Tristran lay awake, watching Alennia sleep beside him. It was dawn, and a pale light crept into the room, illuminating Alennia's face. She slept curled up against Tristran's side, her face trusting and perfectly content.
What had he done? Tristran thought in horror as he watched her. He had let his emotions take control, and done what he had always sworn he would never do: he had let her know that he cared for her. One kiss, and he was powerless. Few people knew it, but a kiss could ruin a human life.
Alennia stirred slightly in her sleep, moving closer to Tristran. She wasn't young, but still a child. There was still innocence in her untainted smile as she slept. Tristran had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. What had he done?
He loved her. What was once an uncertainty was now a reality. He loved her, but he loved her too much to do this to her. He did not deserve someone so perfect as she was. She needed someone who could give her everything she deserved: someone who her people looked up to and respected, not a ragged Sarmatian under the control of the Romans.
He and Alennia were of two different worlds, and any admittance of emotion could only lead to pan and suffering. It was far better to conceal all he felt, to show no weakness and keep his senses, but deep down inside, where no one could hear him, he would be crying for her.
When Alennia woke Tristran was half-dressed, sitting in a chair across the room, pulling his boots on.
"Morning," Alennia murmured sleepily, rolling over so she could see him properly.
Tristran just grunted in reply, pulling his shirt on over his head, while inside he was screaming. Did she have to wake now? Now, it would be a thousand times worse.
"Where are you off to in such a rush?" Alennia asked.
"Hunting," Tristran told her shortly.
"Hunting?" Alennia asked, her voice betraying the growing uncertainty in her heart, and her eyes studied his, desperate to see some emotion in them, but they were flat and dead.
"Tristran…" Alennia began in a hesitant voice.
"Look," Tristran interrupted her, wanting to get it over and done with. "Alennia. We can't carry on like this. Last night was a…a mistake. Forget it ever happened." Tristran spoke in a deadpan voice, knowing that if he let his voice waver a fraction, or his eyes betray even the slightest bit of emotion, she would have her doubts, and he could not do that to her. Far better that she remember him as a cold-hearted bastard, than miss him as he would miss her. He didn't have to see the distress on her face to know how much she was hurting. He could feel her pain as if it was his own, and it was tearing him apart.
"Oh," came Alennia's reply, her voice sounding very small.
"You understand?" Tristran asked her roughly, wanting anything but the quiet bewilderment from her. He expected, no, he wanted her to shout, to scream, to curse his name, and then he would have been able to shout and scream back at her and leave, slamming the door on her and therefore dispel some of the pain of his breaking heart. Instead she sat quietly, her pain evident on her face, but not a word of anger passing her lips.
"I understand," she told him mechanically, but inside she was screaming. Was this really the man who, only a few hours ago, had held her close, stroked her hair, told her he cared for her? Where was the Tristran she knew? In his place was a callous, fierce man, with cold eyes and a cruel face.
Tristran looked as if he was about to say something, but then stood abruptly and moved to the door, opening it and leaving without even looking at Alennia. As he closed the door behind him, abandoning the only woman he had ever loved, his face seemed to sag, and he put his hand out to support himself, as pain seemed to split his heart in two.
Dagonet walked slowly through the halls of the fort. It was that quiet time of the day, just before the sun rose, when men talked in hushed voices and moved quietly. He could see the door of the hall of the round table was slightly ajar, and so he made his way towards it, and looking in, saw Arthur, bent over some paper work, an almost completely burnt-out candle on the table beside him.
"You're up early," Dagonet commented, and Arthur looked up, startled at the unexpected presence. Dagonet could now see the dark bags under his eyes, and his weary face, which looked older than Dagonet had seen it look before.
"I could say the same for you," Arthur rejoined. Dagonet grinned and walked into the room, sitting down beside Arthur.
"Or perhaps Artorius has not seen his bed this night," he remarked.
Arthur glanced up at him, an ironic smile on his face. "They praise me for leading the knights into battle. If only they knew how easy that was in comparison to the reams of paperwork!"
Dagonet nodded slowly. Of all the knights he knew best what pressure Arthur was under, as it was he who rose early, and he alone who saw Arthur working through the night.
"Curse the Romans with their paperwork," Arthur said affably.
"I'll drink to that," Dagonet agreed.
"So would I, but not so early in the morning I think."
Dagonet shrugged. "It doesn't seem to stop Lancelot,"
"Nothing stops Lancelot," Arthur agreed.
Suddenly Dagonet was aware of a movement, and looked up to see Tristran enter the room. The fierce knight looked even wilder than usual, and on his face was an expression Dagonet had never seen before. He had known Tristran a long time, and seen him in hope, in fear, in rage, and even in love, or at least only when he looked at Alennia. But never before had Dagonet seen the cold and almost cruel expression that was on Tristran's face as he spoke to Arthur.
"I'm going hunting," he told his commander in a flat, emotionless tone.
Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly, but decided not to comment, and instead nodded, turning back to his work. "How long will you be?" he asked, keeping his voice very level, knowing too well what Tristran could be like in one of his moods, if he thought himself provoked.
Tristran just shrugged. "Later," he said unhelpfully, and turned swiftly, leaving on feet as silent as those he arrived on.
Arthur glanced up to Dagonet and shrugged slightly. He had too many pressures on him without worrying about moody knights. As far as he was concerned, Tristran would come around. He always did.
Dagonet sat in silence for some time, staring pensively at the doorway, long after Arthur had returned to his work, his mind drawing its own conclusions. Memories. Memories of Alennia and Tristran spending all of the previous day together, their unexplained absence the previous evening, the conversation he had with Tristran on the night Arthur told them they were returning to this section of the wall, Tristran's foul mood this morning.
Suddenly he looked up."Arthur!" he said urgently.
Arthur looked up wearily from his work. "What is it?"
"You need to promise me something. If Alennia comes to you today, requesting to be allowed to return to her people, you must not let her go. Stall her, for at least a day. You must not let her go."
Arthur put down his stylus and looked at Dagonet, a serious expression on his face. "Why?"
Dagonet shrugged. "Just a feeling."
Arthur narrowed his eyes as his mind raced. "You think...her and Tristran?"
Dagonet shrugged again. "As I said, it's only a feeling. But you know what Tristran can be like. And you know as well as I how vulnerable both of them are."
Arthur nodded, slowly and evenly. "Alright. If she asks, I will make sure she does not leave until tomorrow."
Dagonet nodded, relieved. "We need that man, no matter how much of a moody bastard he can be."
Arthur grinned. "He'd skin you alive if he could hear you."
"Then pray that he does not."
A/N – Now there was a hard chapter to write! Still, it's done now. Next chapter won't be too long – I wrote most of it in math(s) today (the brackets around the 's' are to compromise between the English and American ways of saying it. I picked up on that particular word as opposed to any of a thousand others because I sit next to an American in math(s), and she's desperately trying to make me speak 'properly') Alright, alright, I'm rambling again. Hope you enjoyed the chapter – I'm off to start wrapping up Christmas presents!