Author's note: If you've not read the latest Chapter Three: Last Goodbye posted on 5th of February 2004, I would suggest you read that chapter first. The alteration made in the chapter influences the contents of this chapter. I'm really sorry for the inconveniences but I hope you will like what I did to the chapter!!^^
Italics denotes memories of past events
Chapter Four: Emotions Besieged
Drowning himself under the cold shower, Ryo hardly felt the wintriness of the water. Instead, in mid autumn season, the water felt warm as though it came from a hot spring, - but in actuality, it was he, whose blood was boiling in anger.
"Damnit!!" he cursed under his breath as he allowed the water to run down his naked body, trying unsuccessfully in calming the nerve-wrecking intensity that was building up in him.
It was utterly useless to shun away the ferventness of his heart when Dee's velvety sensuous voice echoes repeatedly in his ears, even though five whole days has passed since then. The yearning was devouring the half-Japanese in whole. He longed to hear the voice again... even if it's only just once...
'But who am I kidding? Dee's not coming back... I'd begged, I'd cried, I'd done all that I could to keep the man from leaving... but he left without turning back... Dee's gone...'
Ryo clenched his fist into a tight ball, till his knuckles turned pale white. It was definitely an unwelcoming thought yet, his heart refused to let him forget about it. Recollections of the episode at the café vividly projects in Ryo's mind-eye as fat droplets of water continued to rain on him...
"What do you mean 'last goodbye'?!!" Ryo demanded, suppressing the urge to turn his head around to wring Dee's neck.
"...There is somewhere I need to go..." Dee replied hesitantly.
"But you're coming back, right?" the blond man asked wishfully with hints of desperations.
"It doesn't really matter whether I come back or not. It wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. Things will not go back to being the same as before..." melancholy filled the man's voice as he spoke.
"What is that supposed to mean?!" anger boiled in the man's blood as Ryo tightened his grip over the armrest.
"...Ryo, don't make this any harder than it already is,"
"I'm making it hard for you?" he scoffed, "You're the one making my life miserable like hell!!"
"Ryo... listen to me..."
"No!! You listen to me!!" slamming his fist onto the table. He couldn't stand it any longer. Ryo pushed the chair back forcibly as he stood up with raging impulse to punch his fist into his partner, - hoping that it would bring some senses back into the man. Rage was getting the best of him, and he knew very well that if he had allowed his feelings to conquer his heart and mind, Ryo would probably do things he will regret in the end. Hence grinding his teeth, the blond man restrained himself as he seated back on his chair.
Trying to no avail in returning himself to his usual composure, words escaped his lips with strong resentment, "For the past three weeks of my life has been nothing but misery. Every morning I set foot into our office, my eyes involuntarily wanders over to your desk without fail. I don't even know why I even bother to check whether you'd be there smoking yourself to death, or trying to keep yourself awake with caffeine... or nonetheless, waiting there for a chance to pounce on me. I work my ass off each day trying to make up for your absence... but honestly, I'm just trying to obscure the obvious. Hell! I've never made so much mistakes in writing a report before in my entire life and now, just because you're not slacking, not to mention, not doing your part of the share as per usual, - I make mistakes three times as much as having you around. Work just continues to pile all over my desk like input without an output. But do you know, the worst has yet to come. I wait up each night, - waiting like a fool for you to come barging through my door, begging me to let you in and make love together..." the shuddering in his breath did not go unnoticed, nor the crack in the voice he tried so hard to conceal, "... God! Dee, can't you see? I can't live without you..."
"Yes, you can, Ryo," Dee relentlessly replied almost instantly, but softens as he continued,
"...yes, you can, Ryo. Do it for me. For me, you have to live on... for me, you have to be strong..."
"For me... for me... for me...!!! That is all you can say!! For crying out loud, Dee, stop being such a selfish bastard!! Since all this has begun, it has been nothing but you... you... YOU!! Will you take a minute to consider what I want instead of what you want?! I'm not a three-year-old kid, who needs you to tell me what to do!!"
"Then, shut the hell up," his voice was neither commanding nor persuasive. It was as though it was a statement, - a statement of authorization that silenced the blond detective almost immediately. An invisible hand caught his throat, restricting the blond to breathe as the words went through his heart like piercing daggers.
"Look, Ryo... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said such a thing. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. It's not even your fault that my life is so twisted. I know it is hard for you, but that doesn't mean that it's any easier for me. Maybe if you'd never know me, you wouldn't have to go through with this ordeal..."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I thought I could forget about the past, but somehow, I cannot outrun it. I will forever be bound by my dark past. There's no reason for you to be obligated by things you hardly know. Therefore, ... I put forth the termination of our partnership. Randy MacLean, for this minute onwards, - I, Dee Laytner will no longer be your partner..."
Trembling with fear, the world spun in his eyes. '...termination?... Someone please wake me if this is all a dream... I don't want to continue dwelling in this horrid nightmare... God, please tell me this isn't true... tell me, what I'm hearing are only figments of my imagination... this isn't happening, right?...Right?!' He was having the hardest time of his life believing those words actually came from Dee's own lips. Denial was eating up his sanity. In subliminal state, brimming tears began to streak down his burning cheeks.
"I am no longer your partner, Randy MacLean. Thus, our identities diversify from this moment on. There's no need for you to hesitate. When the time comes, do what you must..."and with that, the warmth of Dee's back began to depart his.
Every step the raven-haired made, Ryo traced them in his mind, listening closely till his footsteps were no longer audible to his hearing ranges. He could have stopped him from leaving. He could have turned around many times during their conversation. But he didn't. It's not that he wouldn't, - it's because he couldn't. He was afraid of looking at Dee in the eye. He was already at the verge of breaking down. The last thing he needed was Dee's eyes looking unemotionally into his. Thus, all he could do was stare perplexedly into oblivion, wearing nothing but sadness on his façade.
"Damn you, Dee Laytner!!" Ryo cursed through gritted teeth as he tried in vain to cool the fiery sensation in him. He could feel his nails digging their way through his skin when his fist tightened at the thought of the man who left him in the pits of emptiness.
"Ryo?" a voice from beyond the bathroom door interrupted his trains of thoughts.
"Bikky? What is it?" he asked, trying as hard as he could to be nonchalant, - only to hear himself crack with sorrow.
"You'd better come out of the bathroom now or else your fingers will turn bloody wrinkly," he said in blasé, but what he really meant was, "You've been in there for hours, I'm beginning to worry what kind of idiotic things you might be doing in there.' He was just too arrogant to admit it in actual words, - a little trait Ryo found in both Dee and Bikky. Somehow, they had rather twist phrases to something less kind to ears of others just to show that their hearts were made of steel, when in actuality they were soft on the inside, tough on the outside.
"I'll be out in a sec," the flaxen man replied as he blindly reached out his hand to turn off the shower.
"Whatever..." replied the young boy, "I'm going out to Carol's" Ryo vaguely remembered the kid telling him over the bathroom door.
Beads of water dripped like falling rain onto his bareback as he came out with only a simple slack and a towel around his shoulders. Originally he had his favorite white sweater taken in with him to change after his quick-shower (which turned out to be a long, long dip in the water) but inadvertently the sweater fell off the railing and it was soaked wet in no time.
Searching through his wardrobe for something to wear, Ryo came across a plain white shirt. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the shirt. Just an everyday worn shirt. Right, - but it wasn't his. It belonged to Dee. And somewhat indistinctly, it faintly held Dee's scent. Instinctively, his arms slipped into the long sleeves of the shirt. Inexpressible warmness apprehended Ryo the instant the shirt rested on his body. The feeling when the softness of the fabric caressed against his flesh was as though Dee was there cradling him in his arms. And the thought alone brought tears to his eyes.
"God... I can't believe how unbelievably frail I am..." he whispered softly to himself, drying the tears with his forefinger.
Out of exhaustion, Ryo allowed his body to literally fall on his back onto the oversized pillows, - only to rebound to upright sitting position when he felt cold metals against his back.
Taking the two metals into his hand, Ryo dropped his gaze, 'Dee's badge and pistol,' he mentally noted as he looked intently at the two objects his 'ex-partner' had left for him. He was totally clueless at first to how the two things came into his possession, but as bits and pieces of memory fixed onto the colossal puzzle, pictures began to form in Ryo's mind.
Dee was the one in black trench coat, whom Ryo run into with on his way to the café. And it was during their collision that Dee's gun and badge found their way into his coat.
"Dee was right when he said that my guard was nonexistent," he reprimanded. 'But the things he do never ceased to amaze me...' Ryo thought, smiling wearily as he reminiscent on surprises Dee sprung on him unexpectedly.
Like the first time they got acquainted. Though Jacqueline pretty much sort out that mystery, Ryo couldn't put out of the feelings he felt when Dee stared deep into his eyes. And the time Bikky came crashing into their office on skates. The expression in Dee's eyes emitted a fear-provoking aura, so strong that chill ran down Ryo's spine every time he recalled that gaze.
The skills he picked up on the streets like pick-pocketing while he was still younger, - in a sense, could be an advantage... and unlawful advantage, perhaps? One way of seeing it, Dee could read pick-pockets like a book, and nevertheless, caught Carol in action not once but twice. In a way, the 'illegal pastimes' were necessities to survive the cruel world out there. But if Dee hadn't chosen his profession as a cop, he could very well be a pick-pocket himself.
Sometimes it made Ryo wonder, - though he fought often with Bikky and never did quite get along, at times, Dee understood the child even more than Ryo. It was as though there was an invisible bond shared among those who grew up in the neighborhoods of New York City. Moreover, Dee grew up in an orphanage filled with children of the same fate. It would be a total lie to say he knew nothing about kids.
Mysteries revolving Dee has never been revealed until now. Funny how Ryo had never taken interest in the matter before. But was it too late for him to learn them now?
Just as Ryo sank deeper into the pillow with a mind full of Dee, ready to drift into another restless night, the doorbell rang. Jet black eyes widen with awareness. Traumatized by the last incident, Ryo approached the door with precautions.
'Thank God, Bikky's out,' he noted in silence as he reached for the doorknob.
"Good evening," Ryo was showered with warm greeting as he popped his head out to find an Englishman at his doorstep.
"Can I help you?" Ryo asked, trying to return the same politeness.
"As a matter a fact, you can. You see, I've an appointment to meet an old friend here," replied the man of his early-forties.
The blond officer gave a questionable look at the man.
"How rude of me. Let me introduce myself. My name is James Hendrix. I'm a doctor of medicine. And the friend of mine goes by the name of Dee Laytner,"
"Dee?" Ryo repeated in exclamation.
"Yes," the doctor replied.
Looking away from the Englishman's brown eyes, "I'm sorry, but you'll not find Dee here."
"Whoever said that I'm looking for him? There isn't a need for me to look for the man," said the doctor in a self-aggrandizing way. Ryo stumbled back on his steps as the older man advanced forward, "Dee Laytner will come looking for me." The egotistical air held around the stranger sent chill creeping down Ryo's spine.
'Who is this man?' the question stirred in his mind over and over as he watched the uninvited guest made himself comfortable in his residence.
"A very nice place you've got here," complimented the white-blond stranger as he took a seat on the couch.
"Mr. Hendrix, is there a reason for you to be here?" the blond officer asked politely but hinted slight hostility in his tone.
"As a matter a fact, I do. Like I have said, I have an appointment with Mr. Dee Laytner here," replied the man nonchalantly.
"Don't kid me, Mr. Hendrix. Why would Dee appear at my doorstep?" Ryo derided with a smirk.
But a triumphant grin spread across the doctor's aging façade as he said contemptuously, "You haven't the slightest clue to who I am, have you?"
"Well, forgive me for I am a man with very few acquaintance outside of my jurisdiction," the plainspoken officer said with the same manner of courtesy, - not forgetting the same cynicism that conceals in the truth of the sentence.
"My... my... I must express my astonishment that your partner had not mentioned a word about me in your presence. Did I make a mistake? Are you not Dee Laytner's lover?"
Shades of crimson crept over the man's face when the word 'lover' echoed in his ears. Embarrassed as he was, Ryo couldn't help feeling the anger boiling in him being reminded of the man who left him.
"The man has already left," the agitated officer reprimanded simply.
"Already left?" Hendrix repeated imperturbably.
Folding his arms in exasperation, "Yes. Dee's no longer ..." but the flaxen man was crudely interrupted when a dark shadowy figure leaped out of nowhere and landed unscathed on the outside of the window sill, oblivious to the height of the building.
"I'm sorry, but you were saying?" countered the doctor with a victorious smirk.
'You gotta be kidding!!' his mind screamed in fury defiance but his body trembled in fear as the dark silhouette stood full-length outside his windows. Mixed emotions besieged upon Ryo as the large cloud obscuring the glorifying sight of the moon began to inch away. Streaks of moonlight fell onto the figure, outlining the loose black trench coat he wore. Hair, the color of midnight glistened brilliantly as loose strands danced to the rhythm of the cooling wind.
"Oh, my... God..." Ryo whispered inaudibly, resting his index finger against his trembling lips as he rendered speechlessly.