IV

Once again with tons of butter the ring came off. "GAHH!" screamed Gandalf. "I think I'm going to commit suicide!" "Well I don't know!" shouted Frodo. "You're twenty-three, Frodo," said Sam "you don't know?" Frodo shook his head vigorously. Gandalf sobbed. Frodo looked at him and offered his crusty sleeve. Gandalf looked at it with disgust. Then he looked at Frodo's stupid grinning face. He sobbed once more.

"I hate you," said Gandalf. "I really do." "You're welcome!" screamed Frodo. Gandalf got up and broke into Bilbo's liquor cabinet. "Mmmmm… Ah! Fifty years ago, that'll do." He popped the cork and drank the entire bottle. He threw it at Frodo who stuck out his head and tried to break it, which worked. Frodo's ears were bleeding when he sat back in his chair.

Sam belched loudly and went to his house. "Well, I'm gonna go to s-sleep!" slurred Gandalf. Frodo fell out of his chair and slept on the wood floor. As Gandalf went by he kicked Frodo in the face.

………………………………………………………………………………………

The following morning everyone met and talked. Sam had gotten raped going home and had an STD. Frodo got a splinter in an uncomfortable area. You'd think Gandalf had a hangover, but wizards have no after-effects after drinking an entire bottle of liquor. "Hello Sam!" said Gandalf cheerfully. He had woken up feeling very fresh. "Ehhh…" groaned Sam painfully.

"What's wrong?"

"Got…eh… raped."

"By what!"

"Ehh… a… girl…"

"I find that extremely unlikely."

"I know."

Gandalf turned away from Sam who was groaning in pain, and looked at Frodo. "Hello."

Frodo's face had healed from everything the wizard had abused it with. Frodo tried to scowl, but the wizard once again laughed at his twisted face. "Pff… you look like a retard." he said even more happily.

"You're mean."

"I know."

"You do!"

"Of course."

"Jiminy! I don't even know!"

"You're stupid."

"Wow! You read my entire life's meaning!"

Gandalf laughed cruelly. "I like to see you suffer." With that he kicked Frodo in the balls, or where they were supposed to be. Frodo didn't even flinch; he looked at Gandalf and said. "That didn't hurt!" "Gee I wonder why," said Gandalf sarcastically. Frodo put on the ring and vanished. "Damn it Frodo! I beat the shit out of you when you put that thing on!"