"I hate this," he proclaimed as the door opened. "This entire situation. And you are just making it harder."
Addison fixed him with a hard stare but didn't reply.
Derek pushed past her into the hotel suite and continued his rant. "It doesn't matter what I do this doesn't get easier. I lie to you and tell you that everything is fine and things get worse and I tell you the truth and you walk out on me. Can't I just catch a break? I am the victim here and all I seem to be doing is hurting people. I am hurting Meredith and I am hurting you and I want it to stop. But it won't stop Addison. This is never going to stop. I don't know if I am ever going to know where I belong. If I spend Christmas with you then I am going to miss being with Meredith. But if I spend Christmas with Meredith it is going to kill me not to be with you. So what do I do Addison? Just tell me what to do. I want to be with you I really do but I don't think that I can. I haven't forgotten yet and I don't think that I ever will."
Except to close the door Addison hadn't moved since Derek brushed past her.
"Say something Addie." Derek demanded angrily.
Addison stared at him, her face showed no emotion, "Your drunk."
Derek stared at her with bewilderment. "That's all you have to say? I just pour my heart out to you and all you can do is tell me that I am drunk?"
Addison words were slow and measured, "What do you want me to say Derek? What can I say? You say you love Meredith, and you say you love me. What do I say to that? I refuse to beg you to stay with me Derek. I want you to be with me because you love me. Because you are in love with me. Not because you think you should and not because I said please. I want you to be with me because you can't live with out me."
They stared at each other along time. Neither knew what to say. Finally Addison looked away, her eyes focusing on a blank section of wall.
"I don't expect you to forget what happened Derek. I just want you to forgive."
Derek rubbed his jaw, he was as confused as ever, "what's all this stuff?" he asked finally, motioning to all the boxes piled around the living room.
"Our Christmas decorations, I had Greta get them out of storage and send them."
"How is Gret?" Derek asked absentmindedly, in the back of him mind knowing that now was not the time to inquire about the well being of Addison's best friend.
"She is fine." Addison replied tensely, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.
"Sorry," Derek muttered, beginning to move around the room glancing in each box. Eventually he picked one up and placed it on the coffee table. Taking a deep breath he began going through the box. He examined each and every ornament, his face remaining emotionless as memories floated through his mind. He finished with the first box stood up and selected another, beginning the process again.
Addison finally got tired of watching him from across the room. Walking slowly so as not to break Derek's concentration she crossed the room and sat quietly in the chair across from him. She watched sadly as 11 Christmas's together emerged from the box. The ornaments that she had treasured this morning now pained her to look at.
Derek examined ornaments for hours. Each one bringing back different memories of different people. Some of them reminded him of decorating the tree with his family has a child, some of them reminded him of endless hours of shopping looking for the perfect gift, a lot of them reminded him of New York and the friends, the patients and the life that he had left behind. Most of them reminded him of Addison. There was not one thing in front of him that he could not picture her holding.
He looked over at Addison who had long since fallen asleep. It was better this way. He didn't want to talk right now. He quietly picked up an empty box and filled it with favorites. He watched Addison sleep, curled up in the chair, her red hair everywhere.
Then he left.