I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!! ---Ok, that's over and done with. Whew! Thanks to MAIDEN IN TIME AND SPACE and Living on Dreams for Beta-reading this!! This is officially a THIRD draft! W00t! I hope it's not too confusing.
This chapter is dedicated especially to Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2. May his fan fictions rest in peace. U.U (prays) Lol.
-------Sour Schuyler
I do own Zakari Motou. You steal, you die. (growlz) Review Responses at the end. So sorry for this taking so long. Gomen. (bows solemnly)
9:14 ¾ AM
Ishtar Residence
"MASTER MALIK!"
"Yes, Odion?" Malik responded sullenly, listlessly feeding his yellow Wocky some sausage omelette on his computer screen.
"Look at me!!" Odion whined like a little kid. He came in, dressed all in a plaid kilt.
"O.o;" was the tacit response. Until Odion proudly announced:
" I'm going to be a yodeler/scottish man who plays the bagpipes!" Odion announced proudly. Malik stared at him blankly, and finally remembered the call from Chapter 2... or was it three? Ah, who cares.
"...But you aren't Scottish," Malik told him disdainfully. "You're Egyptian." Odion immediately became defensive.
"How do you know!? Where you THERE when I was born!? NO! In fact, I was FOUND, so I COULD'VE BEEN SCOTTISH!!!" Odion tugged on his pigtails... oh, did I mention the wig? Obviously not. Dark brown against tanned skin isn't such a good idea, by the way.
"Well, actually..." Malik bit his lip.
"Well, actually, what?" Odion demanded. "I DEMAND TO KNOW!"
"Well..."
(flashback as malik explains it)
Mrs. Ishtar smiled down at the wriggling mass in her arms. "It's a baby boy..." she said to know one in particular, happy with the whole "not dying in labor thing". "Heh, that wasn't so hard!" And then she REALLY looked at her new child's face. And she screamed. Loudly.
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"
From then on poor Mr. Ishtar was deaf. (This is why he's so cranky.)
(End flashback)
"Are you sure?" Odion asked forlornly.
"Yes, Odion." Malik sighed. Just then, the phone rang. Malik paused his Resident Evil 2 PC game with the click of two keyboard buttons and picked it up. "'Yello?"
"Jello," came the reply. Malik paled, knowing instantly who it was, and what their current situation was.
This was bad.
9:15 4/7 AM
Bakura Residence
"Jello?" Malik's confused voice came through on the other line. "Ryou, what are you up to?"
"Jello!" Ryou giggled schoolgirlishly and scooped another spoonful of the purple, jiggly stuff and spooned it down his trap. He giggled. Bakura entered the room, and his brown eyes went wide.
"Uh oh..." Bakura thankfully remembered that Ryou was "allergic" to Jello. It made him sugar high. Very, VERY sugar high. "Ryou... um... stop?"
"Have you seen my black outfit?" Ryou asked brightly while eating another scrumptious spoonful of that wonderfully wobbley stuff. Author's Note: I HEART ALLITERATIONS.
"No."
"Then shut up. I'm talking to Malik."
"oO 'Kay."
9:16 AM
Ishtar Residence
"oO What's up Ryou?" Malik asked coolly, leaning against the swivel chair. This, of course, proved to be futile, since we all know swivel chairs swivel. And so, he fell to the floor and skinned his elbows. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow..." Malik's eyes watered dolefully. "Ishizu, kiss my booboo!" Odion reached for his arm. "Not YOU, Odion!"
"oo Sorry, Master Ketchup."
"It's Malik."
"I am sorry, Mustard Malik."
"( #) You've been watching Josie And The Pussy Cats again, haven't you, Odion?"
"Perhaps, Alan." Odion waddled around the island counter like a penguin with a wedgie, and Malik sighed loudly. "Ok, Ryou, what's up? Ryou? ...Ryou? Oh, crud." Malik punched in the numbers to his best friend's tele-line.
"Hi! Did you know Jello will take over the world? Because it's JIGGLY! Hee hee hee."
"Sorry about that Ryou, I got hold up. What were you going to say?"
"The Jello forgives you. Please excuse him for one moment."
9:18 AM
Bakura Residence
Ryou downed another Sprite Remix and giggled. On TV, Bakura had turned on MTV, which was currently running the Nihongo no GOTH (Japanese GOTH) marathon. Evanescence music played.
"How can you look into my eyes / like open doors / leading you down into my core / where I've become so numb..."
Bakura, instead of enjoying "Wake Me Up Inside", was watching Ryou VERRRY carefully.
"He could go manic at any moment," Bakura thought aloud. Ryou didn't notice however, as he giggled girlishly.
"I was going to say that I'm going to e-mail you in five minutes!" he crowed into the phone."
Bakura fell over anime style. "Then again, maybe he's already too far gone to save..."
9:20 2/17 AM
Ishtar Residence
Malik fell over as well.
"Ryou you idiot! You stupid blockhead!" Malik growled. "Rr, fine!" he slammed the phone down and picked up his Gameboy Advance, where he played Zelda: The Four Swords, linking with Odion and his game for the ultimate gaming experience -- so says the commercials.
9:34 2/17 AM
Ishtar Residence Still
Malik sat down, sipping a Sprite through a yellow-lined straw. Odion, in five minutse, had played games with him, vacuumed the carpet, fixed his own hangnail, and had then gone to McDonalds and back again. Odion was like Wonder Woman, complete with the belt. Just like Malik had been for Halloween last year in Cairo. Odion deserved a lot more credit. (After all, it was HIM who had made the costume to fit Malik in the first place. God shall praise his almighty sewing prowess.)
It was time. Malik... logged on.
First, he had to deny changing his home page to Then he finally logged on as (If anybody has this e-mail then I'm really sorry.) He checked his inbox. It looked something like this:
NAKED GIRLS!
Meet the special someone on the net
Gain an inch!
Hey Malik it's me Ryou
Best Car Insurance Deal We'll Ever Be Offering until Tomorrow
Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: FWD:
Save a blind, naked, and sexually deprived ten year old boy in Nigeria! Every e-mail counts! His name is Mokuba!
REDUCE YOUR SPAM MAIL! CLICK HERE!
SPAM-REDUCER
Want less spam? Click here
Malik clicked on the forward, neglected to read it, sent it to thirty people, and then clicked on Ryou's e-mail.
Malik,
I'll be calling you in 2 minutes.
Ryou o
Malik sweat dropped, but then went onto Neopets and decided to send his Neobuddy Shadi a Neomail.
"Dear" Shadi,
Eff you...
Whatever time it is in Las Vegas:
"Awww, how sweet. Ishizu, look what your dear brother sent me!"
"o.o What are you, gay?"
"...I happen to be a very intriguing sort of bisexual," Shadi explained, clicking the X button.
"O.O Okay then..."
9:37 1/18 AM
Ishtar Residence
Malik, in the middle of a Neomail, heard the phone ring beside him. He picked it up. "Ishtar Residence, Malik here. If you are the Pharaoh, then hang up and rot in Hell."
"Hi Malik!" Ryou crowed like a lilting... lilt.
"Well hello there little boy," Malik said brusquely. "Would you like a lollipop?"
"Um, no thanks. I've already had twenty, and Bakura said if I had anymore he'd lock me in the closet again..."
"Ah, well, guess what?" 'You're so weird...'
"What?"
"I wanna know why you called me, you son of a beep." Malik leaned back, wrapping the thick wire around his entire hand.
"Oh! Well, you need to call Yugi!"
"oO Anata wa nani o itte ka?"
"Yugi o yobou!"
"Why are we speaking in Japanese?"
"I don't know."
DING DONG! The doorbell rang. Odion got it. A kid wearing a t-shirt that said, "BURN JAPAN!!" on it threw a pie at him.
Odion wiped a bit of it off on his hand. "Mmm. Pumpkin."
"SPEAK IN ENGLISH!"
"I JUST DID! Stupid kid."
"O.O You can't say that about me. My mommy always told me I was a special child..."
9:38 AM
Bakura Residence.
" That was fun!" Ryou opined, bouncing up and down a little white sipping down another Sprite Remix.
"Ryou..." Bakura approached his hikari slowly and carefully, a BIGASS butterfly net in his hand.
"Geez, Bakura, what are you catching, Butterfree?" Ryou inquired happily. He giggled when Bakura made a pitching motion and mouthed the words 'Pok'eball, go.' The sugar high lilt then said, "Oh, I get it! You wanna play tag!"
"No."
"Well, okay!" Ryou continued as if Bakura hadn't said anything. "But you have to be it!" Ryou started to run down the hall.
"...Shoot." Bakura jogged briskly after him. "This is actually a good workout. A yami's gotta stay trim!" After shooting a cheesy smile straight at the camera, Bakura picked up the pace and chased his hikari down the hallway. "He's pretty happy for someone who lost his black trench coat.
9:59
Ishtar Residence
Malik tripped over his own feet.
"Owww... I think I busted my hip. No more hula-dancing for me, I'm afraid."
"I'm dying!" the voice sang from the TV. It was Evanescence's 'Turniquet'. "Praying! / Bleeding! / I'm screaming! / Am I too lost? / To be saved? / Am I too looooooooost?"
10:50 AM
Motou Residence
"My God! / My Turniquet! / Return to me / Salvaaation! / My God! / My Turniquet! / Return to me / Salvaaation!"
RING RING!
Yugi Motou, that cute, semi-gothic person we all know and love, except for Captain Inuyasha777, but that's al right, hopped off of hishigh wooden stool (the only way he could reach the cash register and the computer on the counter.) Kawaii no Yugi-kun paused in his computer-functioned financial transaction on behalf of the game shop (his Grandpa was too stupid to do it, as shall be displayed in Chapter 14) and picked up the offwhite wall phone.
"My wounds cry for the grave / My soul cries / for deliverance / Will I be denied?"
Yugi looked at the CallerID. "It's Malik!!" he cried, and then slammed his hand over his mouth. Yami was upstairs. Yugi spun around and muted Evanescence... with his mind! w00t! Nah, actually he just used the controller. He then chirped the standard response into the phone.
"GAME SHOP!"
"Ow, my ear canal's bleeding," came an out-of-breath voice. "Yugi, did you (pant) know (pant) that there are (pant, pant, pant pant) 32, (gasp!) 32 Kame Game shops in the Yello pages? (pant, pant, gasp, wheeze, hyperventilate, pant)."
Yugi nodded dumbly to the wall. "Uh... yeah, I did."
"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?" Malik demanded, then his lungs collapsed.
"Hm."
"Hm? What does 'Hm' mean??"
"I means, 'I'm thinking about it, give me a few seconds to recollect where I lost my brain... Oops, I forgot. I didn't lose my brain, I sold it on E-bay.' That's what it means," Yugi told him.
"Really? I pawned mine off. They gave me 50 bucks for it."
"Weird," Yugi responded, not thinking it was weird at all. It was just... "I could only cell mine for 20 cents."
On the other end of the line, Malik laughed heartily. "You win some and lose some, Yugi."
"Yeah..." Yugi responded shadily. The small blonde eyes his alter ego as he entered the room, looking... (droolz) INCREDIBLY hot. Yugi was wearing his Battle City outfit, but his other self was wearing the outfit he/they had worn when he faced off against Duke Devlin. For anyone who doesn't know what this looks like, there's a link at the bottom of this chappie. You gotta look. He ish da bomb!
"Who is it hikari?" the former Pharaoh asked. "Is it the Nokia people again? You're not supposed to talk to those people, you know. Even if they offer you free stuff. I know, Grandpa told me." Yami nodded wisely multiple times.
Yugi sweat dropped, thinking, "Yeah, that's what I told you! After fifteen times!" But he replied, "Oh, uh, yeah! But actually we ARE buying something this time. We're uh, going wireless.
Yugi sweat dropped, thinking, "Yeah, no, that's what I told you! After fifteen times!" But he replied, "Oh, uh, yeah! But actually we ARE buying something from this time. We're, um, going wireless."
"We already are wireless, Yugi." Yami held up their black cell phone that had a picture of a scaly blue dragon across the side of it. (Ron Weasley: Wicked.) "And that sounds like Ishtar."
"It is."
"So he's working for the tele-company now?"
"...Um? Yeeeah. You could say that." Yugi rolled his eyes at Yami,, looking at towards the phone as if Malik could see the motion. On the other side of the phone, Malik sweat dropped.
"Yugi?"
Yami clenched his fist. "Darn you Ishtar! Joining forces with the lethal alliance that is telemarketing! And we already have wireless, too, and he knows it." Yugi sweat dropped.
'Think, Yugi, think,' he thought. 'What can I say?'The words that came out of his mouth were: "Ummm, yeah! But, we're, um, actually getting something this time! Remember? I said that a few minutes ago. I, uh, won a contest! Yeah, a crummy postcard contest!"
Yami raised an eyebrow and inquired, "Why was it crummy?"
"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!" Yugi commanded breathlessly. "We've just received their Ultra Low Cost Global Networking In Motion High... Density PlusPower Platinum Member Wireless plan! For now increase in cost! So don't argue!" Yugi sweat dropped as he finished.
Yami smiled at him brightly. "Is there really such a plan, oh aibou of mine? And remember, if you lie to me, I shall rip out...... BAKURA'S lungs."
Yugi sweat dropped. "Uh... yeah. We can... we can e-mail my uncle in Florida!"
"You mean call."
"Now, we can... e-mail. With the phone. Like we already can, except... faster."
"Great! Now I can call that chick in Beijing." Yami flipped their cell phone in the air, caught it with one hand, and placed it in his pocket again. "You take care of that, would you aibou?" The Nameless Pharaoh then went to play Clocktower 3.
"Yeah... sure." Yugi turned back to the phone. "Um, thanks for helping us, Malik. We confirm that plan by e-mail, don't we?"
Yugi could practically hear Malik's sweat drop from across the line. "Yeah. Yes you do."
"'Kay! Thanks! Oh, and Malik? Your sister has the game shop on speed dial!" Yugi cheerfully hung up the phone.
10:53 AM
Ishtar Residence
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
10:53 AM
Motou Residence
"Whew." Yugi wiped his brow; their air-conditioning was broken, blast it. Speaking of blasting... Yugi unmuted the music, to discover as the sound reemerged from the television that they were now playing another song from the same CD.
"I know I can stop the pain / if I will it all away... / If I will it all away."
10:57 AM
Ishtar Residence
A few minutes later, Malik received an E-MAIL!!!!!!! Dun dun dun. Gasp. Shocker. Omg, I know. Omg, I know know...
"Shut up!!!" Somewhere out there, JerriMcMaster threw an apple core at me. And I glared. But then I shut up, like the hippogriff I am – I mean hypocrit. U
Malik CHECKED HIS E-MAIL!!!!!!
Malikkun,
Ryoukun says we're supposed to meet him at the Domino Skating park at 11. See you there, I guess!
Yugikun
Malik looked at the clock to see that it now said 10:59.
"Cruuuuuud!"
11:15 AM
Domino Skating Park for Juvenile Delinqs
"Bid my blood to run / before I come undone / save me from the nothing I've become! / Bring me to life / Bring me to life / Frozen inside / without your touch..."
The intercom sang as Malik jogged over to Ryou. The cute bishie was decked out in kneepads, elbow pads, and a helmet. He was also balancing on a skateboard. Yugi was there, watching him and occasionally holding up signs with the number "10" or "9" on them. Malik sweat dropped.
"Sooo, why are we here?" Malik asked sans le préambule(1), sweat dripping from him in ways that made him look... ki-yewt. o Malik caught Yugi staring at him, not quite as inconspicuously as Yugi would've liked, probably. Heck, the kid was GAWKING! at him! That wasn't inconspicuous at all! It was blatant! So, forget what I said! I'm just stupid! (Ok, I am going to stop my stupid rambling now... I know it's not funny, but even I need to vent in order to get that goofy grin on my whimsical face sometimes.)
'That's not cool,' Malik thought.
"Well," Ryou said cheerfully, "I thought that maybe you guys could watch me skateboard!"
Malik sighed dramatically, but managed to keep his balance, fighting an anime fall. "All right," came the noncommital reply from the Egyptian. Ryou looked at his best friends happily. Malik growled.
"Grrrr."
Toldja. But it was fair. With Ryou acting the way he was, he was acting even worse than TEA. And that WAS pretty bad. Ryou didn't seem to mind, though. When your brain cells were whirring at what had to be 160 miles and hour, I'm sure you actually didn't get much thinking done.
Yugi was spacing out at this time, and you know that when you do that, people always bother you, soooo...
"Yugi? Yugi Tuliphead?" Ryou Bakura called out Yugi Motou's name, stimuli traveled through his nervous system, starting in the ear canal, and ending up in a little chamber in the brain that Blade, that valiant piece of grass we all know and love, liked to call "the Batcave".
(starts singing) And his brain cells sung!
"Bat man!!! Da na na na na na na na Da na na na na na na na Bat man!!! BATMAN!!!" And then the brain cells went back to their tasks. There were no casualties. Well, except for Bob... (sniffle) But we won't go into that right now.
Yugi blinked, reality washing over him in thick, suffocating waves.
"YUGI!!"
Yugi looked up at Ryou in surprise. "Oh, um, sorry Ryou. I didn't... see you there. U"
"Roiiight." Ryou rolled his eyes, as he was standing RIGHT IN FRONT of the smaller boy.
Yugi didn't pay him any attention. "Nice shirt, Malik."
'Why should I feel flattered now?' Malik asked himself. 'I'm always cool...' He looked down at himself. He wore his standard Battle City outfit – tank top, etc, without the robes. 'See?Damn, I look good.' "All right, Ryou. Let's go into the skate park."
4:00-5:00 PM
Ryou fell. Ryou pouted. Ryou left. So the others left too.
5:01-7:59 PM
No one to this date knows what they did... we've hypothesized that they ate a lot of cheese during this time period.
8:00-9:00 PM
They headed over to Blockbuster. The three of them blew Blockbuster up, and ran for their lives for the nearest Hollywood Video.
9: 15 PM
Blockbuster
"So, what movie are we going to see?" Ryou asked. He gave a cursory glance at his watch before regarding the semi-dark night outside the windows. He sighed happily. The night air was always so calming...
"DIE MOTHER #&(ER!"
Gunshots.
"TAKE THAT $!HOLE!"
Ryou blinked. 'Hey, that sounded like Dr. Dre! Coolies!' Ryou turned and tried to peer out into the semidarkness outside. He could hear the click of someone putting their gun back into the holster, and winced. Well, it was ALMOST always calming. But who cared, that how sounds like... DR DRE! W00t!
The other two Millennium Item holders obeyed their white-haired comrade and put their heads together and thought. BONK.
"Hmmm...." The two hummed in exact unison, causing the older British teen to sweat drop. The harmony they created was... pleasant, actually. Like a hymn. Then both of Ryou Bakura's compatriots snapped their fingers at the same time.
"Spaceballs!" Yugi suggested enthusiastically.
"The Lord of the Rings!" Malik assured them at just the same time, and Ryou gave them each simultaneous double nods.
"Um... let's just pick one, and let's go!"
9:25
Still Blockbuster (although now it's been officially condemned and there are plans to build a Wendy's there)
"Spaceballs."
"LOTR."
"Spaceballs."
"LOTR."
"LOTR."
"Spaceballs."
"My gunnit, you're right!" Yugi looked at Ryou with a lilting face. "Spaceballs it is, then!"
"...What...?" Malik looked lost and confused (and very cute.)
"--;; I'll get the tape." Ryou walked briskly over to the aisle to look for said parody that lampoons the pants off of Darth Vader and other things that are actually pretty funny, although slow. -
"Waaaiiiit a second," Malik said, suspicious of Yugi's cheesy grin, "what just happened here?"
" Nothing, sweetie!" Yugi said, putting on a sweet face and batting his eyelashes, suddenly turning VERY shoujo. 'I can't believe that worked on him! Sugoi.'
"..." Malik blinked. "Sweetie?"
"Uh... um..." 'Oh crap!! Think Yugi THINK!' "Well... I bet you taste good. Like candy."
HEY MEGAN! I BET YOU $10 YOU JUST SAID "WHAT!?" WHEN YOU READ THAT. NO, REALLY, I DO! -
"o.o WHAT!?!?" Imagine the aforementioned smiley on Microsoft Word. You type it in, and the red squiggly underlines it, causing it to look like a blushing face. This is what Malik looked like now.
"I do NOT blush UNDER my mouth!"
Stop talking to me.
"Okay."
Yugi sweat dropped. "Heh."
"That'll be (snort) 7.95!" The zitty, fat, greasy, sleazy man informed Ryou, while picking his nose.
"WHAT!?!?" Ryou bashed him over the head with a metal bat. "NO! WAY!"
Yugi sweat dropped. "I think he's picking up things from his yami ne?"
Malik's eyes were dark swirls. "Hold me..." He fainted. Nobody caught him.
Yugi stared at his sort-of kind-of boyfriend. And then he took out a sharp stick and poked him, several times. (This is what Yugi would do if he ever found Kaiba unconscious in an alley. He would POKE HIM!!!!!!!! :D Yay.)
9:26
Bakura Residence
(Whoa they walk fast!)
"OoooKAY!" Ryou placed a bowl onto his head. "Alright, Sergeant Yugi, you know what to do."
"Right!" Yugi responded. Then he started to casually stroll away, a listless but slightly bemused expression on his cherubic face.
"I SAID SALUTE SOLDIER!!!" Yugi immediately stood up straight and rigid.
"SIR YES SIR!"
"YOU MAY GO NOW!" Ryou yelled/commanded/enforced/whatever.
"MA'AM YES MA'AM, MR. GIRLYPANTS MA'AM!" Yugi then proceeded to stroll away casually, a bemused but listless expression on his childish, angelic face. ...?? I sense déjà vu. He then went to get the popcorn. A few minutes later, Malik followed him into the kitchen, only to get smacked in the face with a hot popcorn bag.
Malik entered to see Yugi looking very, very disturbed. He looked around. And then gaped in horror. For on the counter was...
THE WHIPPED CREAM OF DOOM. A/N: Inside joke.
Malik took a step forward, but the whipped cream had gotten all over the floor, and he tripped, fell, and hit his head.
"OWWWWW!" Ryou ran into the kitchen and tripped over kernels... And then total war broke out.
9:38
"That was fun," Ryou opted to announce. He was kneeling on the ground, scooping up popcorn and throwing it back into the bowl to be fed to Bakura. Malik was sweeping with a broom, and Yugi was collecting the extra bits that had fallen underneath the table.
At about this time the phone rang.
And Yugi, with his years of being trained to answer the phone, jumped up, crying out "I'll get it!" U.U The short boy then bumped his head and conked out. Incoherent jarble escaped his lips, and his eyes were wide swirligigs.
"Ugnnnuhn..."
Yugi's Relived Memory
RING RING RING!
"GET IT, SOLDIER!" a man with long, blonde hair blonde in zigzags of red, black, and blonde yelled. He was tall, well-muscled, and looked to be about twenty-four or so. He didn't look very responsible. U He looked like he played with guns and sold video games. Actually, he played video games and sold guns. U
"YES UNCLE ZAKARI, SIR!" Yugi picked up the phone. (NOTE: I DO own Zakari. If you copy him, I WILL hunt you down and strip you off your skin like a pirahna, before I embalm your innards and cook your heart to a very tender, fleshy ripeness before digging in with a VERY pointy fork. So do not copy.)
"Hello, this is Alcoholics Annonymous, we're calling to inquire as to why you missed your meeting last Monday—"
Zakari blushed. "HANG UP, SOLDIER!"
"SIR YES SIR!" Yugi did just so compliantly.
"NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 1-800-COLLECT!"
"SIR YES SIR!" Yugi dropped to the floor and starting counting push-ups. "1! 8! 0! 0! C! O..."
Solomon Motou came in, looking a wee bit – okay, looking VERY tipsy.
"Has anybody seen my whisky flask?" he asked in a squeaky elderly woman's voice. He even made the motion to adjust his non-existant glasses.
"SIR NO SIR!" Zakari yelled in at his face.
"Oh." Solomon replied drowsily, "Well then what about Yugi?"
"WHAT ABOUT YOU YUGI?" Zakari shouted loudly.
"SIR NO SIR!" Yugi screamed back. His uncle smiled. "Good dog... here, have a biscuit."
Ending the dream sequence...
The scariest part about that dream?
It happened only three days ago.
The phone stopped ringing, and the answering machine picked it up.
"Malik-sama... I know you are there. I had to cross-reference tons of e-mails and tap wires illegally to find out where you were going, but it finally worked. Hehehehe... Anyway... you never told meh that you were staying the night at Ryou's!!! You better not do naughty things with him! NOTHING NAUGHTY I SAY! Although it's probably too late... he's probably already raped you... 'cuz he's a RAPIST!!!! Ok, just wanted to warn you. Besides, I don't think you and your little porn star boyfriend (not that he IS a porn star... or that anybody would actually buy those movies, just off the main pipe) would really appreciate that, huh? So I suggest you take 5-minute Kung Fu lessons. Just find some lady with a purse. She'll teach ya. Go, my grasshoppers, GO! Muahaha..."
Malik snatched up the phone. "Odion!? Is that you!?" Ryou gaped at Malik's stupidity.
"...Uh, no, it is the Easter bunny. Good day sir."
Click.
9:41
Yugi's unconscious form was strewn across the couch. Malik was sitting next to Yugi. Ryou was setting up the VCR when he released...
"HOLLYWOOD VIDEO GAVE US A DVD!" he screeched. Malik's hand clapped over his ears.
"Owch," he said. "Then... let's watch something on the BRAVO station."
Yugi stirred. "Bravo? Johnny... Bravo..." Yugi fell faceforward onto the floor, fainting dead away.
"..." Ryou stared. "How hard did he hit his head?"
"Pretty damn hard, I reckon'. Let's watch whatever's on."
"I can find the old version of Dirty Dancing, does that help? But it's almost halfway over."
"Works."
10:11
Yugi Motou cooed in his sleep, snuggling up against something warm. His eyes popped open, and then popped open even more wide when he saw Jennifer Grey onscreen wearing a lacy bra dancing on the tv screen.
"O.O;;;;" Yugi immediately sat up...
...and found himself sitting in Malik Ishtar's lap.
"...!!!" Yugi jumped off of the couch, blushing furiously. "Um, hi?"
"Hi," replied Malik nonchalantly. "You missed the part in the lake." The phone rang. "I'll get it."
"Hello?"
He was met with a dial tone. "Ah, shoot." He pressed a button to see if the person had left a message.
"You have four, new, messages. Time to listen up fatass. First message. BEEP."
"Dang Ryou you're popular," Yugi commented. Ryou gave him a small smile.
"Yeah, I know."
"HI! Do you have stupid friends? Do you often wish you could just throw them out? Well now you can! With our new robot, you can—" Ryou deleted the message mercifully before the rest of it played.
...but the horror continued. "—throw your friends out, and they won't even care because you have a robot and they'll be raving about how cool you are! Only $600 dollars in nickels, forwarded by mail to a discreet and shady address in Las Vegas. The address is—" Ryou once again tried to delete the message, but...
"5000 Sue Me Avenue. Goodbye!"
Click.
"Uhh," Ryou sighed, and leaned back against the couch. "Glad that's over with."
"Hello Ryou," came the voice of HAL from Odyssey, 2000 and... something. -.-;;
"Hi Answering Machine—what!?"
"I am your answering machine, and I know everything about you. Like the time you were six and wanted to be a unicorn. And sparkly unicorn. You even wore a sparkly unicorn costume for Halloween. And I know that your family isn't dead and wasn't in a car accident, you just say that they are so you can live off of welfare. I also know that... this is creeping you out... goodbye."
Click.
Ryou hyperventilated nervously.
The phone rang once more. Yugi picked it up this time, but Ryou shook his head sluggishly, and so Yugi gave Ryou the phone and a pot of fresh decaffeinated goodness. (Mmm, COFFEE...)
"We did some tracing, sir," the person from NASA said, "and the phone calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE."
"Gasp!" Ryou... gasped, his lips parted in an 'o'. A sexy 'o'. Let's all stare at Ryou's mouth... Sweat drop, okay now MOVING ON!!! REALLY!
There was a dramatic pause, in which chills ran a triathalon up and down the sexy, sexy, sexy white-haired teen's vertebrae. (Zap Brannigan: Sexy.)
'And I didn't have to bribe the authoress to say all this nice stuff about me?'Ryou wondered, coiling the phone wire around his finger. Sexy. (...sweat drops Alright, I know I'm stupid. BUT YOU SHOULD NOW! That's he's sexeh! Alright!?!?!)A/N: ... (sweat drops)
"...Wait. Why did you trace the calls if I didn't ask you to? And why do you work for NASA if you're a telephone operator?"
"Uh... maaaybeh!(2)" The man hung up the phone, and Ryou placed the creamy white phone back into its place. Just then Bakura came downstairs, looking remorseful. A/N: Bakura shall be OOC for the rest of the chappie. Just to warn ya. He'll be mean next time, I promise!!
"So you're the crazy caller!" Malik inculpated the Egyptian tomb robber from long ago, his words lashing out angrily, as well as his finger lashing out, pointing accusingly at the indictee.
"Yes," Bakura apologized maturely. "I'm sorry." 'Please don't take my knives away Ryou please please please! I need them to carve 'butthead' on Seto Kaiba's forehead...'
"That's not very nice!" Yugi complained loudly. Malik nodded.
"It's not nice to tease my friends!!" A huge purple cat loomed by the window. Then, it ran away, making a lot of crunching noises. Bakura glanced after it.
'Whatever,' he thought.
"So... you did this?" Ryou asked, twitching.
"Um... yes?"
Ryou clenched his fists. His eyes were shut tight, to avoid revealing the demon blue aura they were emanating right now. His teeth were grinding.
"Gulp," Yugi narrated his own actions. (Just like me!) Malik stood in front of him.
"Stand back Yugi," he warned wisely. Yugi grabbed the back of his shirt and trembled slightly.
"Okay," he answered, sounding kind of like Kagome from Inuyasha.
"Ba...KUR...A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-
End. - I hope you're liking this little mini-story here. After all, this fic IS sadly almost over... we're more than halfway done. U.U It's only 17
That's the link where the picture of Yami is. Consider it an illustration of sorts. It's from my web site.
(1) it's French for "without preamble". (shrugs) I've been reading too much Tom Clancy. And you know that. It's got a little German, a little Italian, blabbity blabbity blaaaaah... It's really good though. .
(2) I'm quoting "Sheen" from "Jimmy Neutron". That's a good epp. Really.
Review Responses:
: You remind me of me SO much! The way I fawn over certain fanfictions... like Tasha3's, and Sonic19902's. I even saved one of them on a disk when my internet was down a few days ago. T.T Yes, I am crazy! Thank you for loving this fan fiction so much! It's the people like you that I am writing for. I would say I love you... but that's just weird.
Sephiroth or Anime-Crazy2: Have you heard of ? I'm Callie1075 there. You can post script. Hope to see ya there!
Chetra-Card: I... did... something, for you. O.O; Can't remember what it was tho! Lol. I had to do with your poems... TT I'm such a dork!
Thursday adams: OMG happy birthday!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
O o() Yes! Let us inspire the inspirer!! Because Thursday adams has been a great inspiration to me, across two web sites, no less! And thanks to EVERYONE who has reviewed so far. I really mean it. Every single reviewer is special. I swear it! ....Um, maybe except for that one – no, I mean every single one! (beams)
Kat meow: Thank you for giving me for that beautiful & unusual (albeit imaginary) gift. I am amused. That is good. I think... o.o; Have you seen it!? Eminem was on TV! He made fun of Michael Jackson in his newest m-vid and got Michael maaad, but good. I was very, very pleased. :)
Demented Insane Spirit: I salute you! When you update, you really update, you know that? I have a separate inbox specifically for Mediaminer/Fanfiction/Fictionpress updates, and at least 20 of the 100 pieces of mail in there right now (and this is an exact count) are from you. But anyway, that's off topic. You like Bakura/Anzu too? - Have you read anything by Tasha3? She writes good stuff. Although most of it got taken off, I have hope that maybe she'll repost it, anyway, or attempt to re-write it.
Mai Wheeler: S'alright, no problem! I was looking for fan fictions that had manga-only characters in them... I really like Hanasaki, and I think that before this is through, he will definitely appear in this. He has such potential in a fan fiction. Thanx 4 saying that my fic is cool – this is one of my best ones. My other really good ones were all taken off... so this is all I have. (frowns) But anyway. "Owari" means "end" in Japanese. "Owarimasu" means "to end" (can also be said as "owaru", but whatever). I usually like putting these at the end of my fics nowadays. Oh, and on another note, the poems weren't by me, they were written by Chetra-card. Ok, that's it!
Captain Inuyasha777: Awwww, but Yugi's so ke-yute! And that's pretty awesome.
Sesshomarufangirl: You are the coolest person that's ever reviewed. You sound just like me. It's weird.
Seto's Dragoness: That wasn't a crappy review! Have a little faith in yourself... :)
Obscured Illusions: So what you are saying is that I age every four chapters. Therefore, I will be approximately sixteen – no, seventeen when I finish this story. Hm. Now there's an idea. But I'm kind of too short to drive.
UGH! XP This chapter was HORRIBLE! The next one will be better...