NOTE: This chapter has been spell-checked and adding some more
description, therefore making this a second draft. (Sighs happily.) I
love making things difficult.
Author's Note:
When I wrote the beginning thing for Chapter 4, I had already chosen which one – A, B, C, or D – that I would use. But, I'm dedicating this chapter to Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2, because they were the first one to review Chapter 4, AND say what letter they wanted. So this chapter's for you! However, the effects of your choice won't happen until chapter 6...
Also, to one of my best friends in the whole wide world, FireNeiko, I'm dedicating this entire FANFICTION TO YOU! Woo! I hope you can come to my b- day party, you sound really really lonely. =( Anyway...
If anyone wants to read a really promising Gundam Wing fic, please read FireNeiko's Gundam 06. That's for you, Tay!
Oh, and please tell me in your review: Am I making Malik too much of a baby? Yes/No.
A review per chapter keeps me happy!! But any ol' review is fine! Remember! I accept flames! And I LOVE CRITICISM!!!!!
Here we go! . On with the fic, y'all!
THIS CHAPTER DEDICATED TO: SEPHIROTH OR ANIME-CRAZY2 ALSO DEDICATED TO: LISA KUDROW
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH, MICHAEL JACKSON, BARNEY, , OR ANYTHING ELSE. TECHNICALLY THE TALKING GRASS ALSO BELONGS TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE. DANGIT... (HA HA HA, MY NOSE IS POINTY.)
It was time.
...Yes, again.
DO NOT QUESTION ME! COWER IN FEAR, MERE MORTAL!! ...Ahem. It was time for Barney. Malik was standing on the sidewalk outside of the TVs 'R Us, watching Barney play on the television on display in the window. (Whew! What a run-on) He stared intently at the screen, lighting a cigarette and then taking a drag – hey! BAD Malik!
"Don't tell me what to do, baka no onna!" Malik yelled. Some random, uppercrust lady with a pink ruffly umbrella and a well-groomed white poodle walking by at the moment looked startled.
"Why, I never!" WHACK.
"Owww!" Malik rubbed his head, feeling a large bump already forming where the umbrella had hit.(1) [[Ooh, good umbrella story later.]] "I'll see you in Hell, lady! Goodbye!"
"Humph!" The lady resumed walking.
'Humans...' the poodle thought. 'Why can't they all just get along? Like us dogs and the trees... we've made an alliance and we stick to it! Oh, look, there's a tree now!"
"Rrr-uff, ruff ruff!" The dog jerked on it's chain.
"Not now, Phoebe." [A/N: There you go, Lisa!!]
"RUFFFF!" CHOMP.
"Ahhhhh my crotch!"
"O.O HOLY $%# you're a man!" Malik gasped in amazement.
"Noooo! Come back, Phoebe!!" The man – er, woman – er, man – okay, so he was a Michael Jackson wannabe! – sprinted after the runaway poodle. "I have to finish walking you for that hottie 5th grader down the street!! He said he'd go out with me!! Pleeease wait Phoebe!"
Malik stared after him. Then he felt his pager vibrating. He looked down. Oh. It was Bakura's number. He supposed he should call him back, to see what he wanted.
"Well, I suppose I should call. Bakura might need me to light fire to something."
Well, there was a pay phone.
"Hey, there's a stinkin' pay phone."
He'd call... collect. Dun dun duuuun!
"I'm gonna waste his MONEY! MUA HA HA ha ha! YEAH! Kick ass!!! I'm so evil," Malik told himself. Underneath his tight white plether jeans (drool initiating) he was wearing a diaper. (o.O;; Um... nevermind then... The faucet has been turned off.)
And so the extremely evil tyrant in the form of a sixteen-year-old, DEAD sexy teenager made his way to the telephone booth. There, he dialed Bakura's phone number, making sure to call collect. "Mua ha ha," he laughed softly, as he listened to the dial tone.
Ryou picked up the phone and answered melodically. "Moshi moshi, Bakura residence. How can I help you?" Ryou's voice, as always, was friendly and polite. Very benign. Several female passersby who happened to hear the conversation, as Malik had left the booth's door open, promptly swooned and then fainted at the sound of the British boy's beautiful melodic voice. Malik stared at them blankly.
He pointed dramatically at them. "E.T. phone home!!!! Shut the hell up, and go away!!!" Then, through the magic of the Millennium Rod, his index finger started to glow at the tip. Now it was THEIR turn to stare. Then scream. Then run away, tugging at their hair. Then head home and confess to their husband they've been cheating on them for seven months but that it doesn't matter because now that the world is coming to an end. Then get shot by their angry husbands. Then their husbands go off to become Jazz singers, like in Chicago. So Malik indirectly killed many people today.
"Uh, Malik?" Malik sweat dropped.
"Oh, sorry Yugi, I was just swept up in the reverie."
Ryou grinned from the other side of the phone. "Got Yugi on the mind do you?"
"Whaa??? Um, no!! I mean, uh, no!!! Um... is Bakura there?" Damn damn DAMN! Damn damn damn damn, damn DAMN! Malik admonished himself, singing in his mind. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! DAMN DAMN! [A/N: Sing this line to yourself, and it's a lot funnier. ;;]
Ryou quickly overlooked Malik's stuttering. "Well, Bakura IS home at the present time, but he's currently playing Sonic Heroes in French."
"o.O;; Why's he doing that?"
"Good learning experience, I suppose," Ryou admitted. "I learned all my Japanese from Sonic Adventure 2: Battle." [A/N: Try playing this in Japanese. It's so much fun!!!]
"o.O;;; Riiiight... um. Yeah. He called me."
"No he didn't."
"Yes he did."
"No he didn't."
"Yes he did."
"No, sorry Malik, that's not true. He's been up in the den, playing video games, since 2 'o clock yesterday morning." Malik sweat dropped again.
"Is there a BATHROOM up there?"
"Yes, yes there is." Sweat drop.
"And a phone?"
"Yup."
"So he could've called me."
"Oh, dear... I suppose so. Sorry about that!! Heh heh." Ryou scratched the back of his head. "Um... he's also got a pizza."
"Hot damn!"
"Yeah, I know. Oh... ;; But he won't share..."
"Kill 'im."
"I can't do that, Malik, he's my best – "
"Best what?" Malik grinned widely, leaning against the side of the phone booth. "Because I know you were not just about to say best friend, because I'm your best friend, aren't I? Or is there something you're not telling me." Bingo, Malik thought. He knew that something was going on between Ryou and Bakura, he could feel it. He could SENSE IT IN HIS BONES, I TELL YA!!!
"Yaaaaaaaarghhh!" The man from the Six Flags commercial ran and dove across the street, narrowly avoiding his own bus.
"Ummmm..." Malik could feel Ryou blushing from the other side of the phone. "He's my best... soul partner?"
"Good show, now cheerio!"
"HEY—"
Malik hung up. "Meh he he... nothing like stirring up cumbersome emotions for the day to come." Malik then realized that through out all of this, he had been holding a burning cigarette butt.
"" He opened the door to the booth and flicked it away, and it hit some poor kid in the eye.
"OWWWWWCH!"
The sexy Egyptian teen checked his watch. It was 1:20. The picnic wasn't until 2.
"I wish the author would stop changing the time and date," Malik grumbled, then he felt another vibration.
"OH, IT BURNS!!!!"
"Shoot!" Malik punched in the number, one he didn't recognize. He couldn't call collect for this one, because it was long distance, and at some hotel. So he was required to waste his quarters.
"Goodbye... my loverlies." Malik gazed fondly at his "loverlies", which could also be described as delightful, enjoyable, lovely, loving, or Having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye. See Synonyms at beautiful. This according to the elite place known as
Our Egyptian hero ---- cough, cough -- gaped at his collection of Georgia edition quarters some more, and then inserted them into the phone. "Au revoir..."
"Hello?" came a strange sounding Egyptian voice. The voice sounded... distant, mysterious, and yet powerful in ways that Malik knew he could never imagine. And trust me, he'd tried, boring as his home life was.
"BURRRRRRNSSSS!" The boy was still carrying on about that.
"Oh, get a job!" Some lady whacked him with her black purse.
"Moshi moshi, Shadi-kun. Listen, about you and my sister..."
"Ah," Shadi changed his voice, sounding more panicked now, "umm, you must have the wrong number. I am no Shadi here – I mean, there is no Shadi here. I am a magical cow."
Malik would now like to restate his thoughts during this transaction:
....................Nani? Kare wa nani o iimashita?
Translation: ....................What? What did he say?
Now back to your usual reading program. And don't forget to review!!
"Riiiiight..."
"No, it's true!" the Egyptian insisted, "a magical black-spotted cow!"
"Don't all cows have black spots?"
"Not all of them," he responded mysteriously, and slightly seductively, causing Malik to sweat drop again. "So, do you believe me or not?"
"Hmmm... let me think it over; No."
"BELIEVE ME!!!!" Shadi boomed. "I AM A MAGICAL COW; HAVE A TASTE OF MY MAGIC!" The telephone booth started to levitate about five feet off the ground. Immediately, a small crowd formed, staring at the astounding sight before them.
"Shadi you idiot!!" Malik panicked. "Stop, people are staring."
"Let them stare," Shadi told him. "Let them witness the great wonder that is Borodou, the king of cows!! Gyuu! Gyuuuu!"
"SHADI!!!!!"
"It's Borodou!!"
"BORODOU, STOP!" Malik glanced down at the people staring up at him with their shocked faces.
"A-hAh!" Shadi laughed triumphantly. "So you ADMIT that my name is Borodou?"
"No, uh, yes, uh – sorry wrong #!" Malik slammed down the phone. The telephone booth fell to the ground, smashing a small, four-year-old boy who's ball had rolled under it and had been sent by his manipulative older teenage brother to fetch it. He heard somebody laugh – via the teenage brother.
"Some people..." Malik stepped out of the booth.
"Maaaaaliiiiiik!!!" the deliciously delightful Egyptian teen [A/N: I'm having fun describing him, can't you tell?] turned to see... nothing.
"Down here." Malik looked down and sweat dropped. There, standing before him, was Yugi Motou, one of the most kick-ass duelists in the entire world. Now, if only his stature wasn't so... diminutive... Malik sweat dropped again.
"Oh, hi Yugi."
"Did you get my message?" Yugi asked, his eyes lighting up. Then, a split second later, his whole face dimmed and he fumbled with his hands behind his back, suddenly looking very shy.
"Yes, Yugi, I got the message from all of your friends," Malik informed him.
"No, no, I meant... the one I sent you before that." Malik paled considerably. He did not want to talk about that under any circumstances.
At least not in public.
"Oh, um.... Sorry, my sister must have deleted that one before I got a chance to listen to it."
"Oh," Yugi replied, visibly disappointed. "Um... well, then, let's go. The other guys are waiting, you know. Uh... Yami's not gonna be there," Yugi told him cautiously. But Malik was gone. "Huh? Malik?"
Malik was storming ahead of the petite world-class duelist, grumbling to himself. Of course he remembered that phone call, the memory of it was indelible!! Oh, he wished he didn't remember it, but he did.
"Do you suffer from insomnia?" Malik turned abruptly and gazed in a miffed manner at the TV screen that he had been watching sometime before.
"No."
"Do you toss and turn at night, trying to get asleep?"
"No..." Malik responded boredly. Yugi finally caught up to him.
"Hey, Malik, why'd you do that? I—"
"Quiet," Malik dismissed him with a wave of his hands. Yugi shut up. Somewhere, Yami felt a pang in his heart as he wished he could shut Yugi's grandfather up in the same way.
"And THIS magazine has been running since 1779..."
"Yes, grandpa, yes that's great." Yami said awkwardly.
Meanwhile...
"THEN BUY A PS2! IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THOSE NIGHT HOURS YOU TRY TO WASTE SLEEPING!! GIVE IN TO INSOMNIA!!! SLEEP SUCKS ANYWAY!!! I SHOULD KNOW!!! W00T!" And then, "Hey, who turned on the All Caps?"
"Sorry."
"Thas'okay."
Back with Malik and Yugi, who both had big, bad, HUMONGOUS sweat drops on the side of their heads, Yugi poked Malik hard in the arm.
"Hey!" Malik grabbed his arm in the offended area. "What was THAT for??"
Yugi pointed to Tea, who was running towards them.
"Oh, crap," Malik stated, slapping his forehead. Yugi glared at him petulantly.
"What??" Yugi demanded. "I was just saying that we had to go."
Malik's eyes widened as he realized something. Yugi still was loyal towards his so-called friends. And that was just uncool. He also realized that Yugi was wearing leather that made him look rather hot, but Malik tried to ignore that fact seeing how he considered himself not gay. Are you getting bugged but the alternating italics yet? Hee hee hee...
Yugi grabbed Malik's arm rather roughly and dragged him over towards Tea.
"oO WTF?" Malik asked. Yugi stopped and looked at him.
"Double u tee eff? What on Earth is that supposed to mean?" Yugi asked doubtfully. Malik brightened. Maybe Yugi was having second thoughts about liking him! This picnic could be a good thing! Maybe he could kill Tristan!!
"It means, 'let go of me please,'" Malik lied.
"Oh, okay. Sorry." Yugi gently released the handsome Egyptian boy. [A/N: ]
"Er... thanks." Malik scratched his head. "Now, shall we go?"
"Sure!"
And so, Malik and Yugi strolled grandiosely across the street, nearly getting hit by two navy blue Volkswagen Beetles and one white limo. Ahhhh, sweet serendipity. Suddenly, Malik's cell phone picked up...
"Hello?"
"Hello, I'm from Do you like shounen-ai?"
"He-ECK no!"
"Yaaaaay!" an annoying brunette sounded.
"Tea, go away," Malik commanded her.
"Of course, my platinum-headed friend!!" Tea skipped back over to the picnic. The telemarketer continued.
"Well then, here's a little something so cute, so fluffy, so... snotty... that you'll reach for a handkerchief!!! Not to cry, to wipe Yugi's nose!!"
"I SAID I was SORRY!!!!" Next to Malik, Yugi burst out into tears, causing Malik to sweat drop heavily.
"It's called "Cold Song" and it's by Sour Schuyler."
"You're advertising your own fanfic. Sad."
"Oh shut up.. And if you don't read it, Ryou gets pied!!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of town... Ryou's Spidey senses were tingling.
"WHAT!? No! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" the white-haired, extremely hot, incredibly cute, Brit shrieked. Ryou grabbed his hair and sucked his thumb. Fangirls all over the world awwwed.
"SO GET MOVIN'!!!" the voice yelled, and then hung up. Malik stared at the phone. "Um... no. Weird people trying to make me read something." He tucked the phone safely away into his jacket pocket. It was a chilly day, thus the jacket.
"I hate telemarketers," Yugi offered. Malik now realized that Yugi had to be considerably cold wearing such a... er... leather outfit.
"Yeah, me too," Malik agreed. "So, uh, Yugi, what have you been doing lately?" Malik flushed. He didn't really want to talk to the midget, but if he was at a picnic and required to be there, he might as well act -- shuder -- social.
"Well..." Yugi started, "I've been playing video games at my house and I guess everyone thinks I'm spending too much time by myself, and that's why they invited me instead of Yami. I—" Yugi blushed, "I've kind of been avoiding them... because someone I, um, have a crush on doesn't like them very much..." Yugi fingered the chains on his leather. "I, um, guess that seems selfish but..." He looked up and smiled sheepishly, only to see Malik staring at him intensely.
"I really like this person," Yugi informed him quietly.
"Oh," Malik said flatly. "Well, that's nice. I hope they like you too, Yugi." Not, he thought.
Yugi grinned sheepishly. "Um, thanks Malik. I hope they do too."
The two walked on, the grass snapping under their feet.
"AAAAAAH!" one particular blade of grass screamed, "MASSACRE...."
"SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!" another blade shouted.
"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TELL???" another blade screeched.
"UH... I can't," the blade confessed morosely.
"Idiot."
"Um, hey Malik?" Yugi asked.
"Yeah Yugi?"
"Why do you have both a cell phone AND a pager?"
Sweat drop. "You know, I never really thought about that."
"Oh."
"Yeah..."
"Hi Malik-kun!!" Tea attacked Malik from the front, jumping on him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "We've missed you!!!"
Malik's face burned. Here he was, in the middle of a public park, and there was some bimbo attaching herself to him.
"Oh... my... GOD..." Next to him, Yugi was hyperventilating, and Malik couldn't figure out why.
Inside Malik Ishtar's mind...
Perversion: Heheh, this feels nice...
Common Sense: This is SOOOO embarrassing...
Yami Malik, all the way from Zambia: GET HER OOOFF!
Outside of Malik Ishtar's mind...
The Eye of Horus began to shine noticeably on Malik's forehead. He suddenly pushed Tea away with such force, that she FLEW across the park.
"Wheeeee!" she cried happily, flapping her arms. "I'm a BIRDIEEEEE!" She then crashed into a buxom woman wearing all brown, engendering a striking resemblance to a piece of poo.
"Ewwwww I banged into a TOILET!" Tea screeched, and she sprinted full-speed towards them, tripping over Tristan and crashing face first into the grassy dirt.
"IT'S A FULL-FLEDGED WAR OUT THERE!" one blade o' grass screamed.
"TRU DAT MA HOMEY!" another blade screeched. The first blade of grass sweat dropped – er, I mean dew dropped.
Yugi sweat dropped. "Let's just picnic. But first things first." He went up to Malik and fettered him. Malik sweat dropped.
"Uh... Yugi?" Malik looked innocently and confusedly towards his blonde crusher.
"Shut up and eat," Yugi snapped petulantly. Yugi was, apparently, in a bad mood for some reason.
Oh dear God, Malik thought to himself. Please don't tell me that Yugi's mad because Tea was hanging all over me! I mean, there is no way in Hell's butt- ugly basement that I would even think about liking her!!!
Okay, Yami Malik replied all the way from Zambia, I won't tell you. Malik sweat dropped, then noticed Joey waving a jar of jam in front of his face.
Whew!! 10 pages!! It guess I'm making this a two-parter!! I wasn't intending to, but I suppose it's for the best ne? Don't worry!! After the picnic is over I'm going to do more good 'ol chapters like chapter 1! And I decided that there is going to be a sequel to this!!
Author's Note:
When I wrote the beginning thing for Chapter 4, I had already chosen which one – A, B, C, or D – that I would use. But, I'm dedicating this chapter to Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2, because they were the first one to review Chapter 4, AND say what letter they wanted. So this chapter's for you! However, the effects of your choice won't happen until chapter 6...
Also, to one of my best friends in the whole wide world, FireNeiko, I'm dedicating this entire FANFICTION TO YOU! Woo! I hope you can come to my b- day party, you sound really really lonely. =( Anyway...
If anyone wants to read a really promising Gundam Wing fic, please read FireNeiko's Gundam 06. That's for you, Tay!
Oh, and please tell me in your review: Am I making Malik too much of a baby? Yes/No.
A review per chapter keeps me happy!! But any ol' review is fine! Remember! I accept flames! And I LOVE CRITICISM!!!!!
Here we go! . On with the fic, y'all!
THIS CHAPTER DEDICATED TO: SEPHIROTH OR ANIME-CRAZY2 ALSO DEDICATED TO: LISA KUDROW
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH, MICHAEL JACKSON, BARNEY, , OR ANYTHING ELSE. TECHNICALLY THE TALKING GRASS ALSO BELONGS TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE. DANGIT... (HA HA HA, MY NOSE IS POINTY.)
It was time.
...Yes, again.
DO NOT QUESTION ME! COWER IN FEAR, MERE MORTAL!! ...Ahem. It was time for Barney. Malik was standing on the sidewalk outside of the TVs 'R Us, watching Barney play on the television on display in the window. (Whew! What a run-on) He stared intently at the screen, lighting a cigarette and then taking a drag – hey! BAD Malik!
"Don't tell me what to do, baka no onna!" Malik yelled. Some random, uppercrust lady with a pink ruffly umbrella and a well-groomed white poodle walking by at the moment looked startled.
"Why, I never!" WHACK.
"Owww!" Malik rubbed his head, feeling a large bump already forming where the umbrella had hit.(1) [[Ooh, good umbrella story later.]] "I'll see you in Hell, lady! Goodbye!"
"Humph!" The lady resumed walking.
'Humans...' the poodle thought. 'Why can't they all just get along? Like us dogs and the trees... we've made an alliance and we stick to it! Oh, look, there's a tree now!"
"Rrr-uff, ruff ruff!" The dog jerked on it's chain.
"Not now, Phoebe." [A/N: There you go, Lisa!!]
"RUFFFF!" CHOMP.
"Ahhhhh my crotch!"
"O.O HOLY $%# you're a man!" Malik gasped in amazement.
"Noooo! Come back, Phoebe!!" The man – er, woman – er, man – okay, so he was a Michael Jackson wannabe! – sprinted after the runaway poodle. "I have to finish walking you for that hottie 5th grader down the street!! He said he'd go out with me!! Pleeease wait Phoebe!"
Malik stared after him. Then he felt his pager vibrating. He looked down. Oh. It was Bakura's number. He supposed he should call him back, to see what he wanted.
"Well, I suppose I should call. Bakura might need me to light fire to something."
Well, there was a pay phone.
"Hey, there's a stinkin' pay phone."
He'd call... collect. Dun dun duuuun!
"I'm gonna waste his MONEY! MUA HA HA ha ha! YEAH! Kick ass!!! I'm so evil," Malik told himself. Underneath his tight white plether jeans (drool initiating) he was wearing a diaper. (o.O;; Um... nevermind then... The faucet has been turned off.)
And so the extremely evil tyrant in the form of a sixteen-year-old, DEAD sexy teenager made his way to the telephone booth. There, he dialed Bakura's phone number, making sure to call collect. "Mua ha ha," he laughed softly, as he listened to the dial tone.
Ryou picked up the phone and answered melodically. "Moshi moshi, Bakura residence. How can I help you?" Ryou's voice, as always, was friendly and polite. Very benign. Several female passersby who happened to hear the conversation, as Malik had left the booth's door open, promptly swooned and then fainted at the sound of the British boy's beautiful melodic voice. Malik stared at them blankly.
He pointed dramatically at them. "E.T. phone home!!!! Shut the hell up, and go away!!!" Then, through the magic of the Millennium Rod, his index finger started to glow at the tip. Now it was THEIR turn to stare. Then scream. Then run away, tugging at their hair. Then head home and confess to their husband they've been cheating on them for seven months but that it doesn't matter because now that the world is coming to an end. Then get shot by their angry husbands. Then their husbands go off to become Jazz singers, like in Chicago. So Malik indirectly killed many people today.
"Uh, Malik?" Malik sweat dropped.
"Oh, sorry Yugi, I was just swept up in the reverie."
Ryou grinned from the other side of the phone. "Got Yugi on the mind do you?"
"Whaa??? Um, no!! I mean, uh, no!!! Um... is Bakura there?" Damn damn DAMN! Damn damn damn damn, damn DAMN! Malik admonished himself, singing in his mind. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! DAMN DAMN! [A/N: Sing this line to yourself, and it's a lot funnier. ;;]
Ryou quickly overlooked Malik's stuttering. "Well, Bakura IS home at the present time, but he's currently playing Sonic Heroes in French."
"o.O;; Why's he doing that?"
"Good learning experience, I suppose," Ryou admitted. "I learned all my Japanese from Sonic Adventure 2: Battle." [A/N: Try playing this in Japanese. It's so much fun!!!]
"o.O;;; Riiiight... um. Yeah. He called me."
"No he didn't."
"Yes he did."
"No he didn't."
"Yes he did."
"No, sorry Malik, that's not true. He's been up in the den, playing video games, since 2 'o clock yesterday morning." Malik sweat dropped again.
"Is there a BATHROOM up there?"
"Yes, yes there is." Sweat drop.
"And a phone?"
"Yup."
"So he could've called me."
"Oh, dear... I suppose so. Sorry about that!! Heh heh." Ryou scratched the back of his head. "Um... he's also got a pizza."
"Hot damn!"
"Yeah, I know. Oh... ;; But he won't share..."
"Kill 'im."
"I can't do that, Malik, he's my best – "
"Best what?" Malik grinned widely, leaning against the side of the phone booth. "Because I know you were not just about to say best friend, because I'm your best friend, aren't I? Or is there something you're not telling me." Bingo, Malik thought. He knew that something was going on between Ryou and Bakura, he could feel it. He could SENSE IT IN HIS BONES, I TELL YA!!!
"Yaaaaaaaarghhh!" The man from the Six Flags commercial ran and dove across the street, narrowly avoiding his own bus.
"Ummmm..." Malik could feel Ryou blushing from the other side of the phone. "He's my best... soul partner?"
"Good show, now cheerio!"
"HEY—"
Malik hung up. "Meh he he... nothing like stirring up cumbersome emotions for the day to come." Malik then realized that through out all of this, he had been holding a burning cigarette butt.
"" He opened the door to the booth and flicked it away, and it hit some poor kid in the eye.
"OWWWWWCH!"
The sexy Egyptian teen checked his watch. It was 1:20. The picnic wasn't until 2.
"I wish the author would stop changing the time and date," Malik grumbled, then he felt another vibration.
"OH, IT BURNS!!!!"
"Shoot!" Malik punched in the number, one he didn't recognize. He couldn't call collect for this one, because it was long distance, and at some hotel. So he was required to waste his quarters.
"Goodbye... my loverlies." Malik gazed fondly at his "loverlies", which could also be described as delightful, enjoyable, lovely, loving, or Having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye. See Synonyms at beautiful. This according to the elite place known as
Our Egyptian hero ---- cough, cough -- gaped at his collection of Georgia edition quarters some more, and then inserted them into the phone. "Au revoir..."
"Hello?" came a strange sounding Egyptian voice. The voice sounded... distant, mysterious, and yet powerful in ways that Malik knew he could never imagine. And trust me, he'd tried, boring as his home life was.
"BURRRRRRNSSSS!" The boy was still carrying on about that.
"Oh, get a job!" Some lady whacked him with her black purse.
"Moshi moshi, Shadi-kun. Listen, about you and my sister..."
"Ah," Shadi changed his voice, sounding more panicked now, "umm, you must have the wrong number. I am no Shadi here – I mean, there is no Shadi here. I am a magical cow."
Malik would now like to restate his thoughts during this transaction:
....................Nani? Kare wa nani o iimashita?
Translation: ....................What? What did he say?
Now back to your usual reading program. And don't forget to review!!
"Riiiiight..."
"No, it's true!" the Egyptian insisted, "a magical black-spotted cow!"
"Don't all cows have black spots?"
"Not all of them," he responded mysteriously, and slightly seductively, causing Malik to sweat drop again. "So, do you believe me or not?"
"Hmmm... let me think it over; No."
"BELIEVE ME!!!!" Shadi boomed. "I AM A MAGICAL COW; HAVE A TASTE OF MY MAGIC!" The telephone booth started to levitate about five feet off the ground. Immediately, a small crowd formed, staring at the astounding sight before them.
"Shadi you idiot!!" Malik panicked. "Stop, people are staring."
"Let them stare," Shadi told him. "Let them witness the great wonder that is Borodou, the king of cows!! Gyuu! Gyuuuu!"
"SHADI!!!!!"
"It's Borodou!!"
"BORODOU, STOP!" Malik glanced down at the people staring up at him with their shocked faces.
"A-hAh!" Shadi laughed triumphantly. "So you ADMIT that my name is Borodou?"
"No, uh, yes, uh – sorry wrong #!" Malik slammed down the phone. The telephone booth fell to the ground, smashing a small, four-year-old boy who's ball had rolled under it and had been sent by his manipulative older teenage brother to fetch it. He heard somebody laugh – via the teenage brother.
"Some people..." Malik stepped out of the booth.
"Maaaaaliiiiiik!!!" the deliciously delightful Egyptian teen [A/N: I'm having fun describing him, can't you tell?] turned to see... nothing.
"Down here." Malik looked down and sweat dropped. There, standing before him, was Yugi Motou, one of the most kick-ass duelists in the entire world. Now, if only his stature wasn't so... diminutive... Malik sweat dropped again.
"Oh, hi Yugi."
"Did you get my message?" Yugi asked, his eyes lighting up. Then, a split second later, his whole face dimmed and he fumbled with his hands behind his back, suddenly looking very shy.
"Yes, Yugi, I got the message from all of your friends," Malik informed him.
"No, no, I meant... the one I sent you before that." Malik paled considerably. He did not want to talk about that under any circumstances.
At least not in public.
"Oh, um.... Sorry, my sister must have deleted that one before I got a chance to listen to it."
"Oh," Yugi replied, visibly disappointed. "Um... well, then, let's go. The other guys are waiting, you know. Uh... Yami's not gonna be there," Yugi told him cautiously. But Malik was gone. "Huh? Malik?"
Malik was storming ahead of the petite world-class duelist, grumbling to himself. Of course he remembered that phone call, the memory of it was indelible!! Oh, he wished he didn't remember it, but he did.
"Do you suffer from insomnia?" Malik turned abruptly and gazed in a miffed manner at the TV screen that he had been watching sometime before.
"No."
"Do you toss and turn at night, trying to get asleep?"
"No..." Malik responded boredly. Yugi finally caught up to him.
"Hey, Malik, why'd you do that? I—"
"Quiet," Malik dismissed him with a wave of his hands. Yugi shut up. Somewhere, Yami felt a pang in his heart as he wished he could shut Yugi's grandfather up in the same way.
"And THIS magazine has been running since 1779..."
"Yes, grandpa, yes that's great." Yami said awkwardly.
Meanwhile...
"THEN BUY A PS2! IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THOSE NIGHT HOURS YOU TRY TO WASTE SLEEPING!! GIVE IN TO INSOMNIA!!! SLEEP SUCKS ANYWAY!!! I SHOULD KNOW!!! W00T!" And then, "Hey, who turned on the All Caps?"
"Sorry."
"Thas'okay."
Back with Malik and Yugi, who both had big, bad, HUMONGOUS sweat drops on the side of their heads, Yugi poked Malik hard in the arm.
"Hey!" Malik grabbed his arm in the offended area. "What was THAT for??"
Yugi pointed to Tea, who was running towards them.
"Oh, crap," Malik stated, slapping his forehead. Yugi glared at him petulantly.
"What??" Yugi demanded. "I was just saying that we had to go."
Malik's eyes widened as he realized something. Yugi still was loyal towards his so-called friends. And that was just uncool. He also realized that Yugi was wearing leather that made him look rather hot, but Malik tried to ignore that fact seeing how he considered himself not gay. Are you getting bugged but the alternating italics yet? Hee hee hee...
Yugi grabbed Malik's arm rather roughly and dragged him over towards Tea.
"oO WTF?" Malik asked. Yugi stopped and looked at him.
"Double u tee eff? What on Earth is that supposed to mean?" Yugi asked doubtfully. Malik brightened. Maybe Yugi was having second thoughts about liking him! This picnic could be a good thing! Maybe he could kill Tristan!!
"It means, 'let go of me please,'" Malik lied.
"Oh, okay. Sorry." Yugi gently released the handsome Egyptian boy. [A/N: ]
"Er... thanks." Malik scratched his head. "Now, shall we go?"
"Sure!"
And so, Malik and Yugi strolled grandiosely across the street, nearly getting hit by two navy blue Volkswagen Beetles and one white limo. Ahhhh, sweet serendipity. Suddenly, Malik's cell phone picked up...
"Hello?"
"Hello, I'm from Do you like shounen-ai?"
"He-ECK no!"
"Yaaaaay!" an annoying brunette sounded.
"Tea, go away," Malik commanded her.
"Of course, my platinum-headed friend!!" Tea skipped back over to the picnic. The telemarketer continued.
"Well then, here's a little something so cute, so fluffy, so... snotty... that you'll reach for a handkerchief!!! Not to cry, to wipe Yugi's nose!!"
"I SAID I was SORRY!!!!" Next to Malik, Yugi burst out into tears, causing Malik to sweat drop heavily.
"It's called "Cold Song" and it's by Sour Schuyler."
"You're advertising your own fanfic. Sad."
"Oh shut up.. And if you don't read it, Ryou gets pied!!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of town... Ryou's Spidey senses were tingling.
"WHAT!? No! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" the white-haired, extremely hot, incredibly cute, Brit shrieked. Ryou grabbed his hair and sucked his thumb. Fangirls all over the world awwwed.
"SO GET MOVIN'!!!" the voice yelled, and then hung up. Malik stared at the phone. "Um... no. Weird people trying to make me read something." He tucked the phone safely away into his jacket pocket. It was a chilly day, thus the jacket.
"I hate telemarketers," Yugi offered. Malik now realized that Yugi had to be considerably cold wearing such a... er... leather outfit.
"Yeah, me too," Malik agreed. "So, uh, Yugi, what have you been doing lately?" Malik flushed. He didn't really want to talk to the midget, but if he was at a picnic and required to be there, he might as well act -- shuder -- social.
"Well..." Yugi started, "I've been playing video games at my house and I guess everyone thinks I'm spending too much time by myself, and that's why they invited me instead of Yami. I—" Yugi blushed, "I've kind of been avoiding them... because someone I, um, have a crush on doesn't like them very much..." Yugi fingered the chains on his leather. "I, um, guess that seems selfish but..." He looked up and smiled sheepishly, only to see Malik staring at him intensely.
"I really like this person," Yugi informed him quietly.
"Oh," Malik said flatly. "Well, that's nice. I hope they like you too, Yugi." Not, he thought.
Yugi grinned sheepishly. "Um, thanks Malik. I hope they do too."
The two walked on, the grass snapping under their feet.
"AAAAAAH!" one particular blade of grass screamed, "MASSACRE...."
"SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!" another blade shouted.
"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TELL???" another blade screeched.
"UH... I can't," the blade confessed morosely.
"Idiot."
"Um, hey Malik?" Yugi asked.
"Yeah Yugi?"
"Why do you have both a cell phone AND a pager?"
Sweat drop. "You know, I never really thought about that."
"Oh."
"Yeah..."
"Hi Malik-kun!!" Tea attacked Malik from the front, jumping on him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "We've missed you!!!"
Malik's face burned. Here he was, in the middle of a public park, and there was some bimbo attaching herself to him.
"Oh... my... GOD..." Next to him, Yugi was hyperventilating, and Malik couldn't figure out why.
Inside Malik Ishtar's mind...
Perversion: Heheh, this feels nice...
Common Sense: This is SOOOO embarrassing...
Yami Malik, all the way from Zambia: GET HER OOOFF!
Outside of Malik Ishtar's mind...
The Eye of Horus began to shine noticeably on Malik's forehead. He suddenly pushed Tea away with such force, that she FLEW across the park.
"Wheeeee!" she cried happily, flapping her arms. "I'm a BIRDIEEEEE!" She then crashed into a buxom woman wearing all brown, engendering a striking resemblance to a piece of poo.
"Ewwwww I banged into a TOILET!" Tea screeched, and she sprinted full-speed towards them, tripping over Tristan and crashing face first into the grassy dirt.
"IT'S A FULL-FLEDGED WAR OUT THERE!" one blade o' grass screamed.
"TRU DAT MA HOMEY!" another blade screeched. The first blade of grass sweat dropped – er, I mean dew dropped.
Yugi sweat dropped. "Let's just picnic. But first things first." He went up to Malik and fettered him. Malik sweat dropped.
"Uh... Yugi?" Malik looked innocently and confusedly towards his blonde crusher.
"Shut up and eat," Yugi snapped petulantly. Yugi was, apparently, in a bad mood for some reason.
Oh dear God, Malik thought to himself. Please don't tell me that Yugi's mad because Tea was hanging all over me! I mean, there is no way in Hell's butt- ugly basement that I would even think about liking her!!!
Okay, Yami Malik replied all the way from Zambia, I won't tell you. Malik sweat dropped, then noticed Joey waving a jar of jam in front of his face.
Whew!! 10 pages!! It guess I'm making this a two-parter!! I wasn't intending to, but I suppose it's for the best ne? Don't worry!! After the picnic is over I'm going to do more good 'ol chapters like chapter 1! And I decided that there is going to be a sequel to this!!