Fire Emblem 7, the Parody
Chapter 22: The Living Legend

Yoshimo leaned against the wall near the entrance to the stuido, reading a pair of letters. "Hmm...well, that was rather awkward. But at least we've got things settled for the moment." The director read over the last part of the second letter, and raised his eyebrow. "Favorite teddy bear, though? I'm a grown man, why would they think that I have a teddy bear?"

"Hey, director man!" Chibi-Zell shouted, tossing a stuffed bear at Yoshimo. "Your bear just came back from the wash."

Yoshimo sighed, and rolled his eyes. "You were supposed to give that back AFTER the show had started. But still, thank you. Now just get to the film, alright?"

The Nabata Desert. A wasteland of scourching suns and frigid nights. It rejects human life. Any careless enough to enter are doomed to wander in this uncharted wasteland forever. However, Lord Uther, the marquess of Ostia, spoke of a living legend in these sands. Guided by these words, Eliwood and company head straight into the desert.

Matthew looked up from his booth, set up at this, their final campsite before they entered the desert itself. "Place your bets, people!" he insisted. "30 to 1 odds for the fact that Lord Uther is sending us here to die!"

"Isn't this bet pointless, though?" Guy asked, leaning against the side of the booth. "If we do, indeed, die here, those who placed their bets on that fact would never get it. And if we survive, the losers would be cheated out of their money. Either way..."

"It's a beautiful little thing we call irony, Guy" Matthew informed. "Like my pulling out the contract on you to personify your undying dedication to your duty, even though you regretted getting into it in the first place. I suggest you try it sometime."

"You know, I still haven't forgiven you for that yet..." Guy mumbled.

Nils let out a low groan, as he trudged through the endless sea of sand. "It's so hot..." he whimpered. "I'm gonna die..."

"Want me to carry you on my back, kid?" Hector offered, approaching the young bard.

Nils blinked, and looked up at Hector, giving him an odd look.

Hector curled his lips, and raised an eyebrow. "What? Something weird about me trying to give you a hand?" he asked.

"Such unexpected politeness. It took me by surprise." Nils tilted his head, pondering. "Is this a fevor dream or something?"

"What's that supposed to mean!" Hector barked, still holding out a helping hand. "I'm just concerned that you're going to fall on your face again like a few days ago!"

"Well, you're usually so brusque about things, so no wonder the little guy's all confused" Lyn explained. She looked down at the kid. "Don't be shy, kid, let him help you. I know I would smack him for trying to lift me on his shoulders, but you, you should be fine."

"But...but..." Nils stuttered.

"Do as your told, boy!" Hector ordered, before plucking Nils off of the ground, and placing him on top of his shoulders, a firm grip on his legs.

Nils wobbled on his new seat, and started flailing his arms. "Waaah! I'm gonna fall! I'm gonna fall! I am going to die!"

Hector cracked a smirk, and snickered. Lyn, as well, couldn't help but laugh at the young lad's antics.

A little ways ahead, Ninian peeked over the sandy dunes, trying to get some idea as to what they were looking for in the first place. "Marquess Ostia told us to come to the west and meet with someone, but...we haven't seen a soul out here..." she observed.

Eliwood, walking alongside the dancer, shrugged his shoulders. "Well, we've only been out here for...mm...about an hour. Maybe he's a little further?" he suggested.

"Perhaps..." Ninian nodded. As she took her next few steps, she stumbled a bit, nearly losing her balance.

The flame haired noble quickly got to Ninian's side, and helped her up. "Come on, up we get..." As the girl regained her footing, Eliwood wraped her arm around his. "The heat's probably taking a toll on you. Allow me to act as a bit of a support."

Ninian looked up at Eliwood, and shook her head, waving her free hand a bit. "No, no, it's okay...I...I'm fine..." she insisted.

Eliwood looked over his shoulder, and then back to Ninian. "Since the majority of the party is on the verge of passing out, I'd assume otherwise. Especially considering a few of them have a much higher constitution than you..." he pointed out.

Ninian took a look for herself. Hector, Lyn and Nils were just fine, but many others were being carried, or barely plodding along, even on horseback. Even the pegasi and the wyverns were worn out, and they didn't have to worry about traversing through the sand like their ground based companions.

In fact, one of the only members of the party still standing at full consciousness was Cecil, standing quite comfortably under the shade of his parasol. The tactician looked around from underneath his umbrella, and blinked. "Am I, perhaps, the only person here who took precaution?" he asked.

"Put a sock in it, green boy" Kozo snarled, trudging along next to the other tactician. "I'm in no mood for this new bout of smarminess..."

Cecil smirked, and started poking Kozo in the shoulder with the tip of his still open parasol. "Ah, did I finally one-up the angsty, sarcastic shaman-boy?" he teased.

"Druid. I found a Guiding Ring for myself when we passed by that antique shop in Ostia" Kozo explained.

Cecil immediately stopped poking Kozo, and flipped his parasol back over his own head. "You're lucky that I'm technically a Soldier class, and this isn't the Path of Radience spoof. Mark my words, if it were, I wouldn't waste any time going Halbadier on your ass! ...Now wait a minute, if you're a Druid, how come your robes haven't changed?"

"I'm keeping them from doing so."

"You're what?"

Kozo sighed, grabbed a string on his robes, and pulled. Said robes poofed out to a great extent.

Cecil tilted his head, eyes wide. "We could use you as a parachute..."

"Or an airbag!" somebody chimed in from the distance.

Kozo pulled the string again, grumbling, and his robes returned to normal. "And not another word of this, got it?"

"Case well made..." Ninian pointed out. As she and Eliwood continued along, a trace of gloominess fell on her features, and she stared at her feet, almost submerged in sand, shuffling along the ground below her.

Eliwood blinked, and nudged Ninian a bit. "Hey. Is something wrong, m'lady?" he asked.

"It's so...strange..." Ninian muttered.

Eliwood looked down at Ninian's feet, and shrugged. "It shouldn't be that weird. There's so much sand here, it could cover a short person up to their knees. That's why Sain has to carry his mount."

"Stupid...ungrateful...no good...ineffective..." Sain grumbled, as he held his steed over his head.

"Baa..." the sheep let out.

"No, no...all of you treat my brother and I so...normally." The dancer looked up to meet the lordling's face. "Doesn't it bother you? Our powers, our appearances...we're incredibly different from other people..."

Eliwood smirked a little. "Is that all that's bothering you? There's nothing wrong with being different from everyone." He thumbed towards Hector, still carrying a kicking and flailing Nils. "Do you know many people like Hector?" He then pointed to Kozo, who was still having a grumbled arguement with Cecil. "Or people like Kozo, for that matter?"

"You'd be surprised the kind of people you meet on your travels, actually" Wil pointed out, overhearing their conversation. "I think I've pretty much met everyone in this party twice during the course of my wanderings of Bern and Lycia."

Rebecca looked up at Wil, and tilted her head. "Seriously? I would've thought people like...I don't know, Sain, or Bartre, would be more noticiable."

Wil shook his head, and slapped his arms to his sides. "Am I the ONLY person who actually sits down and mingles when we take our breaks in civilized areas?" he wondered aloud. "It's amazing the people you meet on your adventures; you really should try it some time. The other day, I met this girl with deep blue hair from Ilia. She was a mercenary, and knew Fiora and Florina very well. Heck, unless I'm mistaken, I'd say she was related to them. She told me she was going on a--g...guys?"

Wil looked around. Eliwood, Ninian and Rebecca, as well as several members of the party had, by now, gone on ahead. Wil groaned, and shook his head. "No one EVER listens to the archers..." he sighed, before he trudged through the sand to keep up. "No one!"

"As I was trying to say..." Eliwood continued, before playfully stroking Ninian's chin with his index and middle fingers, "it doesn't matter if you're different. People notice you for that. I did, and I am very glad to have met you."

Ninian's face reddened a bit. "D...do you honestly mean that?" she asked shakily.

"Not a trace of a lie in that" Eliwood assured with a nod.

"Lord Eliwood..." Ninian sighed, a small smile appearing on her face. She knealt her head against his shoulder, and walked along in silence.

Kozo looked up at this sight, and growled, shaking his head. "Unbelievable..." he muttered.

Cecil looked over at Kozo, then towards Eliwood and Ninian, and then, back to Kozo. "You know, I've heard of this thing called homophobia, a fear of homosexuals. Hell, I've met several homophobes myself back at the Bern academy where I studided to be a tactician for the kingdom. But never would I have imagined I would see the exact opposite. I never even knew there was a thing as heterophobia."

"I'm not..." Kozo started, before making quotations with his fingers, "heterophobic, you execrable meathead...I'm just annoied that pansy-boy over there is flirting so shamelessly with that poor girl..."

"Why would you care?" Cecil asked. "I thought you didn't like girls."

"Not in the sense that you would..." the druid rolled his eyes. "I met Nils and Ninian before, and a nice kid like Ninian falling for a wuss like Eliwood...just makes me sick to think about it."

"Now, was this meeting before or after the kidnapping thing?"

"Would you just let that GO already?"

"Never!"

Meanwhile, deep within old, desert ruins, an old wizard sat, meditating. His long, white hear and beard streached across the floor, and would probably go to his waist (the both of them) were he standing up. His blue, wrinkled robes were worn and almost tattered, and yet still radiated a sense of youth and passion, were such a thing possible in one as old as this one.

"Hmm..." he hummed, concentrating on voices he sensed miles away. "I do believe someone approaches..."

"Unteachable, inspid twit!"

"Inimical emo-bitch of a Gary Stu!"

BOOM!

"Yes...someone indeed approaches...and they apparently woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning..."

"Then I take it that it is not Lord Pent you sense?" asked a young, feminine voice, as a young woman stepped towards the magician. Her glossy, blonde hair hanged around her shoulders, as she pulled the hood down of her velvety pink cloak. In her right hand, encased in a purple glove that reached her elbow, she held a bow, and strapped to her waist was a quiver of arrows.

The old wizard looked up from his musings, and shook his head. "It is a group sent by Lord Uther of Ostia" he informed. "Hawkeye will soon find them and bring them here. Your companion, however, is still searching the desert."

The archeress looked at her feet, and sighed. "He hasn't found what he was looking for yet, has he?"

"He's very close to finding it, actually" the wizard pointed out. "However, there is a group of bandits who are also on the move. They've found Pent, and are preparing for attack."

The regal looking bow-woman gasped. "Oh, that's..."

"You are concerned for his safety, Louise?"

"No, he is Lord Pent. He'll be fine. It's just..." Louise put her left hand, covered in a white glove, to her mouth. "It took me two weeks to get the smell of burning bandit fleash off of his clothes, his books will be drained of magic properties forcing me to buy him new ones, again, AND his dinner will get cold. I already have it in the oven, and it will be done long before he returns..."

Athos just blinked, but a wide smirk formed under his lips. A little, supressed chuckle, made its way out of his beard.

Louise then smiled, and snapped her fingers. "Oh, Lord Athos, why don't YOU have Pent's share? It'll be nice and hot, and I'm sure you must be hungry after having meditated for a good five hours."

At that, Athos started to let out a deep laugh. Louise blinked, and rubbed the back of her head. "Is...something amusing to you, Lord Athos?"

Athos wiped his eyes, and chuckled a bit more, before he continued. "Ah, it is you, Louise. You are a most amusing woman. Since Pent brought you here, I've felt like I've laughed enough for ten years."

"Um...I'm glad to have been of service..." Louise bowed slightly, "but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel somewhat insulted..." Louise brushed back a braid of blonde hair back over her back, before she continued. "By the by, those travelers...they came from Lycia, correct? I wonder what they'd be doing in the middle of the desert?"

Athos stopped laughing instantly, and his face paled slightly. Louise blinked, and stepped forward. "Lord Archsage, are you alright? Your colouring..."

Athos sighed, and shook his head. "Once it has begun to turn, none can halt the wheel of fate. But as long as there is hope, people continue to try. ...They do not yet know the despair that awaits..."

Louise blinked, and rubbed her arm, shaking her head. "Weird..."

"Mmm...ARGH!" Lyn groaned. "We've been walking out here for hours, and we haven't seen a SOUL! Where is this person Lord Uther wanted us to meet supposed to be?"

"Why don't we ask Hannah?" Cecil suggested in a tone of calm. "She could use her powers to see how long it will be until we meet this person, and who he or she is."

"Oh, that reminds me..." Hannah waddled towards Cecil, and handed him a slip of paper. The shaded tactician blinked, and opened the paper, reading it aloud.

"I quit. Signed, Hannah. ...whoa, I did not see that coming..." Cecil muttered afterwards. He then looked up at the fortune teller, and cracked a smirk. "I would've thought you of all people could've given us two weeks notice."

"Always have to have the last, sarcastic word, don't you, Cecil?" Hannah grumbled, before she started weaving mystic patterns through the air.

"Wait...that's a spell of teleport..." Kozo observed. "You mean an old bat like you had that sort of spell and you never used it to help us?"

"Well, what did you expect?" Hannah snapped back, still weaving the mystic lines before her. "You were dragging me to every corner of Elibe! Ostia at one moment, the Dread Isle at the next, Caelin at the next...I have to KNOW where I'm going to use this spell! And right now, I'm going home to a good cup of tea..."

With that, the old fortune teller vanished in a plip.

Kozo started stomping the sand below him. "This is EXACTLY why I can't stand old people! No constitution!" he snarled.

Ninian blinked, and looked ahead. "Wait...I don't think we'll need Hannah for that task afterall..." she pointed out.

Eliwood looked down at the dancer. "Hmm? Why would you say that?"

Ninian pointed along her line of sight. "Because I think he's standing in the middle of that group."

Eliwood followed Ninian's finger, and gaped. "Well, isn't that convenient?" he asked rethoracly.

"That's gotta be him! It must be!" Hector shouted, rushing forward, causing the bard on his shoulders to lose balance.

"WHA!" After landing with a dull thud and a up shot of sand, Nils pulled his head out from the ground, and groaned. "Why me..."

"It looks like he's being swarmed by bandits..." Eliwood observed.

Lyn took out her blade, and stepped forward as well. "Then we have to help. I can't stand one-sided battles" she pointed out.

"Lyn is absolutely right!" Cecil agreed, putting away his parasol, and taking out his lance. "Come on, crew! Let's go help those bandits!"

After a few weird looks, Cecil shrugged his shoulders. "What? That man over there is Lord Pent, the Mage General of Eturia. To assist him in fighting bandits, especially in this terrian, is redundent. He can easily handle a few bandits all by himself."

"And suck up all the experience? COME ON PEOPLE, LET'S GRAB HIM!" Kozo barked.

A rather ugly looking bandit approached his current victum. "Isn't this lovely, Jasmine?" he pointed out towards his look-a-like brother. "This kind soul has waited by himself to present us this gift."

"I do believe you are right, Paul" Jasmine nodded. "Such generosity!"

A rather regal looking chap groaned, before brushing back his ponytail of silver hair back over his shoulder. His noble, purple cloak hung in the dead wind, and his black, regal garb covered him cleanly. He shook his head, and placed a hand to his forehead. "Look, I worked too hard to hand this over to you--" One of his eyes snapped open. "Waita minute..."

The regal man, as Cecil pointed to be Lord Pent, pointed a finger towards the ugly warrior in the pink vest. "His name is Jasmine?"

"Indeed it is" Paul assured. "He is my very dear, identical twin brother."

"Let...let me just get my head wrapped around this..." Pent continued to stutter. "HIS name is JASMINE?"

"Yes it is..." Jasmine pointed out. "What's wrong with that?"

Pent threw his arms into the air. "The fact that Jasmine is a girl's name!" he shouted.

"That's not true!" Jasmine pointed out. "I was named after my great-uncle, Jasmine Esabella Fletcher, Esquire."

Pent shook his head. "That doesn't change the fact that Jasmine is a name supposed to be used only for females..."

"That is not so!" Paul countered, stepping forward on his brother's behalf. "There are plenty of multi-gender names nowadays. Such as Alex, for instence."

"Because Alex can be short for both Alexander, for males, and Alexandria, for females" Pent explained.

"Then how about Sam?" Jasmine continued.

"Samual and Samantha."

"Ron?"

"Ronald and Veronica."

"Ha! I got one, mister expert!" Paul declared triumphantly. "Jesse!"

"Jessica for females, and...Jesse for males...huh, that one I can't present both sides for...But anyway! I don't care who you are or what genders you're supposed to be, this artifact I found is mine! I've worked too hard to hand it over to the likes of you!"

Jasmine gasped, and put a hand to his chest. "How rude! And to think, we were going to let you live..."

"We are fragile creatures" Paul explained. "You cannot trifle with our emotions so. You're a bad man! He's so bad, Jasmine!"

"Oh Paul, I know it. I really do. Oh my tender heart, she is breaking!"

"What? You too, Jasmine?"

"And you as well, Paul?"

Pent's left eye twitched, as he watched all this with slumpped shoulders. "This is the most disturbing exchange I have ever been within earshot of..."

Paul took out, from a holster on his back, a large, fierce looking axe. "Let's go! We must make him reconsider!"

Pent bowed his head, and shrugged, shaking his head. "I didn't want to hurt you...no, that was a lie. After that whole exchange, I would like to lightly toast you, but now you're forcing my hand."

Kozo groaned. "I hate fighting in the desert..." he grumbled.

Cecil nodded. "I know what you mean. The unbearable heat, the lack of any tactical cover or even water, the fact that those you DO encounter here are ready for such conditions..."

"And the fact that movement is quite hampered, especially in the cases of Knights and Cavaliers slash Paladins. Of course, mages have their magic that allows them to walk over the sand with ease..."

"It's one of the first things you learn in the academy" Canas concurred.

"Luckily, I have just the thing to help all of you not so magically inclined." Kozo dug into his robes, and pulled out a small, black cartridge.

Cecil blinked, and looked it over. "Is that...is that a Gameshark?"

"You bet it is" Kozo nodded with a wide grin on his face.

"But where could you have possibly gotten it from? The only one I remember hearing about was in possession by that little gnome guy we met on the Dread--you stole it from the little gnome guy, didn't you?"

"Yep."

Winny sighed, panning the wood for his next raft. "This would be easier if I still had my Gameshark."
Kozo began to press a series of buttons. Cecil rubbed the back of his head. "If you could use that in the past, why didn't you use it to give us the super legendary weapons of old? Or smite the enemies where they stood? You could've reduced all of them to a near death state, too weak to fight back when we could--"

"Well, that'd just be cheating at too much of an extreme. I'm just helping out everyone. Now, I think this is the right combination..." Kozo pushed a final button on the Gameshark.

Clouds formed in the sky, as rain began to fall. Cecil instantly had his parasol over his head, and a harsh glare aimed at Kozo. "Well, at least it's not hot anymore."

"Hold on, I just punched in the wrong environmental factor. Just give me a..."

Beep. The rain instantly stopped for a few seconds, before replaced by a gusty snow fall.

Cecil shook his head. "Great. Not only have you completely gone against the laws of physics, but you've also made things worse for us."

"I'll get it eventually, let me just--!" Kozo shouted, pressing buttons more rapidly.

The snow stopped, the clouds parted, and a pillar of flames shot down from the heavens, hitting the sand directly. The entire field began to heat up, before turning into solid glass.

"...that was unusual..." Cecil muttered, looking around his feet.

"Well, at least movement shouldn't be a problem now" Kozo observed with a grin. "Okay, people, now the first thing to do is--" Kozo took one step forward, and slipped, landing flat on his back. "...oh yeah. No friction what so ever on glass."

Meanwhile, with Pent of Eturia and the bandits, the sage watched as bandits slipped and bounced off each other like pinballs against bumpers. "As though my day couldn't get any weirder..."

"Okay, so maybe the glass wasn't a good idea..." Kozo sighed, as he punched in a final combination on the Gameshark. "But that's easily remedied."

With an odd, "poof" noise, the entire field turned into a grassy plain. Cecil blinked, and looked around. "What did you just...?"

"Simple. I just swapped the L for an R. Japanese to English and English to Japanese translations do it all the time" Kozo explained. "So instead of fighting on glass, we're fighting on grass. And with all the benefits of this still being a desert chapter."

"...Benefits of it being a desert chapter?"

"Sure. You know all the goodies you find during these chapters? You'd be surprised at the number of things scattered about this place."

Cecil rolled his eyes, as he stepped forward, closing his parasol. "Right. I'll be certain to, when I have some free time, go into the middle of the desert with a spoon, and dig around to see what sort of crap I can find."

"Actually, you just have to stand on the right space. If you're lucky, you'll find the item" Kozo explained.

"..." Cecil continued to step forward. "Kozo, of all the inane, non-sensical things you've told me, I'd have to say that this is the most half-assed--WHOA!" After bringing himself to his feet, Cecil looked to what he tripped over, and pulled up from the dirt a pair of leather boots. "I suddenly feel like I just went fishing..."

"Oh your God, Cecil! Do you realize what you just found?" Kozo stuttered excitedly.

"..Yeah, I found a pair of tattered leather boots. They look like they wouldn't sell for much..."

"Those Boots can increase the movement rate of anyone wearing them!"

"...What? These old, thrift store walkers are supposed to help you move FASTER? You'd think these would slow you down because you'd be tripping over these pieces of cloth that are peeling off."

"Give them to a mounted unit, Cece. It'll let them fly across the map."

"...Kozo...two boots...four legs to a horse...I fail to see how TWO boots once worn by a DEAD GUY can help a FOUR legged horse move any faster than it already can!"

"Oh, just give them here..." Hector groaned, snatching the boots from Cecil's hands, and slipping them on over his own, metal boots. The tattered boots were on the warrior's feet for only a few seconds, before dissolving away in a wisp of smoke.

"...Does nothing make SENSE in this world?" Cecil shouted.

"Sir Cecil..." Canas pointed out, adjusting his monocle, "you travel with a band of rag-tag adventurers, including several people who bend reality to their will, on a quest to prevent dragons from returning to the world."

"Never mind, then..." Cecil muttered, before looking over towards the bandits ahead. "Well, now that the field is more workable, I want our cavalry units to charge ahead, see if you can cause some havoc for them. Infantry, you move in close behind."

Cecil looked over towards Heath and Fiora. "I want you two, personally, to go for Lord Pent. Heath, you get the sage and fly. Fiora, you help keep baddies off of Heath long enough for him to get the sage to safety."

"As you wish" Heath nodded, adjusting his seat on his wyvern. "Fiora, we fly." With that, the two took off into the air, and flew towards the battle ahead.

"Alright, knights of Lycia..." Kent ordered, as he drew forth his sword. "Charge!" With a loud battle cry, Kent, Marcus, Lowen and Isadora rode ahead, after the two flying units.

Florina was about to join them, when she looked down, and noticed a straggler. "Aren't you going with them, Sain?" she asked.

"Yeah, you go on ahead" Sain insisted. "My noble steed is grazing..."

"Baa."

Meanwhile, Pent touched down to the now fertile ground, and smirked. "Well, now that I'm not concentrating on maintaining the levitation spell, I can put more effort into my attacks such as Elfire and--"

Suddenly, a swarm of axemen bunched in around Pent. While the sage now had an easier time traversing the field, so did the bandits. A low growl emitted from several of them. The mage general's face hanged low. "I regret nothing..."

Quite suddenly, a wyvern swooped down, and snatched up the sage, before flying off back towards the main party. Pent blinked, and looked up at the rider. "Should I be thankful or concerned that an unknown wyvern rider is taking me to an equally unknown location?" he asked.

"Don't worry, sir" Heath assured with a grin. "We're here to rescue you."

"...We?" Pent asked. "Who else is--"

"The main party whom we are taking you to" Fiora explained, flying nearby.

Pent beamed. "Fiora! It does my heart good to see you well. So, how's Ilia?"

"Cold."

"And the mercenary group that I hired and which you were in charge of?"

"Dead."

"Oh, that's a...damn..."

"I mourn them on my own time. For now..." Fiora touched between the pursuing bandits and the charging cavalry. She lifted up her lance, and smirked. "I think now's the time for fighting."

Heath continued to fly even further, towards the two tacticians, Merlinus, and Sain. "Why are taking me this far away from the battle?" Pent asked.

Heath shrugged, and mumbled something like "I dunno." He scratched his cheek, and continued. "Something about Kozo and saying that you'd suck up all the experience."

"All the what?"

"I've tried asking, but people just tell me to not even bother."

The Nabata Desert had not seen such a battle in many, many years. Bandit axe clanged against mercenary steel, bows fired and arrows flew, and magic rained on the field.

Sain sat atop his sheep, grumbling, as it continued to graze.

Canas mumbled a few incantations, before a ball of concentrated dark matter formed around one of the enemies. The life was slowly squeezed out of them, before they collapsed to the ground.

Sain laid across his mount's back, reading a book, as his ride continued to graze.

Dorcas tossed around enemies left and right. Lyn's swordplay kept her share of brigands on the defensive, if not outright slaughtering them. Florina yipped and yelped as arrows whizzed past her.

Sain groaned loudly, and marched off on foot. "Alright, fine! Eat to your heart's content! I am NOT going to be one-upped on the field of bat--AH!"

The green knight picked himself up off the ground, and noticed what he had stepped on. "What in the hell...?" he muttered to himself. He picked up a small crest, one that most scholars would refer as an Ocean's Seal. "Neat. I'm sure this would make a lovely gift for Lyndis. Or maybe Priscilla."

He pocketed the seal, and continued along. "Or perhaps Fiora? Oh! I'm sure lady Isadora would love it the most! I wonder if I should--DAMNIT!"

The green knight got to his feet again. "NOW what did I trip on? Huh?" He bent down, and picked up an old, but still intact book. "Huh...it's like a magic book of some kind...Oh! Serra's a magic user! Maybe she'll like it!" He grinned, and continued his march.

Not before tripping over a sword, another crest, two rings and a second book. "Wow...who left all this cool stuff just lying around in the middle of a grassy field? ...Well, I guess it was supposed to be a desert, but..."

Meanwhile, back with the two tacticians, they had just seen Heath and Pent off to rejoin the battle. Kozo was about to join them, when the shouting of someone charging towards them caught their ear.

Glancing towards their assailant, a rather ugly bandit, Kozo scoffed, and readied himself to deal with the miserable thing. However, his attack was almost unnecessary. Suddenly charging in between the two was a colossus of a man, skin brown from, obviously, many days out in the desert. The bandit followed up with a swing of his axe, only to have it shatter against the man's stomach.

Cecil watched all this, jaw agape. "Did...did I just see him take an axe to the gut and completely ruin the weapon, without wearing a scrap of upper body armour?" he asked.

"Yeah, looks that way," Kozo agreed with a shrug.

The giant then grabbed the bandit by the head with his left arm, which was encased with a long, metal gauntlet. Then, taking his own axe in his other hand, he slammed it deep into the bandit's side. Ignoring the holler of pain from his victim, the warrior took his axe out, and slammed it in again. And again. And a few times more.

He dropped the bandit to the ground, before looking towards the two tacticians. Cecil approached in amazement. "Man, I have never seen a guy absorb an entire axe attack, or squish somebody that easily. Just who are you?"

"I am Hawkeye, defender of this desert," the berserker answered.

"Defender? Of a desert?"

"I shall drive out these bandits. There is no need for guests to fight." With that, Hawkeye placed his axe over his shoulder, and charged towards the battle field.

"Guests? Wait, what are you talking about? Stop running, I'm not done talking to you!" Cecil rushed towards the battle field after Hawkeye. The tactician jogged along behind the giant, before said giant dived to the side. Cecil blinked, before screaming and ducking underneath a handaxe that would have taken his head off.

After the axe flew back to its owner, Cecil looked up, and let out a sigh of relief. "Phew. For a second there, I thought I was about to be killed by the single most ugliest bandit I think I've seen in my life."

An arrow landed right in front of his hand. "I wouldn't insult them further, if I were you..." Canas pointed out. "They seem rather mad already, what with all the insults we've been giving them previously..."

"Hey Jasmine, where's your precious Aladdin?" Matthew teased, before skillfully ducking underneath the swing of an axe.

"Matthew, please stop insulting him..." Oswin groaned, as the axe was taken out of the latest notch in his armour.

"Why?" Matthew asked, before looking towards Jasmine again. "Your name is girly!" Duck. SMASH!

"That's why..." Oswin sighed in defeat, as the axe had now made a fifth notch in his armour.

"Ah, to hell with this!" Erk groaned, before winding back, lifting one leg into the air. "ELFIRE!" he shouted, before pitching a fireball towards one of the brothers. It connected dead center, and exploded, engulfing Paul in flames. "Canas, finish the job!"

The shaman nodded, and waved his hands through the air, a magic circle appearing beneath him. Muttering some mystic incantations, Canas went into the final steps of his spell. "Nos...fer...ATU!" he shouted, thrusting a finger towards the burning warrior.

In the midst of Paul's shouting, he felt something being pulled from his mouth. His very life force was being drawn out, before he collapsed to a heap in the middle of the desert.

Leaving only Jasmine as the remaining warrior, and, from the looks of things, that would last for much longer. Lowen charged towards him, lance at the ready, before he came to a stop near him. His horse bucked back, as Lowen spun his lance over his head expertly, before he pierced it furiously through one of the weak points in Jasmine's armour. The horse came back down, but Lowen wasn't done.

Twice more, he pierced a different weak point in Jasmine's armour, before the warrior, at least, fell. Marcus hemmed in awe, trotting over to his squire. "My word, Lowen, you've struck that beast at the exact right points and with such power...I must say, I'm impressed."

Lowen beamed, and looked to his left. "Thanks, Commander Marcus. I was hoping you would be."

"...Lowen? I'm to your right." Marcus sighed, and shook his head. "Blind idiot..." he muttered under his breath.

"You really helped me out. Thank you," said Pent, as he bowed slightly before Eliwood.

"We couldn't watch a lopsided battle, that's all," Eliwood assured sheepishly.

Lyn smirked, and nudged Cecil in the ribs. "I'm sure that in spite of Cece's confidence here, you'd eventually need some help anyway."

"Oh, so it's a sin for me to think the Mage General of Eturia can handle some simple bandits by himself..." Cecil sighed.

"So, why are you in the middle of the desert, anyway?" Pent asked.

"Well, we're here to see this Living Legend guy. Know anything about it?" Hector asked.

"Ha ha! It looks like we share the same destination. And--ah, Hawkeye! You're here as well!" Pent observed, as the giant stepped forward.

"Pent, did you find it?" Hawkeye asked simply.

Pent nodded. "Got it right here. And, as I thought, it's spectacular."

Hawkeye nodded, before looking forward. "We should get going before it gets dark. Desert nights can be treacherous."

After hiking through the desert for a while, Cecil sighed, and glanced slightly over his shoulder. "So, Mage General, how exactly are we supposed to know when we run into the place where we can find the Living Legend?" Silence was his answer. Cecil stopped, and looked around. Pent was gone. "Where did he go? And why do I get the weird feeling that I'm sinking in to the sa--" With that, Cecil was sucked underneath the rolling sand.

Kozo tried to move his legs, but he found that he was sinking as well. "...Well, this sucks--" And he was gone. Eventually followed by Hector, then Lyn, then Eliwood...and then pretty much everyone else in the party.

"Okay, after those two little incidents with Peppita and the two old stars of older attempts at filming, I've found a safe and reliant source for Morals," Yoshimo explained with a sigh of relief.

"Your own mind?" Winny guessed.

"No, have you seen previous morals? They stunk." Yoshimo took a long cord, and attached it to the wheel. "I've hooked up my cord with the internet. It searches for random quotes and morals, and uses them for the show. Now, let's see what this baby can do..."

Yoshimo took one of the pegs, and spun hard. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn." The wheel began to slow down, before coming to a complete stop. "Moral Number 2."

The computer connected to the Wheel began going through internet pages rapidly, before selecting one in particular. The printer next to it began to print out the quote. "And the moral of today's story is..." Yoshimo took the paper, and cleared his throat. "Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs harder. ...Oh, you have no idea..." Yoshimo muttered.

"You still upset about the whole incident at that business party last year, Yoshimo?" Winny asked.

"YES!" Yoshimo snapped. He sighed. "Well, that's it for now. I'm Yoshimo, and, until next time, remember to smile...because tomorrow's only going to be worse."