Reviews: 11
Votes: 2
Winning Choice: D
Heh, I was gonna choose that anyway. I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Sprite, Freakazoid or Schmuckers. I also do not own and have never SEEN Ghostbusters, sad deprived soul that I am. And I have never met Douglas Noël Adams or Fredrick Chiluba. Douglas Adams is dead, though. Hey, I just noticed that his initials spell D.N.A.!! =-= Lampoonery is fun.
I DO own Blade, the weird talking piece of grass, his twin, Blaze, and Kate, the incredibly fat woman who wears too much lipstick and resembles a blown-up Mr. Hankey – which I don't own. Oh, and in this chappie thoughts are in-between ''s because of the stupid quick edit format knocking off my smiley faces. U.U May they rest in peace happily... and still smiling. Lol, let's go!!
Oh! And I edited Chapter 5, now there is a little more description and everything is spelled right, EXCEPT for the word "shudder" which I spelled "shuder" because it oddly reminded me of a cow. xX I am also planning to redo parts of Chapter 4 to make them more funny, so beware.
"Yooooo, Ishtar!!!" Wheeler was calling, leaning across the red-and-white checkered picnic blanket. "Don't you want some jelly?" Joey grinned his dopey grin. Malik, looking extremely bored, grabbed a piece of bread in a huff.
"Fine," Malik replied stuffily, "lay it on me."
Joey unscrewed the jelly too roughly, causing it to fall on Malik's new shirt.
"Oooooops, sorrry Malik!" Joey said cheerfully. Malik glared at him.
"That's, okay," Malik growled between clenched teeth. Inside Malik was seething, but he knew that if Odion caught wind that he had slaughtered somebody intentionally he would be grounded for life... or at least until next week, which would suck. Yugi casually tossed him a worried look, but then went back to enjoying his all-jelly sandwich. Eeyuck.
"Here, let me clean dat off for you!" Joey grabbed a napkin and starting wiping off Malik's shirt. Since he was leaning at nearly a 135º angle, he fell face-first onto Malik's lap.
"OO;;" went Yugi.
"OO;;" went Malik.
". Does anyone feel a draft?" Tristan took another bite out of his all- peanut butter sandwich.
Joey shoved himself up. "He he, sorry about that!" He then took the napkin and wiped off Malik's shirt, in the process placing one of his hands on Malik's thighs.
'OO;;; OMG! What the fuzzuck does he think he's doing!?' Malik stared wide- eyed at Joey's hand. '--;; I'm staring at his hand.' Joey nearly fell again, causing him to tense, and his hand clamp down.
' He just groped meh!!!'
"Ohhhh, sorry Malik, I grabbed ya too tight." Joey sat up and winked at him. "Well, your shirts all clean!!"
Malik looked down. He had a huge water stain down his front.
'Great,' he thought, 'just great.' He looked up. "Uhh... thanks." He then tried to stand up, but the shackles around his ankles prevented him from going anywhere.
"Damn it!!" Malik yelled. Yugi, Joey and Tristan turned around to stare at him. Malik noticed that Yugi looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights. It was kind of cute, actually. He reminded Malik of an elf.
'...DAMN!' Malik screamed at himself. 'I JUST CALLED YUGI CUTE! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!'
"Sorry, Mal', did I not do a good enough job for ya? I can try again, if you like." Joey pointed at Malik's pants, too. "You got some on your pants, too."
Malik looked down at his baggy sweatpants to see a little blob of jelly...
...
...
...
...
...right near his crotch.
"Here let me get that for you." Joey started to reach for his....
BWAM!
"Get away from me you stupid freak!!! Stop trying to molest me!! And never call me Mal!!" Malik narrowed his eyes at the fellow blonde teen, determining that Seto Kaiba was right – Joey DID closely resemble a dog. Especially a Golden Retriever. Yugi could be a Chihuahua, though, and Tristan could be a German Shepard. Tea would be...
'o.O;; Why am I comparing people do dogs???' Malik asked himself. 'I must be going crazy.' He turned over to Yugi, who had his back turned to him, and was slowly chewing his sandwich. The irresistible blonde midget slowly reached for a nice, icy cool can of refreshing Sprite. 'Yugi, help me!! Don't you like me or something!?! Call him off!! He's YOUR bitch! He'll listen!!' Malik then sighed and sat down. After the morbid task of removing the blob of jelly with a napkin, Malik flung it at Joey's face. It landed right where he wanted it to, spreading the jelly blob all over Joey's nose.
"Here, eat that you dog," Malik told him, only to face fault as he discovered Joey in tears, trembling with laughter as he peeled the napkin off and wiped off the blob, making it look like he was picking his nose.
"What's so funny??" he hissed angrily. Wheeler was supposed to be angry, and HE was the one who was supposed to be laughing. Joey sat up, quivering with inward laughs.
"Geez, Malik, I would never try to molest you. You know me better than that. And... and..." Joey laughed again, "look!!!"
Malik followed Joey's slender fingers to see Tea fighting off the woman she had crashed into with a golden purse. The purse had the Eye of Horus and was shooting laser beams at the ridiculously fat woman.
"Noooooo!" the fattie fat fat woman – let's name her Kate (no offense to any Kates out there) – yelled as she fell in slow motion onto a sandbox, smashing two little boys to death and seriously wounding their brand spankin' new blue toy trucks.
"Run for your life!!! Uproot yourselves!!!" the odd talking grass shouted.
"I can't!!" came the replies from dozens of blades.
"Nooooo!" Blade the blade of grass screamed. "We're doomed!!"
"DON'T GIVE UP MAN! DON'T GIVE U—" Blaze, Blade's twin brother, went down.
"Nooooooooooooo Blaaaaaze!" Blade sobbed, dew trickling down his stalk. "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME!?"
Blackie, the red maple leaf lying next to them (as he was a veteran in the Autumn Breeze war, and awarded a purple heart), dew dropped.
"Hey Malik! Is that some jelly on your chin? Can I have it?" Malik's eyes widened as he envisioned Joey attempting to lick the offending tasty blob off, and he was eternally grateful as his cell phone started to ring. And so, being thankful, and it being around November anyway, he decided to celebrate Thanksgiving early and say a prayer.
"Oh thank you o holy messaging device which I revere and worship! Amen." Malik then kissed his phone fondly, but found that Joey was gawking at him, smiling, and that the phone was till ringing and tasted really nasty and metallic-y. He fumbled with it.
"Um, no, Joey. No you can't," he answered quietly, and then he clicked the 'talk' button.
"Hello?" Malik snapped, annoyed. He was being ogled by a man who closely resembled a golden retriever here! What was there to like!? Although he did have nice hair, Malik had to admit. Still, he was in no mood for games.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Ugh, for God sakes stop censoring it out!" Malik raved. Then realization struck him. "Ow!! ...Oh. Ohhhh. It's a dial tone. Right. I missed it."
Joey was grinning that cheesy grin, making Malik futilely resist smacking him.
"Must... resist... violence... I know! Look at clothes!" Malik turned his head at a creepy 90° angle to look, but not touch, Tristan. The oddly passive brunette was wearing his gaudy tan trench coat from the Duelist Kingdom saga in Season 1 – although how Malik knew this he didn't quite know. He cluelessly (dumbly) scratched his head. He then turned to Joey, who was... staring at him... creepily. Ugh. The idiotic blonde's mouth was open, (just waiting for the too daring and ambitious fly,) and worst of all his tongue was hanging out. Malik wrinkled his nose in disgust, and descended his gaze towards Joey's ensemble. The Wheel'meister was sporting baggy, dark blue Levi's and a sky blue cotton shirt with a white collar and heavy deodorant stains around the armpits. Malik rolled his eyes and huffed, and then turned to the last friendship freak. Yugi Motou, his prospective crusher. Malik nodded in approval at Yugi's leather jeans, tight white muscle shirt with his school uniform jacket over it. He was also wearing the Millennium Puzzle, but as Yugi had said Yami was out of the puzzle doing... whatever it was he does. Yelling at Kaiba, playing Duel Monsters, watching porn. Whatever.
Tristan got up and stretched. He eyes Joey suspiciously.
"Hey Joey," he started casually, "do you want to go to the Domino Arcade? It's right across the street."
"DO I!?" Joey said in Freakazoid's voice. "Let's go!!!" And he grabbed Tristan and ran off towards the arcade, stopping traffic because he ran right across the street.
Malik looked around. Near the Sandbox, Tea was doing a victory dance, and a dark brown, black-spotted bloodhound was defecating near a tree. Now Yugi and Malik were alone – well, not counting the thousands of blade's of grass around them, but, then again, nobody cares about them but the Twilight zone. And hippies. ...Nah, hippies don't either. Pimps.
Anyway, they were alone. Yugi finally turned around, and Malik saw him blushing. Malik would've mouthed off with a sarcastic comment right about then, but then he realized – getting a little close to Little Yugi would get him a litter closER to the Millennium Puzzle! So, he decided to stay for just a little bit longer. However, the gyves and fetters might have played a slightly influential role in his decision. His cell phone rang again. Yugi stared at it blankly. Malik sweat dropped.
'Is he high?' Malik wondered. 'Nah... must've been that sandwich. Unless there were drugs IN the sandwich... Nah.'
"Um... Malik," Yugi started to say, "your... your cell's ringing."
"Oh, thank you Yugi." Malik reached for the phone.
"You have 10 new messages," a creepy man's voice said. Yugi and Malik both paled and gulped. They didn't DARE disturb the voices. The voices could bring death. And death was not good. At least that's what the latest statistics show.
"Hiiii Malik! I'm still in Las Vegas where I said I was! Shadi and I are getting along GREAT! We're really hitting it off! It's nice. Oh, and I got a call from you're darker side! Says he's doing fine! The African people are treating him like GOD! Funny, huh? They're giving him crowns and jewelry and stuff. - Kick ass! Well, I've got to go dear brother, and play more poker. Ta ta!"
Yugi and Malik both stared at the phone after the message ended. Malik looked up, only to see Yugi's incredibly cute face. Yugi froze, seeing as Malik's gaze was upon him, and then he s-l-o-w-l-y looked up to meet Malik's resplendent gaze. He nearly fainted when he saw Malik's eyes. I mean, Malik's eyes are helluva cool, okay!?!? They're so... misty.... Yeah.
Malik turned away grumpily from the benign character. "Um... next message." Malik pressed the appropriate button, and suddenly he heard police sirens! He jumped up and looked around. Yugi's eyes went wide. Suddenly, they both realized where the alarm noises were coming from.
They both turned to the cell phone.
"M...bzzt MALIK! He... bzzt Hell has chocolate pudding!! bzzt bzzt Oh yeah, and bzzt Heeeelllllppp!"
Yami Marik's voice came screaming through the small phone, causing it to tremble.
"I'm halfway between Kasama and Chipata, hiding near the Lake of Bangweulu. The small village of Marik, which I named after us, is on the border of Tanzania. I'm... not scared. That's not like me. Um... DESTROY! Yeah! Heheh, that's it Marik, got to keep your rep intact... oh, crud, it this thing still on?!? O.O SHIT!!! Um, bye now. Tell Ishizu I love her. Wherever the heck she is. She better not be messing around with Shadi, he's an asshole. I know you agree? Um... yeah." "STOP, FUCKER!!!" "Oh yeah!!?!? That's pretty good language skills coming from an old man that looks like skin and bones! Don't people like you only make up 2.8% of the population!? Ha ha!!" "GET HIM!!" "RAAAAAAAH!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Run run run run rum! Rum... hehe... Rum is good. Ahhhhhhhh!" BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.
"God damnit." Malik fumbled with the phone. "Oh, sorry Yugi." He looked up to see Yugi staring at him with wide-open eyes. "God dangit, just when I thought your eyes couldn't get any wider. You're so sheltered." Yugi cracked a smile.
"Heh, I know what you mean. Everyone says that about my eyes." Yugi grinned. "You should see me with glasses!"
Malik couldn't help but grin. "They say that they're sheltered?"
"No!" Yugi laughed.
"Well, we've got 8 messages to go."
"Just skip it," Yugi advised him. "Wanna go to the arcade with Joey and Tristan?" Malik stuck his tongue out.
"No, no, that's okay. We have to listen to the messages. It's the point of this fanfic."
"This fan-what?"
"Fanfic. We're just fictional characters being manipulated by a teenage girl for comedic results," Malik explained. Yugi's eyes shone with recognition.
"Oh yeah! That girl who for some inexplicable reason likes pairing Bakura up with Tea or Ryou!" Malik nodded gravely.
"So let's listen," he advised.
"Press 1 to delete message. Press 2 to save this message. Press 3 to reply to this message. Press 4 to—" Malik pressed 1 quickly. There was a beep, and then the next message began.
"Hi... hehe. Is your... hah, this is a good one Rex— is your refridgerator running?? Hee hee, well you better go catch it!! Haw haw haw!" "Good one Weevil!" "Thanks, Mako."
BEEP.
"Press—" Malik pressed one again.
"Konnichi wa, atashi no ototo!! Kaibasan wa kaado ni kaerimashita ka?" Ishizu's sexy voice spoke Japanese. =-;;= Um... I'm a girl, so, I'm just saying that for the guys...
BEEP.
"Press—" Malik pressed the 1 button and held it, creating a long beeping noise. Yugi giggled. Malik smiled at him.
"Hello, my name is Dave Robertsky IV, but you can call me Bob. Are you interested in trying our new kind of bug spray? It—"
Malik pressed 2 and listened to the next message carefully. Yugi face faulted.
"Iiii'm, too sexy for my shorts, too sexy for my shorts, too sexy—" "O.O Mako, what in the world are you DOING, man!?" "Shut up Rex! I'm making a crank call." "o.o; Oh. But do you have to take off your clothes as your singing it?" "Shut up, I— Oops!" BEEP.
"Press 1 to delete this message. Press 2 to save this message. Press..." the phone kept listing the options as Yugi and Malik cracked up.
"Save it!!" Yugi urged him. Malik promptly pressed 2, and they continued to listen.
"Hi Malik!!!!!!! I just remembered, you're too stupid to listen to Japanese!!! Even though you LIVE in Japan!! Loser! But then again, didn't the author say in Chapter 4 that Yugi was wondering, along with the rest of AMERICA, where in the world Matt Lower was? I sense a plothole! Ah well! I said in my last message that I wanted to know whether or not Kaiba had returned the Obelisk. I'm not sure I said it right, though." "A-HEM. Ishizu, can we get back to business?" "Oh, sure Shadi. Well, I gotta go Malik, see you later! I guess. !! Ohhhh yeaaaah.... Shadi just like that, yeaaaah..."
Yugi stared WIDE-eyed at the phone. And mean I say wide, I mean WIDE. His face was basically two eyeballs with a blonde mane crowning it. Oh, and his eyes were cartoonish – white with two tiny black dots near the bottom.
Next to him, Malik was trembling with rage.
"Um, Malik, maybe you oughto calm down," Yugi suggested. Malik glared at him, red fire in his eyes. "He he, well all I mean is that she's old enough to make her own decisions... she's 20-something, isn't she?"
Malik looked up at the sky, which was suddenly gray and stormy-looking. A light drizzle began to fall all around him.
"THAT ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The cell phone bounced on the ground.
"Malik!! I heard about Ishizu and Shadi! That ass—" BEEP. Yugi picked it up and pressed 1, curious as to what the Malik's other personage had to say.
"—hole, I will fuck him up good!!! Ew, not THAT way!!! HEY! HEY WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!?!?" "I am Frederick CHILUBA, the former president of Zambia!! And I like you bad boy!" "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Okay Yugi bye. Yes I know its you, and I know you like my other self—er, I mean my COUSIN. (Can't tell people the truth you know.) Eheh, goodbye, I have to run now. EWWWWWWWWWWWrunrunrunrunrunEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!" "No, wait!!! I didn't mean it THAT way!!! I want to help you!! WAAAAIIIIT!!!" Yugi sweat dropped heavily, then looked up at Malik who was still screaming at the sky.
"Oh boy." Yugi put on his sweet-innocent face. "Malik?"
Malik continued to scream for a second, then stopped. "Yes Yugi?" he asked, his voice a little crackly because of a developing sore throat.
"Do... do you want to go watch Ghost Buster at the movie theater?" Malik stared at him curiously.
"They have that?"
"Yeah," Yugi informed him innocently, "it's the Super Ultra Extended Version With Bonus Footage 9.0." Malik sweat dropped.
"Umm... sure!" Malik said without thinking. "Wait... as a date?"
Yugi blushed. "Umm... no no no no no. Just us, as friends. Hanging out. You know?"
Malik jumped up. "Yeah, I know. Sure, let's go!" He attempted to race off towards the Domino Theater, laughing, as that would be a good end to any chapter and or episode thingy, but the gyves around his legs prevented him from going anywhere. "OWWW!! Um... Yugi...?"
"Oh, sure." Yugi quickly took off the gyves, fetters, shackles and manacles that had been keeping Malik in place and preventing him from killing anyone.
Yami Marik, all the way in Zambia, striding towards Chipata, wondered whether or not Malik would've said yes if it had been a date and how Douglas Noël Adams came up with the number 42.
'Ha ha, that's a pretty good ending, right? Ha ha ha, I'm better than my lighter half... yeah.' Yami Marik kissed his muscles. 'I am God!! Or... I was God.' He looked back to see the angry townspeople of Marik death glaring at him and shaking their pitchforks and torches. Where they had gotten the torches, he didn't know, though the pitchforks had been bought at the local Pitchforks 'R' Us about a half a mile back.
'Oh crud!! RUN!!!!!'
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW
This chapter goes with special thanks to those who voted:
Random person number 3 Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2
May many thankies from God Almighty place themselves upon your soul... Was that too deep? o.O;; Okay, I'll dumb it up a bit. Uh, thanks. I appreciate it. Thank you!!
DANGIT It won't work!!! I want my smiley faces!!!!! Um.... =)
.. It's just not the same...
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
sniffles morosely Please review!!!! I really want tons of reviews, because that's just how I am.
WARNING: If you DON'T review this chappie BEFORE going to the next, I probably won't upload two chapters at a time again. I'm serious. Okay? So.... Click that little button... HEY! NOT THE ARROW BUTTON! THE GO BUTTON!!! Sheez... Ja mata ne!
(Melissa, I reaaaally don't think it means that.... But then again I'm not smart. drools a bit Doi...)
Heh, I was gonna choose that anyway. I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Sprite, Freakazoid or Schmuckers. I also do not own and have never SEEN Ghostbusters, sad deprived soul that I am. And I have never met Douglas Noël Adams or Fredrick Chiluba. Douglas Adams is dead, though. Hey, I just noticed that his initials spell D.N.A.!! =-= Lampoonery is fun.
I DO own Blade, the weird talking piece of grass, his twin, Blaze, and Kate, the incredibly fat woman who wears too much lipstick and resembles a blown-up Mr. Hankey – which I don't own. Oh, and in this chappie thoughts are in-between ''s because of the stupid quick edit format knocking off my smiley faces. U.U May they rest in peace happily... and still smiling. Lol, let's go!!
Oh! And I edited Chapter 5, now there is a little more description and everything is spelled right, EXCEPT for the word "shudder" which I spelled "shuder" because it oddly reminded me of a cow. xX I am also planning to redo parts of Chapter 4 to make them more funny, so beware.
"Yooooo, Ishtar!!!" Wheeler was calling, leaning across the red-and-white checkered picnic blanket. "Don't you want some jelly?" Joey grinned his dopey grin. Malik, looking extremely bored, grabbed a piece of bread in a huff.
"Fine," Malik replied stuffily, "lay it on me."
Joey unscrewed the jelly too roughly, causing it to fall on Malik's new shirt.
"Oooooops, sorrry Malik!" Joey said cheerfully. Malik glared at him.
"That's, okay," Malik growled between clenched teeth. Inside Malik was seething, but he knew that if Odion caught wind that he had slaughtered somebody intentionally he would be grounded for life... or at least until next week, which would suck. Yugi casually tossed him a worried look, but then went back to enjoying his all-jelly sandwich. Eeyuck.
"Here, let me clean dat off for you!" Joey grabbed a napkin and starting wiping off Malik's shirt. Since he was leaning at nearly a 135º angle, he fell face-first onto Malik's lap.
"OO;;" went Yugi.
"OO;;" went Malik.
". Does anyone feel a draft?" Tristan took another bite out of his all- peanut butter sandwich.
Joey shoved himself up. "He he, sorry about that!" He then took the napkin and wiped off Malik's shirt, in the process placing one of his hands on Malik's thighs.
'OO;;; OMG! What the fuzzuck does he think he's doing!?' Malik stared wide- eyed at Joey's hand. '--;; I'm staring at his hand.' Joey nearly fell again, causing him to tense, and his hand clamp down.
' He just groped meh!!!'
"Ohhhh, sorry Malik, I grabbed ya too tight." Joey sat up and winked at him. "Well, your shirts all clean!!"
Malik looked down. He had a huge water stain down his front.
'Great,' he thought, 'just great.' He looked up. "Uhh... thanks." He then tried to stand up, but the shackles around his ankles prevented him from going anywhere.
"Damn it!!" Malik yelled. Yugi, Joey and Tristan turned around to stare at him. Malik noticed that Yugi looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights. It was kind of cute, actually. He reminded Malik of an elf.
'...DAMN!' Malik screamed at himself. 'I JUST CALLED YUGI CUTE! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!'
"Sorry, Mal', did I not do a good enough job for ya? I can try again, if you like." Joey pointed at Malik's pants, too. "You got some on your pants, too."
Malik looked down at his baggy sweatpants to see a little blob of jelly...
...
...
...
...
...right near his crotch.
"Here let me get that for you." Joey started to reach for his....
BWAM!
"Get away from me you stupid freak!!! Stop trying to molest me!! And never call me Mal!!" Malik narrowed his eyes at the fellow blonde teen, determining that Seto Kaiba was right – Joey DID closely resemble a dog. Especially a Golden Retriever. Yugi could be a Chihuahua, though, and Tristan could be a German Shepard. Tea would be...
'o.O;; Why am I comparing people do dogs???' Malik asked himself. 'I must be going crazy.' He turned over to Yugi, who had his back turned to him, and was slowly chewing his sandwich. The irresistible blonde midget slowly reached for a nice, icy cool can of refreshing Sprite. 'Yugi, help me!! Don't you like me or something!?! Call him off!! He's YOUR bitch! He'll listen!!' Malik then sighed and sat down. After the morbid task of removing the blob of jelly with a napkin, Malik flung it at Joey's face. It landed right where he wanted it to, spreading the jelly blob all over Joey's nose.
"Here, eat that you dog," Malik told him, only to face fault as he discovered Joey in tears, trembling with laughter as he peeled the napkin off and wiped off the blob, making it look like he was picking his nose.
"What's so funny??" he hissed angrily. Wheeler was supposed to be angry, and HE was the one who was supposed to be laughing. Joey sat up, quivering with inward laughs.
"Geez, Malik, I would never try to molest you. You know me better than that. And... and..." Joey laughed again, "look!!!"
Malik followed Joey's slender fingers to see Tea fighting off the woman she had crashed into with a golden purse. The purse had the Eye of Horus and was shooting laser beams at the ridiculously fat woman.
"Noooooo!" the fattie fat fat woman – let's name her Kate (no offense to any Kates out there) – yelled as she fell in slow motion onto a sandbox, smashing two little boys to death and seriously wounding their brand spankin' new blue toy trucks.
"Run for your life!!! Uproot yourselves!!!" the odd talking grass shouted.
"I can't!!" came the replies from dozens of blades.
"Nooooo!" Blade the blade of grass screamed. "We're doomed!!"
"DON'T GIVE UP MAN! DON'T GIVE U—" Blaze, Blade's twin brother, went down.
"Nooooooooooooo Blaaaaaze!" Blade sobbed, dew trickling down his stalk. "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME!?"
Blackie, the red maple leaf lying next to them (as he was a veteran in the Autumn Breeze war, and awarded a purple heart), dew dropped.
"Hey Malik! Is that some jelly on your chin? Can I have it?" Malik's eyes widened as he envisioned Joey attempting to lick the offending tasty blob off, and he was eternally grateful as his cell phone started to ring. And so, being thankful, and it being around November anyway, he decided to celebrate Thanksgiving early and say a prayer.
"Oh thank you o holy messaging device which I revere and worship! Amen." Malik then kissed his phone fondly, but found that Joey was gawking at him, smiling, and that the phone was till ringing and tasted really nasty and metallic-y. He fumbled with it.
"Um, no, Joey. No you can't," he answered quietly, and then he clicked the 'talk' button.
"Hello?" Malik snapped, annoyed. He was being ogled by a man who closely resembled a golden retriever here! What was there to like!? Although he did have nice hair, Malik had to admit. Still, he was in no mood for games.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Ugh, for God sakes stop censoring it out!" Malik raved. Then realization struck him. "Ow!! ...Oh. Ohhhh. It's a dial tone. Right. I missed it."
Joey was grinning that cheesy grin, making Malik futilely resist smacking him.
"Must... resist... violence... I know! Look at clothes!" Malik turned his head at a creepy 90° angle to look, but not touch, Tristan. The oddly passive brunette was wearing his gaudy tan trench coat from the Duelist Kingdom saga in Season 1 – although how Malik knew this he didn't quite know. He cluelessly (dumbly) scratched his head. He then turned to Joey, who was... staring at him... creepily. Ugh. The idiotic blonde's mouth was open, (just waiting for the too daring and ambitious fly,) and worst of all his tongue was hanging out. Malik wrinkled his nose in disgust, and descended his gaze towards Joey's ensemble. The Wheel'meister was sporting baggy, dark blue Levi's and a sky blue cotton shirt with a white collar and heavy deodorant stains around the armpits. Malik rolled his eyes and huffed, and then turned to the last friendship freak. Yugi Motou, his prospective crusher. Malik nodded in approval at Yugi's leather jeans, tight white muscle shirt with his school uniform jacket over it. He was also wearing the Millennium Puzzle, but as Yugi had said Yami was out of the puzzle doing... whatever it was he does. Yelling at Kaiba, playing Duel Monsters, watching porn. Whatever.
Tristan got up and stretched. He eyes Joey suspiciously.
"Hey Joey," he started casually, "do you want to go to the Domino Arcade? It's right across the street."
"DO I!?" Joey said in Freakazoid's voice. "Let's go!!!" And he grabbed Tristan and ran off towards the arcade, stopping traffic because he ran right across the street.
Malik looked around. Near the Sandbox, Tea was doing a victory dance, and a dark brown, black-spotted bloodhound was defecating near a tree. Now Yugi and Malik were alone – well, not counting the thousands of blade's of grass around them, but, then again, nobody cares about them but the Twilight zone. And hippies. ...Nah, hippies don't either. Pimps.
Anyway, they were alone. Yugi finally turned around, and Malik saw him blushing. Malik would've mouthed off with a sarcastic comment right about then, but then he realized – getting a little close to Little Yugi would get him a litter closER to the Millennium Puzzle! So, he decided to stay for just a little bit longer. However, the gyves and fetters might have played a slightly influential role in his decision. His cell phone rang again. Yugi stared at it blankly. Malik sweat dropped.
'Is he high?' Malik wondered. 'Nah... must've been that sandwich. Unless there were drugs IN the sandwich... Nah.'
"Um... Malik," Yugi started to say, "your... your cell's ringing."
"Oh, thank you Yugi." Malik reached for the phone.
"You have 10 new messages," a creepy man's voice said. Yugi and Malik both paled and gulped. They didn't DARE disturb the voices. The voices could bring death. And death was not good. At least that's what the latest statistics show.
"Hiiii Malik! I'm still in Las Vegas where I said I was! Shadi and I are getting along GREAT! We're really hitting it off! It's nice. Oh, and I got a call from you're darker side! Says he's doing fine! The African people are treating him like GOD! Funny, huh? They're giving him crowns and jewelry and stuff. - Kick ass! Well, I've got to go dear brother, and play more poker. Ta ta!"
Yugi and Malik both stared at the phone after the message ended. Malik looked up, only to see Yugi's incredibly cute face. Yugi froze, seeing as Malik's gaze was upon him, and then he s-l-o-w-l-y looked up to meet Malik's resplendent gaze. He nearly fainted when he saw Malik's eyes. I mean, Malik's eyes are helluva cool, okay!?!? They're so... misty.... Yeah.
Malik turned away grumpily from the benign character. "Um... next message." Malik pressed the appropriate button, and suddenly he heard police sirens! He jumped up and looked around. Yugi's eyes went wide. Suddenly, they both realized where the alarm noises were coming from.
They both turned to the cell phone.
"M...bzzt MALIK! He... bzzt Hell has chocolate pudding!! bzzt bzzt Oh yeah, and bzzt Heeeelllllppp!"
Yami Marik's voice came screaming through the small phone, causing it to tremble.
"I'm halfway between Kasama and Chipata, hiding near the Lake of Bangweulu. The small village of Marik, which I named after us, is on the border of Tanzania. I'm... not scared. That's not like me. Um... DESTROY! Yeah! Heheh, that's it Marik, got to keep your rep intact... oh, crud, it this thing still on?!? O.O SHIT!!! Um, bye now. Tell Ishizu I love her. Wherever the heck she is. She better not be messing around with Shadi, he's an asshole. I know you agree? Um... yeah." "STOP, FUCKER!!!" "Oh yeah!!?!? That's pretty good language skills coming from an old man that looks like skin and bones! Don't people like you only make up 2.8% of the population!? Ha ha!!" "GET HIM!!" "RAAAAAAAH!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Run run run run rum! Rum... hehe... Rum is good. Ahhhhhhhh!" BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.
"God damnit." Malik fumbled with the phone. "Oh, sorry Yugi." He looked up to see Yugi staring at him with wide-open eyes. "God dangit, just when I thought your eyes couldn't get any wider. You're so sheltered." Yugi cracked a smile.
"Heh, I know what you mean. Everyone says that about my eyes." Yugi grinned. "You should see me with glasses!"
Malik couldn't help but grin. "They say that they're sheltered?"
"No!" Yugi laughed.
"Well, we've got 8 messages to go."
"Just skip it," Yugi advised him. "Wanna go to the arcade with Joey and Tristan?" Malik stuck his tongue out.
"No, no, that's okay. We have to listen to the messages. It's the point of this fanfic."
"This fan-what?"
"Fanfic. We're just fictional characters being manipulated by a teenage girl for comedic results," Malik explained. Yugi's eyes shone with recognition.
"Oh yeah! That girl who for some inexplicable reason likes pairing Bakura up with Tea or Ryou!" Malik nodded gravely.
"So let's listen," he advised.
"Press 1 to delete message. Press 2 to save this message. Press 3 to reply to this message. Press 4 to—" Malik pressed 1 quickly. There was a beep, and then the next message began.
"Hi... hehe. Is your... hah, this is a good one Rex— is your refridgerator running?? Hee hee, well you better go catch it!! Haw haw haw!" "Good one Weevil!" "Thanks, Mako."
BEEP.
"Press—" Malik pressed one again.
"Konnichi wa, atashi no ototo!! Kaibasan wa kaado ni kaerimashita ka?" Ishizu's sexy voice spoke Japanese. =-;;= Um... I'm a girl, so, I'm just saying that for the guys...
BEEP.
"Press—" Malik pressed the 1 button and held it, creating a long beeping noise. Yugi giggled. Malik smiled at him.
"Hello, my name is Dave Robertsky IV, but you can call me Bob. Are you interested in trying our new kind of bug spray? It—"
Malik pressed 2 and listened to the next message carefully. Yugi face faulted.
"Iiii'm, too sexy for my shorts, too sexy for my shorts, too sexy—" "O.O Mako, what in the world are you DOING, man!?" "Shut up Rex! I'm making a crank call." "o.o; Oh. But do you have to take off your clothes as your singing it?" "Shut up, I— Oops!" BEEP.
"Press 1 to delete this message. Press 2 to save this message. Press..." the phone kept listing the options as Yugi and Malik cracked up.
"Save it!!" Yugi urged him. Malik promptly pressed 2, and they continued to listen.
"Hi Malik!!!!!!! I just remembered, you're too stupid to listen to Japanese!!! Even though you LIVE in Japan!! Loser! But then again, didn't the author say in Chapter 4 that Yugi was wondering, along with the rest of AMERICA, where in the world Matt Lower was? I sense a plothole! Ah well! I said in my last message that I wanted to know whether or not Kaiba had returned the Obelisk. I'm not sure I said it right, though." "A-HEM. Ishizu, can we get back to business?" "Oh, sure Shadi. Well, I gotta go Malik, see you later! I guess. !! Ohhhh yeaaaah.... Shadi just like that, yeaaaah..."
Yugi stared WIDE-eyed at the phone. And mean I say wide, I mean WIDE. His face was basically two eyeballs with a blonde mane crowning it. Oh, and his eyes were cartoonish – white with two tiny black dots near the bottom.
Next to him, Malik was trembling with rage.
"Um, Malik, maybe you oughto calm down," Yugi suggested. Malik glared at him, red fire in his eyes. "He he, well all I mean is that she's old enough to make her own decisions... she's 20-something, isn't she?"
Malik looked up at the sky, which was suddenly gray and stormy-looking. A light drizzle began to fall all around him.
"THAT ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The cell phone bounced on the ground.
"Malik!! I heard about Ishizu and Shadi! That ass—" BEEP. Yugi picked it up and pressed 1, curious as to what the Malik's other personage had to say.
"—hole, I will fuck him up good!!! Ew, not THAT way!!! HEY! HEY WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!?!?" "I am Frederick CHILUBA, the former president of Zambia!! And I like you bad boy!" "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Okay Yugi bye. Yes I know its you, and I know you like my other self—er, I mean my COUSIN. (Can't tell people the truth you know.) Eheh, goodbye, I have to run now. EWWWWWWWWWWWrunrunrunrunrunEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!" "No, wait!!! I didn't mean it THAT way!!! I want to help you!! WAAAAIIIIT!!!" Yugi sweat dropped heavily, then looked up at Malik who was still screaming at the sky.
"Oh boy." Yugi put on his sweet-innocent face. "Malik?"
Malik continued to scream for a second, then stopped. "Yes Yugi?" he asked, his voice a little crackly because of a developing sore throat.
"Do... do you want to go watch Ghost Buster at the movie theater?" Malik stared at him curiously.
"They have that?"
"Yeah," Yugi informed him innocently, "it's the Super Ultra Extended Version With Bonus Footage 9.0." Malik sweat dropped.
"Umm... sure!" Malik said without thinking. "Wait... as a date?"
Yugi blushed. "Umm... no no no no no. Just us, as friends. Hanging out. You know?"
Malik jumped up. "Yeah, I know. Sure, let's go!" He attempted to race off towards the Domino Theater, laughing, as that would be a good end to any chapter and or episode thingy, but the gyves around his legs prevented him from going anywhere. "OWWW!! Um... Yugi...?"
"Oh, sure." Yugi quickly took off the gyves, fetters, shackles and manacles that had been keeping Malik in place and preventing him from killing anyone.
Yami Marik, all the way in Zambia, striding towards Chipata, wondered whether or not Malik would've said yes if it had been a date and how Douglas Noël Adams came up with the number 42.
'Ha ha, that's a pretty good ending, right? Ha ha ha, I'm better than my lighter half... yeah.' Yami Marik kissed his muscles. 'I am God!! Or... I was God.' He looked back to see the angry townspeople of Marik death glaring at him and shaking their pitchforks and torches. Where they had gotten the torches, he didn't know, though the pitchforks had been bought at the local Pitchforks 'R' Us about a half a mile back.
'Oh crud!! RUN!!!!!'
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW
This chapter goes with special thanks to those who voted:
Random person number 3 Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2
May many thankies from God Almighty place themselves upon your soul... Was that too deep? o.O;; Okay, I'll dumb it up a bit. Uh, thanks. I appreciate it. Thank you!!
DANGIT It won't work!!! I want my smiley faces!!!!! Um.... =)
.. It's just not the same...
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
sniffles morosely Please review!!!! I really want tons of reviews, because that's just how I am.
WARNING: If you DON'T review this chappie BEFORE going to the next, I probably won't upload two chapters at a time again. I'm serious. Okay? So.... Click that little button... HEY! NOT THE ARROW BUTTON! THE GO BUTTON!!! Sheez... Ja mata ne!
(Melissa, I reaaaally don't think it means that.... But then again I'm not smart. drools a bit Doi...)