I do not own a BMW...or a Plasma TV...or smash brothers...
Link was busy analyzing a chart which predicted when the moon would moon people with its gigantic ass.
"Link," said his assistant, "take a look at this."
Link stood over the ouija board she was operating.
"According to this," she points at her egg sandwich, "we are apparently inhaling a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen."
Link frowned at the news. "Do you know the reason?"
"No," and she glances at him with panic in her eyes, "but if this continues, everyone on Earth will live!"
Link bares his teeth.
"Not on my watch!"
He presses a switch which opens a secret entrance.
"To the Link Cave!"
"I'll get a bikini wax!" shouted his assistant.
Link nodded and went through the entrance. He came out of the Link Cave dressed as Link and riding a tricycle.
"Now," he declared confidently, "no one will know my identity."
He cycles off into the woods, and falls off a precipice.
He sticks out his hand and shouts, "to me, my board!"
A several eagles arrived and landed on him. They tried to gouge out his eyes.
"Ow, ow, stop that! Just get me to the mayor!"
So they flew him to the mayor's house, a glamorous dog house.
"Hello, mayor," greeted Link, "I came here bearing important news."
The mayor looked up from the papers at his desk.
"So do I," he said, "here take a look at this."
Link picks up an anvil.
"What…oomph…is…ufoom.. is.."
He gets crushed by the anvil.
The mayor looks at Link's predicament.
"Uh oh, time to transform!"
The mayor transforms into a remote control…WITHOUT BATTIERES.
DA DA DUNNNNNN!
Zelda was busy harvesting a bumper crop of computer chips. Planting them was easy. Harvesting, however, was not.
They constantly tried to kill her with tin plates of mice.
"Take that!" she shouted while throwing salt at them.
She hoped that the legends were true.
Just then, Gill Bates appeared.
"Because you salted these chips, they are now delicious."
He begins devouring the chips. The chips, to their dismay, discovered the tin plates were actually oven warmers.
After the light snack, Gill belches and gives Zelda a stack of bills.
"Thanks."
He flies off in a jumbo jet.
Zelda looks at the stack of bills and tosses it into her purse. She heads off into the city. On the way there she meets the cowardly lion. He was drunk.
"I…I think I'm a coward." He slurs.
Zelda nodded at the lion's sage advice and skipped down the road.
When she got to the city, she found the perfect skunk that would scare her.
"I'll take it!"
The golem accepted her credit card and brought out a red flag.
"You're credit card is too insane."
The card leapt from the grasp of the store keeper and started hitting the store keep.
"FRESH!" it accused. "I'll be suing you for sexual harassment."
They watch the card march out of the store.
"Do you have anything else?" asked the store keep.
Zelda remembers the bills and hands out a few.
He takes one look and screams.
"It's green!"
He takes out a frying pan and eggs from under a counter and starts cooking an omelette.
"Here you go!" he screamed at Zelda, handing her a fresh omelette on a plastic plate.
She takes the plate, puts it on the ground and did a belly flop on the meal. She starts making swimming motions.
"Must…cross…Atlantic…Ocean!" she gasped. "Have to…prove…I'm greater…than …flying pigs!"
A giant crowd gathers to cheer her on.