Disclaimer: Not mine… how sad is that?

It's Another Turn on the Roller Coaster of Weird

Location Unknown

Wally stretched and sat up in bed. The clock on the table beside him said he'd only been asleep for about half an hour. That was odd, because he usually slept at least three. He reached up to his comm. link to contact J'onn. It wasn't in his ear and his mask was missing. In fact his entire uniform was missing.

He got out of bed and realized he wasn't on the Watchtower at all. He looked around the room. At least he knew where he was. J'onn must have had Supes or somebody drop him off at his apartment, which would also explain the clock. Rubbing his stomach, Wally walked out of his room...

… and received the shock of his life. There standing in the middle of the living room was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had waist length black hair, a pale complexion and the oddest amber eyes.

"Hi. Let me guess, you heard there was a hot guy living here…"

"So you're the Flash?" she interrupted. The once over she gave him was enough to leave him feeling a little hot under the collar. "You aren't what I expected."

"Do I know you?" Wally asked, having a sudden attack of déjà vu.

"We've met before."

"If we've met before then how come I'm not what you expected?"

"Because we met inside the speed force and I am fairly certain you were wearing a mask."

"Oh, dang… the mask. Bats is gonna kill me. You know who I am. This can not be good."

"I hardly see how it does considering I've known who you were since you obtained your power."

"This conversation is making no sense."

"It isn't supposed to," she said morphing into a variation of himself.

Wally blinked. Then blinked again. And again. And every time he blinked another version of him appeared. He finally caught on and stopped. There were fifteen variations of himself standing in the living room.

"Okay, I am so finding out what in the world J'onn gave me."

"Don't," one of the Flashes said. He was about eighteen in age and dressed in a pair of jeans and a yellow t-shirt. "He'll make us go away."

"Die," groaned a dead Flash in a black uniform.

Wally dashed to the other side of the room. "Somebody get that thing away from me!"

Shayera came in from the kitchen. "Wally, what's wrong?"

"Can't you see them?" he screeched hysterically.

"See who? There's no one here but you and me," she said calmly.

"The other 'mes'. There over there in a black Flash uniform is a dead me. And there is one over there in a blue uniform just bouncing in place. And in that corner is an all huddled up me in black. CAN'T YOU SEE THEM?"

Shayera looked at him like he was crazy. "Watchtower, this is Hawkgirl. We need some assistance at Flash's apartment. Can you send Superman or Batman, immediately?"

"Since when do you go by Hawkgirl again?"

"I've always gone by Hawkgirl. You know that."

"Shayera…"

"How do you know my name?"

Wally rolled his eyes and shoved a version of himself, this time dressed in a purple uniform, away. "You dropped your code name after the Thanagarian invasion, remember?"

She gave him a funny look. "Thanagar has been gone for almost ten years, Wally. I was a refugee sent here by my parents."

"No you were a spy sent by the Thanagarian army to discover our weaknesses and exploit them. When they attacked you gave us information on how to stop them. You were branded a traitor. You only recently rejoined the League."

"You're wrong, you know," the Wally in the blue t-shirt said.

"Shut up, you," Wally replied.

"I didn't say anything," Shayera said.

"Not you, one of the other Wallys is being stupid."

"I'm sad," the blue shirted Wally said. "Stupid is the Flash in purple."

"What?"

"Wally, I'm going up to the roof to wait for Superman or Batman."

"Fine, but tell Clark to use his x-ray vision before coming down. He'll tell you I'm not crazy."

"Who's Clark?"

"Ummm… Superman. You know reporter by day, superhero by night. No, wait that's Bruce. Never mind."

"And Bruce is…"

"Batman."

"Okay. I'm leaving now."

"Whatever." Wally watched her go, then turned back to the other hims running around. "Okay somebody explain."

"We can't; you have to figure it out yourself," the Wally in the white t-shirt said.

"He's too stupid to figure it out," the Flash in the yellow uniform said.

"Yeah well you're a Justice Lord," Wally shot back.

"And you have the potential to be one, so I'd watch what I say."

"I'll never be a Justice Lord! Do you hear me? Never!"

"What was that Wally?" Superman asked, coming into the room.

Wally dashed over to him. "Come on Clark. Tell Shayera that you can see them. Please?"

"There's no one in here but the four of us," he replied gesturing to Shayera and Batman behind him.

"There are fifteen other versions of me in this room. They are all wearing weird clothing and…"

"Wally, there is no one else in here," Batman said, cutting off his rant.

"Shut up, Bruce."

The three of them exchanged a look. "See, he never should have been sent here."

"John said the Watchtower wasn't congruent to his recovery. He was still comatose when we moved him," Batman replied.

"Ummm… I was not. I talked with all three of you not two hours ago in the mess hall."

"Wally, you've been in a coma for almost two months."

"I was on a mission with Black Canary and Green Arrow earlier this morning. Vandal Savage let a dragon loose in Death Valley. Ask them, Black Canary got hurt."

Again the three exchanged looks. "Okay we are taking you back to the Watchtower."

"Fine by me. Just make sure they stay here," he said gesturing to the "Others" as he walked out of the room.

"Here, try this one on," Shayera said, flipping the dress through the partially opened door.

"Where in Man's World did you find these? I am positive that this is not a dress. In fact it barely passes for half a dress!" Diana exclaimed.

"I don't know. That one definitely draws attention to your…attributes," Shayera said, chuckling.

"I don't want it to draw attention to my… attributes. I want it to…" she stopped. "Okay I want it to draw attention to my attributes, but in a more subtle way."

"You are harder to shop with than Dinah, you know that? And she usually has Ollie's credit card," Shayera said as she walked out of the dressing rooms. "How did I get talked into this?"

Before Diana could spit out a come back, both of their comm. links went off. "Diana, Shayera, we have a problem with Flash. You need to get back to the Watchtower, NOW!" Batman's voice held a sense of panic and urgency that neither knew him to posses.

"We're on our way," Shayera told him as Diana spun into her Wonder Woman costume and out of the floor-length ball gown. They arrived at the Watchtower and hurried to the private conference room reserved for the seven original members. Superman, Batman, and John were waiting.

"Where's J'onn?" Diana asked.

"With Flash. He came back from his date with Gypsy early when Flash started screaming in his mind. As of five minutes ago he lost contact and can't get back in," Batman said, his monotone even more depressing than usual.

"Does Flash have the ability to do that? On his own?" Shayera asked dumbfounded.

"Not unless you have been teaching him some of your tricks," Batman said.

"That was uncalled for, Bruce," Shayera shot back. "Wally is like a brother to me. I wouldn't hurt him for the world."

"Whatever."
"What's our plan?" Diana said before they could start really fighting.

"We don't have one," John replied, clutching Shayera's hand. "His blood work is fine. His brain waves are the only thing wrong."
The door to the conference room opened and J'onn entered. "We need to find Savage if we want to save his life."

"What does Savage have to do with all of this?" Superman asked.

"Not him, the dragon." 'I need you to come to the med bay,' he said telepathically to Batman. The dark knight mentally nodded.

Superman, John, Diana and Shayera went to organize the other members in a search for the dragon. Batman followed J'onn down the hall.

'How bad is it?'

'Bad enough. We might actually lose him,' the Martian replied.

'You do realize that really isn't an option.'

'We may not be able to stop it.'

'If he dies, the Justice Lords may become a reality and everything we have worked for will be for nothing.'

'I'm well aware of that, Batman. There is something greater at work here than we can fight.'

'Then get the magicians on it.'

'They too are looking for the dragon.'

'Let the League look for it. Call them up here.'

'Our job is to protect the helpless. I can't do that.'

'Look in there and tell me Wally isn't helpless.'

'Bruce…'

'You can't, J'onn and you know it. Do you want another death on your hands?' With that final parting remark, Batman spun on his heel and left J'onn standing in the middle of the hall, staring after him.

Back in Wally's head…

He stepped off the transporter pad and looked around. There was something wrong with the Watchtower…something very wrong. It looked like the old one. The one they had before the Thanagarian invasion. Wally turned to Superman. "Come on Clark. Is this payback for something I did? Because this isn't funny."

Superman and Batman exchanged looks. Superman was the first one to speak. "Wally, my name isn't Clark."

"What? Oh sorry. Kal, this still isn't funny."

"Wally, that isn't my name either. It's Bruce."

The red headed speedster took a few steps backwards. "No, your name is Clark Kent and you are a reporter for the Daily Planet. You came to Earth from Krypton when you were a baby and were raised by Martha and Jonathan Kent in Smallville, Kansas. I know, I met them."
"That's impossible," Batman spoke up. "Martha and Jonathan Kent were killed almost five years ago. I know, I was there," he said pulling off the face mask. There was the man that Wally knew as Bruce Wayne.

"Why the hell would you be in Smallville, when the Kents were killed?"

"Because I am Clark Kent."

"WHAT?" He took a few more steps back and fell off the transporter block. "Where's Diana, J'onn and GL? And if you're Clark Kent," he said pointing to Superman, "who the heck are you?"

"Bruce Wayne," Superman answered. Wally started shaking his head. "You got my arrival on Earth right except I landed in Gotham City. Martha and Thomas Wayne found me and since they couldn't have children, they "adopted" me."

"Then where did you come from?" Wally asked the Bat again.

"The Kents are my biological parents," he answered.

"This is sick, wrong and very confusing. Where's GL? I need to talk to GL."

"That's the second time you've mentioned this GL," Shayera said. "Who is he?"

Wally began shaking his head. "That's it I officially want to go home."

"You are home."

"Nope. This can't be it. GL is the Green Lantern, John Stewart." He whirled to face Shayera. "You should know him. You two had been dating for at least a couple of months when the Thanagarians invaded and you finally got back together after GL got smart and dumped Vixen." The three of them looked at each other. "What?"

Shayera walked up to Wally and placed her palm on his cheek. "Wally, we've been married for almost three years. And none of us have ever heard of John Stewart or the Green Lantern."

"Could you repeat that?"

"We have never heard of John Stewart or the Green Lantern," Superman said.

"You know you are starting to sound more like Bats. Could you stop?" He looked into Shayera's eyes. "You aren't making this up? This isn't some trick that Ollie talked you into?"

"I don't know any Ollie and I'm not making this up."

"So I don't suppose you two know Diana of Themyscira aka Wonder Woman or J'onn Jones aka the Martian Manhunter?"

"Of course we know Diana. She's Bruce's wife and Themyscira's ambassador. But the manhunter, he's new to us," Batman answered.

"So who's married to Lois?"

"Lane?" Clark asked. "She's married to President Luthor."

"No! Take that back. That mad man is not president!"
"Mad man? Wally, Lex Luthor is one of the most upstanding men on this planet."

"Right and I suppose you've never heard of Brainiac either."

"Yes, Flash, how may I help you?"

Wally turned in dread at the sound of the digitized voice. There on the wall of the Watchtower were the three circles of Brainiac's signature. "What is that killing machine doing on the Watchtower?"

"My parents sent Brainiac with me when I was saved from Krypton's destruction," Clark answered.

"Say what? This isn't funny, guys. For real, I want the truth!" Wally screamed.

"You can't handle the truth!" Superman said. "Look at you."

Wally looked down at himself. "Yeah, I see me. You guys are the ones who have the wrong names."

"That bump on the head must have been worse than we originally thought," Shayera said to Batman.

"I am in the room you know," Wally said.

The three of them ignored him. He wandered over to the massive windows and looked down on Earth. At least that was still ok. Wally leaned forward and let the glass cool his feverish forehead.

"Is something wrong Wally?" a deep voice asked.

Wally turned and there stood John Henry Irons, the man he knew as Steel. "Where's your suit?"

"Suit?"

"Yeah, your battle suit."

"I don't have a battle suit. I'm a doctor. When your brain waves started becoming normal we sent you home, hoping that it would help when you woke up."

"We?"

"Yes, me and my assistant, Amanda Waller."

A/N: So what have we learned in this chapter… that Clark Kent is Batman; that Bruce Wayne is Superman and married to Diana (who is not Wonder Woman) and that Wally and Shayera are married and there is no Green Lantern. Feel free to express outrage… my roommates tried to kill me after they proofed this.