Fire Emblem 7, The Parody
Chapter 21: Kinship's Bond
Yoshimo sighed, as he looked through the current small pile of letters on his desk, reading and taking note of each review or complaint. "Let's see...Evergladelord is looking forward to this update...Seventh Sage pointed out several of her favorite scenes, again...Aramin is somewhat creped out by the ever growing gay jokes but still enjoying the story as a whole...Zap is enjoying this but politely pointing out that the Matthew and Guy jokes are getting a tad stale...Clepto Thief--"
Yoshimo's eyes widened, as he read the letter. He then sighed, and shook his head, closing his eyes, and furrowing his brow. "What the crap..."
The narrorator took his seat, and cleared his throat, before looking at his script. "Here we are...Our story begins with--"
Suddenly, Erk rushed by, flailing his arms wildly in the air, screaming at the top of his lungs. "HE'S GONNA RANT!" he warned, running down the poor narrator.
The narrator blinked, before he shook his head, and got off the floor, coughing the dust out of his lungs. "E..excuse me..." he stuttered, before he sat back in his seat. "Now, as I was saying, our story--"
Yoshimo came up from behind the narrator, and pushed his rolling chair off to the side, causing him to crash into the wall. "Sorry, but this is important" Yoshimo explained. He pulled up another chair, and cushioned himself into his seat, before taking out a small piece of paper, and clearing his throat.
"Let's see, where to begin...ah, yes, here we go..." Yoshimo glanced over his notes, before he continued. "To one mister Clepto Thief, I would first like to thank you for your support. It is always an honour to have a spot on someone's favorites list. However, I must ask you, as well as several other reviewers out there, to sit tight, and please, shut up about your already apparent dislike of the gay jokes. If they are enough to make you want to leave, then by all means, take your leave. I'm sure we all dislike that one nut who keeps shouting at the screen in the middle of the movie, half of a refund will be waiting for you at the counter.
"Getting back to the subject in question, also known as, this review, mister Clepto..." Yoshimo held up the piece of paper, signifying that this, indeed, was the review in question. "For starters, you don't have to explain to me what you meant by the word gay. I immediately link the word with the term homosexuality, not cheerful or lighthearted behavior, as was its original definition, or stupid or dirt, like many teenagers and, apparently, children aged 10 and up in North America seem to do.
"Now, if you're complaining about the whole fact of Legault being a homosexual in this production in general, I shall agree with you on your point that it is my take on the story. If I believe a character were to act a certain way, or prefer certain things and people over others, than it is expressed in the script." Yoshimo thumbed towards the right, a smirk on his face. "Lyn and Florina? Total lesbians."
Yoshimo squirmed in his chair, shifting into a more executive position. "Now, if your complaint was more towards Legault's oddly feminine for him behavior in the last episode, I assure you, that's about as girly as he's going to get. Asides from casual flirting, of course."
Legault suddenly appeared from the left side of the screen, holding up a pink dress with white frills. "Why do you want me to wear this in Scene 9?" he asked simply.
Yoshimo furrowed his brow, and crumbled the paper he was holding. "This is not a good time, Legault..."
"Right, I'll just pop off and ask you again in a few minutes, shall I?"
"Yeah, you go do that, I've got a few more things to take care of here."
With that, Legault turned, and left. Yoshimo sighed, and smoothed out his papers, trying to return to his no-fooling attitude and posture. "Right then, asides from that, Legault will act as respectable as any non-stereotypical homosexual man would. There's no need for hostilities and threats of...hold on..."
Yoshimo looked over the last part of the review, and the date on the envelope, before looking over his shoulder towards the left end of the hall. "Hey! Weren't we supposed to get a shipment of vorpal bunnies or something?" he shouted down to the opposite end.
"Well, as you know, all deliveries first go through Dorcas, Bartre and Lowen!" Marcus shouted back.
Dorcas patted his stomach, and sighed content. Bartre cleaned the small spaces between his teeth with a toothpick, before he belched. Lowen was busy putting away the dishes, before they would return to their work of sorting through packages and letters.
"Excellent hasenpfeffer, Lowen" Dorcas complimented, looking over at the practically eyeless chef.
"Yes, great hosen...hessen...great rabbit stew, Lowen" Bartre chimed.
Lowen smiled, and set the dishes down, before taking a bow to the two burly actors. "Thank you, thank you, it's a gift."
"Anyway, getting back to the actual story here..." the narrator said in a huff as he got back into his seat. "Ahem..."
Eliwood travels westward to meet Uther, the marquess of Ostia. They pass through Laus and continue on through two more territories, picking up various knick-knacks, utensils and hats.
"So I like hats" Lyn shrugged, adjusting her fedora.
After a time, they arrive a fortress separating Thria and Ostia.
"Are you quite done, Bartre?" Cecil called out into the bathroom.
"In a minute!" Bartre shouted from inside. "Man, I shouldn't have had that seventh cup of coffee. It goes right through you after the fourth..."
Cecil sighed, and looked back at the party. "Alright, who ELSE needs to go to the bathroom while we're here?" he asked.
Almost every hand in the group was raised. "...Well, I guess we're staying here for a while..." the tactician sighed. "What with the fact that this place has only one bathroom for each gender..."
"Isn't there another way?" Sain asked, hopping from foot to foot.
"Well, unless you want to take your business outside in the bush..." Cecil shrugged.
"No, no, I'm good" the green paladin stopped himself.
"Now then, to go through this in an organized, less hectic manner, we'll do this in alphabetical order. And since Bartre is currently in the men's room, that means the next one in is Canas, followed by..."
"You know, those flowers outside look like they could use some watering..." Sain observed, rushing outside.
Meanwhile, in the mountains of Bern, a gathering of evil was about to begin.
"We're not evil" explained a sword master with rugged, dull blonde hair, whilst stroking the tiny tuft on his chin. "We're just anti-heroes in a way."
Okay...a gathering of anti-hero goodness was about to begin--oh, it just doesn't make sense that way...
The cruel seductress Sonia had her arm wrapped around that of the large commander of the Black Fang, Brendan Reed. Four powerful looking warriors of different disciplines stood before them. One was the enigmatic assassin, Jaffar, daggers hidden under his long cloak.
The next was a young woman with short, blue hair, and soft, purple eyes. She wore a long, purple battle dress, and spiked purple boots. She accessorized herself with long, dark purple gloves, and golden earrings. Her name was Ursula, a mounted magic wielder, normally known as Valkyrie, for whatever weird reason.
Two men stood next to each other, the first being the blonde sword master. He wore a long, black trench coat, with a green and tan get up underneath the coat. He carried a sheath, housing a curved sword, potentially lethal. The man who stood next to him had short, rust-red hair, smoothed and greased. He also wore a trench coat, navy blue in colour, although underneath, he wore no shirt, and wore simple, tattered pants. On his back was a thick sheath, his trusty sword inside. They were the infamous Reed Brothers, Lloyd and Linus, masters of the battle field.
Sonia made a quick, whispered count to herself, before nodding. "That's everyone, is it? Very good. If I have you, the Four Fangs, together, I have need for no one else." She cleared her throat, and smiled. "I have an assignment for you: You are to eliminate a young Lord Eliwood of Pherae."
Jaffar folded his arms over his chest, and leaned against a nearby support beam. "Hmm..." he sighed to himself. Obviously, the name was not unfamiliar to him.
Ursula rubbed her chin. "Pherae is a fraction of Lycia, if I'm not mistaken" she observed.
"Indeed, my student" Sonia said with a nod. "But he is no simple country lord. He has friends in high places, other Lords of Lycia. Individually, you could crush them with ease. But...carelessness breeds disaster."
Ursula gave a low chuckle, before she moved her hand up to her hair, twirling a finger in the blue topping of her head. "We do not make that mistake, my lady..." she assured cooly.
Sonia smirked, and nodded, before turning her attention towards the two sword wielders. "Linus, Lloyd...the Brothers Reed, I have need of you as well. Alright?"
"Just one question..." Lloyd, the swords master with the facial hair, asked. "Are these our father's...are these the orders of the leader of the Black Fang?"
Sonia chuckled into her hand. "Why, of course it is" she assured, before nuzzling the big warrior's cheek with her own. "Isn't that right, hunny?"
"Mm...yes it is.." Brendan agreed, a slight smile on his lips, enjoying his wife's attention.
Sonia instantly broke away, returning attention to her two "sons". "There. Happy? Now get out there and do what you do best to that insufferable noble!"
Lloyd blinked, and scratched the back of his head. "You mean...knit the poor fool a sweater?" he asked.
"Or...hauk a loogie at him from seven yards?" Linus added, scratching his chin in puzzlement.
Sonia just stared at the two, before running her hand down her face. "Yes, if, by knit you mean knit the poor fool's entrails into a sweater, and by hauk a loogie you mean rain hot, burning death from seventy yards" she said with a slight groan. "I MEAN I WANT YOU TO KILL HIM, YOU DIPS!" she then screamed.
"Oh...well..." Lloyd muttered to himself, looking to the side.
Sonia smirked, and played her trump card. "Or does this foe frighten you into immobility, Lloyd?" she pressed on.
Linus growled, and stepped forward, hand grabbing for his sword. "How dare you speak to my brother in such a--" he shouted.
Lloyd held his arm up to the side, blocking Linus's advancement. The bigger brother growled, before he released his grip, and sighed in defeat, nodding for his more calm and collected brother to continue. "Sonia..." Lloyd started with a glare, "we do not need to be taunted by you. By my brother's hand and mine, and under order of our father, we have executed the Fang's law countless times."
He drew his sword, and held it in front of his face, sharp end facing Sonia. "If this Eliwood is evil, than there is no reason for us to hesitate."
Sonia kept her cold smirk, before she turned towards the other two members of the Four Fangs. "Jaffar! Ursula! You understand your orders, do you not?" she barked. "Once you find the target, eliminate him at once!"
Ursula nodded, and gave a low, almost dramatic and obviously phoney, bow. "It will be as you say, Mistress Sonia. Anything for you."
Jaffar kept leaning against the support beam, giving Sonia but a side glance. "I have received my orders..." he answered solemnly. "I shall perform my duty."
Sonia's smirk widened, before she thrust her arm forward. "Your target is Lord Eliwood of Pherae! Bring him down, on the Black Fang's honour!"
"We got it, we got it..." Linus and Lloyd groaned, rolling their eyes.
Meanwhile, in an Ostian Borderline Fort, the Eliwood Elite (TM) were positioned all over the castle, conversing and thinking of various things.
Cecil, Oswin and Serra were trying to have a pleasant chat, with Lowen providing tea and snacks (not just for them), although the knight and the tactician had to constantly hold Serra back whenever Erk passed by, to avoid awkward conflict. Kent and Fiora were discussing things pleasantly as though they were old friends, while, occasionally, Fiora had to bash in the face of a creeping Sain with a mace.
The three lordlings were all gathered in the throne room, as lordlings often did. Hector sighed, and sat down on the throne. "Well, I just got word from my brother. He's on his way here. We're to wait for him."
"Lord Uther is coming here?" Eliwood asked.
"So it appears. I told you this before, but Castle Ostia, even most of Ostia City, is infested with foreign spies. I assume he thinks we can converse freely here."
"But...wouldn't leaving Castle Ostia generate more attention?" Eliwood wondered out loud.
"Well, he's traveling in secret with only a few attendants. He's good at what he does, don't worry."
"How unconventional" Lyn observed, folding her arms over her chest. "Must run in the family."
Hector looked up, and over at Lyn, an unamused look on his face. "Oh, and what is THAT supposed to mean?"
Lyn smirked, and shook her head. "Nothing. I'm looking forward to meeting him."
Meanwhile, Nils and Ninian were walking through the hall to meet up with the lordlings, when Nils began to stumble. Ninian looked over to her younger brother, and blinked in concern. "Nils? Are you alright? You seem...distant, as of late."
Nils held up his hand, and smiled. "It's...it's okay...I'm just a little tired from giving you my power and then marching for days on end...if I can just...lay down...I wonder if Mister Carpet wants to be friends with Mister Face?" With that, the bard fell flat on his face, unconscious.
Ninian gasped, and let out a quick shriek. Lyn burst out of the room, shortly followed by Hector and Eliwood. The young nomad girl turned the young bard so that he was stomach up. "Nils? Nils!" she shouted.
"Open your eyes, kid! Wake up!" Hector shouted, kneeling down next to the boy.
"Everyone, just calm down!" Eliwood shouted, trying to get everyone's thoughts collected. "Panicking won't help the child one bit."
"...He's right..." Hector agreed with a nod. "Alright, let's just move this kid to the back room where we can get him a healer--"
"Don't move him" Kozo demanded, approaching the group calmly from the other end of the hall.
Hector looked over at the shaman, blinking, before getting to his feet. "What was that?" he asked, cleaning his ear with his finger.
"I said don't move him, you deaf plum" Kozo repeated himself. "He'll be fine, if you give him a good night's rest. Lately, you've been expecting the poor boy to walk for hours on end, with only short breaks for resting."
"...Alright, we'll just have a couple of people standing close by, make sure nothing weird happens" Eliwood reasoned with a nod.
"I don't think anything weird WILL happen..." Hector pointed out. "We're in a borderline fortress in the middle of no where."
"We're screwed..." Lyn sighed, shaking her head.
A gruff looking man looked up to the sky, awaiting word from his advance scout and right hand man. He brushed a bit of his spiked blonde hair, and adjusted his seat on his saddle, before a large, reptilian flyer landed near him and his horse. The blonde haired warrior smirked. "So, this is where Lordling Pherae and his friends are hiding?" he asked.
The rider of the wyvern nodded, and petted his mount, congratulating it on a job well done. He brushed a bang of his messy, green hair out of his eyes, and looked back to his commander. "Indeed they are, Commander Eubans. They don't suspect a thing."
"Excellent" Eubans said with a wide smile. "Heath, you and your units will attack from the west side of the fortress. Your mission is the make short work of his entire crew. Make no mistakes."
Heath's eyes widened, before he regained his composure. "Are you serious, Eubans? Marquess Laus abandoned us and just...up and vanished. We've no reason to further engage this group."
Eubans smirked. "We answered Marquess Laus's call, and we will honour our duty. Regardless, we--"
"Wait, I'm sorry, but, since when did we answer his call?" Heath asked, his voice dropping to a more casual tone.
Eubans blinked and scratched his head. "Eh, I think it was in...Chapter Fifteen or something. We engaged them in castle Laus. You know, Talons of Light?"
"I thought Chapter 15 was Noble Girl of Caelin. This is our first shot in the story, isn't it?" Heath continued.
"Hold on, let me check the script..." Eubans took out a large script from the inside of his armour, and flipped through a few pages. He mumbled a few things to himself, before flipping through a host of other pages. "Well, whadda you know?" he whistled, still flipping through pages. "This is our first appearance."
"Well, now then, you were saying, Commander?" Heath asked, trying to get back into character.
Eubans still flipped through the pages. "Huh. Would you look at that. He's not actually gay after all. Could've fooled me, I honestly thought monk boy was gonna--"
"Well I wasn't!" shouted Lucius's voice from off-set.
"Yes, that's quite interesting information, but, what about the--" Heath tried to steer the scene back on track.
"Wow!" Eubans continued. "He's seriously gonna end up with HER? Ha, wouldn't have seen that coming. He always seemed too--"
"EUBANS!" Heath shouted at the top of his lungs. "Can we get back to OUR part in the script?"
"Hmm? Oh, right, right..." Eubans agreed with a few nods, before flipping back to his usual spot. He mumbled a few lines, and nodded. "Heath, you and your unit will attack from the--"
"Sir, we already did that line" Heath explained. "You want the one that starts with the word Regardless."
"Regardless...regardless..." Eubans muttered, looking for his spot. "Ah, here it is. Regardless, we cannot stay in Lycia much longer. We rebelled against Ostia, and our entire mercenary squad is being hunted...if we bring them their heads, we might have a shot at joining the Black Fang in Bern."
"I'm not so comfortable with this plan..." Heath admitted. "There are women and children inside that castle. What you ask me to do is something no knight...no man, even, could do without shame."
Eubans shook his head. "Listen well, green-boy. You're a wanted man. A fugitive from Bern." The blonde haired captain smirked menacingly. "What if we were to just take you and hand you over to Bern's wyvern riders? We might even be knighted, given honest work."
Heath tensed, and looked off to the side, down trodden.
"That's what I thought. Everyone wants to protect his own skin..." Eubans muttered to himself triumphantly, before he shouted again. "Gather your unit, we strike at once!"
Lowen bowled through the door, racing down the hallway to find Lord Eliwood and the other nobles. Spotting them around the corner, he skidded as he turned, before rushing down to meet them head on. "Lord Eliwood! Lord Eliwood! We got trouble!" he shouted.
"Wait, wait, don't tell me..." Hector interjected. "You ruined your...oh...Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Potatoes baked in Bay Leaves?"
"Are you kidding? Not only is that not the case, AND the fact that I wasn't even making Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Potatoes baked in Bay Leaves tonight, but I never, I repeat, NEVER screw up on that recipe."
"Then let me guess," Lyn insisted, arms folded across her chest. "We've got bad guys pounding out our gates demanding our heads."
"More or less, YES!" Lowen shouted, flailing his arms.
"Why does this stuff ALWAYS happen when we don't have time to deal with it?" Lyn groaned, running a hand down her face.
"Then I guess it's time for an emergency meeting" Kozo pointed out. "All of you, run off and find everyone, and bring them here. I've got some pre-battle predictions to make."
As the three nobles and Lowen all spread out to find everyone, Kozo whisked his way into the throne room, where the old, old, really old fortune teller was mumbling a prediction to Sain.
"So, she's the person I'll end up with?" Sain asked, looking into her crystal ball.
"Well, yes, but do know that she shamelessly flirts with every attractive man she sees. She's a total flirt. A harlot. A flesh toy, even."
"But damn is she sexy looking!"
"...Who am I kidding? This is a match-made in heaven."
"Hey, green boy, outta the way, I need to speak with the creepy lady now..." Kozo pointed out, before pushing Sain aside. "Although I think I can fit you into my schedule at around 7:23..."
"I'll pass, thank you..." Sain grumbled, before he walked off.
"Alright, Hannah, I need some of that voodoo that you do." He placed a gold coin on the table, and pushed it towards the old fortune teller. "You can do the whole coin slot thing later..."
Hannah nodded, and started weaving mystic patterns above her crystal ball. "Hmm..." the augury hemmed, as the image of a large force charging through the castle appeared within the mystic sphere. "I sense a large force against you...but you must not disturb the fallen. Light Runes and Mines will be of assistance, if any are in your possession."
The image changed, focusing on one of the force: A wyvern rider, with spiked green hair, a white streak going through it. "I sense a warrior different from the rest...a knight with honour in his heart...which can be swayed if perhaps one of your leaders spoke to him..."
Kozo stared intently into the crystal ball, a wide grin on his face. "Ya don't say..." he asked, before he shook his head. "Thank you, Hannah, that actually looked like a prediction you would make. You're getting better, I'm forced to admit..."
"Oh, why thank you, dearie. It's always so nice to get a--dearie?"
Hannah looked around. Kozo was already making his way for the door. "...I should've guessed..."
"So, is this everyone?" Kozo asked, looking over his forces. "Well enough. For this to work, I want you to split into various teams, and block every nook and cranny that you can think of that would involve those mercenaries. Don't let any mage, healer or archer go in without a physical fighter near them as a meat shield."
The shaman looked over at Eliwood, Hector, and Lyn. "Eliwood, you take the south part of the main hall. Hector, the north. Lyn, the East. I'll be taking the West Side. If you see a--"
"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Cecil interjected. "Why did you just include yourself in that part of the plan?"
"One: Because you, Oswin and Serra are a separate team of your own. Two: I'm taking part in this battle."
"But...but that's not fair! You're the tactician!"
"From now on, I'm the active tactician."
"I should've given up long ago ever trying to understand you..." Cecil sighed.
"Anyway, if you see a green haired wyvern rider with a white streak in his hair, do everything possible to recruit him. And for the love of all that is natural and un-natural, don't let ANYTHING happen to Nils before he wakes up!"
With a group nod, the individual teams split up, to cover ever position of the castle they could think of.
Serra gulped, and backed up a few paces, bumping into Cecil's back. Mercenaries and other low-life fighters had their weapons ready, and were standing right there in the halls and doorways. "We seem to be surrounded..." she said nervously over her shoulder.
She suddenly blinked her eyes shut, and shook her head, clearing it of that thought. "B..but I'm not afraid. And neither should you. You've got me here and...well...I've got you." She smirked. "Remember back on the Dread Isle?"
Cecil smiled, and nodded, also peering over his shoulder at Serra. "We make a good team, Serra. Why don't we demonstrate our teamwork on these creeps?"
"Right. Oswin, you ready?"
The heavily armoured knight responded only with a nod, before he slipped his helmet over his head, and held up his lance.
Cecil bowed his head, and then smirked. "Hey, Serra, think it's possible for you to charge my weapon with some of that Light Magic?"
"First time for everything" the bishop responded, placing her hand around the shaft of the lance. "Lightning!"
Instantly, Cecil's Silver Lance began to glow with a bright light, before he looked towards one of the groups of mercenaries. "Watch this..." he shouted with a sure tone of voice, before charging at them. As they charged in response, Cecil came to a grinding halt in mid run, before stabbing his lance into the ground.
A shockwave tore through the ground, glowing a brilliant white, as though the attack had charged up Serra's magic even further. The ground based lance of light tore through the ranks, sending mercenaries this way and that.
Oswin grunted, and lifted his foot up, knocking a mercenary down, before he turned and stabbed his lance into one coming at his left flank. "A little help here?" he asked, as swords bounced off his armour.
"One magic girl special, coming up!" Serra cheered, charging up for another spell. "Aura!"
A thin beam of light energy shot out, pelting one mercenary in the chest. Its true power revealed itself, when the thin beam exploded in a flash of golden light, sending the swordsman flying.
"Hope we can keep this up" Cecil shouted over the mercenaries, as he blocked and countered several blows. "We might be the Dream Team, but I would guess these guys have a large stockpile of cannon fodder and meat shields."
Serra smirked, before firing yet another exploding light beam at the mercenaries giving Cecil some trouble. "You worry too much, you know that?"
Isadora raised her sword, and swung down, catching an axe fighter right in the face, before she gave a thrust towards the neck, silencing the fighter before he could holler.
Legault back flipped out of the way of the final axe-swinger's reach, and smirked. "A woman who can hold her own in battle..." he pointed out, before swinging in a wide arch with his shot sword. "I like that trait in people."
Isadora looked down from her horse, and figured she could press this conversation further, since the enemies had been cleared out in this area. "Are you flirting with me, good rogue?" she asked. "Because I must warn you, I would not return the feelings."
Legault turned to face Isadora, an almost insulted look on his face. "Can't a man give someone a compliment without being accused of being a pervert?" he asked, before he smirked again. "Although that little remark does raise a few questions...You wouldn't happen to be a lesbian, would you?"
Isadora shook in her saddle seat, and gaped. "What? No, I'm engaged, that's why I couldn't return your--" she shouted.
"Oooooh..." Legault interrupted with a wide grin. "And who's the lucky lady?"
"I'm engaged to a man!" Isadora continued to shout.
"Oh, so she's the butch in the relationship" Legault observed. "Well, you didn't strike me as either type anyway."
"Oh, forget it all. Talking with you is giving me a headache..." Isadora groaned, before she urged her mount to continue on.
"Give the Missus my regards!" Legault bid farewell with a wide grin and a wave. He continued to grin, until he was certain Isadora was out of ear shot. He folded his arms, and shook his head. "Hphm. Women. So defensive of their sexuality that they can't take a joke."
With that, the thief left to check up on the other member of his squadron. "Are you alright, darling?"
"Yeah, but...Leggy, look" Kozo insisted, pointing towards someone who was approaching from the other end of the hall.
Legault turned, before he gulped, since a large wyvern was coming right at them, an oddly familiar looking man mounted on top. "In the name of Eubans's mercenaries..." the rider called out. "I shall--"
"Wait, NOW I remember where I've seen you before!" Kozo pointed out, stopping the rider in his tracks. He approached, taking out a magazine from his robes, and flipping to a certain page. "You're...this guy, aren't you?" the shaman asked, pointing towards one of the photos.
The rider looked over the picture, and flushed. "Ah...they weren't supposed to print THAT one!"
Legault beamed widely, and approached the wyvern rider. "Oh, so you're Proud and Green in Bern!" He clasped the man's hand in his own, and started shaking it vigorously. "Hi. Legault. I'm your biggest fan."
"I..I'm sure you are..." the wyvern rider stuttered. "And...please, call me Heath."
"Well then, Heath..." Kozo pointed out, taking a step forward. "If you didn't want pictures like that printed into magazines, why did you take the job as a male model in the first place?"
Heath pressed his index fingers together, and bowed his head. "I was young and I needed the money..." he groaned timidly.
Legault grinned. "Do you still need the money?" he asked.
"Ah, no, no, I'm good..." Heath stuttered, inching slightly away from Legault.
"Actually, Leggy might be on to something..." Kozo observed.
"Stop calling me that."
"You see, Heath, Leggy and I represent the Eliwood Elite, and we would like YOU to be an addition to our merry band of miscreants."
Heath looked between the two, and raised an eyebrow. "Is everyone in this Elite like you?" he asked.
"No, we're unique" Kozo pointed out. "Everyone else is just happy for the most part."
"What about that Lucius fellow? Didn't he once--" Legault started.
"Not a homosexual!" Lucius shouted from off screen.
"I'm honoured that you'd like me to join you, but I'm afraid I must decline..." Heath informed with a bow. "I'm doing fine in the mercenary business already."
"WHOO-PA!" Serra shouted from off camera, accompanied by a loud, kicking noise. Seconds later, a mercenary came flying in, crashing against the wall.
"Guess I owe you a buck" Cecil shrugged from off screen.
"Yeah, I can see how the business is doing for you..." Kozo pointed out sarcastically.
"Jerry!" Heath gaped, looking down at his battered companion. He gave a defeated sigh, before looking up. "Alright, I'll join you. Just let me speak with this Eliwood fellow. Since his name is in the team moniker, I assume he is of some importance?"
"Mm, some, yes" Kozo said with a shrug.
Legault leaned against Heath's back, and smiled. "Well, I for one will feel much safer having a strong and handsome warrior on our side, and--"
Legault would've went on, but Heath decided to move out, causing Legault to lose balance, and fall on his back. He looked up at Heath, and shook his head. "Men. So defensive of their own sexuality that they can't take a compliment."
"See, now that's what I've been saying..." Kozo pointed out.
Now because the previous scene was getting kinda creepy, we shall now take you to the return of an oddly forgettable unforgettable character.
"Lord Hector!" a small soldier shouted, rushing in from the back of the castle. "Have no fear, we've brought in a small band of mercenaries of our own to help with our defense. Their leader is a nomad of Sacae!"
A shaggy looking horse trotted next to the soldier's side, and snorted a bit. Its rider took out his bow, and notched with an arrow. The green armoured lance man looked up at the nomad. "Rath, your task is to do whatever it takes to protect Lord Eliwood, Lord Hector, and Lady Lyndis. You got that?"
Rath nodded his head silently, as the soldier rushed off to help with the defenses. "Lyndis..." Rath muttered, before he turned to face the mercenaries he brought. They weren't many. A small swordsman and a young cavalier. "Let's go" he ordered flatly.
All three of them proceeded to move towards the battle, where, currently, Lyn and Florina were subduing the last of the mercenaries in the east wing. "You know, for a group of savage warriors" Lyn observed, "they sure die easily."
Florina nodded in agreement, before she smacked a mercenary in the forehead with the butt of her lance. She then turned to face a new foe: a smaller mercenary than the ones before, but still an invader. She let out a shout, raising her lance up for an attack.
"Oh god, don't kill me!" the small mercenary yelped, dropping his sword, and raising both arms in the air.
"Hold your attack!" Rath demanded over the shouting. Florina froze in mid swing, a cute, dazed look on her face. The small mercenary still kept his pose, before falling over to his side with a "clunk", as though he were a hollow statue.
The nomad rider and the young cavalier both rode to meet with the noble girl and her knight. "You were about to kill your reinforcements by mistake" Rath informed, getting off his horse, and walking closer towards the two.
"Rath!" Lyn greeted with a wide grin. "My god, it's so good to see you again! But...what are you doing here?"
Rath nudged towards the cavalier, who was busy trying to revive his unconscious companion. "I made my living as a mercenary after we parted company."
Lyn let out a little "heh", folding her arms behind her back. "You haven't changed a bit" she observed. She tilted her head downwards, a dopey smile on her face. "It's...good to see you again."
Rath let lose a rare smile, before returning to his stoic expression. "Do you need my help?" he asked.
Lyn unfolded her arms, and looked up at Rath. "You offering?" she asked, just to make sure.
Rath bowed, and looked up. "Yes...if you so desire."
"Well then, get up on your horse, and start shooting!" Lyn encouraged. "We'll need all the help we can get. Seems we've been pulled into something really, REALLY big this time."
"I see" Rath observed, before standing up, and mounting his horse. "Then together we ride." With that, he rode back towards the castle interior. Lyn smiled, and followed after him, along with his two mercenary cronies.
Florina put on a pouting face, and huffed. "That...jerk!" she growled. She sighed in defeat, and slowly flew after Lyn.
By the time that Lyn and Kozo's squads rejoined the main force, and Heath worked out his contract with Eliwood, almost every enemy was already gone.
Eliwood signed his own name on the dotted line, and smiled. "There, this should cover just about everything" he observed, handing the legal document towards the wyvern rider.
Heath nodded, and took his contract. "By the way..." he asked, before looking over his shoulder, towards Legault whom was clinging tightly to his waist. "Do you do restraining orders?"
"He does, but they never work" Fiora pointed out, holding up her own, while Sain was clinging affectionately to her leg.
"No matter" Cecil pointed out, walking towards the group, Oswin and Serra by his side. "We checked the castle. Looks like there's only one guy left, and he's by the castle gates. A paladin by the name of...Erbens, wasn't it?"
"I think it was Eywins..." Serra pointed out, pondering.
"I do believe his name was Eubans..." Oswin pointed out matter-o-factualy.
"Eubans..." Heath muttered, before his wyvern began to hover above the ground, and shoot towards the entrance. "I'll handle this personally!" he shouted.
"Oh, it WAS Eubans..." Cecil nodded.
"Learn something new every day" Serra shrugged.
Eubans looked up from his mount, just in time to notice Heath bursting out the castle entrance, lance drawn. Immediately, Eubans figured out what was happening. He sighed, and shook his head. "Unbelievable..." he muttered, before looking up at Heath. "You're a traitor, Heath." He swung his spear forward in a threatening manner. "You know NOTHING of honour!"
Heath bowed his head, before shaking it. "No. I simply must live a life of which I am not ashamed." Heath looked up towards his former commander, and sighed. "Commander Eubans, it is not too late. Give the order to stop. If you do, then..."
Eubans laughed deeply. "Ha! So naive. You're no knight. You're not even a proper mercenary. You know nothing! You can carry your precious morals straight to the grave!"
With that, Eubans charged forward, spear held forward menacingly. Heath was ready for this, and flew upwards, out of reach of the spear.
Of course, the paladin was expecting this. His horse reered a bit, as he quickly tossed the spear skywards, hoping to pierce through the wyvern's body. Heath countered this by veering to the left, and slapping the spear out of the sky.
The commander's weapon embedded itself into the ground with a dull "thunk". Eubans made a rush to retrieve it, but was caught by a diving Heath, who had his own lance deep into Eubans' chest in an instant.
Eubans choked, and shook a bit, before regaining his composure, and smiling. "Heheh...I've no regrets..." he muttered. "My life...and my death..." He finished with a powerful shout into the air. "Are my own!" With that cry, Eubans used the last of his strength to yank the lance out of Heath's hands. The dying paladin fell off his horse, hitting the ground hard. And there he lay, with a permanent death grip on the lance.
"Eubans..." Heath sighed. His wyvern landed, allowing its rider to dismount, and collect Eubans's spear. It would serve Heath better than the dirt, to be sure.
Later that day, a small company marched towards the gates, and demanded entrance. Hector left to meet them personally, and grinned at the sight of them.
The man at the front was in no way unfamiliar to the Ostian noble. This general was garbbed in a dark green suit of armour, with a long, regal, purple cape. He took off his helmet, tucking it under his arm, and revealing long, blue hair, and a tired, experienced face, with a deep scar across his nose.
"Well met, bro" Hector nodded, holding his hand forward.
The general smiled, and took Hector's hand, pumping it up and down. "So, you're alive after all, little brother..." he observed, before letting go. "You were gone for so long, we feared you were dead." He dug into his pocket, and pulled out a check book. "I guess I don't need to pay for the services of those organ players or the flower shop."
Hector rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, sorry about that. We've been a little busy."
The general sighed, and shook his head defeated, as Eliwood and Lyn approached. "Yes...Leila's final report covered much." He looked up towards Eliwood, and bowed his head. "Eliwood, I am sorry about the loss of your father. I was powerless to help."
Eliwood shook his head, and waved his hand in a dismissive fashion. "No, Lord Uther. Nothing could have been done." He looked the noble of Ostia in the eye. "More importantly, do you know anything of Nergal?"
Uther dropped his helmet, and folded his arms over his chest. "Only what has been reported to me" he admitted. "He appeared about a year ago, and seized control of the Black Fang. Then he ensnared Laus in a plot of rebellion against Ostia. I can't see what he's after, though..."
Lyn stepped forward, and answered. "The dragons, you know, the kind that vanished during the Scouring...Nergal's got a wacko plot to bring them back."
Uther's eyes snapped towards Lyn, and sputtered. "What? Is this even possible!"
"Indeed it is" Eliwood assured. "Allow me to explain..."
After a long explanation, the lordlings had returned to the main hall of the fort, Cecil, Kozo and Ninian all standing by. Hector bowed his head, and shook it. "Man, this is REALLY serious. Even my brother's brooding, and he's been the one with the quick thinking in the family..." he lamented.
"This snowballed from a rebellion to the threat of human kind as we know it..." Lyn observed. "I should've stayed in bed the day I found Cecil..."
"Typical: Things go to hell, blame the tactician who DOESN'T threaten you daily" Cecil sighed, rolling his eyes.
"And yet we saw it with our own eyes..." Eliwood pointed out, the memory of the dragon charging out of the Dragon's Gate still fresh in his mind. "It's all so unbelievable, and yet, it's all true."
Hector sighed, and rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. "So, now what? I would think that getting everyone banded together as one large army of Elibe would give us the strength to fight off the dragons if and when they come back, but--"
"But the odds of people believing us are equal to Sain actually getting a girl" Lyn pointed out. "Unless they see a dragon, they're just going to think we're plain nuts. There'd be even less hope for Caelin: I once offered the idea to the council that a woman could fall in love with another woman, and they laughed me out of the room."
Eliwood and Hector looked up at Lyn, eyebrows raised. Lyn looked back between them, and shrugged. "What? It was a legitimate argument."
"In any case" Cecil continued, since Eliwood and Hector were somewhat stunned, and Kozo was bitting his lower lip to keep from snickering too loudly, "it looks like we might be the only ones who can stop this, so...we're just going to have to think up a damn good plan."
"And knowing my brother, he'll probably have one" Hector assured. "Or at least give us some idea as to what to do next."
At those words, the doors suddenly flew open, as Uther stepped in, a grim look on his face. He approached the group, and bowed his head, sighing. "I would sooner not put this great burden on your shoulders, but...I see no other choice." He looked up, between Eliwood and Lyn. "Lord Eliwood of Pherae...Lady Lyndis of Caelin...are you two determined to act on your resolve?"
Eliwood put a hand to his heart, and bowed. "Indeed I am, Lord Uther of Ostia" he assured.
Lyn folded her arms across her chest. "Do you want an honest answer or a fancy-shamncy type of answer?"
"Honest, please..." Uther requested, although nervous as to what it might be.
"You bet your gold plated britches, blue boy" she assured with a snap of her fingers.
Uther couldn't help but crack a smirk, as Hector slapped his face in his palm. The lord of Ostia looked towards the two tacticians. "And you two? You are both very young, but extremely talented for those of your profession. Will you continue to aid them?"
Cecil smiled, and nodded. "Of course, milord Uther" he assured. "I've made some good friends among their party. There's no way I'm going to let them get themselves killed."
Kozo smirked, and folded his arms across his chest. "I suppose I should tag along. Where blue-boy goes, so does Matthew. And where Matthew goes, so does Guy. And where Little-Miss-Temper Tantrum goes, so does Sain. There are too many cute guys in this party to pass up on."
"I see..." Uther observed, nodding slowly. "Nothing more needs to be said." He looked directly at Kozo. "Seriously, don't continue..." The lord of Ostia looked back towards the other nobles. "And what of the girl? The one we spoke of earlier?"
"Ah, Ninian..." Eliwood observed, stepping aside, revealing Ninian hiding behind him.
The dancer held her hands to her mouth. "P...p...pleasure to meet you..." she stuttered.
"What, is Ninian afraid of men, too?" Cecil joked.
"Nah, she's just nervous around people of authority" Kozo explained. "Why else would she back down whenever Eliwood gives her a glance?"
"I could think of an alternate answer" Cecil pointed out.
"So can I, but I'd rather not think about it..." Kozo groaned. "It makes me shudder to think about it."
"Both her, and her brother, Nils, possess a special power" Lyn explained.
"Is that so..." Uther pondered, rubbing his chin. "Then, tell me, if you can: do you know where Nergal is at this moment?"
Ninian closed her eyes, and thought for a bit, before she nodded. "I can sense him. He is too the east." She closed her eyes, and bit her bottom lip. "Quite...far to the east..." she continued.
"East...far to the east..." Lyn muttered. She looked up from her contemplative stance, and voiced the location. "He's targeting Bern, next."
"What?" Cecil snapped. "That's fighting dirty! Not only is that the most powerful military country in all of Elibe, but that's also my home!" He started stamping his foot. "If he so much as messes up ONE thing in my home town, I don't care if he IS a Level 20 Druid or Dark Wizard or whatever, I'm fishing his heart out with my lance!"
Ninian opened her eyes again. "There's still time, though..." she assured. "He is still very weak...if we're going to act, it should be now.
Lyn folded her arms over her chest again, and started pondering. "But...even with this advantage, what are we supposed to do?"
"We've got no choice" Hector sighed, getting up from his seat. "We depart for Bern at first li--"
"If you have time, I suggest you make your destination the city of Missur" Uther interrupted.
"M...Missur?" Hector stumbled. "But that's the polar opposite direction!"
"Go to the Nabata Desert. You will most definitely find aid there" Uther explained.
"Why Nabata? Who there could possibly help us?" Eliwood asked.
"The living legend..." Kozo muttered.
"Hmm? What was that, Kozo?" Eliwood asked.
"Your homosexual shaman is correct" Uther explained. "Go, and meet the Living Legend."
"Can't you give us a name to go on?" Hector asked, as everyone started to leave the room.
"If you need a name to know the identity of the Living Legend" Kozo pointed, "you're a bigger dunce than I thought possible."
Hector was about to shout at Kozo, before he heard coughing. He looked back into the room, and saw his brother hunched over, coughing louder and louder into his fist, before he was flat out hacking.
Uther caught his brother's gaze in between coughs, and nodded when he was done. "I'm okay..." he assured.
Hector curled his lower lip into his mouth, before he turned and left. "It'd take a complete idiot to believe that..." he sighed.
Yoshimo sighed, and approached one of the wheels. "Okay, so maybe hiring Peppita to do this was a bad idea..." he observed.
"All I did was type an advertisement!" Peppita Rosetti protested.
"I just hope the new guys are better..." he continued, before grabbing the wheel of Morality, and pulling. As the wheel spun rapidly, Yoshimo sang his little song. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn."
The wheel slowed down, and came to a stop. "Moral number 4." The moral began to print out. "And the moral of today's story is..." Yoshimo started, before ripping the paper out of the machine. He read it over once, and groaned. "Stay tuned for the return of Roland Pegasus, in the completely redone return of Rise of a Champion. As well, watch for the return of Archibald and Swordsman, in the upcoming movie Rockman EXE5: Team of Swordsman...I cannot believe this..."
Meanwhile...
Archibald cracked his knuckles, and leaned back in his chair. Roland looked up from his chair behind his partner, and smirked. "Now he'll HAVE to bring us back" he pointed out. "Otherwise, he'll look like a complete dork on live televison."
Archibald smirked back, and pondered briefly. "But weren't you already in a production already? You had an important role."
"Oh, sure, he offered me the chance to play Cecil in this Fire Emblem Parody..." Roland explained, "but I quit after the end of the Lyn storyline, and the job was given to someone else."
"Who exactly?"
"Eh, some shmoe named Cecil something-or-other."
"There really is a Cecil who works here?"
"Yeah, who knew?"
And back with our peevish director...
"Okay, that's it, from here on, I am going back to typing these morals myself! If I hire anyone else, I might be advertising for the Baldur's Gate series, or the Baten Kaitos spoof, or even that Gamer Real thing, and that's not even MY work! It's Winny's!"
Winny sighed, and held up the moral he worked on. "Well, so much for that plan" he sighed, tearing the paper in half.
Chibi-Zell put a hand on Winny's shoulder, and nodded. "We tried our best, but we'll get him someday" he assured. "Come on, let's go get Yoshimo and Minoa, and got get a pizza, Yoshimo's treat."
"I HEARD THAT!"