Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS FIRST!!
Chapter Three: Last Goodbye
Feathery-light touch brushed against Ryo's soft cheek as Dee swept stray strands of blond behind the man's ear. The tranquility on his face and the soundness of his sleep was almost too peaceful for a living human. Beeping of the machine that was keeping his lover alive, - the only sound that filled the room, was slowly getting on his nerves. He was already at the verge of breaking down. That last thing he needed was a stupid cold- hard machine reminding him that he was the core reason his lover was reclining motionlessly on the bed as though he was waiting for death to claim over him.
Holding the frail paling hand into his own, thoughts filled Dee's mind, '...How fragile... almost as though he would break at the slightest touch, though it may not seemed that way most of the time... Ryo... he wouldn't be here bed-ridden if it weren't for me. I was the one who dragged him into this mess, - my mess. It's all my fault...'
Dee's self-accusation was crudely interrupted when Chief Smith came bursting into ICU ward no. 271, where one of his finest officer was recuperating from a near life-threatening situation during a six-hour surgery.
"Dee!!" Chief exclaimed, panting hard as a result of dashing down the white hallways in least than two minutes. Stealing a glance from the corner of his eyes, it was all Dee had to offer as an acknowledgement of his superior's presence, - before returning his attention towards the unmoving man.
"How is he?" Chief asked after catching a breather. Dee uttered softly, so softly that it was hardly audible, "They nearly loss him back there on the surgery table. He loss so much blood..." looking down on his painted red shirt, "... But when I look at myself, his blood is all over me... God, Chief... I did this to him..."
"Dee, Randy's not dead, yet. So, stop mumbling gibberish like he's dead or something," Chief snapped at the man.
"...um..." he nodded, trying to comply but there were still melancholy in his eyes, "It will take him a good couple of days before he can be up and going again."
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. His bills are covered," Chief quipped with a careless shrug.
As Chief drew closer to the dark-haired man, silently he noted how pallid Dee looked. Color had flushed out of the man's face, leaving the man ghostly white. Weariness was written all over the young detective as strength, both mental and physical drained away into emptiness. He would have to say that it was the first time he saw the vulnerability in Dee Laytner.
But as a cop, Chief was obliged to his duties, "Who did this to him?"
Heaving a heavy sigh, he knew that it was inevitable. The question was bound to be asked. For some reason, Dee was glad that he was able to confide the matter to Chief, "...It's Alex. She was going to stab me but Ryo got in the way."
If shocked had overwhelmed the elderly man, he never showed, "What about Jacq? Does she know about this?"
"Jacq is dead..." Dee replied monotonously.
"What the...? When?!" "Just before Alex thrust her knife into Ryo... Jacq... She died protecting Ryo from her mother's wrath..."
"So you're telling me that Alex killed her own daughter?" Slowly nodding his head, Dee dreaded the memories of the last moment before her death.
"It doesn't make any sense. Why would Alex kill her own daughter?"
"Jacq went to Ryo's..." not wanting to elaborate further, Dee just left the sentence hanging there in mid air, letting Chief come up with his own conclusion. And sure enough, with experiences gained over years of service for the force, it didn't take the old man long to figure it out.
"...So, Randy knows now, doesn't he?" "It makes no difference..."
"Hell, it does! Dee, if Randy knows, you don't have to take it all upon yourself. Randy could be the left-hand you lost to Alex!!"
"I don't need a left-hand if it's going to be tainted with filthy blood... I don't want Ryo's untainted hands to be contaminated by bloods of sinners. I don't want him to walk down the same path. Ryo should never cross the line between being the law to opposing the law... Promise me one thing, Chief..."
"And what is that?" "If Ryo ever gets too close to crossing 'that' line, pull him back before it's too late no matter what the consequences are..."
"You're going to avenge Jacq's death, aren't you?"
"Jacq was like a daughter to me. If I don't do this, I'll regret for life,"
"Even if it means going against Alex, your ex-partner?"
Tearing his attention away from his lover, determination burnt in his greyish-green eyes as Dee looked out to the rising sun, "...Even if it means going against Alex..."
* * * * * * * * * * *
Soft moans of pain escaped the blond officer whitish lips as he slowly stirred from his long slumber as he cursed softly under his breath waking to another splitting headache. Why couldn't his mornings be a little more pleasant?
"Dee..." he called out softly with his frail voice. His entire body numbed with aching pain and his throat ran dry as the desert. There was nothing he wanted more than the warmth of his lover holding him in his arms. But Ryo's fantasy turned to a startling awakening as Chief's voice was heard over his bleary sight.
"Chief!" exclaimed the man with all the strength he could conjure.
"Glad that you survived Alex's fear-provoking knives. More often than not, her blades are lethal and delicate at touch. Just be grateful that you got here in time,"
"Chief... where is Dee?" Ryo tried to sit upright but he was pinned down by his weighing body that simply refused to comply.
"You can forget about going anywhere because you'll be stuck here for at least two weeks."
"Two weeks?!!" the blond man exclaimed to his horror.
"Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to stay put until you're granted authorization to be discharged, do I make myself clear?"
"Chief...where's..."
Intervening before he could finish his sentence, Chief bellowed with firmness, "I expect to see you in my office first thing in the morning two weeks from now." He walked out on Ryo without answering his question. It's not that he didn't want to tell him where the raven-haired carefree bugger went; it's just that he couldn't.
'...I'm sorry, Randy. But there are some things better left unknown. It will only intensify the wound that wasn't meant to be. That 'good-for- nothing' fought so hard just to keep you out of it. Just pray that he get through this alive...'
Staring off into his own world, the blond man couldn't help wondering where his dark-haired partner/lover went. Ryo has been hospitalized for more than two days excluding the two other days he was unconscious and yet, Dee was nowhere to be seen. As he watched another sunny afternoon went by, he couldn't help but feel the loneliness that grew on him despite the frequent visitations by his fellow colleagues. But none of them seemed to know what happened to Dee, - not even J.J who clings onto Dee like a parasite.
"Sorry, Ryo... I'd loved to help but no one had seen that son-of-a- bitch ever since you were hospitalized," that was what all they could tell him.
"Ryo!!" yelled Bikky as he burst into Ryo's ward, like he would always do at him when he discovers Dee pouncing onto his dad/mom. Carol nonetheless, followed closely behind the younger man.
"Bikky, for the last time, - this is a hospital..." Ryo reprimanded fatherly.
"I don't give a damn what the fuck this place is," Bikky cut in impatiently, not to mention, his crude choice of words, "... I saw him!!"
"Saw who?" Ryo asked, with slight exasperation in his tone.
"We saw him... Dee!!" Carol chipped in with the same enthusiasm.
"Where?" that has definitely caught the man's attention.
"He came looking for me at school. He told me to give this to you," said the mixed-race kid as he hastily rummaged through his knapsack for a piece of white note.
Taking the note from the boy, Ryo read it as fast as his eyes could scan but he could hardly digest any of the words written there, - not because the handwritings were barely readable but the words itself doesn't make any sense to the man:
Hey there, Ryo
I know it's kinda lame and all to send you this note. I don't even know why the heck I'm writing this. I guess it just something I need to do to get pass my guilt.
I didn't mean for you to be involved in this mess. I tried to keep you safe; I tried all I could to keep you as far as possible away from their reach, so much so that I tried to cheat myself that I didn't love you anymore. But after all that I have done, I still failed to keep you out of harm's way.
You have no idea how much it hurts me to watch Alex's knives go through you. My white shirt was soaked in your blood. I was so afraid... so scared that you would die and leave me behind. Never in my entire life have I felt so helpless when I watch you fade in and out of oblivion. A part of me nearly died along with you then.
I never ever want to feel the same heart-stopping fear again. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. It would be best if we never see each other again... But I wouldn't deny the possibilities that our paths will cross again someday. And when that day comes, don't hesitate.
Yours and forever more,
Dee
"I told that loser to give it to you himself but he said that he had to go somewhere... something about a debt to settle," Bikky added.
Crumpling the piece of paper in his hand, "That selfish bastard," he cursed through gritted teeth. Ryo threw away the IV that was hooked into his right arm.
"Ryo! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bikky exclaimed to his horror as he watched the man rushed to his feet only to fail miserably.
"Ryo!!" Carol's turn to exclaim when Ryo's body fell limply on the ground, "The doctors said that you're not allowed to move about or your wounds will reopen!"
"I don't give a fuck!!" Ryo shouted with rage, not bothered to mind his language. He tried to stand again but even with Bikky on his right and Carol on his left, Ryo still couldn't get back on his feet.
"Ryo!!" Carol tried to reason with the man to no avail. The blond man fell on his knees as he hurled forward, slamming his fist onto the cold concrete floors at the same time, cursed the ebony-haired man with vulgarity. Hot tears welled in his jet black eyes but he hadn't the strength to cease droplets of tears from falling. The two youngsters fell silent as they heard Ryo whispered the man's name softly before he broke into strangled sobs.
Watching from a safe distance, Dee's heart wrenched with guilt for putting his lover through his deranged past fault. He nearly fell off the roof of the 24-storey building across the hospital when he leaned too over the railing while watching Ryo fall onto his knees through his binoculars. His hands trembled clammily, - not because of the height he was standing from the concrete ground but the fear that struck his heart of the rash and irrational things Ryo would do.
Tearing his eyes from the binoculars, Dee couldn't bear to watch anymore. The more he sees, the harder it becomes for him to say 'goodbye'. Glancing away, Dee reached for his shades in his breast pocket before anyone could catch the welling of tears in his eyes. Now, of all times, wasn't the time for him to breakdown; - in fact, Dee had to force himself to search within his past for the unyielding cold-exterior he had held up five years ago.
The sound of the hovering helicopter above his head broke into his thoughts.
'Ryo, I'm sorry... I would stay by your side forever more if I could... but the path I chose... it is a path that forces me to choose my dark past over the people I love. I don't like it anymore than you do, nonetheless I must oblige to this path if I want you to be safe. For you, I will endure, thus I will not run from the gun you will aim at me...'
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Ryo!!" shouted J.J over the chaotic station. Bobbing his head out of the report that piled all over his desk, "What?" he snapped agitatedly with rising temper.
Heads turned in the direction of the angry voice. Ryo had been biting the heads off people who spoke to him for the past three weeks. But who would blame the precinct idol for being in such foul mood? It has been awhile and not a word was heard of the raven-haired bastard's whereabouts. Ryo was officially declared as a walking time-bomb by his colleagues. Even the slightest thing triggers agitation to the flaxen man.
"Chief wants you in his office, ASAP," J.J replied reservedly, not wanting to set off the 'bomb'.
Knitting his brows, Ryo sensed a headache coming his way, - a huge one. Pushing away from his desk, he was about to head out for Chief's office when his eyes caught sight of the empty desk across his. His eyes never failed to glance over to Dee's desk every now and then. And quietly Ryo noted how time passes so slowly without him. Somehow, the fact was getting on his nerves, especially when it reminded him of the hours he had to remain coped in the precinct.
Rapping lightly on the door, Ryo turned the knob and entered the moment he heard Chief's gruff voice from beyond the door.
"Chief, you wanted to see me?"
Resting his chin on the arch of his fingers formed by his forearm, grave expression cast over the older man's face when the young detective entered.
"Take a seat, Randy," offered the older man.
Obediently, the young officer took a seat across the desk.
"I'll cut to the chase. I just received a note that I'm supposed to give you. But before I do, enlighten me; - is Dee Laytner worth fretting over?"
Ryo was already swimming in confusion to why all of the sudden Chief has taken interest in his opinion in regards to Dee.
"I don't quite get you, sir," Ryo replied innocently.
"Ok..." the old man exhaled sharply, "Let's put it this way. Your recent performance has dropped to the pits of hopelessness. It's pretty darn obvious that that idiot is the cause. Your mind is totally polluted with that bugger so much so that your brains are no longer functioning like it's supposed to."
"Sorry, sir. I'll try to..." "Sorry isn't the word I'm looking for here. Dee is old enough to take care of himself. Whatever trouble he's in, you can bet your ass that he'll get out of it. So, now back to my earlier question, - is he worth fretting over?"
Swallowing hard down his dry throat, it was hard not to be intimidated by Chief's stern voice. But when the answer to the question came into his mind, he was undoubtedly sure what his mind, his heart, his body, - all wanted the same thing, Dee Laytner.
Lowering his head, Ryo's eyes softened as he spoke, "I don't think I'm fretting over Dee... it's more of a concern feeling rather than fuss. He has been gone missing for weeks now and as his partner... I can't help but to feel apprehensive. It's not whether he is worth it or not. I don't even know how to describe in words how I feel for that man. But I do know one thing, - loving a person isn't measured by how much he is worth but how much love you feel for the other. And as far as I'm concern, love is immeasurable."
"Enough said. That is all I need to hear. Take this note and this opportunity well. You have only one shot at this, don't waste it. I don't know what good will it do for the both of you, maybe God takes pity over you love-sick puppies. It's a chance of a lifetime, so don't lose it... and one other thing. I don't want anymore than you do, to see Dee on the other side. Just remind him that we have yet to give up on him,"
Totally clueless to what Chief was saying, Ryo chose to ignore and think about them later as he got his hands on the piece of note meant for him. Unfolding the short memo in his grasp, Ryo read the printed matter, -
Be at Queen's d'café at 2 p.m.
Five minutes to two, the blond officer was seen pushing through the over-crowed sidewalks as he rushed to Queen's d'café in time for the meeting. His nerves were going crazy every time he thought of the person who sent him the note.
'Could it be...?' his heartbeat rapidly picked up pace as thoughts aroused. But as his mind was overly preoccupied with random thoughts, he hardly registered a man heading towards him from the opposite direction until they collided.
"Sorry," the stranger in black trench coat apologized.
"It's ok," Ryo replied back without taking a good look at the man and walked away almost immediately in hurry.
Sharp on the dot, Ryo panted heavily as he grabbed a seat under a huge white umbrella by the sidewalk café. Ordering his drink hastily, Ryo took no notice of a man approaching him until he felt a weighing palm rested on his shoulders.
"Don't you know it's dangerous to act alone, - particularly after an incident that nearly took your life?" said the voice Ryo was longing to hear.
"Dee..." he was about to turn to face the man when he felt Dee's grip over his shoulder tightened.
"Don't turn around," the dark-haired man warned severely.
"Dee..." Ryo tried to plead but firmly the other man declined, "Don't... Ryo..."
Clenching his fist to restrain the urge to pin the man down on solid concrete, showering him with kisses, Ryo shut his eyes tight as he listened to the other man taking a seat behind him. He could feel Dee's broad shoulders resting against his.
'Dee...' the blond officer mentally noted.
Silence besieged uncomfortable around those two. It was as though both were waiting for the other to break the ice.
"How have you been?" Dee finally asked in his casual nonchalant tone. "Like hell," Ryo finally managed to force out, and despite the sarcasm that was meant to be, his voice hardly sound as though he was truly mad at the other man.
Silence once again hung in the air notwithstanding the precious time at lost. "Dee..."
"Ryo..." both began in unison.
"You go first," Dee offered.
Not wanting to lose this opportunity, Ryo was determined to say the words he hadn't been able to express just because he was too goddamn selfish to admit it.
"Dee..." He had been rehearsing over and over in his head of the words he would say to Dee the next time he saw him. Although this wasn't how he had in mind, talking to the man with their backs on each other was good enough. Either way, he's going to say the 'three' words to him.
'But why is it so goddamn difficult?' His mind was racing and pounding hard under the skull. His chest constricted with pain that pierced through every inch of his flesh.
'God, please help me make it through...' he prayed in silence.
"...Dee, I don't know what's going on and all. But..." he hesitated to breathe, "... but I do know one thing... and that's..." his voice was becoming more and more inaudible, "... no matter what happens,... I'll never stop loving you. I love you, Dee..."
Sheer stillness came over like a tide as the following two minutes went by in silence, making Ryo queasy to the stomach, - that made the poor man doubted his actions almost instantly. But a soft exhaled heard over his shoulders reassured the man that he was still there.
Virtually picturing a smirk on Dee's face, "Though it's a bit late for that now..." he said, causing the blond man faintly winced in hurt, "... I guess, these three words came in just right when I needed them most."
Being slightly insistent with hints of pleading in his voice, "Dee, let's go home together... Bikky misses you, Carol misses you,... but most importantly, I've missed you..."
"I would like that very much... I really do. But Ryo... there's somewhere I have to go... and..."
'Don't say it... Don't say it, Dee...' Ryo's heart was practically screaming, begging in fear of the words that would escape Dee's lips.
"This is probably my last goodbye..."
Author's note²: When I read this chapter again some time last
week, I found a number of errors and weaknesses in this chapter.
Chief was totally OOC and somehow, he was playing a role bigger
than I had intended. Thus, I re-wrote the chapter. The content is
more or less the same but some new points in this chapter affect
the following chapters. Hence, gomenasai for the inconvenience
but please read this chapter first before the next chapter. I
would also like to thank those who took the time to review. They
mean a lot to me!! Arigatou, minna!!
Chapter Three: Last Goodbye
Feathery-light touch brushed against Ryo's soft cheek as Dee swept stray strands of blond behind the man's ear. The tranquility on his face and the soundness of his sleep was almost too peaceful for a living human. Beeping of the machine that was keeping his lover alive, - the only sound that filled the room, was slowly getting on his nerves. He was already at the verge of breaking down. That last thing he needed was a stupid cold- hard machine reminding him that he was the core reason his lover was reclining motionlessly on the bed as though he was waiting for death to claim over him.
Holding the frail paling hand into his own, thoughts filled Dee's mind, '...How fragile... almost as though he would break at the slightest touch, though it may not seemed that way most of the time... Ryo... he wouldn't be here bed-ridden if it weren't for me. I was the one who dragged him into this mess, - my mess. It's all my fault...'
Dee's self-accusation was crudely interrupted when Chief Smith came bursting into ICU ward no. 271, where one of his finest officer was recuperating from a near life-threatening situation during a six-hour surgery.
"Dee!!" Chief exclaimed, panting hard as a result of dashing down the white hallways in least than two minutes. Stealing a glance from the corner of his eyes, it was all Dee had to offer as an acknowledgement of his superior's presence, - before returning his attention towards the unmoving man.
"How is he?" Chief asked after catching a breather. Dee uttered softly, so softly that it was hardly audible, "They nearly loss him back there on the surgery table. He loss so much blood..." looking down on his painted red shirt, "... But when I look at myself, his blood is all over me... God, Chief... I did this to him..."
"Dee, Randy's not dead, yet. So, stop mumbling gibberish like he's dead or something," Chief snapped at the man.
"...um..." he nodded, trying to comply but there were still melancholy in his eyes, "It will take him a good couple of days before he can be up and going again."
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. His bills are covered," Chief quipped with a careless shrug.
As Chief drew closer to the dark-haired man, silently he noted how pallid Dee looked. Color had flushed out of the man's face, leaving the man ghostly white. Weariness was written all over the young detective as strength, both mental and physical drained away into emptiness. He would have to say that it was the first time he saw the vulnerability in Dee Laytner.
But as a cop, Chief was obliged to his duties, "Who did this to him?"
Heaving a heavy sigh, he knew that it was inevitable. The question was bound to be asked. For some reason, Dee was glad that he was able to confide the matter to Chief, "...It's Alex. She was going to stab me but Ryo got in the way."
If shocked had overwhelmed the elderly man, he never showed, "What about Jacq? Does she know about this?"
"Jacq is dead..." Dee replied monotonously.
"What the...? When?!" "Just before Alex thrust her knife into Ryo... Jacq... She died protecting Ryo from her mother's wrath..."
"So you're telling me that Alex killed her own daughter?" Slowly nodding his head, Dee dreaded the memories of the last moment before her death.
"It doesn't make any sense. Why would Alex kill her own daughter?"
"Jacq went to Ryo's..." not wanting to elaborate further, Dee just left the sentence hanging there in mid air, letting Chief come up with his own conclusion. And sure enough, with experiences gained over years of service for the force, it didn't take the old man long to figure it out.
"...So, Randy knows now, doesn't he?" "It makes no difference..."
"Hell, it does! Dee, if Randy knows, you don't have to take it all upon yourself. Randy could be the left-hand you lost to Alex!!"
"I don't need a left-hand if it's going to be tainted with filthy blood... I don't want Ryo's untainted hands to be contaminated by bloods of sinners. I don't want him to walk down the same path. Ryo should never cross the line between being the law to opposing the law... Promise me one thing, Chief..."
"And what is that?" "If Ryo ever gets too close to crossing 'that' line, pull him back before it's too late no matter what the consequences are..."
"You're going to avenge Jacq's death, aren't you?"
"Jacq was like a daughter to me. If I don't do this, I'll regret for life,"
"Even if it means going against Alex, your ex-partner?"
Tearing his attention away from his lover, determination burnt in his greyish-green eyes as Dee looked out to the rising sun, "...Even if it means going against Alex..."
* * * * * * * * * * *
Soft moans of pain escaped the blond officer whitish lips as he slowly stirred from his long slumber as he cursed softly under his breath waking to another splitting headache. Why couldn't his mornings be a little more pleasant?
"Dee..." he called out softly with his frail voice. His entire body numbed with aching pain and his throat ran dry as the desert. There was nothing he wanted more than the warmth of his lover holding him in his arms. But Ryo's fantasy turned to a startling awakening as Chief's voice was heard over his bleary sight.
"Chief!" exclaimed the man with all the strength he could conjure.
"Glad that you survived Alex's fear-provoking knives. More often than not, her blades are lethal and delicate at touch. Just be grateful that you got here in time,"
"Chief... where is Dee?" Ryo tried to sit upright but he was pinned down by his weighing body that simply refused to comply.
"You can forget about going anywhere because you'll be stuck here for at least two weeks."
"Two weeks?!!" the blond man exclaimed to his horror.
"Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to stay put until you're granted authorization to be discharged, do I make myself clear?"
"Chief...where's..."
Intervening before he could finish his sentence, Chief bellowed with firmness, "I expect to see you in my office first thing in the morning two weeks from now." He walked out on Ryo without answering his question. It's not that he didn't want to tell him where the raven-haired carefree bugger went; it's just that he couldn't.
'...I'm sorry, Randy. But there are some things better left unknown. It will only intensify the wound that wasn't meant to be. That 'good-for- nothing' fought so hard just to keep you out of it. Just pray that he get through this alive...'
Staring off into his own world, the blond man couldn't help wondering where his dark-haired partner/lover went. Ryo has been hospitalized for more than two days excluding the two other days he was unconscious and yet, Dee was nowhere to be seen. As he watched another sunny afternoon went by, he couldn't help but feel the loneliness that grew on him despite the frequent visitations by his fellow colleagues. But none of them seemed to know what happened to Dee, - not even J.J who clings onto Dee like a parasite.
"Sorry, Ryo... I'd loved to help but no one had seen that son-of-a- bitch ever since you were hospitalized," that was what all they could tell him.
"Ryo!!" yelled Bikky as he burst into Ryo's ward, like he would always do at him when he discovers Dee pouncing onto his dad/mom. Carol nonetheless, followed closely behind the younger man.
"Bikky, for the last time, - this is a hospital..." Ryo reprimanded fatherly.
"I don't give a damn what the fuck this place is," Bikky cut in impatiently, not to mention, his crude choice of words, "... I saw him!!"
"Saw who?" Ryo asked, with slight exasperation in his tone.
"We saw him... Dee!!" Carol chipped in with the same enthusiasm.
"Where?" that has definitely caught the man's attention.
"He came looking for me at school. He told me to give this to you," said the mixed-race kid as he hastily rummaged through his knapsack for a piece of white note.
Taking the note from the boy, Ryo read it as fast as his eyes could scan but he could hardly digest any of the words written there, - not because the handwritings were barely readable but the words itself doesn't make any sense to the man:
Hey there, Ryo
I know it's kinda lame and all to send you this note. I don't even know why the heck I'm writing this. I guess it just something I need to do to get pass my guilt.
I didn't mean for you to be involved in this mess. I tried to keep you safe; I tried all I could to keep you as far as possible away from their reach, so much so that I tried to cheat myself that I didn't love you anymore. But after all that I have done, I still failed to keep you out of harm's way.
You have no idea how much it hurts me to watch Alex's knives go through you. My white shirt was soaked in your blood. I was so afraid... so scared that you would die and leave me behind. Never in my entire life have I felt so helpless when I watch you fade in and out of oblivion. A part of me nearly died along with you then.
I never ever want to feel the same heart-stopping fear again. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. It would be best if we never see each other again... But I wouldn't deny the possibilities that our paths will cross again someday. And when that day comes, don't hesitate.
Yours and forever more,
Dee
"I told that loser to give it to you himself but he said that he had to go somewhere... something about a debt to settle," Bikky added.
Crumpling the piece of paper in his hand, "That selfish bastard," he cursed through gritted teeth. Ryo threw away the IV that was hooked into his right arm.
"Ryo! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bikky exclaimed to his horror as he watched the man rushed to his feet only to fail miserably.
"Ryo!!" Carol's turn to exclaim when Ryo's body fell limply on the ground, "The doctors said that you're not allowed to move about or your wounds will reopen!"
"I don't give a fuck!!" Ryo shouted with rage, not bothered to mind his language. He tried to stand again but even with Bikky on his right and Carol on his left, Ryo still couldn't get back on his feet.
"Ryo!!" Carol tried to reason with the man to no avail. The blond man fell on his knees as he hurled forward, slamming his fist onto the cold concrete floors at the same time, cursed the ebony-haired man with vulgarity. Hot tears welled in his jet black eyes but he hadn't the strength to cease droplets of tears from falling. The two youngsters fell silent as they heard Ryo whispered the man's name softly before he broke into strangled sobs.
Watching from a safe distance, Dee's heart wrenched with guilt for putting his lover through his deranged past fault. He nearly fell off the roof of the 24-storey building across the hospital when he leaned too over the railing while watching Ryo fall onto his knees through his binoculars. His hands trembled clammily, - not because of the height he was standing from the concrete ground but the fear that struck his heart of the rash and irrational things Ryo would do.
Tearing his eyes from the binoculars, Dee couldn't bear to watch anymore. The more he sees, the harder it becomes for him to say 'goodbye'. Glancing away, Dee reached for his shades in his breast pocket before anyone could catch the welling of tears in his eyes. Now, of all times, wasn't the time for him to breakdown; - in fact, Dee had to force himself to search within his past for the unyielding cold-exterior he had held up five years ago.
The sound of the hovering helicopter above his head broke into his thoughts.
'Ryo, I'm sorry... I would stay by your side forever more if I could... but the path I chose... it is a path that forces me to choose my dark past over the people I love. I don't like it anymore than you do, nonetheless I must oblige to this path if I want you to be safe. For you, I will endure, thus I will not run from the gun you will aim at me...'
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Ryo!!" shouted J.J over the chaotic station. Bobbing his head out of the report that piled all over his desk, "What?" he snapped agitatedly with rising temper.
Heads turned in the direction of the angry voice. Ryo had been biting the heads off people who spoke to him for the past three weeks. But who would blame the precinct idol for being in such foul mood? It has been awhile and not a word was heard of the raven-haired bastard's whereabouts. Ryo was officially declared as a walking time-bomb by his colleagues. Even the slightest thing triggers agitation to the flaxen man.
"Chief wants you in his office, ASAP," J.J replied reservedly, not wanting to set off the 'bomb'.
Knitting his brows, Ryo sensed a headache coming his way, - a huge one. Pushing away from his desk, he was about to head out for Chief's office when his eyes caught sight of the empty desk across his. His eyes never failed to glance over to Dee's desk every now and then. And quietly Ryo noted how time passes so slowly without him. Somehow, the fact was getting on his nerves, especially when it reminded him of the hours he had to remain coped in the precinct.
Rapping lightly on the door, Ryo turned the knob and entered the moment he heard Chief's gruff voice from beyond the door.
"Chief, you wanted to see me?"
Resting his chin on the arch of his fingers formed by his forearm, grave expression cast over the older man's face when the young detective entered.
"Take a seat, Randy," offered the older man.
Obediently, the young officer took a seat across the desk.
"I'll cut to the chase. I just received a note that I'm supposed to give you. But before I do, enlighten me; - is Dee Laytner worth fretting over?"
Ryo was already swimming in confusion to why all of the sudden Chief has taken interest in his opinion in regards to Dee.
"I don't quite get you, sir," Ryo replied innocently.
"Ok..." the old man exhaled sharply, "Let's put it this way. Your recent performance has dropped to the pits of hopelessness. It's pretty darn obvious that that idiot is the cause. Your mind is totally polluted with that bugger so much so that your brains are no longer functioning like it's supposed to."
"Sorry, sir. I'll try to..." "Sorry isn't the word I'm looking for here. Dee is old enough to take care of himself. Whatever trouble he's in, you can bet your ass that he'll get out of it. So, now back to my earlier question, - is he worth fretting over?"
Swallowing hard down his dry throat, it was hard not to be intimidated by Chief's stern voice. But when the answer to the question came into his mind, he was undoubtedly sure what his mind, his heart, his body, - all wanted the same thing, Dee Laytner.
Lowering his head, Ryo's eyes softened as he spoke, "I don't think I'm fretting over Dee... it's more of a concern feeling rather than fuss. He has been gone missing for weeks now and as his partner... I can't help but to feel apprehensive. It's not whether he is worth it or not. I don't even know how to describe in words how I feel for that man. But I do know one thing, - loving a person isn't measured by how much he is worth but how much love you feel for the other. And as far as I'm concern, love is immeasurable."
"Enough said. That is all I need to hear. Take this note and this opportunity well. You have only one shot at this, don't waste it. I don't know what good will it do for the both of you, maybe God takes pity over you love-sick puppies. It's a chance of a lifetime, so don't lose it... and one other thing. I don't want anymore than you do, to see Dee on the other side. Just remind him that we have yet to give up on him,"
Totally clueless to what Chief was saying, Ryo chose to ignore and think about them later as he got his hands on the piece of note meant for him. Unfolding the short memo in his grasp, Ryo read the printed matter, -
Be at Queen's d'café at 2 p.m.
Five minutes to two, the blond officer was seen pushing through the over-crowed sidewalks as he rushed to Queen's d'café in time for the meeting. His nerves were going crazy every time he thought of the person who sent him the note.
'Could it be...?' his heartbeat rapidly picked up pace as thoughts aroused. But as his mind was overly preoccupied with random thoughts, he hardly registered a man heading towards him from the opposite direction until they collided.
"Sorry," the stranger in black trench coat apologized.
"It's ok," Ryo replied back without taking a good look at the man and walked away almost immediately in hurry.
Sharp on the dot, Ryo panted heavily as he grabbed a seat under a huge white umbrella by the sidewalk café. Ordering his drink hastily, Ryo took no notice of a man approaching him until he felt a weighing palm rested on his shoulders.
"Don't you know it's dangerous to act alone, - particularly after an incident that nearly took your life?" said the voice Ryo was longing to hear.
"Dee..." he was about to turn to face the man when he felt Dee's grip over his shoulder tightened.
"Don't turn around," the dark-haired man warned severely.
"Dee..." Ryo tried to plead but firmly the other man declined, "Don't... Ryo..."
Clenching his fist to restrain the urge to pin the man down on solid concrete, showering him with kisses, Ryo shut his eyes tight as he listened to the other man taking a seat behind him. He could feel Dee's broad shoulders resting against his.
'Dee...' the blond officer mentally noted.
Silence besieged uncomfortable around those two. It was as though both were waiting for the other to break the ice.
"How have you been?" Dee finally asked in his casual nonchalant tone. "Like hell," Ryo finally managed to force out, and despite the sarcasm that was meant to be, his voice hardly sound as though he was truly mad at the other man.
Silence once again hung in the air notwithstanding the precious time at lost. "Dee..."
"Ryo..." both began in unison.
"You go first," Dee offered.
Not wanting to lose this opportunity, Ryo was determined to say the words he hadn't been able to express just because he was too goddamn selfish to admit it.
"Dee..." He had been rehearsing over and over in his head of the words he would say to Dee the next time he saw him. Although this wasn't how he had in mind, talking to the man with their backs on each other was good enough. Either way, he's going to say the 'three' words to him.
'But why is it so goddamn difficult?' His mind was racing and pounding hard under the skull. His chest constricted with pain that pierced through every inch of his flesh.
'God, please help me make it through...' he prayed in silence.
"...Dee, I don't know what's going on and all. But..." he hesitated to breathe, "... but I do know one thing... and that's..." his voice was becoming more and more inaudible, "... no matter what happens,... I'll never stop loving you. I love you, Dee..."
Sheer stillness came over like a tide as the following two minutes went by in silence, making Ryo queasy to the stomach, - that made the poor man doubted his actions almost instantly. But a soft exhaled heard over his shoulders reassured the man that he was still there.
Virtually picturing a smirk on Dee's face, "Though it's a bit late for that now..." he said, causing the blond man faintly winced in hurt, "... I guess, these three words came in just right when I needed them most."
Being slightly insistent with hints of pleading in his voice, "Dee, let's go home together... Bikky misses you, Carol misses you,... but most importantly, I've missed you..."
"I would like that very much... I really do. But Ryo... there's somewhere I have to go... and..."
'Don't say it... Don't say it, Dee...' Ryo's heart was practically screaming, begging in fear of the words that would escape Dee's lips.
"This is probably my last goodbye..."
Author's note²: When I read this chapter again some time last
week, I found a number of errors and weaknesses in this chapter.
Chief was totally OOC and somehow, he was playing a role bigger
than I had intended. Thus, I re-wrote the chapter. The content is
more or less the same but some new points in this chapter affect
the following chapters. Hence, gomenasai for the inconvenience
but please read this chapter first before the next chapter. I
would also like to thank those who took the time to review. They
mean a lot to me!! Arigatou, minna!!