By G.H.
Author's Note: I know it's been a year and half since I wrote this story, but it's been nagging me to complete it. Here it is.
Keep It Secret
We sit on the couch watching TV. There's nothing on; not that I really notice though, because it's no the TV I'm watching. What I'm really focusing on is newly-cut brown hair, soulful green eyes, and a shy smile tugging at lips I'd like to kiss. He looks me in the eyes, intense and solemn. We lean in for a kiss. Closer, closer...and suddenly, I break into giggles. He tickles my side ruthlessly. His face lights up and that smile is simply radiant; I would do anything to see it. He pounces on me again and I half-dodge him. With a crash we land on the floor laughing uproariously. I pull his head towards mine and kiss him, he jerks in suprise but eventually kisses me back.
It's our one-year anniversary of being together...and two weeks past Cory and I's third wedding anniversary. Does part of me regret stringing Cory on like this? Of course, not a doubt. I'm smart, I've always been smart. I've always had the answers to everything and if I didn't have an answer, then I'd find one. But this, this affair, is wrong. My heart tells me it's wrong. Marriage is a sacred vow and I'm desicrating it. My heart breaks Whenever Cory looks at me with such loving or Whenever my baby daughter smiles up to me with joy-filled eyes that I know are Shawn's.
I love Cory, I really do. Truly. But Cory is...he's...a friend. All he'll is is my best friend. After a just two years of marriage life with him became dull. Not even the pace of the City could get us out of our funk. I'd been looking at Shawn for years now, watching him and wondering what it would be like. One night, whilst Cory worked late and Shawn was over helping me, I gave in. As much as I love cory, I love Shawn in a way that my husband can never rival. He was heartbroken after Angela left and searching for someone to fill the hole in his heart. I don't think I have to say that he chose me to fill it.
Cory is loving, kind, and gentle, but can be so vexingly dull sometimes. Shawn, and our entire affair, is dangerous, rebellious, and invigorating. I love them both, but for the life of me I just can't choose. I know that the second Angela comes back from Europe Shawn will be gone again, in her arms instead of mine.
We've made our way back onto the couch, the TV still blaring meaningless programming. He starts kissing me this time, softly at first, but eventually becoming more needy and passionate. We're about to give into one another when I hear a gasp that is not Shawn's. I hear bags dropping to the floor and glass shatter.
Our heads snap in the direction of the door, where Cory is standing. Grocery bags are dropped at his feet, the broken container leaking onto the tile floor. In a second shawn is off of me and I've straightened myself out. Cory's mouth is opening and closing, much like a fish. His eyes burn angrily into Shawn's, but then they travel to me. I have never seen more betrayal, hurt, and anger than I see on Cory's face right now.
After a moment of awkward silence He finally overcomes his shock and, in a broken voice that tears me inside, asks, "Why?". He looks back and forth between Shawn and I; tears coming down his cheeks. I suddenly notice that my daughter clings to his leg. She's confused; why was Uncle Shawnie kissing Mommy? Why is Daddy crying?
Why?
If I said I had an answer to that, I'd be lying. One of my many, many lies. Cory is boring, sure, but he's kind, gentle, and safe. He'll always be there, waiting for me. Given time, I could grown to love him more, possibly just as much as he loves me. He'll take me back, there's no question. He's safe like that. But Shawn isn't safe. He's exciting and lively, but I know his heart still yearns for Angela.
It comes all down to safety or excitement. And I can't choose.
I love Shawn.
I love Cory.
I love them both.
So why does this have to be so hard?