"None of them, that's for sure" that voice said again.
"Alright, then who is?" Cecil asked, eye twitching.
"Just me. Kozo the Shaman/Tactician."
"Wait....Shaman...Tactician...same creepy voice...oh dear God, not you..."
"Yep. Me alright."
Cecil's face paled, and he shuddered.
"What!? Geez, what's with you people freaking out like this?"
"Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you TRIED TO KILL ME!"
"Oh that again. Jesus Christ, can't you people get over it already?"
"Where are you anyway?"
"Behind you."
"Wha?" Cecil turned around, staring face to face with the purple haired shaman. "WHA! God, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"
"But it's fun!"
"How'd you get here anyway?"
Kozo pointed his shoulder at Florina. "She brought me here. My..ahem...superiors are on their way as we speak. They should help even up the odds. Weird as they may be, they're pretty decent fighters."
"Florina, you did it!" Lyn cheered, rushing over to the pegasus knight. "I could kiss you!"
She could feel everyone in the immediate area staring. Florina blushed.
"Which...I wouldn't, of course..."
"Of course..."
"Of course" Kozo rolled his eyes.
"It's him!" Kent shouted, rushing over to the shaman, sword drawn.
Sain was riding next to the red knight, lance in hand. "Yeah! Who tried to kill us last year!"
"Please, we're supposed to work together!" Kozo tried to work out diplomatically. "Let's not bicker and argue over who tried to kill who."
"Alright, we'll work together" Cecil sighed. He looked back at the two cavaliers. "Weapons down, boys."
The two were reluctent to, but obeyed.
"Alright, Kozo, who are you bringing along to the party?"
"Let's see...a cavalier, an archer, a sword wielding pansy-boy, an axe wielding loud mouth, two fighters, a thief, a cleric, a myrmidon, a mage, a troubador, a knight and a paladin."
"...Kozo, if I were gay, and I were sure you were gay, I'd kiss you right now."
"Would you?"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Okay."
"'sides, don't think I'd go for you..."
"What!?"
"Nothing."
"Erm...why don't you go with Sain for this mission..."
"I just hope he's as easy on the eyes as Matthew."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"No, no, I mean who did you mention?"
"Matthew?"
"Boo-ya!"
"Didn't know you were interested in him too."
"...There's something funny about you but I can't quite put my finger on it..."
"Okay, everyone" Kozo reported back to Eliwood and Co. "We'll need to go at this strategically. Merlinus, you stay put to collect items. Marcus, you stand guard and defend the supply line."
"Why me? Wouldn't I be more usful on the battle field?"
"We can handle ourselves. If Merlinus gets attacked, he'll need a strong back up." Besides, that's two less creepy old guys I'll have to deal with. "Dorcas, Lowen, Bartre, Hector, you take the front line. Anyone wants to get to the others will have to go through you. Rebecca, Matthew, Guy, Erky, Pansy-Boy..."
"Gah..."
"Follow them close behind. Kill all enemies on sight. Serra, Priscilla, you two follow in last, make sure that the wounded get patched up. Get it?"
"Got it" Hector nodded.
"Good."
"So if he's going to do that..." Cecil muttered, moving some pieces on the board. "Kent, you take Lyn and Florina and try to take out some enemies without causing too much commotion. Sain, you take Wil and attempt the same. In the other direction."
"But I wanna go with Lyndis..."
"Tough it up, green boy." Cecil looked over at Kozo. "You're supposed to be some uber shaman, aren't you?"
"Well, my skills are above average."
"Then why don't you go with one of the two teams? I'll go with the other."
"Alright. I'll go with Sain and archer boy."
"My name is Wil, you know."
"Ask me if I care."
"Do you..."
"No."
"Right. Now, let's go whoop some ass!" With that, the whole squadren of good guys went on the attack.
A wall of soldiers charged towards Dorcas, Bartre and Hector. The axemen charged to counter attack, and easily overcame the feeble footmen. Bartre laughed, as he kicked the corpse of a soldier off. "Too easy! What, was this all they could do?"
"Don't get cocky, Bartre" Dorcas pointed out. "There should be some strong units in their number to have driven out Lyn and the others...I wonder though, how--"
"Kill!" Bartre hollered, charging out towards a few more opponents that just showed up.
"...Oh forget it" Dorcas sighed.
"Fire Spell!" Erk shouted, throwing a ball of flame at the enemy. The archer screamed, as he toppled over. His companion readied his bow, and fired. The arrow plunged into Erk's side. The mage let out a yelp, before throwing another spell at the enemy. He seethed, clenching the wound gingerly, blood staining his hand.
"Oh, Erk! You're injured pretty badly!" Priscilla gasped, rushing over to the mage's side. "Here, let me..."
"Back off, red head!" Serra said, shoving Priscilla out of the way. "I can handle this."
"But he's my escort! I have to be the one to help him!" Priscilla shoved Serra out of the way.
"But I've known him longer!" Serra responded, shoving Priscilla out of the way.
"I've been practicing my healing magic for two years now!" Priscilla shoved Serra away.
"And I've been practicing for four! So I know more of what I'm doing!" Serra shoved Priscilla.
"Um...girls?" Erk wheezed. "I'm losing a lot of blood..."
"I'll bet you practiced longer because it took you that long to realize how it's done!"
"I've been practicing to perfect it! I'm sure you'd do just a rush job, priss!"
"Rather a priss than a shrewish slut!"
"Oh that's it!"
"Girls....I...wow, my hand's all blury..."--thud--
"...Ah, now look what you made me do! He's passed out!" Serra snapped.
"Well, if you just allowed me to heal him..." Priscilla started.
"Okay, that's it!" With that, Serra tackled Priscilla, and the catfight began.
Florina gulped, and held her lance at the ready. Lyn tightened her grip on the Mani Katti.
"Alright, we strike on three" Cecil informed.
A trio of myrmidons shifted silently through the forest, trying to find their pray.
"Thr..."
"Kya-ha!" a green haired myrmidon shouted, leaping out of no where. With three swift strokes, the three enemy units lay at his feet, dead. He spun his sword, before sheathing it.
Cecil leapt out of hiding, smirking. "Well, aren't you quite the myrmidon?"
"Yep! I'm Guy of the Kutolah Tribe, and I'm going to become the greatest swordmaster in all of Sacae!"
"Is that so?" Lyn asked, coming out of hiding as well. Kent and Florina followed. "A friend of mine is from the same tribe. You might of heard of him. Rath?"
"Hmm...yep. Son of the chieftain."
"Wow. Didn't know he was that high up the ladder..." Lyn smirked. "Well, it's good to have you on the team. My name's Lyn. And these are my friends; Kent, Cecil and Florina."
"Good day to you, sir."
"Howdy."
"...um..hi?"
"I thought you were more comfortable around men now" Cecil pointed out.
"All that went out the window when I saw...him..."
"Yeah, he is pretty freaky..."
"Who are we talking about?"
"Kozo."
"Oh, he's the raw definition of freaky!"
"..." Marcus sat atop his horse, and scanned the area, a growl escaping him. Merlinus just traced circles on the counter in his tent, and let out a huge yawn.
"I'm bored..." the merchant complined. "Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. And I'm sure you are too."
"What are you talking about?" Marcus asked. "The job Kozo asigned me is very important! I must defend the supply line, or else--oh, who am I kididng, I'm bored out of my gord!"
"Then....then what do you think we should do to...yawn...pass the...time...snore."
"Merlinus! Wak...wake....snore"
"Oh look, it's the old people's nap time" Kozo sneered.
"Kozo! Watch out!" Sain warned.
Kozo froze, and looked to his side. A mercenary was almost on, him, sword held high. Kozo froze. He didn't have enough time to counter with a spell. So, this is it, huh? Well, I had a good run...
What he wasn't expecting was a lance to stick in between him and the sword. The blade got stuck, before Sain whiped the lance into a tree, taking the mercenary with it. The mercenary screamed as his back became awash with pain. He passed out.
Sain looked down at the shaman. "You okay, Kozo?"
Kozo just stared. Maybe it was because the last time they met, he was only concerned with getting rid of Lyn and capturing Nils and Ninian, but he never recognized how...chivalrous Sain was. Like something out of a storybook, the sun was shining between the trees behind Sain, glinting off of his armor and making it look golden, his hair was falling soft across his forehead, it made Kozo want to reach out and run his hand through it...
So he didn't give it a second thought while he leapt at Sain, trapping the knight in a hug. "Ya! You saved me!"
Sain was honestly freaked out. "Erm...yeah. ...Now, could you please let go?"
"Never!"
"I said leggo!" Sain screamed, before taking off. Kozo was knocked off. He picked himself up, brushed himself off, and began to chase after the cavalier.
"Wait for me, my knight in shining armor!" he begged.
"...okay, um, I'll just, uh...just stay here then..." Wil muttered. "Well, as long as no one leaps out of nowhere..."
"KILL!" Bartre screamed, leaping out of no where.
"AHH!" Wil screamed, before bolting off. Bartre was hot on his heels.
"Commander Bauker!" one of the remaining soldiers rushed over to his commander. A man with a small, thin face, parted, golden brown hair, and a thin moustache. He was wearing oversized green armor. "We've experienced a severe counter attack!"
"What? Someone get me my telescope!" Bauker demanded. The soldier pulled out a telescope, and handed it to the commander.
He looked over the battle field, seeing Oswin and Matthew bowling through various swordsmen. "Oh drat..." he muttered. He looked around a little more, fixing his sight on Hector, brutally slaughtering several enemies at a time while Eliwood was busy carving an E into his opponents' guts. "Oh bloody hell!"
He looked on further, and fixed his sight on Guy and Cecil...doing the can-can. "What the hell?" He looked on, and this time fixed his eye on Priscilla and Serra, still cat fighting. Bauker gave a stupid grin, some droll on his lower lip.
"Commander, what should we do?"
Bauker turned to face the soldier, still looking through the telescope. "I don't--whoa, I can see your skin cells."
The soldier sighed, and slapped the telescope away. "Commander, be serious. What should--GOD ALMIGHTY THE PAIN!"
The soldier crumpled over, as Hector pulled his axe out. He and Eliwood approached menecingly towards the knight.
He growled, raising his lance. "I won't back down! I will..."
"My lords, get down!" Dorcas bellowed.
Hector and Eliwood ducked, as Dorcas threw, with all his might, his warhammer. It flew (as weird as it was) straight and true, right into Bauker.
"Noooo!" the knight screamed, falling over. "... ...um, little help? ...I've fallen and I can't get up."
Eliwood turned to face the big warrior, and gave him the thumbs up. "Nice shot!"
Erk slowly opened his eyes, to see Priscilla leaning over him, concern in her eyes, and scratches on her arms. She was also lacking a shirt. Erk blushed. Topless Priscilla. I must be in heaven...
He looked over, and noticed Serra, her torn dress to her side, as she applied some bandages to her battered body. Half naked Serra. I must be in hell...
"Oh, poor Erk..." Priscilla said. "I'm so sorry I left you like that for a few hours."
"Hey, no worr-wait, hours?"
"Yes..."
"What uh...what were you doing for the past few hours?"
Priscilla looked over at her shirt, which lay discarded and torn next to them. She then looked at Serra, who was grumbling and cursing under her breath.
"...oh" Erk nodded.
Lowen rode over to Dorcas. "Pardon me, good fighter, but have you seen Bartre?"
"Well, the enemies are all gone, and he's still in his bloodlust, so I'd say he's out attacking the innocents."
"Run away!" Wil screamed, as he and a few villagers rushed by.
"Look, innocents!" Lowen beamed.
Bartre soon burst into view, screaming in primal fury.
"Shouldn't we go stop him?" Lowen asked.
"He'll stop himself eventual" Dorcas assured.
Bartre started slowing down, still snorting like a bull. He slowly returned to normal breathing, before shaking his head. "Whoa, I just blacked out there. Did we win the spelling bee?"
"What'd I tell ya?" Dorcas smirked.
Sain peaked from behind the castle walls. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, I think I lost him..."
"At last, darling!" Kozo said dramatically. "We can be alone!"
"What the...!? How did you...when did you..." Sain fainted.
"..." Kozo grinned, and clapped his hands together. "Some days, you gotta work for it, and others, life gives it to you with a cherry on top!"
"Hey, Kozo! There you are!" Cecil called over.
"Damn it..."
"Bring Sain over here. The others are meeting outside in the courtyard. We're about to storm the castle!"
"Alright, fine!" Kozo pouted. He scooped his arms underneath an unconscious Sain's, and started dragging him slowly to the courtyard. "Damn it, he'd be easier to carry without this armor."
So Kozo bent down, and removed the green armor. He stared down at Sain. "While I'm at it..." He then took off Sain's shirt. "...Ah, what the hell."
"Kozo, hurry up!"
"Alright, I'm coming! (ya no good fun wrecker...)"
Cecil streached, and clapped his hands together. "Well, it's good to see some familiar faces among this lot!" he beamed. He offered his hand to shake Dorcas's. "Great to see you again, ol' buddy!"
"Still as quiet as ever, I see." He looked over at Erk. "And here's our resident mage. Might I ask as to what happened to..."
"Eeee!" Serra squealed, rushing over and hugging Cecil. "Cecil! It's been ages!"
Cecil was taken aback. "S..Serra! What are you doing here?"
Serra grinned. "I'm in service of House Ostia. I'm currently traveling with Lord Hector."
"No foolin'..."
Oswin put a hand on Serra's shoulder, and started to peel her off. "I apologize for that, good sir Cecil."
"Eh, I bet you haven't had it half as bad as I did" Cecil shrugged.
"You wanna bet?" Erk asked, rubbing his hands together. "Easiest five bucks I'd ever make."
Wil slumped down near the fountain, panting. "If that pychopath ever tries to attack me again, he's a dead man..." he muttered, before looking up. His eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped. Standing before him was..."Rebecca?" he asked, approaching.
The young archer girl looked up at Wil. "Um...who are you again?"
"It's me, Wil! Remember? The guy next door?"
"Mmm...no..."
"The guy who dressed up as a clown at your 7th birthday party?"
"Don't think so..."
"The guy who got you a pony for Christmas 12 years ago?"
"Doesn't ring any bells."
"The guy who kissed Dan at the prom under drunken influence and ended up having to stay at the hospital for a week or three?"
"Sorry."
"Hmm...Guess I got the wrong person. Sorry to waste your time." With that, Wil returned to Lyn and the others.
Rebecca shrugged, and was about to walk over to talk to Eliwood and Hector, when she froze. They were all coming back to her. The horn, the pony, the blood..."Wil! Wait!"
"Pathetic old fool..." Ephidel chuckled, retreating his hand back into his cloak. Lord Haussen choked, before falling to a heap, burned all over. "Leila! Attend me!"
A young woman with long, red hair, violet eyes, and a single freckle under her lips approached. She wore a tattered yellow cloak, and a blue, almost leathery shirt, a miniskirt practically attached to it. "I am here, sir" she said simply.
"While Eliwood and company deal with the remaining soldiers" he explained, "finish off Marquess Caelin, and dispose of the body. They'll waste prescious time searching for it."
"You got it, sir."
A cold smile crept into Ephidel's lips. "You know, you've only been with the Black Fang for a while, but during that time, you've proven to be a valuable asset."
"Thank you sir."
"In fact, when you return to the Dread Isle, I could perhaps treat you to dinner?"
"Get bent, sir."
"Meh. Your loss." With that, Ephidel teleported out.
"It's that time again" Yoshimo reported beamingly.
"The time where we sit down and discuss politics?" Bartre asked.
"The time where I question why the hell I'm working with you people?" Chibi-Zell asked, rolling his eyes.
"Nope. It's time to find out what we should learn from today's chapter. And to find out, we turn to the Wheel of Morality!" Yoshimo walked over to the dial, before he was butted out of the way by Kozo.
"One side, shrimpy" the shaman said icily. He took the dial, and spun it. It whirled furiously, before slowing down. "And the moral of today's story is..."
"But I didn't get to sing my song!"
"Moral number 4." Kozo took the paper that printed out. "Let's see...We're all going to die eventually. Deal with it. Hmm. How fitting."
"Well, that totally killed the mood" Yoshimo muttered to himself. "So, I guess, until next time, try to get a good night's sleep, even though that thought is hanging over your head. ...Damnit, Kozo, now you've given me nightmares."