Hello?
Does anybody remember me?
Or as Pink Floyd chant: Is there anybody out there?

I am deliriously happy that the reviews have kept coming, despite my looong vacation from this site. As some may have guessed, there hasn't been any vacation outside this site. But I'm on to it again. I have longed for the moment when I could finally update the story and it might please you to know that I'll have a three month vacation from June. In other words, the update will never be as delayed as it was now.

Well, what finally got me to write, was all the little ferrets following me around everywhere. When I opened my eyes at night, they were there, right beside me in bed. Just staring. So, here's a new chapter and it's twice as long as the others just to plead mercy, so Bluebird 161221, would you please remove the ferrets now?

Please?

24TH DECEMBER: THE SHARDS OF THE FAMILY

The sun was almost about to set as Draco returned to his family home with his father.
They had slept through most of the day back at the Dragon's Den, or more accurately, Draco had. Lucius was one of those rare wizards who never seemed to need more than three or four hours of sleep and spent the rest of the night in a restless scheming and pacing.
As they walked the last steps up to the front door in the biting wind, Draco closed his eyes for half a second to brace himself for the waiting scenario.
When he had woken up at the Inn, this profane existence had seemed so distant and elusive, as if it was vanishing smoke from a fire recently put out. His father had been reading by his side, holding a book elegantly with one hand and resting his other hand at Draco's head.
Draco had been pretending to sleep for a while, just to savour the pleasure. But the hand wasn't touching him in a loving way. It wasn't even protective. The word for it was rather possessive.
And once Lucius had noticed he was awake, Draco had been ordered to get ready to leave. Not a lot of words had passed between them since.
But there was no need for it.
Draco felt as if an invisible cord leapt between them, providing both with a better understanding for the other.

The front door burst open so suddenly, that Draco involuntarily blinked and took a step back.
"Where, by Merlin's grave, have you been!"
Narcissa stood on the doorstep with fiercely glimmering eyes, looking more offended than concerned. All the guests were assembled behind her and seemed to gorge at the scene for all they were worth. This was the annual gossip, no doubt, and they obviously wanted to make sure not to miss one single detail.
Draco averted his eyes quickly and waited for his father to answer.
"It was as I suspected." Lucius replied, seemingly detached from the excitement around him. "Dumbledore's followers tried to kidnap him for blackmailing reasons, but unfortunately for them, Draco is still a Malfoy and handled the situation quite well on his own. Nevertheless, I arrived at the last moment."
There was a second of silence as the small crowd seemed to ponder what had been said and they were obviously far from satisfied in the matter.
Draco nodded to confirm what Lucius had just said and he was careful not to look at his mother. His cheeks were getting hot and he wanted nothing more than the solitude of his own room.
"You need to rest now, Draco. Go up to your room."
"Yes, father."
The command could not have been more needed and Draco was halfway to the stairs when Narcissa's demanding voice rang out behind him.
"Draco Malfoy!"
Draco stopped short and turned around slowly, tilting his head a little to the side to look more innocent and devoted.
"Yes, mother?"
Narcissa folded her arms.
"You are still wearing your outer robes."
Damn it! Why did she have to notice? The knitted scarf was hiding the scandalous mark so well!
"Yes, mother. I'm very cold. I'll take it off upstairs."
"Now, Draco!"
Draco reached for the clasps on his robe and realised the game was over.
"Let him keep the robes." Lucius said, with an authority that could not be questioned. "Draco, I told you to go to your room."
"Yes, father."
Draco headed for the stairs again, grateful for the quick intervention. But one look behind his back revealed a number of things.
His mother's gaze gave her true feelings away, even though she wore her polite smile as usual. Lucius had spoken against her in front of the guests and that was not to be easily forgiven. The other thing was a lurking suspicion in her delicate features. She had not bought the story at all. But what she was really thinking, Draco could only guess.
But he could not care less at the moment. He truly needed to be alone and as soon as he had his privacy, he dived down beneath the soft, thick covers in his oversized bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

A soft hand was stroking his forehead. Draco could not stop a content smile from spreading across his face. So his father had come to wake him up for dinner…
Draco reached for the hand and placed his fingertips against the soft, smooth skin. It seemed, in fact, to be just a little too smooth and…small.
Draco's eyes flew open.
"Pansy!"
Pansy drew her hand back as he sat up briskly, but she still smiled at his reaction. That was, until she saw the mark shine at her with renewed intensity.
Draco sighed as her affectionate gaze turned to stone.
"What are you doing in here? This is my private bedroom!" He snarled at her.
Pansy answered with a voice colder than death.
"I have some things to do." She said, never taking her eyes of Draco´s throat. "And before I leave, is there something you would like to tell me?"
Draco reflected for a second.
"No."
"Fine, then. Perfect."
Pansy rose from the chair and strode out of the room with the grace of an angered queen. Draco watched her leave and leaned back against the pillows again before it hit him.
She might have figured it all out!
What if she suspected that Lucius had been involved and was going for him next? Well, that would be her loss, but even worse, what if she ran straight to his mother with the news?
Draco flew out of bed and started to dress with the speed of a restless snitch. All sorts of horrible scenarios were passing before his inner eye, but the worst thing all was a burning, gnawing guilt in his stomach that seemed to increase by the minute.
The first thing he attended to was hiding the mark, though.
So, the robes were on and he was ready to rush after her, but what was he supposed to do once he caught up with her?
It was out of the question to beg, Malfoys did not do that, and judging by the look in Pansy's face, he had better to come up with something really inventive to calm her.
No matter. He had to do it. The threatening disaster was too vast to be allowed to strike.

He found her within moments, on her way into her room.
Characteristically, she closed the door behind her, just before he could enter. A few angry knocks brought her to the door and a cold, perfect mask of politeness became visible as the door opened only a few inches.
"Yes, Draco?"
"We need to talk." He pressed out, fighting to keep his impatience in check.
"Oh?" She heightened an eyebrow in mild, faked surprise. "I thought you just decided that we did not need to talk."
Draco sighed.
"Can I come in?"
She seemed to ponder this, just long enough to anger the living daylights out of him.
"Sure." She said finally and the door was fully opened.
Draco stepped in and the majority of his energy reserves were put on restraining his temper. Whose house did she think this was?
Pansy simply sank down in an armchair by the window and picked up a quill and a parchment that looked too much like an unfinished letter.
"Who are you writing to?" Draco asked, full of suspicion.
"Does it matter? Just a…friend."
She was deliberately mysterious and he hated her for it!
"We can't continue playing games." He said. "You need to put this into perspective. Our parents are well acquainted with each other and we have two more years in school together. You need to accept that I make my own choices and move on."
Pansy was on her feet with flaming eyes within seconds.
"How DARE you come in here an lecture me!"
"Do you know what is going on, Pansy?"
"I know enough! You make out with someone in this house, probably Rowan, since your father took you to a whorehouse when your sweet little slut hit the floor!"
A whorehouse? Why had he not thought of this himself?
"If you hope to win me back, you will never have me with those methods." Draco said in a low voice, trying to play on his well-trained charm.
Pansy frowned at this and took a step towards him, so that her eyes were frightening close to his own.
"Win you back, Draco?" She whispered back, letting an edge of mockery slip into her voice. "How you flatter yourself. Haven't you guessed? I do not want you back after the way you tried to humiliate me in front of the entire table. No. I want to destroy you. Now, get out."
Draco was in a shock, but he hid it well by letting a cold, contemptuous smirk meet her.
"You are in my house." He said, with a pleasant voice.
"Stay then." She snapped and returned to the chair. She picked up the quill and the letter without looking at him. "Just be sure not to disturb me while I'm writing."
Draco watched her for only a few seconds before he left the room. After all, his worst fear was dismissed. Pansy had declared war, but still she seemed to lack the imagination to dream up the truth. And if she wanted a battle, she was on his ground anyway. He only wished he could have had peace to solve everything going on within his own family.
He could not quite shake off the unpleasant fear of his mother finding out and the growing guilt was even more disturbing.

As he put on his best face to attend dinner, the feeling increased.
It was as if he really saw his mother for the first time, playing the perfect hostess and struggling to preserve a smooth balance between all the present, regardless of what she might think or feel.
He could not look at his father during the entire dinner and as he was finally allowed to leave the table, he kept his schoolmates entertained the rest of the evening with a perfect act that he could practically play in his sleep.
When it was finally time to go to bed, he snuck down the stairs to the library and fetched the family album. As he returned to his bedroom, Draco became aware of the heavy ache in his stomach.
What was this? He was not supposed to have a conscience, now was he?
With a heavy sigh he sat down on his bed and started to flip the pages. Naturally, all photographs were carefully arranged and a perceptive eye was needed to interpret the dignified faces looking back at you.
The first page was open.
A wedding picture of his parents. Both were smirking, but serious. Lucius held his hand on Narcissa's shoulder, like the perfect, protective husband.
Draco turned the page quickly.
Now there was a scene from right after Draco was born. Lucius stood in the middle of an admiring crowd of younger Notts and Parkinsons with the newborn Draco resting in his arms. Draco knew this picture had been published in the gossip magazine The Quibbler as well, with a headline saying The heir of the Malfoy fortune! on the first page. Lucius was looking down at the infant with a triumphant smile and Mr Nott's arm was reaching out to touch Draco's hand again and again, as the movements in the picture were forever caught in a timeloop. Again, Lucius was posing as the perfect father of the family. But Draco wanted to see more in the smile he received in the picture. Maybe it was not just for show. Maybe Lucius was truly as proud as he looked.
Another page was flipped.
Narcissa was holding him, sitting on a chair with a motherly, loving expression as she gazed down at the child in her lap. Draco was about one year old, smiling at her with a toothless grin as he reached for her face with a tiny hand.
The pain in his stomach increased.
Time to turn the page.
Now there was a family photo of all three. Draco was five years old here, doing his best to imitate his father's posture and superiority towards the photographer. Lucius was looking straight into the camera as well, but Narcissa's head was turned to Lucius. She had the devoted face of a woman truly in love.
The album was slammed shut.
He did not want to see anymore of it!
He crept under the covers quickly and tried to sleep, but every time he shut his eyes, the picture of the little Draco and the loving Narcissa appeared in front of him. She might not show her feelings openly to him anymore, as she now belonged to the Malfoy family, but the fact that she might still love him as much he had never reflected upon until now.
What if he wasn't as alone at home as his father wanted him to think?
He tossed and turned for hours and when sleep finally came, it was only because he imagined Lucius arm around him, just as it had been last night.

The house elf woke him up at seven the next morning. It was custom at Christmas Eve to attend breakfast in finer robes than usual and Draco went to work with his appearance at once.
One hour later he was perfect.
The mark on his throat was carefully covered up with the special vial he had and he posed before the mirror for a few seconds, content with the result. He was definitely dressed to kill and he hoped that the mere sight of him would bring Pansy to tears of regret.
And the other side of it was, he wanted to look his best in front of his father. Draco's reflection revealed how his face shifted into a slightly paler colour. No matter how he tried, he could not get rid of that sickening weight in his stomach. What was going to happen now was way above his head. It was one thing trying to master the changing relationship between him and his father, but it was an entirely different and more sinister task trying to handle it in front of the third pillar of the family, Narcissa.
Well, he had to do it and especially tomorrow night. Every year at Christmas Day, the Malfoy manor became host to a Yule ball, where all influent purebloods gathered as a reassurance of their importance.
And Merlin help him if he screwed it up.

Breakfast seemed to run smoothly in a way it had not been doing for days. Everybody played along perfectly in the usual game of shallow politeness and false mutual friendship.
Every now and then Lucius threw him a quick glance and Draco could tell the attention he received had turned into something a lot more predatory. Not that anybody else would notice, of course.
And his mother showed no hint of discomfort, which Draco hoped meant that she had not understood.
After breakfast, Draco made sure to take the younger guests out of the house, so that he would not be reminded of his inner conflict. His desperate need to rinse his head of all thoughts on the back of his horse led them to the stables and soon they were all out for a ride in the beautiful surroundings of the Manor, leaving clouds of glittering snow behind them as they competed through the winter landscape.
This was exactly what he needed!
He raced them all to an old medieval castle ruin on the edge of the Malfoy domains and naturally he won. His horse was one of those Arabian thoroughbreds, a black, perfectly shaped creature that moved like a bolt of lightning across practically any terrain. Since it was a Wizard's horse, it could also run shorter distances over lake surfaces.
As the last competitors reached the ruin, Draco had already commanded his horse into trotting alongside its walls with Edwin for company. Their horses strode in perfect discipline beside each other as a tensed silence introduced Edwin's question.
"Are you going with Pansy to the ball tomorrow?"
Draco frowned slightly and fought to sound neutral.
"Why do you ask?"
Edwin hesitated a second.
"I merely thought that if you would not…" Edwin began.
"I will." Draco cut him off. "We always go and we will this year too."
"Of course."
Draco glanced at Edwin, who rode so politely beside him. He could have handed Pansy over to Nott, he would have been more than willing to. But after all, she had declared war on his territory and it was time to meet the provocation as it suited a Malfoy.
Without mercy.

As a starry night sky spread out above the manor, everybody had retreated to the largest living room, where house elves almost collided with each other to serve the Lepricorn Liqueur and the Faerie-made Absinthe quick enough for the waiting guests. Most of the adults had gathered around the great fireplace, sipping from their exquisite crystal glasses while participating in a lively discussion. Everybody was in high spirits, including the youngsters who had placed themselves at the gaming board.
Edwin was just about to beat Millicent at wizard chess as Draco heard Narcissa stating to the guests that she would get the photo albums from the library. Draco rose from his chair in the middle of a staged friendly chat with Pansy, almost on instinct, and headed for the library door to catch up with Narcissa.
"I'll help you, mother." Draco declared, smiling in a way he knew would enthrall the gathered parents.
He even intercepted her to reach the doors quicker, only to hold them up for her. His mother smiled warmly at him a she walked through, followed by several 'aaww's from the couches and armchairs. But Draco felt a curious and suspicious gaze upon him from Lucius before he entered the library and shut the door.
Finally, he was alone with his mother.
"It's these ones I need, Draco." Narcissa declared and pointed towards the newer family albums.
Draco nodded and piled the expensive leather albums up in his arms while desperately trying to think of something to say. Then the words just came.
"I looked in one of these last night, mother."
He glanced at her and she heightened an eyebrow elegantly.
"Did you?"
"Yes."
Then there was only silence and Draco tried to fill it up once more.
"It was the one with the wedding pictures of you and father and…the first photos taken in my early childhood."
"Oh."
Draco waited for her to say something, to ask him why he had been looking at them, anything! But she was silent, seemingly brooding over something. Then she simply opened the door for him and they were back in publicity again.
Draco was instructed to hand the albums out to the guests, but before he could return to his seat, Narcissa laid her arm over his shoulders and led them to stand by Mr Nott's chair.
"Come here, Draco. I want to show you something." She smiled.
She was suddenly beaming with warm affection for him and Draco felt himself open up for it, starved of those rare emotions as he was.
Mr Nott had been given the album specially designed to contain the short history of Draco and as he opened it, Narcissa commented the pictures loud enough to engage the rest in the exhibition.
"Look here, Draco! It was right after you had taken your first steps. We were so proud of you and the next day we bought you your first Baby Broomstick as a reward."
If the guests were bored by the lecture, they sure hid it tremendously with eyes glazed by drinks and something resembling the Christmas spirit.
Draco smiled slightly, but inside he jumped around with relief. So this was all it took to have his mother showering him with maternal love and comfirmation!
The strange spell he was under concerning his father seemed paler and less real all of a sudden. Maybe this was exactly the thing Lucius had not wanted him to discover, in order to have it his way!
Narcissa kept on explaining the circumstances around another photograph, but Draco was barely listening.
Could everything with his father have been a mere game, including the confirmations, the hot kisses and…the other activities? But the feelings between them had felt so real and Draco still needed them more than breathing.
But somehow, Narcissa's tender act supplied him with fresh air to breathe and the desperate dependence on Lucius faded by the minute.
Lucius seemed all too oblivious to the album about Draco anyway and sat still with a displeased sneer on his face, flipping the pages of another album as a gesture of boredom.
For a moment Draco could not understand why. And then he realised that he might see his father for what he really was for the very first time, as well as his mother!
The experience was overwhelming. Even though he felt dizzy from the overload of revelations, he kept a perfect smile up for all the guests. The conflict inside was suddenly too vast to control and there was only one thing to do now, before the family shattered like a fragile glass frame against the stone floor.

As soon as the adults broke up for the evening after hours of too many drinks, Draco waited a few minutes before sneaking away in the direction Narcissa had disappeared. He had spent the late hours in a fierce chess battle with Edwin and as they were sent to bed, the game was still unfinished. But Draco could not care less about it.
He needed to tell her. Or at least to give her a hint about how much she mattered to him. For all he knew, she was the only person he could trust right now and that little grain of conscience he had found inside was making alarming noises.
He just could not go through with this thing with Lucius, not after tonight when his mother had given over all affection so freely and unconditionally.
But then again, he loved his father. He loved Lucius so much it almost killed him to abandon their secret.
But there was no choice.
He could not continue to receive his mother's love while having an affair with her husband under the very same roof. She would find out sooner or later and it was not worth the disastrous consequences it would have for the family!
Narcissa had followed the hallway to the right, which meant that she was heading to the empty guestrooms. If Draco knew her right, she was probably making sure that perfection ruled the area for the arrival of the new guests tomorrow.
Draco rounded the corner just in time to see her slip through the doorway of a room that had not been used for nearly a year and close the door. He was almost at the doorstep of that room and curled his fist to knock when he heard a voice from the other side of the door, clearly not belonging to his mother.
"That was quick, I must say."
Draco froze and moved to press his back against the wall beside the door. It was on pure instinct, since he was both trained in and used to eavesdropping.
Draco heard his mother reply to the male voice, probably belonging to Mr Nott.
"I couldn't leave the room fast enough!"
"Well, then." The presumed Mr Nott replied. "I still hope you were careful not to be seen."
"As if it would matter."Narcissa said, with a cynical edge that Draco did not like at all. "Lucius would not care even if I jumped from the roof and broke my neck and concerning Draco, I hope he does."
Draco's heart almost stopped. The frost started to creep up his veins and suddenly he was freezing cold. He must have heard wrong. But listening hard revealed only silence. Small noises were coming from the room. Were they…kissing?
Then the male voice resumed the conversation, sounding too amused to match the subject.
"It was quite a performance with the albums."
They laughed quietly together. Then Narcissa dissimulated her voice to sound exactly like the perfect hostess, the voice Draco was so familiar with.
"And this is Draco taking his first steps…" Her cynical voice returned quickly. "Merlin, I can't stand him! I never could. He's a spitting image of his father. All Malfoy and no Black. Unbearable.If Lucius had not been watching over him like a hawk all the time, I would have drowned him as a child."
The last part of the sentence sounded very seductive and as the kissing noises returned, followed by a few moans from his mother, Draco felt a weight in his stomach that made him unable to move from the spot.
Draco stood paralyzed outside that door not knowing what to do. His world was in shards and trying to walk in any direction seemed pointless. His life seemed pointless.
It was like having a nightmare wide awake, as if all the worst fears and demons inside had taken shape and manifested into his mother an her lover.
There was a sound further down the hallway and Draco realised that his father was approaching him with soundless steps, only to lean his back against the wall opposite to Draco and fix him with a sharp, reproaching gaze.
Draco returned the stare. If Lucius was going to dump him as well, telling him what a pain in the ass he was, at least he was going to face him as he said it, even if it would destroy him.
But none of them had the chance to communicate before the voices in the room started the conversation again.
"I take it you will not bother with dragging your son along then if you leave with me?" Mr Nott asked rhetorically.
"It takes a Malfoy to put up with one and I am certainly more than fed up with them both."Narcissa purred. "I have not even shared the same bed as my husband since I had Draco. At least we do agree perfectly on that matter."
Draco scanned his father's face for any reaction.
But Lucius kept looking at him in silence, merely arching an eyebrow at the statement and he did not look the slightest surprised.
There was no need for any 'what did I tell you?' The silence between them spoke loud enough.
Draco sighed quietly and felt how the bitterness practically beamed from him. He made no effort to hide it.
Lucius answered it with a hint of a smirk, even though his eyes were still as serious as before. Then he glanced to the left quickly, meaning that it was time to leave. Draco shrugged slightly and Lucius took his hand and made him follow.
Within moments they were out of the depressing area and walked through the large empty rooms of the manor.
Draco still held his father's hand. Lucius had not let go and Draco was in no mood to break the contact. But the bitter taste would not quite give away.
"Why did you not walk in and destroyed them?" Draco whispered.
"Frankly, I do not mind enough to bother with the consequences." Lucius replied with the same low voice. "And secondly, it suits us perfectly tonight, having her attention diverted."
"I hate this house." Draco whispered back. It was with pure sincerity and Lucius stopped to throw him a stern glare as they stood by the foot of the stairs leading up.
"No, you don't. Our ancestors had this mansion built a long time ago and it is the base for the Malfoy empire. I will not hear such a thing from you again."
Draco did not answer and as they reached the second floor, he realised that they were heading for his father's office.
They had almost reached their destination when Lucius grabbed Draco and pressed him up roughly against the wall. Their mouths met in a harsh play and Draco winded his arms and legs around his father's body, experiencing a strong rush as he was pinned between the hard wall and the warm body pressing against him. Several of the portraits in the hallway made small shocking comments and gasps, but Lucius did not release his mouth until he seemed to be on the brink of devouring him.
Then he smirked at Draco's willing response and ran his fingers through the younger Malfoy's hair.
"Such an heir I have made." Lucius whispered and Draco could swear there was real pride in his voice. "It is nearly midnight. Are you ready to receive your gift, Draco?"
"Yes, father." Draco replied without hesitation. "Anytime."
Lucius held his chin for a moment and turned serious.
"Then you agree to a sort of deal as well. You will admit to me having solely access to this part of your privacy. Any…infidelity…to this agreement will be seen as breaking a contract and it will upset me deeply."
The tone rang with warning but Draco was not afraid. After all, this claiming was what he so desperately needed.
"I understand, father. There is no need to delay this further, is it?"
At this, Lucius let him down and grabbed both his wrists with a sly, hungry smile.
"No Draco, there really isn't."