Chapter Twenty-Three: Learning to Become a Woman
Tristran stood in the stables, stroking his mare's neck softly as he crooned to her. She always had been a calming influence on him: she had gone through everything he had, and had never failed him, and so it was to her he instinctively went when things were wrong.
And they were wrong now, although in every respect his life should be complete with Alennia so close. And yet that was the very problem. He loved her. He knew it better than he knew anything else, and, in a way he hated it. He hated it because it made him so vulnerable.
He had built up a suit of armour around himself so that nothing would hurt him, and then she had wandered into his life, and changed everything. One smile from Alennia, and suddenly his life wasn't his own anymore. Love had taken him hostage, eaten him out, and left him crying in the darkness that it had left. It hurt. Not just in the heart. Not just in the mind. A pain that had got inside him and ripped him apart, leaving just the broken shell of the man who had once been strong and unshakable.
And it was not only that. He could have endured that pain, but he was slowly beginning to realise how ridiculous it was. She was a Woad, a Queen among the Woads, he was a Sarmatian knight, her enemy. If he gave in to his heart and said anything to her, they would both be destroyed. Only by keeping his distance and guarding his wounded heart would he be able to save her.
He was not foolish enough to believe that she would not suffer for his love. If her people found out about him, she would be torn apart when she returned. No. He had to save her, and if that meant sacrificing everything he had, then he would do it willingly. A man can close his eyes to the things he do not want to see, but he can never close his heart to the emotions he do not want to feel. But close his heart he must, though it would tear him apart.
"Tristran!" a voice came from behind him, startling him from his bitter thoughts. He spun around to see Arthur there, watching him closely. How long had he been there?
"Arthur," Tristran greeted him warily.
"Dagonet tells me the woman will live," Arthur began, clearly wanting Tristran to take the cue, but wheh he remained obstinately silent, Arthur continued. "We have to talk about her."
"What is there to say?" Tristran asked, albeit slightly belligerently.
Arthur sighed, seeing this was not going to be easy. "When she is well again, will she be going back to her people, or will she stay here?"
"Why are you asking me?" Tristran demanded, not wanting to know the answer himself.
"You know her best," Arthur said, trying to keep his tone level.
Tristran sighed as he suddenly realised how ridiculously he was acting. "I don't know," he told the Roman in a subdued voice. "But I imagine she'll want to return to her own people."
Arthur nodded, his eyes resting on Tristran's face, and for a fraction of a second, he looked like he was going to say something, but then, abruptly, he turned around and left Tristran alone once more.
When Alennia woke the first thing she saw was a heavily pregnant young woman with copper-coloured hair, sitting on a chair beside her bed, sewing. As she saw Alennia wake she put her sewing down on the small table beside the bed and smiled at Alennia.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
Alennia struggled to sit up, mentally preparing herself for the wave of pain at the movement, but, to her surprise, none came, and she grudgingly had to admit to herself that Dagonet may have been right in insisting on her remaining in bed for the extra day.
"Better," Alennia admitted in a surprised voice.
The copper-haired woman grinned at her, rising. "Now, how would you feel about a bath?"
She received no answer, not that she got one, for the look of sheer longing on Alennia's face spoke volumes. The woman laughed as she made her way to the door and opened it. Alennia could see the face of a frightened-looking maid outside, and the woman spoke to her.
"Send some hot water up here for, Alennia?" she turned to Alennia at the end of the statement, making the last word a question. When Alennia nodded to confirm her name, the woman turned back to the girl. "Send some hot water up for a bath for Alennia please," she reiterated.
The girl nodded, and withdrew. The woman closed the door and turned back to Alennia. "I'm Vanora," she told her. "This little one," she put her hand protectively over her swollen belly. "Is the child of one of the knights. And since none of the others have women at the moment, the job of caring for anything, or anyone always falls to me." She smiled quickly and reassuringly at Alennia to make sure that she didn't think she was complaining about Alennia's company, and Alennia smiled in return, no words being needed to communicate between the two women.
"Well," Vanora said practically. "You certainly look like you need a hot bath!"
Alennia laughed. "I honestly cannot remember the last time I bathed in hot water. Certainly not for three or four years."
Vanora looked horrified. "You poor child! What have you been doing?"
"Fighting," Alennia admitted.
Vanora seemed to understand this. "When Bors, my man, come back after a long mission with the knights, he stinks so bad I don't let him inside until he's washed. I swear they don't look at clean water, let alone a bar of soap during those trips of theirs!"
In the time it took to clean Alennia up, wash and comb her hair and feed her a meal, the two women had become firm friends. Despite their very different circumstances, they had much in common, and talked quite happily.
As Alennia was finishing her meal, Vanora narrowed her eyes as she watched her.
"What?" Alennia asked, a spoon of stew poised halfway to her mouth.
"I was wondering what colour you could wear best," Vanora explained.
Alennia shrugged. "I haven't worn a dress since I was a child," she told Vanora. "It's all down to you I'm afraid."
But Vanora wasn't listening. She lifted a lock of Alennia's chestnut hair, and ran it through her fingers. "Blue, I think," she murmured to herself. Then she smiled, and her whole face lit up. "I know just the one," she said decisively. Then she looked up at the bemused-looking Alennia. "What would you say to breaking a few heart?"
Alennia raised one eyebrow questioningly.
"I could make you into a sensation, so that not one knight would be able to resist you. You are pretty, I grant. I can make you beautiful."
Vanora saw Alennia's eyes widen slightly and then drift far away, and in that moment, Vanora knew the precise state of Alennia's heart. It didn't take a genius to see a woman in love.
"Show him you can be a woman too," she whispered to Alennia.
Alennia looked up quickly at Vanora, and seeing the knowing expression in her face, blushed and looked down.
"Let's go and break a heart," Vanora said decidedly.
A/N – So close to 100 reviews! Please, please let this be the chapter to reach 100 – it'll make me a very happy little person!