IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a second draft, minna-san. It's got funnier stuff.
- Hope you like it.
Ohayo gozaimasu minna-san! 'Tis 7:34 in the morn', but I be writing this fanfic here for your enjoyment! SO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway. I'm going to do this chapter and devote it to Chance Illuser. I will either do one of three things:
Make Joey despise Malik beyond all normal reasoning Make Joey give Malik the "silent treatment" Have Joey try to seduce him!! ; Just make Malik THINK Joey's try to seduce him. ;;;
So anyway! THANKS CHANCE ILLUSER FOR REVIEWING!
Also, a big "HI!" to AKIO THE DRAGON MASTER, umm... because I DANG WELL SAY SO!
Warning: Pain. . Enjoy it!
It was time.
The Chosen One, as proclaimed by the irritable and horrible when PMS-y Ishizu, sat up in his bed and stretched, crooning kawaiily.
"Yami, what time is it?" Yugi asked sleepily, stifling another yawn.
"7:37 aibou. Time to get up. The author is writing." Yugi groaned and hastily got out of bed, making his way over to his dresser.
Now, oddly enough, everthing in this dresser fit both Yugi and Yami perfectly. Yugi blamed and/or thanked Millennium magic. Blamed because he was NOT a big fan of leather. Plether, though? Plether rocked. Since it was a Friday (like today) Yugi took out his navy blue school uniform and put it on. Yawning, he racked his brain for anything exciting about the day to come.
...Oh yeah! Today they were having their picnic. They had pushed it up a day early because the authoress lady had said so, and Malik had been informed via the Divine Telephone. 'Twas quite a dramatic display.
A blush crept over Yugi's cheeks as he thought of Malik. He licked his dry lips, then looked hesitantly towards Yami. Finding the 4,000 year old spirit (INSIDE JOKE #1) snoring, he exited the room and made his way to the kitchen to get some Froot Loops.
Tea Gardner had already been up since 5:30, the evil monster, and was prancing around throwing flowers around in her apartment. --;; Thus, making a mess. She was also chanting:
"I like Malik; I like Yami; I like Yugi too; I like orgies; inside hot tubs; with water that is blue!"
OO Um... um!! O.O;;;
Let's move on, shall we?
"NO!" Tea screamed suddenly and randomly. She whipped out a skull via Shakespeare and started talking to it.
"Yugi, or not Yugi? That is the question! Whether 'tis nobler to let him in on the orgy like a good person or have more fun with just Malik and Yami alone..."
--;;;; Let's get out of here.
Tea slipped on some of the dark pink flower petals and hit her head on a coffee table, thus knocking her out. ( Cheers!)
Malik was gently snoring in his crib, hugging his baby rattle tightly. (Oh my, kawaii AND kowai! Cute and scary.) Suddenly, his eyes flew open. Cold chills ran down his spine. He sneezed. (REFERENCE TO JAPANESE CULTURE #1)
"I think somebody's making fun of me..." Malik muttered. He sat up and cried to try to get Odion's attention. After a few minutes when Odion didn't wake up, even though his bed was in the same room as Malik's, the platinum blonde – and that's Malik, remember – (Odion: dazed look Yes I'm a natural blonde...) threw his rattle at Odion and cried loudly.
"Ow. Uh... DAMMIT, ISHIZU! We can't play patty-cake now. It's too early. Oh... Malik. Hold on."
"O.O"
So, after the diaper change --- which I will leave to your oh–so–vivid and OH–SO- YAOIISH–AND–INCESTUOUS minds. Have fun, will you? gives you a pissed off look for no real reason 'Kay. --- Odion watched as a now fully-dressed Malik Ishtar gulped down chocolate milk from a baby bottle.
"Gulp, gulp, gulp..." gulped Malik, providing his own sound effects. Odion leaned over to pat him on the back, but Malik let out a burp in his face before he could reach him.
"And now, slave!" Malik commanded, throwing his bottle to one side, "we must (hic) prepare for the day to come! Anything on the calender?"
Odion jogged the 1 foot to the wall calender hanging very closely nearby. The bottle that Malik had thrown hit him in the head and he fell to the floor. With a groan, he pushed himself to his knees. Rubbing his bald head with one hand, he grabbed the calender off the wall with his other one. He looked at it, his eyes little swirls from the impact.
". Nothing down for today... :D except for your PICNIC!! :D MWAHAHAHAHAAA! :D :D :D" Lightening flashed in the background, followed by sonorous thunder as Odion continued to make stupid smiley faces.
Yugi sat eating his Froot Loops and watching the Today Show on TV, wondering along with the rest of America, just where in the world was Matt Lower? His grandpa was busy arranging his magazine collection.
"Now the Playboys go here, the Hustlers here..."
BOOM! A thundrous blast pierced the air. Yugi looked outside to see wicked amounts of lightning that weren't there 3.5 seconds ago.
"...Why isn't it raining...?"
"And the Playgirls go here..."
"O.O Um... grandpa?" Yugi leaned over his grandpa's hunched form, trying to get a glimpse of the magazine to see whether the eighty-two-year-old man was bluffing or not. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"NO MINE PRECIOUS WE WANTS IT!" Solomon Motou clamped up like an oyster realizing it's stunning beautiful pearl was exposed, grabbing his magazine and holding it against his chest. Yugi checked the title of it, saw what it was, and perturbed, went back to eating his Froot Loops and watching the Freak Show outside.
Seto Kaiba, Mokuba, and Roland were doing the macarena in yellow raincoats outside of Yugi's house.
"WE ARE THE FREAK SHOW!" Mokuba screeched.
"THE HIGH AND MIGHTY FREAK SHOW!" Seto yelled along with his younger brother.
"...This is so degrading," Roland muttered. "I don't get paid enough for this."
Roland's mind was not, however, on his ravenous, dirty, neglected seven- year-old daughter who was living in an orphanage, but rather on the large holes in his socks. Forgetful bastard.
Battle City's official referee looked up and saw a yellow-haired clown peering out of his window with wide eyes. He sweat dropped.
"Creeeeepy," he said. "Looks like the circus is back in town... I'm not bringing Mokuba again, not after the incident with him, the elephant, and those peanuts..." Roland shuddered. "Uggh. I never wanna go through that again."
"DANCE!" Mokuba poked Roland with a rainbow-striped umbrella. Roland flinched, then gave Mokuba a pouty look.
"Fine!" he snapped in a whiny girl's voice. "I'll dance, I'll dance!"
And he did.
Yugi was dressed as a clown. Yami came down and glanced at him.
"Groan..." Yami groaned. "I need coffee."
"Then we're off to PJs!" Solomon Motou said! Ooh! Exclamation point! He scooped up Yugi and Yami and went sprinting down the street while carrying them both. (INSIDE JOKE #2)
(This is gonna be a long chapter, ne?)
Tristan awoke to the smell of dog breath – never a pleasant thing.
"Blankie, get off!" Tristan shoved his collie off of the bed. (I do not own Blankie or the name; she's actually in the manga.) "Ohhh... hangover... damn."
Tristan got up, made his way clumsily to the attached bathroom, and tripped and hit his head on the mirror.
"............Ow...." came the delayed response.
"HIIIIIIIIYA son!" Tristan's father was standing in the toilet, donning black rubber boots.
"AGH!' Tristan jumped a foot in the air. "D—Dad, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing where?"
"In... the... toilet." Both Tristan and Mr. Taylor were silent for a moment as they looked down at Mr. Taylor's giant feet.
"Oh, well," Mr. Taylor smiled, "just trying to find a friendly way to keep Blankie from drinking out of the toilet!"
Blankie barked in response from Tristan's room. She then went into the kitchen/living area and ransacked the fridge using her super-dog powers. U.U But nobody ever believed her...
"So, where are you going today?" Mr. Taylor gave Tristan a friendly smile. He was a skinny man, with black hair plastered to his head and a skunk streak on it in lightning form. He was wearing dark jungle green overalls over a dirty white shirt with long sleeves. He wore black rubber boots and, as you know, was standing in Tristan's toilet. Tristan's toilet was actually the only one in the whole house, and, poor Tristan, he had to go rather badly.
"Dad... can you..."
"No, son, I can not waltz! I'm sorry!" Mr. Taylor waved him away with his hand.
"No, I mean, can you... get out?" Tristan gave his father a pleading look.
"Oh! Got your period," Mr. Taylor decided quackishly (really a word). "Well, good for you!" Mr. Taylor slapped Tristan on the back.
"O.O Um, no. I have to pee."
"OH, WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?" Mr. Taylor was all smiles. "YOU CAN'T!"
"O.O Um... why not?" Tristan wanted to know.
"Because Blankie my drink from the toilet." Tristan fell over. This caused him to hit his head on the linoleum.
"WHILE I'M GOING!?" Tristan demanded.
A smile. "Yep!"
A smile he wanted to wipe off.
"Dad, I'm sorry, but this is gonna hurt unless you get out of that toilet right now..." Tristan threatened.
"Whoa now, son! I'll be good!" Mr. Taylor jumped out of the john, whom they had lovingly named John Frederick I and adorned with those festive glass balls that you hang on trees during Christmas time. I would go into further detail, but this fic would be X-rated. Think about that for awhile until you get it.
"Finally!" Tristan sighed and relief and sat down. "Eating 50 pancakes for dinner really makes you hafta go!" O.O That'll do, Taylor, that'll do.
Meanwhile, Blankies sensitive super-dog powers told her that she could drink out of the toilet now. She ran.
Tristan was admiring the mess his father had made with his golashes all over the floor. Then Blankie ran in, the collie's toenails clicking against the floor. She lunged. The whole seen when kind of like this:
"Hi Blankie AAUGH OW OMG BLANKIE STOP!!! Heyyyy feels good I MEAN OH MY GOODNESS BLANKIE CUT IT OUT!! DOWN, GIRL! DOWN!"
Ahhhh, the power of cheese. Limburger cheese. It's illegal to sell it on a Sunday. Seriously. In some... place in the United States. Yeah. Anyway... Oooooh poor Tristan... ug. Let's move on.
"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"But I don't wanna goooo!" Malik whined babyishly. He was wearing a blue baby bib that complimented him rather nicely. Odion looked at him sternly.
"You're going!"
"But—"
"No!"
"What if—"
"No!"
"You wouldn't—"
"No!"
"Um."
"No!"
"Cheese."
"No!"
"Does Odion like Ishizu?"
"No!"
"How about little Yugi?"
"No!"
"Mai?"
"Yes!"
"Joey?"
"Hell no you little bugger now cut it out!!" Malik face faulted.
"Breathe, Odion, breathe." Odion's eyes teared up.
"Ok..." Odion snuggled against Malik, crying, "but it's so hard... I need my mommy."
"There there," Malik cooed. "Just remember that you're mommy probably ran away with a trucker like Hyde's mom in Season 1 of That 70s Show, and you'll be fine." Odion's eyes went wide.
"That... doesn't make me feel any better..."
"Well I'm sorry then, oniisan. You're an ass." Malik pushed him onto the floor. His answering machine picked up.
"Malik... Ishtar... I will fckin'... kill you..." rasped a voice that sounded like Tristan. "I've been CASTRATED because of you!" Malik winced. "Ooh." Then Tristan's voice got all high as he mimicked the "Beep!" BEEP.
"MALIK! I LOVE YOU MALIK! MARRY ME MALIK AND HAVE ORGIES WITH ME!" screamed Tea over the phone.
"The girl makes sense," Odion pointed out. Malik sweat dropped and kicked him hard in the kidney.
"Oww..."
Well, that took awhile to type... I hope you liked it. Next chapter is the actual picnic. There will still be lots of messages via cell phone and stuff. ; Happiness!!!! It's a good, good, thing! Reviews!!! They are good, good, things!
Ohayo gozaimasu minna-san! 'Tis 7:34 in the morn', but I be writing this fanfic here for your enjoyment! SO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway. I'm going to do this chapter and devote it to Chance Illuser. I will either do one of three things:
Make Joey despise Malik beyond all normal reasoning Make Joey give Malik the "silent treatment" Have Joey try to seduce him!! ; Just make Malik THINK Joey's try to seduce him. ;;;
So anyway! THANKS CHANCE ILLUSER FOR REVIEWING!
Also, a big "HI!" to AKIO THE DRAGON MASTER, umm... because I DANG WELL SAY SO!
Warning: Pain. . Enjoy it!
It was time.
The Chosen One, as proclaimed by the irritable and horrible when PMS-y Ishizu, sat up in his bed and stretched, crooning kawaiily.
"Yami, what time is it?" Yugi asked sleepily, stifling another yawn.
"7:37 aibou. Time to get up. The author is writing." Yugi groaned and hastily got out of bed, making his way over to his dresser.
Now, oddly enough, everthing in this dresser fit both Yugi and Yami perfectly. Yugi blamed and/or thanked Millennium magic. Blamed because he was NOT a big fan of leather. Plether, though? Plether rocked. Since it was a Friday (like today) Yugi took out his navy blue school uniform and put it on. Yawning, he racked his brain for anything exciting about the day to come.
...Oh yeah! Today they were having their picnic. They had pushed it up a day early because the authoress lady had said so, and Malik had been informed via the Divine Telephone. 'Twas quite a dramatic display.
A blush crept over Yugi's cheeks as he thought of Malik. He licked his dry lips, then looked hesitantly towards Yami. Finding the 4,000 year old spirit (INSIDE JOKE #1) snoring, he exited the room and made his way to the kitchen to get some Froot Loops.
Tea Gardner had already been up since 5:30, the evil monster, and was prancing around throwing flowers around in her apartment. --;; Thus, making a mess. She was also chanting:
"I like Malik; I like Yami; I like Yugi too; I like orgies; inside hot tubs; with water that is blue!"
OO Um... um!! O.O;;;
Let's move on, shall we?
"NO!" Tea screamed suddenly and randomly. She whipped out a skull via Shakespeare and started talking to it.
"Yugi, or not Yugi? That is the question! Whether 'tis nobler to let him in on the orgy like a good person or have more fun with just Malik and Yami alone..."
--;;;; Let's get out of here.
Tea slipped on some of the dark pink flower petals and hit her head on a coffee table, thus knocking her out. ( Cheers!)
Malik was gently snoring in his crib, hugging his baby rattle tightly. (Oh my, kawaii AND kowai! Cute and scary.) Suddenly, his eyes flew open. Cold chills ran down his spine. He sneezed. (REFERENCE TO JAPANESE CULTURE #1)
"I think somebody's making fun of me..." Malik muttered. He sat up and cried to try to get Odion's attention. After a few minutes when Odion didn't wake up, even though his bed was in the same room as Malik's, the platinum blonde – and that's Malik, remember – (Odion: dazed look Yes I'm a natural blonde...) threw his rattle at Odion and cried loudly.
"Ow. Uh... DAMMIT, ISHIZU! We can't play patty-cake now. It's too early. Oh... Malik. Hold on."
"O.O"
So, after the diaper change --- which I will leave to your oh–so–vivid and OH–SO- YAOIISH–AND–INCESTUOUS minds. Have fun, will you? gives you a pissed off look for no real reason 'Kay. --- Odion watched as a now fully-dressed Malik Ishtar gulped down chocolate milk from a baby bottle.
"Gulp, gulp, gulp..." gulped Malik, providing his own sound effects. Odion leaned over to pat him on the back, but Malik let out a burp in his face before he could reach him.
"And now, slave!" Malik commanded, throwing his bottle to one side, "we must (hic) prepare for the day to come! Anything on the calender?"
Odion jogged the 1 foot to the wall calender hanging very closely nearby. The bottle that Malik had thrown hit him in the head and he fell to the floor. With a groan, he pushed himself to his knees. Rubbing his bald head with one hand, he grabbed the calender off the wall with his other one. He looked at it, his eyes little swirls from the impact.
". Nothing down for today... :D except for your PICNIC!! :D MWAHAHAHAHAAA! :D :D :D" Lightening flashed in the background, followed by sonorous thunder as Odion continued to make stupid smiley faces.
Yugi sat eating his Froot Loops and watching the Today Show on TV, wondering along with the rest of America, just where in the world was Matt Lower? His grandpa was busy arranging his magazine collection.
"Now the Playboys go here, the Hustlers here..."
BOOM! A thundrous blast pierced the air. Yugi looked outside to see wicked amounts of lightning that weren't there 3.5 seconds ago.
"...Why isn't it raining...?"
"And the Playgirls go here..."
"O.O Um... grandpa?" Yugi leaned over his grandpa's hunched form, trying to get a glimpse of the magazine to see whether the eighty-two-year-old man was bluffing or not. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"NO MINE PRECIOUS WE WANTS IT!" Solomon Motou clamped up like an oyster realizing it's stunning beautiful pearl was exposed, grabbing his magazine and holding it against his chest. Yugi checked the title of it, saw what it was, and perturbed, went back to eating his Froot Loops and watching the Freak Show outside.
Seto Kaiba, Mokuba, and Roland were doing the macarena in yellow raincoats outside of Yugi's house.
"WE ARE THE FREAK SHOW!" Mokuba screeched.
"THE HIGH AND MIGHTY FREAK SHOW!" Seto yelled along with his younger brother.
"...This is so degrading," Roland muttered. "I don't get paid enough for this."
Roland's mind was not, however, on his ravenous, dirty, neglected seven- year-old daughter who was living in an orphanage, but rather on the large holes in his socks. Forgetful bastard.
Battle City's official referee looked up and saw a yellow-haired clown peering out of his window with wide eyes. He sweat dropped.
"Creeeeepy," he said. "Looks like the circus is back in town... I'm not bringing Mokuba again, not after the incident with him, the elephant, and those peanuts..." Roland shuddered. "Uggh. I never wanna go through that again."
"DANCE!" Mokuba poked Roland with a rainbow-striped umbrella. Roland flinched, then gave Mokuba a pouty look.
"Fine!" he snapped in a whiny girl's voice. "I'll dance, I'll dance!"
And he did.
Yugi was dressed as a clown. Yami came down and glanced at him.
"Groan..." Yami groaned. "I need coffee."
"Then we're off to PJs!" Solomon Motou said! Ooh! Exclamation point! He scooped up Yugi and Yami and went sprinting down the street while carrying them both. (INSIDE JOKE #2)
(This is gonna be a long chapter, ne?)
Tristan awoke to the smell of dog breath – never a pleasant thing.
"Blankie, get off!" Tristan shoved his collie off of the bed. (I do not own Blankie or the name; she's actually in the manga.) "Ohhh... hangover... damn."
Tristan got up, made his way clumsily to the attached bathroom, and tripped and hit his head on the mirror.
"............Ow...." came the delayed response.
"HIIIIIIIIYA son!" Tristan's father was standing in the toilet, donning black rubber boots.
"AGH!' Tristan jumped a foot in the air. "D—Dad, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing where?"
"In... the... toilet." Both Tristan and Mr. Taylor were silent for a moment as they looked down at Mr. Taylor's giant feet.
"Oh, well," Mr. Taylor smiled, "just trying to find a friendly way to keep Blankie from drinking out of the toilet!"
Blankie barked in response from Tristan's room. She then went into the kitchen/living area and ransacked the fridge using her super-dog powers. U.U But nobody ever believed her...
"So, where are you going today?" Mr. Taylor gave Tristan a friendly smile. He was a skinny man, with black hair plastered to his head and a skunk streak on it in lightning form. He was wearing dark jungle green overalls over a dirty white shirt with long sleeves. He wore black rubber boots and, as you know, was standing in Tristan's toilet. Tristan's toilet was actually the only one in the whole house, and, poor Tristan, he had to go rather badly.
"Dad... can you..."
"No, son, I can not waltz! I'm sorry!" Mr. Taylor waved him away with his hand.
"No, I mean, can you... get out?" Tristan gave his father a pleading look.
"Oh! Got your period," Mr. Taylor decided quackishly (really a word). "Well, good for you!" Mr. Taylor slapped Tristan on the back.
"O.O Um, no. I have to pee."
"OH, WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?" Mr. Taylor was all smiles. "YOU CAN'T!"
"O.O Um... why not?" Tristan wanted to know.
"Because Blankie my drink from the toilet." Tristan fell over. This caused him to hit his head on the linoleum.
"WHILE I'M GOING!?" Tristan demanded.
A smile. "Yep!"
A smile he wanted to wipe off.
"Dad, I'm sorry, but this is gonna hurt unless you get out of that toilet right now..." Tristan threatened.
"Whoa now, son! I'll be good!" Mr. Taylor jumped out of the john, whom they had lovingly named John Frederick I and adorned with those festive glass balls that you hang on trees during Christmas time. I would go into further detail, but this fic would be X-rated. Think about that for awhile until you get it.
"Finally!" Tristan sighed and relief and sat down. "Eating 50 pancakes for dinner really makes you hafta go!" O.O That'll do, Taylor, that'll do.
Meanwhile, Blankies sensitive super-dog powers told her that she could drink out of the toilet now. She ran.
Tristan was admiring the mess his father had made with his golashes all over the floor. Then Blankie ran in, the collie's toenails clicking against the floor. She lunged. The whole seen when kind of like this:
"Hi Blankie AAUGH OW OMG BLANKIE STOP!!! Heyyyy feels good I MEAN OH MY GOODNESS BLANKIE CUT IT OUT!! DOWN, GIRL! DOWN!"
Ahhhh, the power of cheese. Limburger cheese. It's illegal to sell it on a Sunday. Seriously. In some... place in the United States. Yeah. Anyway... Oooooh poor Tristan... ug. Let's move on.
"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"But I don't wanna goooo!" Malik whined babyishly. He was wearing a blue baby bib that complimented him rather nicely. Odion looked at him sternly.
"You're going!"
"But—"
"No!"
"What if—"
"No!"
"You wouldn't—"
"No!"
"Um."
"No!"
"Cheese."
"No!"
"Does Odion like Ishizu?"
"No!"
"How about little Yugi?"
"No!"
"Mai?"
"Yes!"
"Joey?"
"Hell no you little bugger now cut it out!!" Malik face faulted.
"Breathe, Odion, breathe." Odion's eyes teared up.
"Ok..." Odion snuggled against Malik, crying, "but it's so hard... I need my mommy."
"There there," Malik cooed. "Just remember that you're mommy probably ran away with a trucker like Hyde's mom in Season 1 of That 70s Show, and you'll be fine." Odion's eyes went wide.
"That... doesn't make me feel any better..."
"Well I'm sorry then, oniisan. You're an ass." Malik pushed him onto the floor. His answering machine picked up.
"Malik... Ishtar... I will fckin'... kill you..." rasped a voice that sounded like Tristan. "I've been CASTRATED because of you!" Malik winced. "Ooh." Then Tristan's voice got all high as he mimicked the "Beep!" BEEP.
"MALIK! I LOVE YOU MALIK! MARRY ME MALIK AND HAVE ORGIES WITH ME!" screamed Tea over the phone.
"The girl makes sense," Odion pointed out. Malik sweat dropped and kicked him hard in the kidney.
"Oww..."
Well, that took awhile to type... I hope you liked it. Next chapter is the actual picnic. There will still be lots of messages via cell phone and stuff. ; Happiness!!!! It's a good, good, thing! Reviews!!! They are good, good, things!