Chapter 12

Monica searched everywhere and anywhere for her little girl, but to no avail and every second she spent looking for her brought her hopes further and further down. She went back to the zoo, back to the house, up and down every street or side street she could find and lastly, she made her way to the park. But still no Eliza. Monica forced herself not to lose hope, or even more importantly, her faith, but it was becoming harder and harder every minute she went without holding her daughter in her arms. She couldn't lose her too. She just couldn't. It was too much to lose in one day. She had just gotten Eliza back and she wasn't about to lose her again.

But eventually sundown snuck up on her like a tiger on its prey, and Monica was still searching every square inch of the park, becoming more discouraged every moment of it. Finally, she surrendered to the slowly dying sunset and plopped herself down on a park bench. But as she sat and watched the red-orange sun slowly sinking beyond the horizon, turning the heavens miraculous shades of pink and purple, it brought no joy to the little, Irish angel. She felt as if she last everything that was important to her and the descending sun only reminded her of the way Andrew had looked at her before he died. That one last glimpse of love and affection before the light went out. The glimpse that told her nothing but 'I love you' and 'goodbye my sweet one'.

Reaching up, Monica covered her mouth with one hand just to stop from screaming out in agony as she began to feel the threat of tears in her throat again. She swore to herself that she wouldn't let herself cry again, for if she did, she was afraid she might never stop. But as she sat there, all she could think about was Andrew and Eliza and it was only seconds before the threat of tears became reality and rivers of salt water began to pour over her angelic features once again as she cried alone on the bench. And these tears only flowed faster when she came to the conclusion that she was half expecting Andrew to come and sit next to her and hold her and comfort her while she cried. But he wasn't going to come. Not now. Not ever.

Then, as she sat there resting her forehead in her hand, she was suddenly aware of a second presence next to her. She knew who it was and what he was trying to do, but she didn't need this right now. "Raphael, please, just leave me alone." She ordered in a voice quiet and barely audible as she lowered her hand, but failed to look up at her fellow angel. Raphael was in a sort of crisis intervention department of the Special Forces and it wasn't unusual for him to show up at a time like this. This wouldn't be the first time he had appeared on a bench next to her to try and convince her the world was good, but right now, with the mood she was in, she hoped it might be the last.

But Raphael didn't leave. In fact he didn't even move from where he sat beside her. He simply opened his mouth and spoke the words he was being instructed to say and he knew were true. "Monica, you've seen this sort of thing many times in your years as a caseworker, and look at how many people you've helped who were suffering in the same ways you are. And what did you say to them? God loves you. And it's true. You should know that better than anyone. And he's not the only one who loves you. Do you remember the promise you made to Andrew?" He ventured carefully, all the while knowing he was striking a very sensitive cord in Monica's heart. She listened to her coworker very carefully while he spoke and yes, she did remember. But the very thought of it was just too much to bear thinking about right now and she felt it her obligation to make Raphael understand what she was feeling.

"Raphael, don't." She began with such pain and distress in her choked voice that it tugged at the very strings of her associate's heart while she spoke. "You don't know. I've lost everything. My best friend died this afternoon and I will never see my daughter again. For heaven's sake, Raphael! I've never felt more alone throughout my entire existence! I don't want to go on like this!" She exclaimed through the throbbing tears that blinded her and swelled in her throat. She was vaguely aware that she was yelling, but she couldn't help it. Around noon just yesterday she had been sitting at the kitchen table with both Andrew and Eliza, discussing the life they had ahead together. But now none of that mattered, as that dream had been torn away from her just hours ago. Everything had changed for her in mere seconds just because a gun went off twice.

But Raphael wouldn't sit quietly and listen to this. He wouldn't let her think like that. He couldn't. "Monica, you know better than that. Everything is not lost and somewhere deep inside you know it. You know where Eliza is." He called this upon her and if she hadn't been so upset she would've laughed out loud. He was right. She knew perfectly well where her daughter was, and that was why she was so sure she would never see her again. "Oh, I know where she is." She obliged with a nod as she cried, staring out at the ever-darkening sky, where you could just start to see the stars coming out. "She's gone." She managed to choke out the last part as if it were the most painful part to say. But Raphael only shook his head in protest as she still avoided his gaze surprisingly well.

"She is gone, but not lost." He reminded her sternly as he attempted to reinforce some sense into the broken angel. And then, when she said nothing in reply, he realized he must have been getting through to her. So he pressed on. "Fight for her Monica. Don't give up so easily. You're strong. You can get her back." He assured her confidently and, again, she didn't respond so again, Raphael went on to continue in another note. "And as for Andrew, the Father says you very well may see him again someday. But for now, he must rest in the arms of the Lord our God. So don't think about what's past. Think about the present. Think about your daughter. Go fight for her. That's what Andrew would've wanted you to do isn't it?" And again, Raphael knew the cord he was striking was sensitive, but it was the cord Monica needed to be stricken on.

Without another word, Raphael knew he had done his job, as Monica said not another word. It was clear that she was deeply thinking about what he said and that meant his duty was finished. And with nothing more than one, final, encouraging pat on Monica's shoulder, Raphael stood to leave. Now Monica finally glanced up and watched him go. It was true she was thinking about what he said and after some serious consideration, she realized he was right. If Andrew were here, he would've told her to go and find Eliza. And that was when Monica lifted her eyes to the heavens once again and realized the sun had completely disappeared now and as she stared up at the twinkling stars, her memory suddenly reeled back to something Andrew had once told her a few years ago on a night just like this. His gentle voice echoed in her memory so vividly that it almost seemed as though he were right here with her. "That's the thing about life. Sometimes it gets dark, but whenever that happens, you just have to remember, the stars will always come out."