Fire Emblem 7, The Parody
Chapter 22 Gaiden: Genesis

Author's Note: Alright, just to get it out of the way, and so I don't get a multitude of reviews about it, this is probably going to be the dryest chapter to date. I still like it, personally, but just pointing it out so I don't have fifteen people complaining about how humorless this installment was.

In addition, I'd like to point out that the next chapter will be a Side Chapter. For those not interested in that style of chapter, please, hold out after this chapter, I'll try to have itdone and out of the way a lot quicker than this one. And now that that's taken care of, enjoy the show.

"...aaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Cecil yelled, as he free fell towards the ground below. He landed with a thud and a bounce. After a brief pause, he shook his head. "Ow..."

Suddenly, another scream came from above. The tactician strained his eyes to see what was coming towards him through the darkness above. It was Kozo. "Oh, hell no..." he muttered, before rolling out of the way. The druid hit the floor as well. Cecil let out a sigh of relief, before another scream caught his ear, this one almost right after Kozo's.

Before he even had a chance to look up, the owner of the scream collided soundly with the tactician, who let out a gasp of pain. Serra stood up, feet still planted on Cecil's chest. She brushed herself off. "Um...sorry about that. I would've slowed down if I could, but..."

"No worries..." Cecil squeezed out, holding his thumb up. "Now, could you please get offa me?"

"Oh, sure thing." Serra stepped off of Cecil, and began to look around.

Cecil struggled to his feet, before another whistling noise filled his ears. He blinked, and looked up. "Oh...HELL no!" The tactician ducked and rolled away, right before Hawkeye's heavy boots landed where Cecil's legs used to be. "Damnit, how many of us were sucked into the sand anyway?"

"Until we find out, I have a plan to save us from further injury," Kozo pointed out, before he took out a sign from his robes. He hammered this sign to the ground.

The sign read, "Chapter Introduction in Progress. Watch out for Falling Cast Members."

Cecil blinked, and shook his head. Kozo, Hawkeye and Serra all dug out construction hats, and put them on. "I don't see," Cecil insisted, "how that's going to help anybody from further--"

WHAM!

Cecil fell over, a large bump on his head. Lyn groaned, rubbing her temple as well. "Geez, watch where you're standing..." the noble girl let out through clenched teeth, as she got to her feet. "Ow..."

Several more screams filled the air, as the rest of the party fell towards the ground. Serra immediately grabbed Cecil's parasol, and put it over her head, a joking smile on her face. "It's raining party members! Hallelujah, it's raining..." SHWACK! Serra's eyes spun, as she lay on the ground, Rebecca only a few feet away (also on the verge of passing out).

Lyn started moving about the floor, arms held out, skillfully dodging some of the others of the party. "I got it, I got it, I...got 'cha!" she cheered, as she caught Florina from the free fall. "You okay?"

Florina groaned slightly, and looked up at who caught her. A smile appeared on her face, and she started to nuzzle her rescuer's chest. "My hero..." she sighed blissfully.

"Fl...Florina, could you...I'm kinda at a loss here..." Lyn stuttered.

"Oh, um..." Florina got out of Lyn's arms, and twiddled her thumbs. "Sorry."

Kozo suddenly began to imitate Lyn's actions, by moving about the room, attempting to grab a certain fellow. "Almost...almost...almost...GOT IT!" he cheered, as he caught Guy from his free fall. "You alright?"

Guy groaned slightly, and looked up at who caught him. His face blanched, and he started kicking. "Let go of me before I rip your arms off!"

Erk whistled towards the ground, holding unto Priscilla during the decent. "Hang on, I'm going to try something," Erk pointed out, before he pointed one of his palms towards the ground. The healer clung tightly, before the two almost hit the ground. "Wind!" Erk shouted, before a gust of wind shot from his palm, and hit the floor. The bounce back of the wind caused Erk and Priscilla to drift up slightly, before coming back to the ground, much softer than most of the others.

Priscilla looked at the ground below her, before she got her feet on the floor. She smiled over at Erk. "Oh, Erk, I'm so impressed! That was so cleaver!"

Erk smirked, and nodded. "Spells have practical uses too, you know. They weren't just made to destroy whoever--"

"Wait a minute..." Kozo pointed out, approaching the two. "The only wind spell in FE7 is the Excalibur Spell. Wind wasn't introduced until FE9. So how did--"

A sudden, strong force pushed Erk to the ground, almost breaking his nose. "Ow...logic...my arch enemy..." he muttered, as he got to his feet.

"Now, I thought I was your arch-enemy..." Kozo pointed out.

"I have a life outside of you."

"And Bartre? And Serra?"

"I'm not a people person."

And, finally, Raven stood underneath one of the last people to fall. "I got you, I got you..." he assured loudly in a...much softer voice than anyone remembered. Finally, he caught Lucius in his arms. "Lucius! Are you alright?"

Lucius's head spun, before he shook his head, and looked up at Raven. "Oh, thank you, Lord Raven. I'm just glad I had someone here to catch me instead of having to break my fall with my face."

"Indeed..." Raven pointed out, brushing a thumb over Lucius's cheek. "Your face mustn't be scared so."

Lucius blinked, and his lower lip twitched. "Aha...Lord Raven, what are you talking--" Lucius suddenly let out a loud yelp, as Raven snatched a kiss from the bishop.

Yoshimo burst up from his chair. "What the hell is he DOING?" Yoshimo shouted. "No where in the script did I call for him to kiss him!"

Eubans looked at his copy of the script, and shook it. "You lied to me! I trusted you!"

"Raven!" Yoshimo shouted, stamping his foot, glaring towards the set.

"What?" Raven asked, stepping up from behind Yoshimo, an ice pack held to his head, and a broken bat in his other hand.

Yoshimo looked between Raven next to him and the Raven on set. He then started trembling in rage, before shouting at the top of his lungs, "AC...EN...TINNNNNNE!"

"Yeah?" the fake Raven, also known as Acetine, also known as "Kozo's Boy Toy" (I think) asked innocently, gently putting Lucius down. Who then ran to the green room for some disinfectant.

Eliwood groaned, and sat up. He looked around, and blinked. He was...completely alone. He got to his feet, and brushed himself off, and still, not even the sound of any of his companions came to his ears. "Well...crap..." he muttered. He stood up, and started feeling the walls. "Where is everyone?" he muttered to himself.

The sound of a few foot steps echoed towards Eliwood. The noble looked towards the noise, and noticed two figures approaching him. He walked towards these figures himself, hand resting around the hilt of his rapier. His visage softened greatly, and he let a sigh of relief, as he was able to make out who these two figures were. "Ah, Pent, Hawkeye, I'm glad to see you," he said with a nod.

The flame haired noble looked towards the giant axeman. "Hawkeye, do you know what this place is?" he asked.

Hawkeye shook his head. "No," he answered simply.

"No?" Pent asked. The mage general shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. "Well, I'm not surprised. I would never have imagined a place like this existed..."

"My master never spoke of anything like this..." Hawkeye continued to mutter.

Quick footsteps scrapped across the ground, before a particular, young bard came out from between the two men. "Lord Eliwood!" he cheered. "What luck, you're okay!"

"Nils!" Eliwood beamed, before kneeling down to meet the young bard at eye-level. "Is everyone else okay?"

The young Nils nodded, still smiling widely. "Yep. A few bumps and scrapes, but no major injuries from the fall. And it looks like EVERYbody decided to join us down here," he explained.

"Lovely..." Eliwood breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't at all happy with the fact that they were now in the middle of some god-forsaken ruins, but at least no one was stuck in the middle of some god-forsaken desert all by themselves."

Pent tensed, and looked around. "Something strange is in the air..." he muttered. "I can feel it."

"Hmm?" Nils looked up at the mage general, before he shivered. "Oh, you're right...I'm startin' to feel it, too."

"This disquieting feeling...I know it...I felt it before. Back on Valor," Eliwood concluded.

"The Dread Isle?" Nils asked.

"Yeah. We first felt it on our way to the ruins of the Dragon's Gate. Right around when our magic started failing us, too."

Hawkeye looked towards his noble friend. "Pent, doesn't that sound like..." he started.

"Like a magic seal..." Pent finished with a smirk.

"A magic what?" Eliwood asked innocently.

"It's not an easy concept to explain, but I'll try..." Pent offered. "Basically, it's something or someone whose very presence cancels out all magic."

"But why would someone like that be here? Why now?"

"Couldn't tell you. All I know is that I'm getting the feeling we're being watched..."

"Uh-oh..." Nils gulped. "Baddies are a comin'..."

"You're kidding..." Eliwood moaned.

Kozo growled, and deactivated his pendant. "Great. The ol' magic seal has brought in some buddies to help him out..." he complained.

"If he can do that, I have a feeling he's also the one who made this place for starters..." Cecil observed.

"If we destroy this Magic Seal, can we get out of here?" Lyn asked, hand on the hilt of her Mani Katti.

"It's a possibility..." Cecil nodded, putting it into consideration.

"Then let's go get some magic warding buttocks..." Kozo said with a malicious grin. "Everyone, let's go find pansy-boy, Pent, Nils and Hawkeye. We'll need everyone for this mission, talented in both arms and magic."

Eventually, the two parties had joined up, and everyone was suited for eventual combat. "Alright, everyone," Eliwood instructed, "if we're ready, let's go. Try not to get separated."

"Oh jeez..." Cecil groaned, already seeing bad coming.

Suddenly, the ground started to shake. Hawkeye immediately took action. "Don't move!" he bellowed. Everyone took his advice, as a large wall shot up between the party, reaching the ceiling, in effect cutting the party in half.

"Oh, that's just...GREAT!" Hector cursed, punching the wall. Eliwood sighed, and shook his head in defeat.

"He's responsible..." Hawkeye reasoned. "He's watching us from nearby..."

"Great..." Kozo muttered. "I'm stuck with loud mouth, pansy boy, and only one bishonen..."

"Leave me out of this..." said Heath, backing away from the druid.

On the other side of the wall, Cecil sighed, and looked towards his party. "Well, we might be separated, but we're still a force to be reckoned with, right?" he asked with a smile, trying to restore morale. "Come on, we'll just loop around and catch up with the others."

"Of all people to be stuck with, it had to be her..." Erk groaned, shaking his head in defeat.

"Yeah, buzz off, Priscilla!" Serra snapped, clinging to Erk protectively.

"He was talking about you!" Priscilla retaliated. She raised her fists. "I swear, even I'm getting sick of your..."

"As much as I'm sure several of us would want that," Cecil insisted, stepping between the two girls, "we don't have time for catfights right now!" He took Serra's arm, and dragged her off. "Alright, team, let's go to work."

"Sooo, Heath..." Kozo inquired, as his party walked down the corridor. "What was it like at your old job?"

"And might I ask why you're speaking with ME in particular?" Heath asked.

"Oh, I like to get to know the people I travel with on a personal level. Helps develop character and raise moral."

"The only people I ever see you talk with on a friendly matter are Matthew, Guy, Sain and Legault. And almost all of them despise you. Except for your old boyfriend."

"I have a reputation to up-hold, here..." Kozo explained.

"The reputation of a gay shaman who doesn't know when to quit?"

"Why are you so reluctant to talk to me, anyway?"

"Because if I show even the SLIGHTEST bit of kindness towards you, you'll be clinging to my arm whenever those other four are out of reach."

"Heath, you don't have to be so mean. What if I give you my solemn vow to not bother you like that?" Kozo put a hand over his heart, and smiled nicely, an odd sight for most people to behold. "Scout's honour."

"Well...alright. So, you want to know about my old job?" The wyvern rider asked. Kozo nodded. "Well, Eubans wasn't the most practical of mercenary commanders, but he was still a good man, and treated us all with respect and..."

"No, no, older than that," Kozo interrupted, waving his arm.

"Older than...?" Heath pondered, before his expression blanked. "Oh...that job..." He shook his head, and shrugged. "Well, it was a cushy job, actually. Met some nice guys, the photographers were easy enough to work with, although some of the pictures they made me pose for were...degrading, at times."

"Like this one?" Kozo asked, opening his magazine.

"Please stop bringing that up..."

"...So then the druid says, Deodorant? What's that?" Cecil concluded with a wide grin.

Serra threw back her head, and let out a laugh. "Oh dear..." she let out, wiping her eyes. "Okay, my turn, my turn. Okay, so these two berserkers walk into a bar, and one of them says to the barkeep..."

Erk watched this in amazement, and shook his head. "This just can't be right..." he muttered, before approaching the two. "I'll just have to test this..."

"...turns out his axe was in his helmet the whole time!" Serra concluded, causing the tactician to stop, and start laughing seriously.

The purple haired sage tapped Cecil on the shoulder, and waited for him to calm down. Cecil chuckled a bit more, before looking towards Erk. "What is it, Erk?"

"Wil needed to talk with you. Figured I should let you know..." Erk informed simply, thumbing towards the archer over his shoulder.

Cecil nodded, and walked towards the archer, and struck up conversation, as Erk stepped to walk beside the bishop. Serra blinked, and looked up at her old bodyguard. "Erky? Why are you...?" she let out.

"Just wanted to talk..." Erk lied flatly.

Serra beamed, and nodded. "Okay! So, the other day I was..."

In only half a minute, Erk was beginning to regret this experiment more and more. "She just goes on and on like this..." he thought to himself. "How can Cecil stand to talk to her?"

"Ow..." Serra suddenly whimpered, stopping. Erk blinked, and looked behind him, to notice the cleric-girl massaging her feet. Obviously, high-heels weren't meant for desert travel or ruin spelunking. Serra looked up the sage, and smiled sheepishly. "Hey, Erky, think you could carry me?" she asked, or, in her own tone, ordered.

Erk sighed, and walked towards Serra, and picked her up. "Alright, alright..." he muttered, before he continued to carry her off. Not even after ten steps, Serra brought up another quote-unquote request.

"Erky? Could you hand me a canteen or something? I'm parched."

"What the...?" Erk almost hemorrhaged. "I'm the one carrying you!"

"Pleeeeeease Erkyyyyy?" she asked cutely.

"Geh...deh...FINE!" Erk did his best to hold up Serra with one arm, as she wrapped both of her's around his neck to keep herself up. Erk dug for his belt, and detached his canteen, before handing it to Serra, and putting his second arm to use of holding her up. "Known I was going to put up with this, and I would've slipped a few knock out drugs in there earlier..." he grumbled ever so silently under his breath.

Serra grinned, and opened the canteen. "Thanks Erky!" she beamed, before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. She then began to chug down the canteen. After a few more paces, Serra looked up at Erk again. "Erk, I'm hungry, would you..."

"That's IT! I give up! The experiment is not worth this crap!" Erk roughly dropped Serra to the ground, and yanked his canteen back from her hands. "Give me that..." he snarled, before stomping off.

Cecil watched all this, after making absolutely sure with Wil that he did not, in fact, need to talk to Cecil, and that maybe Erk had lied. The tactician quickly got over to the bishop, and helped her to her feet. "You going to be okay?" he asked, knowing the obvious answer.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine...ow..." Serra grumbled, getting her bearings straight. She started walking forward, twitching every other step and letting out another "ow".

"You need some help, Serra?" Cecil asked, offering his arm to the cleric girl.

Serra shook her head, and brushed Cecil's arm away. "No, no, I'll be okay...ow..." she insisted, before rubbing her back.

"Well, if you're sure...just let me know when you need a hand, okay?" Cecil offered, smiling warmly.

Serra turned slightly red, and nodded, before continuing the walk next to the tactician in silence.

All the while, Erk watched the exchange, practically stunned. He shook his head, and groaned loudly. "I don't get it..." he expressed out loud. "How does he get away with being so nice to her? How come she's not smothering him with further orders?"

"Because he's showing her genuine interest and kindness," Wil explained, stepping next to the sage.

Erk blinked, and looked over at the archer. "Hmm? What do you mean, Wil?"

"In my travels, I've seen many people, some very much like Serra," Wil explained, nodding the whole time.

Erk raised a quizzical eyebrow. "And you didn't strangle one of them?" he asked flatly.

"Erm...no..."

"Is that even possible?"

"You see," Wil continued, regaining his composure quickly, "Serra's a woman who wants attention, who wants to be noticed. She puts up this bossy front to get it, and it drives people nuts. However, after getting the attention she wants, she's not sure what to do. Does she continue her act, believing it to be what attracted this attention, or does she drop it, to prevent it from driving away her friend?"

Wil nodded, and snapped his fingers, to drive home his point. "That's why she becomes so shy when Cecil shows her care and appreciation," he concluded.

Erk hemmed, before looking back to the archer. "Do you truly believe this?" he asked, skeptical of the reasoning.

"It's amazing the kind of people you meet in your wanderings," Wil pointed out. "I've seen people like Sain, Canas, even Kozo."

Erk smirked, and rolled his eyes. "Okay, now I know you're kidding..." he muttered, before looking back up at Wil. "Why do you concern yourself with learning everything there is to know about people?"

"It's just who I am," Wil explained. "I'm just the kind of guy who sees the similarities and differences between people. Although, I will admit I started so I could learn more about one person..." He sighed, and looked towards the others, specifically Rebecca and Rath, who were exchanging a pleasant chat. Or, rather, Rebecca was chatting. Rath just looked bored.

The archer smirked, and turned back towards Erk. "You know, I have met one or two people like you before. If you want, I could..."

"That won't be necessary," Erk interrupted. "I know myself well enough not to need a fortune teller or anything telling me who I am." He turned away from Wil. "Been nice talking to you. Duty calls." He walked towards Priscilla, and smiled, as he began to strike up conversation.

Wil smirked, and folded his arms over his chest, and watched as the two talked happily about whatever. "The guardian, the watcher, seeking the person whom he wants to protect and be protected by..." he muttered to himself, before someone bumped into him.

"Hey, Wil, what's the hold-up?" Matthew asked, slapping the back of one hand to the palm of the other.

"Erm, sorry..." Wil muttered, before he resumed walking along with the rest of the party.

"I can't believe this..." Kozo muttered. "It's been..." A wicked gleam twinkled in his eye, before he shouted very loudly, almost challengingly,"It's been almost an hour and we haven't seen one baddy!"

Suddenly, several enemy soldiers charged from around the corner, holding up various weapons with silver handles. In fact, even the mages and shamans had books with a silver bookmark.

Kozo looked to the heavens beaming, and put his hands together in a praying fashion. "Murphy, old boy, you've done it again!" he nearly cheered. He looked back towards the baddies, and pointed towards the mass. "Alright, everyone, get ready!"

Suddenly, a broken wall near Kozo and company fell, and through the rubble stepped Cecil, looking around blankly. "Did I miss the butt-whooping?" he asked simply.

"Um...no..." several of Eliwood's company explained.

"In fact, you're a little bit early," Lowen pointed out.

Cecil grinned, and clapped his hands together. "Perfect." He stepped over to stand next to Kozo, as the other half of the party followed quickly. The two miniature armies squared off, before Cecil held his lance high. "Chaaaaaaarge!" he cried dramatically.

The army of enemies and the army of heroes charged towards each other. Swords clashed, axes swung, fire and lightning rained on the field. All the while, Ninian, Nils, Priscilla and Merlinus all watched, twitching whenever a hero delivered a killing blow to a twitching morph.

"That has GOT to hurt..." Ninian muttered.

Priscilla looked towards her mend staff, and shook her head. "I might have to use a lot of these..." she said to herself.

"If I were anyone else, I'd probably be jealous of how well our team was doing. Right now, I'm just glad they ARE doing that well," Merlinus observed.

"Dorcas is coming in from behind..." Nils shouted in a sport's announcer type voice, as the warrior rushed at a staggering general with a large, folding chair in hand. "Oh, and he's got a steel chair!" Dorcas brought it down with a powerful WHAM against the general, felling the giant. Nils rushed over next to the general, and started slamming his palm into the ground. "One, two, three...Da winner! Dorcas!"

As the final morph was felled, Eliwood held up a bloodied rapier, and pointed it towards the last morph standing - Kishuna, the magic seal himself. "There's only one enemy left. Your end is near!" he shouted dramatically.

Kishuna leaned back, and vanished in a puff of smoke. Eliwood groaned, and held his head in his free hand. "I hate it when they do that..." he muttered to himself.

Pent took a deep breath, and let out a sigh. "The air has returned to normal..." he said contently.

"What the heck was that thing, anyway?" Eliwood asked. "It looked like a human, but...he definately wasn't one..."

Pent and Hawkeye looked at each other, silent. Ninian stepped forward, and answered Eliwood. "It was a creature of heresy," she explained. "Its existence throws all the basic laws into disorder."

Eliwood looked towards Ninian, and nodded. "I see..." He smiled warmly. "Good call. That was quite knowledgeable."

Ninian blushed, and scratched her chin. "Um, my brother is a bard, and he does pick up a lot of information, even on the unknown..." she saved.

Pent stepped forward, and took over. "In this world, there are some things that fall beyond our level of understanding," he explained. "Come on, a living legend awaits us." With that, Pent moved on, followed suit by the majority of the company.

All save Ninian, who stayed behind, hanging her head in defeat. Hawkeye stepped towards her, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Daughter of..." he started, before he stopped, and simply sighed. "Be strong..." He took his hand off her, and moved on.

Ninian looked as the berserker walked off, before rushing to catch up.

Hawkeye rested his axe over his shoulder, and nodded. "I've brought them," he reported, before stepping to the side.

Athos looked up at the three gathered before him, and bowed his head in respect. "Welcome, children of Roland," he greeted simply.

Hector cleaned his ear with one finger. "My dad's name was Henry, old timer," he corrected. "None of my family tree was named Roland."

"No, Hector, I don't think that's what he meant..." Eliwood pointed out.

"A thousand years ago, when the war against the Dragons was concluded, the hero Roland founded Lycia," Lyn explained. "You are, technically, the children of Roland since without him, Lycia may not have been founded."

Athos grinned under his beard, and nodded. "That is correct, daughter of Roland and Hanon."

"See? I'm a Sacaen with a Lycian father. So I'm entitled to that. It's not like I'm really the daughter of those two heroes."

"Well, there was always that bit of chemistry between them," Athos pointed out.

Lyn raised both eyebrows, and then furrowed her brow. "Um...okay?"

"Just who are you anyway?" Eliwood asked.

"Ah, of course." The old sage stood up, and tapped his staff to the floor. "I am Athos...most just call me Archsage."

Lyn's eyes widened. "You're the famous...no, that just ain't right..." the noble girl stuttered, shaking her head.

"I mean, the Archsage Athos was a hero a thousand years ago!" Hector worked out. "And he was pretty old around that time. For you to be the Archsage himself, you'd have to be..." Hector stopped, and pondered. "Uh...old. Like, really old! Shut up! I'm bad at math..."

Athos chuckled, before going solemn. "The world is full of mysteries. Solve one, along comes another...Before I knew it, I had grown distant from my fellow man. Hunger...It knows no bounds."

"Oh, great, he's getting weird again..." Louise groaned. "I'm outta here..." With that, the noble lady walked off.

"You are here because you want to stop Nergal, correct?" Athos questioned.

Hector snapped his hands to his head. "Get out of my Miiiind!" he shouted.

Lyn glared over at her blue armoured companion. "No, he probably got word from Marquees Ostia..." She looked towards the Archsage. "Is that correct?"

"No. I am aware of most things in this world," Athos corrected.

Lyn snapped her own hands to her head. "Get out of my head!" she demanded.

"No, I am just aware of things that occur on this continent. However, this knowledge alone is not enough to help me stop it," Athos tried to explain.

Eliwood grabbed a screaming Lyn's shoulder, and shook her. "Now doesn't that sound like..." he started, hoping that Lyn would shut up long enough to finish the sentence.

For a plus, she did. She shook her head, and looked over at the noble. "Like Nils, I know...He said something similar. With my special power, I can sense danger coming, but can't do anything about it..."

Athos pondered on this. "Nils...one of the children of destiny."

"He's outside," Hector gestured. "He would've joined us, but something else caught his attention."

Meanwhile, outside the large meeting room, Nils poked at a large, silver statue. "Soooooo Shiiiiiiiney..." he breathed lifelessly, his hand running over the statue.

Cecil slapped Nils's hand. "Don't touch."

"So, about beating Nergal, let's brainstorm..." Lyn interrupted, hoping to actually get somewhere with this conversation.

"Hmm? Oh, yes." Athos coughed, before he continued. "Your foe is, like me, no longer... altogether human. It will be difficult to slay him through traditional means. He wields a terrible power. His endless strength stems from an ancient, forbidden magic... To defeat him, you will need a suitable response."

"Response?" Eliwood asked. "I know the pen is mightier than the sword, but I don't think he'll be willing to talk..."

"I mean, while he's recuperating from his wounds, you should find something powerful enough to beat him," Athos explained.

"Great, an artifact hunting mission..." Lyn groaned.

"Whoo! Artifact hunting mission!" Hector cheered.

"Tell us what to do," Eliwood requested. "We're willing to try anything to beat Nergal."

"It'll be harder than you can imagine," Athos pointed out. "Great trials..."

"Willing. To try. Anything..." Eliwood repeated slowly.

"Erm, oh, yes...well, okay, here's what you do..."

"...and then they'll make you their king," Athos concluded. "Did you get all that?"

The three nobles shook their heads in unison.

"Oh...well, get to the Shrine of Seals in Bern, and I'll take it from there, okay?" he summarized.

"See, when you put it like THAT, it makes sense, Graybeard," Hector pointed out.

Athos gestured towards the berserker standing nearby. "Take Hawkeye with you. Add his skills to your own."

"Skills? Like what, asides from swinging around a giant axe?" Lyn asked almost sarcastically.

"Ever seen a man bounce swords and fireballs off his bare chest?" Hawkeye pointed out with a wry grin.

"...No?"

"That's why I'm coming along."

"Yeesh..." Hector let out, walking towards the blonde berserker, before rapping his knuckles against his abdomen. "I've heard of people with abs of steel, but this is ridiculous."

"And what will you do, Pent?" Athos asked.

"Hold on a second..." Pent insisted, before walking towards the door. Opening it wide, he shouted out, "Okay, Louise, he stopped being weird! You can come back now!"

"But I was having fun!" Louise shouted back. "These people are great conversationalists! Except for maybe that green knight."

"What, what?" Sain shouted in kind.

Eventually, Louise entered, and the two approached Athos and the lordlings. "Well, if Nergal has magical powers to rival you, Lord Athos...and if he's planning to bring back the dragons...I wouldn't miss this story for the world," Pent insisted.

"You know, something's been bugging me for a while..." Lyn suddenly interrupted. "Begging your pardon, but what are a count and countess of Eturia doing in the middle of a desert in the first place?"

"Allow me to explain..." Athos insisted.

"Just looove the sound of your own voice, don't you..." Louise grumbled under her breath.

"Bern's successor will soon have his coming-of-age ceremony. Pent and Louise are to attend as representatives of Etruria. Pent claimed there was time to search the desert for a magic artifact said to have been lost in the sands here long ago. You arrived shortly after we did. Perhaps something was guiding you."

"Bowing to the dictates of fate," Pent continued, adding in his own little bow, "my wife and I would like to accompany you."

"Well, of course that's fine," Lyn nodded. "I mean, we're going to need all the help we can get. Pent's a mage general, so that's gotta mean something, and the wife's probably got some magic backing her up as well, maybe a healer..."

"Wrong," Louise pointed out, shaking her head.

"...Well, what can you do, ex..."

Louise suddenly had a bow and arrow out and ready to fire. "I could plug you full of arrowheads before you finished that sentence, for one," she pointed out, almost giggling afterwards.

Lyn raised her arms, and waved them, laughing nervously. "Nah, nah, that won't be required..." she insisted. "So, uh, shouldn't you send a word to your countrymen that you might be away longer than expected?"

Pent blew a stray bang of hair out of his eyes, and smirked. "Well, it's not like this would be the first time we would be. I doubt anyone would bat an eyelash to it." He wrapped an arm around Louise, and brushed her chin. "Isn't that right, dear?"

Louise giggled, and nodded. "So very right, honey..." she cooed.

"Eugh, I never cared for the touchy-feely..." Hector grumbled.

Lyn clapped her hands together, and just pictured the long vacations the two must've taken from ruling a region of Eturia. "It must be so romantic..." she sighed blissfully.

Athos snapped his fingers a few times, shutting everybody up (not magically, although he could. You get to be over a thousand years old, and you pick up a few tricks). "I should remind you there isn't much time..." he insisted. "If you could just assemble everyone into the plaza..."

Soon, the entire party was gathered inside the large meeting room. Cecil and Kozo stepped forward, to personally meet Athos. The old sage nodded to both of them. "Cecil and Kozo, eh? Fate blows a strange wind in your direction. Much rides on our shoulders and in your abilities."

Kozo looked over to Cecil smugly. "No pressure, though," he joked.

Athos dug into his robes, and pulled out a small bag of almost plastic-y gels. "I want you to take this. It enhances the natural abilities, skills which one was born with. Give it to whomever you think will benefit the most. Do not waste it by just holding onto it."

"I don't suppose that, since there's two of us, you'll give us two of these bags of..." Cecil tried to put out.

"No."

"Dang it..."

Kozo fiddled with the bag, grinning widely. "With these, we could turn Guy into Super Guy!" he pointed out. "Or make a Super Matthew! Maybe a Super Sain!"

Cecil yanked the bag out of Kozo's hands, and looked over it on his own. "They're strong enough as it is. I think this should be given to someone who has a bit of trouble showing their true strength. I'm thinking Florina or maybe Marcus here..."

Kozo smashed Cecil over the head, taking the bag for himself. "Maybe Athos should've also mentioned to not waste them on a lost cause!" he barked.

Cecil pulled the bag away from Kozo again, holding it high over his head. "There is no such thing as a lost cause in this army!" He suddenly turned towards, the party, and tossed the bag towards a particular member. "Merlinus, catch!"

"WHAT?" Kozo demanded.

The merchant caught the bag of plastic goods, and blinked. "What do you want I should..." Merlinus stuttered.

"Put that somewhere safe until Kozo and I can decide on the best person to give those to," Cecil instructed.

Kozo let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, Merlinus for storage. I thought you went insane and wanted HIM to use the pebbles himself."

"Okay then," Athos instructed. "Eliwood, your territory is the closest to Bern, is it not?" he asked.

"Yes. Right on the mountains," Eliwood assured.

"Alright." Athos turned towards the large company before him. "Everyone, picture a wide place in Bern...okay, now think of the name of a person you might meet there..."

"Wait, you're going to read our minds and transport us like that?" Hector asked. "I thought you said you couldn't..."

"I never said that I couldn't read minds. I just know things naturally as well." Athos put his hands to his head. "Watch, I'll demonstrate..." He looked towards the party in deep concentration. "You...have to go to the bathroom, but are holding it in so as to look good in front of everyone. It's alright, you can go right now."

"Thank you sir!" Kent shouted, before rushing off to find a toilet.

"You..." Athos continued, searching for another interesting thought. "You have a good heart, but you need to learn when to quit."

"What, what?" Sain asked, while holding a bouquet of flowers to Fiora, to which Fiora responded by holding a spear to his head.

"Let's see, who else..." Athos looked around the room, and scanned the mind of another. He opened his eyes, and raised an eyebrow. "Elevator music?"

"Why am I not surprised?" Dorcas sighed, looking over at Bartre, who was looking around stupidly.

"And you..." Athos looked for one last person, and settled on scanning Kozo's mind. He stopped after a few seconds. "You need serious therapy."

Kozo gave a joking smirk. "If I had a gold coin for every time I heard someone tell me that, I'd be one rich little druid."

"Can we get back to send us home, now?" Eliwood brought up.

"Hmm? Oh, yes," the Archsage acknowledged. "Alright, big place in Pherae, someone you'd hope to meet, ready, go."

"Hey, wa..." Eliwood tried to interrupt, but, in a flash, the entire company was gone.

Meanwhile, all the way back in Pherae, the noble woman of the keep prayed in her bedroom, a sad expression on her face. "My beloved... I cannot believe you are gone. Every time I close my eyes, I see you at my side. Your memory haunts me, and I am filled with sorrow. ...Elbert... If by some chance you can hear my prayer... Please look after our son."

A suddenly smile appeared on her face. "On a lighter note, thanks again for the location of those silk purple panties. I have been looking for those everywhere, and I hadn't the foggiest idea..."

Suddenly, a loud pop filled the air, and the sound of two bodies hitting the bed and a heavy body hitting the floor soon followed. And that was soon followed by a loud, "Ow! God damnit!"

Eliwood looked up from where he was lying, and saw his mother looking at him, eyes wide. He grinned sheepishly, and waved. "Hey mom."

Elenora blinked twice more, before she broke into a wide grin. "Oh, it is every mother's dream and nightmare to find her son on her bed with a pretty young girl!" she cheered.

"What the...?" Eliwood muttered, before looking to his left.

Lyn smiled back at him jokingly, and waved. "Yo."

Eliwood blushed, and looked back towards his mother. "This isn't what you think! The Archsage Athos used some weird magic to zap us here! I know it sounds crazy, but..."

"My goodness, Eliwood, have you lost weight?" Elenora suddenly asked, pratically ignoring her son'sexplanation,before climbing onto the bed, and patting Eliwood's tummy. "Oh, I remember when this used to bulge out to..."

"Mother!" Eliwood interrupted, blushing to the tips of his ears. Lyn snickered, and Hector chuckled cruelly into the carpet.

"Ah, sorry, dear. You look tired. Come on, let's get you and everyone comfortable for tonight," Elenora insisted, getting off the bed, and making her way towards the door.

"There's no time, mother! We must depart at once for Bern!" Eliwood informed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

"Get your feet off my back!" Hector snarled.

"Oh, one night's not going to hurt, Eliwood," Lyn informed, getting off on the other side of the bed. "We're all tired and hungry after walking around in the desert. A night on a soft bed might do us good."

"Well...alright..." Eliwood admitted. He looked towards Elenora, and smiled sheepishly. "I don't suppose you have room for over twenty people, do you?"

"What do you mean?" Elenora asked her son, before she opened the door. Her eyes widened. "Oh...oh my."

Cecil grinned, and waved. "Hello, my name is Cecil, tactician previously under service of House Caelin and now under command of your son..." He gestured towards the large party behind him. "This is the Eliwood Elite. That's Kent, and Sain, and that's Kozo resting in Sain's arms..."

"What the...?" Sain let out, before looking down. Kozo grinned up at him, and waved. The green knight promptly dropped the druid flat, and inched away from him.

Cecil continued his introductions, "Of course, you remember Marcus, Lowen, Isadora, Can...wait, where's Canas?"

In a large, forested clearing, Canas looked around, incredibly nervous. "I probably shouldn't have thought of that..." he muttered to himself, hopelessly lost.
Yoshimo brushed off his hands. "And cut. That was beautiful people, nice work." He stood up from his seat, and walked towards the exit to the studio. "Print it, have it ready to be aired later. Everyone go home early, you deserve it."

"Not so fast!" Chibi-Zell demanded in a halting tone. "We still have something to take care of!"

"What do you...oh no," Yoshimo sighed, hoping to have forgotten the required ending to the Gaiden Chapters.

The two, giant wheels fell onto the set, as the two directors walked towards them. "Okay, Yoshimo, you ready?" Chibi-Zell asked.

"No, but I don't think I have much say in this..." Yoshimo reached up, and grabbed one of the wheels, and pulled. "Wheel of Randomosity, whirl whirl whirl. Give us a pairing, and don't make us hurl," he sang.

"I remember a time where you also looked forward to this..." Chibi-Zell pointed out, before spinning the second wheel.

"That was before you and Minoa completely took it over." Yoshimo looked up, and let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god, it's slowing down."

Eventually, the two wheels came to a stop. One the first wheel was Kozo, while on the second...

"Oh you're KIDDING ME!" Erk shouted, stomping in. "Argh, not this shit again! I'm still trying to recover from having to kiss Bartre! I am NOT going to kiss that man!"

"But...but Erk, that's the rules for..." Kozo tried to argue.

"The rules also state," Yoshimo explained, reading off from a sheet of paper, "that if anyone has already been on the wheel once before, they have the right to deny coming on a second time."

"Wha...but that's SO unfair!" Kozo complained. Erk turned with a smirk, and walked away, stepping right past Yoshimo.

"Thanks, man..." he whispered.

"You owe me..." Yoshimo whispered back. "Well," he said in his normal voice, "that's it for this Wheel of Randomosity."

"WHAT?"

"So until next time, I'm Yoshimo..."

"I'm Chibi-Zell..."

"And I was SO ripped off, here!"