Chapter 2: Julia

Once again, Kimber was busy. When she went to settle some financial matters with the producers of her previous porn movies, she got a pleasant surprise. As her directorial work impressed them, the way she was lately involved in her latest picture, they offered her to direct some other low budget productions, this time far from the porn nature. Likely to interest less people and generate a lot less money, she jumped right into it. Keeping active and being creative helped her forming a new identity and also gave her a sense of achievement and satisfaction. Additionally, contrary to the reasons she exercised previously, she enrolled into a martial arts course to help build her confidence back up.

She did think of Christian and what Abby had said. It would have certainly explained Christian's weird behaviour after his Carver attack. If his experience was in any way similar to hers, they could help each other. But then again, how could it have been? The Carver obsessed over her as he didn't with any other. Consequently, her own protective and self isolated behaviour wasn't selfish. She needed to look after herself to be any good to anyone else, especially if was about such a complicated and messed up character as Christian. If she ever will. She needed to learn to look after herself and be kind to herself first and foremost. She deserved it and that had nothing to do with her body and its closeness to perfection.

Evenings were difficult though. She was used to either work, or go out when the natural light went out, and not doing anything when it was dark somehow made her nervous. She tried to read, but found it hard to focus. She sighed when there was a knock at her door. Although she didn't know who could visit her, and there was always some fear in her after the attack, she was hoping the visitor will offer her some relief of her anxiety whoever it was.

"You still love him?" Julia burst in without much to and fro.

"I always have Julia, since the day I met him. But sometimes that is not enough."

"Not enough? Why? What else do you need? It can always come back to being okay if two people love each other, no matter how much they suffer in the meantime. Kimber, don't do to him what I did for a lifetime. And he had enough of that treatment for a lifetime as well. I loved him, but didn't take the chance because it wasn't perfect. I already had a not perfect relationship with Sean, it wasn't worth jumping into another one. What is your excuse?"

"He's looking for someone else, not me. He is looking for perfection, not me. You know what? There is no such thing as a perfect body and I doubt that anyone is completely happy with theirs. It all depends on how obsessed you get."

"Yeah, and he has sunken into deep depression since you made your last move because he doesn't care about you only if you are perfect, right. He is not interested in anything, not pleased by anything, he has difficulty concentrating during surgery, remembering, making decisions, he oversleeps, he is irritable, should I go on? And the story with Abby is just down right ridiculous. We're trying to keep him from sliding lower, even Matt, but now he doesn't show up at work again all that often. He tells us different reasons as to why, headaches, stomach aches, tiredness and dizziness, and we don't actually know if he makes those up to cover up his lack of motivation and moodiness or they could be symptoms associated with his depression."

"You trying to make me feel guilty for his troubles? He should feel guilty for not trying to find me when I was abducted."

"Kimber it was so flawlessly staged. We all thought..."

"It doesn't matter. I can't go back to Christian because it would get me back to where I was. Infatuation with beauty. Just because you people find it a terrific way of pumping money out of poor media influenced victims obsessed with themselves, with image and vanity, it doesn't make it a right ideology to follow."

"Cultures throughout history have been infatuated with beauty, to a certain degree it is ok. A woman's body is a very strong weapon in the world, no wonder that women do everything to make it perfect. Don't tell me you don't agree with that anymore."

"Guess what, I'm happy with the way I look. And guess what? Christian is just not fair. How does he have the right even to be depressed, when I should be when it is me who has suffered. No, Julia, I'm the one who requires given what she needs, not him. And I need space."

tbc