A/N: Here we go, how's Nick gonna get out of this one?
This is kinda a little something based on a true story a friend told me, so without further ado…
Enjoy!
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The Jigsaw Puzzle: Chapter 2
By Laydeebear
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"So is that true daddy? Is that where babies come from?"
Everyone went quiet.
"Holy shit!" Came Greg's voice who clamped his hand over his mouth as he muttered an "Ooops!"
T T T T T T T T T T T
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"Is that one of those words I'm not sposed to say daddy?" Alana whispered,
"Mmmm what?"
"The word…" She repeated looking up at him still.
"Oh, yes that's right." Nick nodded.
"Okay… so daddy where do they come from?" She sighed snuggling up to him to get comfortable as if getting ready for a goodnight story.
Nick looked over at the guys for help, they all shrugged, Grissom's eyebrows were raised so high that Nick wondered how they were still on his head. "W-w-well..." Nick stuttered.
-Oh god, say something...what? Anything - words would be nice - okay say something... something simple... -
"SEX!" he said
"Huh?" Alana asked.
-HELP!-
"Daddy?" Alana asked expectantly, she frowned looking up at him again, Warrick had muffled his laugh with his drink and Greg had leaned his chin on his hand, half covering his mouth which was curled up in a smirk, Grissom was sat watching intently wondering jsut what Nick was going to say to a very curious five-year-old. "What did you say Daddy?"
-SEX! You said simple you never mentioned tactful! Right I can do this... It's easy - babies - you know babies... you had one. Babies… isn't she a bit young? God where's Sara? -
"So" he sighed, "Babies!"
"This should be fun!" Warrick smirked, chuckling. The 3 remaining guys made themselves comfortable, all eyes were at this time on Nick.
"So well... first of all, you need... a... mommy and a... daddy."
"What like you and mommy?" She asked sitting up straight.
-Yes! She understands! We're half way there!-
"Yes." He nodded, "That's exactly right!" He smiled.
"Oh well that's good," She smiled happily before continuing, "So what happens with you and mommy?" She asked.
-Who are you kidding? You haven't even got to foreplay yet... Hold on hold ON! WAIT! She's 5 years old, stick to basics; the birds and the bees; what the hell was that all about? I mean what do birds and bees have to do with sex? Unless I've gone wrong somewhere? -
Nick smirked to hiself
-That would never happen... Nick! Stop getting distracted! -
He looked back down to Alana who was staring innocently up at him, her smile never faltering.
"So where were we?" he asked her.
"Mommys and daddys." She nodded and moved around on his lap to get comfy once again.
"Oh right! So these mommys and daddys have to love each other lots and lots, like me and mommy do!" Nick smirked to himself again, his thoughts drifting once more.
-Nick! You're getting distracted again-
"Ohhhh, right!" Alana nodded before resting back on his chest.
-Is that it? Am I done? -
"But..." She sat up again.
-OH NO!-
"But what do the mommys and daddys DO to get the babies?"
-NOOOOOO!-
He looked over at the guys desperately in need of help
"Yeah Nicky my boy! What DO they do?" Warrick smirked, he'd always wondered how 'that talk' would go with his own kids when he had them and was curious to see how Nick was going to 'oh so tactfully' word this.
Nick shot him a glare. "Well um, they have to... to... maybe mommy would be better at explaining this."
"No mommy told me to ask you daddy!" Alana explained shaking her head, her curls much the same as Sara's bounced around a little.
"Oh she did?"
-Mental note Kill Sara!-
"So daddy?"
"Well a mommy and daddys bodies, they... well they fit together..."
"Oh like a jigsaw puzzle?"
-RESULT!-
"Yes! Yes It's exactly like that! A Jigsaw Puzzle!" Nick said excitedly, he sighed, this was kinda getting easier.
"And then?"
"And... then... they well… daddy gives the mommy a... a... a special... SEED!"
"So there is a seed" Alana stated
-Good one Nick-
"Well no... not, reallly..."
"But do you grow it in the garden daddy?"
"N-no..."
"But where does the daddy get it from then daddy? From a shop?"
"I've never heard it called THAT before" Grissom laughed whilst Greg and Warrick tried desperately to contain themselves.
"The seed..." Nick murmured, "The seed... kinda, it comes from inside the daddy."
"Oh" Alana nodded, "How does it get out?" she smiled up at him with the innocence that only a child of her age could have. Nick flushed redder than he thought humanly possible and shifted his weight underneath her, clearing his throat several times before he replied.
"He gives it to the mommy when... when the bodies are together like the puzzle remember?" Alana nodded, showing that she understood so far.
"So like a present?"
"Yes, like a present." He said trying to swallow the ever growing kump in his throat.
"That's very nice of you."
He nodded, "Yes, yesit is."
"What happens then?" She asked.
"Well uhh then it grows inside mommy's tummy" he sighed hoping it was over.
"But daddy?"
-OH Good God help me!-
"Yes Princess?"
"How does it get out? Does it hurt?"
"Well, I think you should ask Mommy about that because mommy's an expert at it!" As he said this Greg and Warrick let out a snort which they both made no attempt to muffle. Grissom just smiled, he couldn't help but think Nick had actually handled it rather well.
"Really?" Alana asked amazed.
"Yup" Nick nodded encouragingly.
"Okay" she smiled happily.
"Daddy I like puzzles, making babies sounds like fun!"
"Um 5 is awfully young... maybe you should wait a few years."
"Okay daddy" Alana sat up and kissed Nick on the cheek, "Thank you daddy" she jumped down from his lap.
Nick stared blankly ahead, urging his heart to return to its normal rhythm.
"Hey Uncle Egg you want to make a puzzle with me?" Alana asked.
"Puzzle? Wh-wh-wh…?" Greg's mouth fell open, "I uh... I..."
"Yeah mommy bought me a new one yesterday because I was a really, really good. It's a picture, of a cat, a big BLACK cat with BIG ears and a BIG pink nose and it's just like the cat that I want Uncle Egg!"
Nick looked over to Alana, who was trying to pull Greg and now Grissom off towards the table.
"...And all is right with the world" Nick sunk into the chair.
"Nice job Nicky!" Warrick grinned earning hiself a glare. "Never heard anyone kick the fun outta jigsaw puzzles like that!" He covered up another laugh.
"Sara is so not getting away with that." Nick sighed feeling like he'd just aged about 20 years.
T T T T T T T T T T T
Alana settled herself in between Nick and Sara, they had been quietly watching television after eating dinner and were now curled up on the sofa together, she looked up at Nick and he smiled and kissed her hair, "Can I ask yet?" She whispered.
"Sure you can." he told her quietly giving her a quick squeeze.
Alana nodded and tugged the sleeve of Sara's sweater, "Mommy?"
"Yes Sweetie?"
Nick was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
"Mommy, when the babies are in your tummy, how do they get out?"
Sara sat wide-eyed and looked at Nick. "Oh no" he held both hands up, "This one's all yours"
Sara looked down at her daughter and squeezed her gently, "I'll tell you when you're older baby."
Alana looked up at her as Sara kissed her forehead and smiled. "Okay mommy, but don't forget." She sighed and laid her head down on Sara's shoulder, cuddling up to her.
Nick just stared aghast at Sara who was looking more than pleased with herself. "How…" Sara reached over and squeezed his cheeks;
"What can I say? I'm that good." She whispered.
He sighed and leaned over to kiss her, "You're lucky you're cute."
"Hmm." She smiled looking back at the television, "So…" she looked down at Alana who looked half asleep. "You feel like making a jigsaw puzzle tonight?" She whispered biting her lip to stop herself laughing.
"Only if it doesn't involve a black cat with big ears and a pink nose." He grinned.
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A/N I know I know totally OOC probably but I just had this thing in my head and I had written something similar ages ago but couldn't find it…
Hope it was explained uhh basically enough… and hopefully it made you all laugh!
So? Liked it? Hated it? Either way let me know!
Jen
xxx