XI

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Notice: Hello. After a long time of not updating I figure I will.

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Frodo and company

The hobbits snuck around in the woods and crept up to the door. After three flying men try to kill you it can kinda mess with your mind. "Dude, we should go in there," said Merry. He pointed to a door with arrows sticking out of it. Frodo looked at him like he was the weirdest guy in Middle Earth.

"What I mean is," continued Merry "That this is Bree and that we should go in there dude."

"O!" agreed everyone else. They all ran up to the door and pounded and banged on it.

"KNOCK-KNOCKK! WHO'S THERE? UM! RIBBIT! AH, UH… RIBBIT WHO? RIBBIT DOWN BOYS!" screamed Pippin retardedly. After Sam told Pippin all about knock-knock jokes they did what they were bid. The hobbits ripped the door down.

"Hey! Stop!" shouted a man from inside. They all stopped abruptly. "Okay come in!" The hobbits looked at each other and went inside. They ran to a pub called the Prancing Pony.

"Dude, is Gandalf here?" asked Merry to the manager.

"Like, who, man?"

"Gan-dalf."

"O, like, the geezer."

"Yeah."

"I haven't seen him since, like, an hour ago."

"O…" said the four hobbits. They went and bought drugs from cheap vendors. After a while Merry got up and wanted more drugs, but didn't have the money. Then he got a mischievous expression painted across his face.

"Got some shrooms here!" Shrooms! Shrooms for sale!" cried Merry.

"What are shrooms?" asked a man in a corner.

"Delectable, bite-sized, and full of protein. Dude, I don't know, I just found them growing on my foot."

The men scrambled for the new drugs except the guy in the corner. Merry bought a pint of something and drank it all. Pippin got pissed and ran to buy a pint himself.

Later Frodo heard Pippin say "Sure I know a Baggins, Frodo Baggins. He's a friggin' cousin 45 times removed on my mother's side… No don't touch me there! GAH!" Frodo ran as fast as his fat body would allow, wasn't very fast.

"Pippin!" shouted Frodo

"Whoa, steady on now!"

Frodo knocked into Pippin and, being the wuss he is, fell to the ground screaming. His ring flew into the air and fell, miraculously, on Frodo's finger. He vanished. The men sexually harassing Pippin stopped licking him and gasped with horror as the saw Frodo disappear.

"Cool." said the dude in the corner.

Frodo reappeared by a table after doing the impossible; pull the Ring off without using anything. The guy in the corner grabbed him and threw him up into his room. Meanwhile outside four fat guys cloaked in black rode black horses through the town looking for the Ring.

The guy who was in the corner asked "Why are you here Frodo?"

Frodo said "Well it was in the story so I had to, Aragorn… you didn't have to throw me into the wall."

"Fuck you. Gandalf never even asked you to come here."

"Bu-!" The slamming of the door and Sam screaming at Aragorn interrupted Frodo. Aragorn explained to Sam, Merry, and Pippin that they didn't have to do this scene.

"Ohhhh…" said the hobbits.

CUT TO SCENE IN RIVENDEL!

"Ehhh…" said Frodo. "Who the hell are you!" A guy with a long beard looked at Frodo.

"I don't know what time it is, but I do know that it will be October in about five months," said the weird guy.

"We couldn't get Gandalf to tell you what time it was so we got him." Elrond gestured at the old fart in the corner mumbling to himself. Frodo nodded. "Don't do that weird anime crap. Nodding and making weird noises of understanding." said Elrond angrily.

"Okay."

"Well anyway, you need to go see the counsel and take the Ring to Mordor and whatever." Elrond walked down the stairs and smoked some weed. Frodo's eyes grew, really, with a passion of … gayness."

Bilbo ran to the room and made that weird-demon-Satan-monkey-look and tried to steal the Ring from Frodo. He then whimpered and ran off. The old guy got up with a fart and stepped out with a wink at Frodo. Frodo dressed in very nice Elven clothes that didn't even fit, he was too fat.

The counsel began and Gandalf showed up. The Saxons crushed his entire empire. The hobbits going on a mission to create Christianity worldwide failed. The hobbits trying to capture Frodo and his companions turned out that they actually didn't know what the hell they were doing and were eaten by Cavemen when asking for directions.

The old fart posing as Gandalf talked to Gandalf.

"How are you?" asked Gandalf.

"Peachy." said the guy

"Great, I'll stop by for dinner sometime."

"Alright. See you later Gandalf."

"See you Merlin."

Merlin got on his horse and rode off. Gandalf then resumed the Counsel, which started out at the argue part. Everyone got up from eating and talking merrily and began to shout and debate over the Ring.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor." finally Frodo said. With that he hopped off his seat and pulled on the Ring. He obviously disappeared. He did mischievous stuff all over the place. Cutting Gimli's beard, annoying Gimli, spitting in everyone's food, sleeping in hot elvish girl's beds, cutting Gimli's nose hairs, and annoying chickens.

After being kicked in the shin by a mysterious force, Gimli grabbed something invisible and started beating the figure repeatedly. Days of abuse from an entity can make you rather pissed.

Gimli screamed with rage as he saw blood spurt out of the figure and hit him harder and harder. He knew it was not an entity, but Frodo! Soon the figure of Frodo could be seen through the layer of blood covering him.

Elrond and Gandalf wrestled the form with a lubricant to slide the ring off. TO BE CONTINUED WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY LATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!