I finally realized one morning after I had brushed my teeth that I could no long see my toes. This of course made me A)Apprehensive of the up coming birth, and B)Estatic. I was pregnant. A mother.
I felt a slight kicked and looked over at my lover, Ricardo. I grabbed his hand with mine and placed it on my stomach. I stared in awe at the stark contrast that was our skin. He looked up with me with bright eyes and said, "That's beautiful. I have to go to work though, I'll be home by nine."
I nodded my head.
He gave me one last searing kiss and walked ou the door.
A few hours later I felt a slight pain while I was in the bath, I got out and saw blood run down my leg.
Now don't get me wrong, I know that some spotting is fine during pregnancy but this wasn't spotting. This was a river.
My eyes filled with tears as I rushed to the phone, I stopped when I realized there was no one I could call who would make it in time.
I grabbed my keys and rushed down the stairs, not realizing I was still in a towel.
If I weren't so paniced I probably would have laughed afterward. I never did.
§§§
"I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Manoso."
I looked up from my blue baby boy into the brown eyes of the doctor.
"Thank you," I said.
I looked back down wishing for his eyes to open. I wanted to see his eyes. Would they be blue like mine or mocha like Ricardo's?
I started sobbing quietly.
There was no one there to hold me because Ricardo was just as bad as me and no one else knew yet.
I wanted to be alone with my blue baby boy and his unopened eyes.
§§§
(two weeks later)
"Mom, I don't want to talk about him." I glared at my mother for wanting to bring Connor up. We had decided to name him Connor. He was beautiful...
Was. Was. Was. Everything about him is was.
"Okay Stephanie, but it's not right. You need to talk to someone."
I nodded, gave her a kiss on the cheek, got my keys, and got into my car.
A few hours later after watching re-runs of my and Ricardo's wedding, I stood up and looked down. I started crying. Gut wrenching sobs wracked my body as I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door.
§§§
She opened the door and stared down in shock at my wet face and shaking body sitting on her porch.
I looked up at her and opened my mouth in the best impression of a fish anyone had ever pulled off.
"Mommy," I cried out. "I can see them!"
I started crying harder as her arms wrapped around my convulsing vigure.
I could see my toes.