Winter Rhapsody

Part Four – Rhapsody – a fantasy-like composition of free form with dramatic changes in mood; violent music evoking heightened emotions; ecstasy



Yami stood outside of the door for a while, just listeninfg. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't really imagine Kaiba at the piano, though at the same time he admitted that there wasn't a single reason why he shouldn't. It was just…Kaiba wasn't the emotional sort, after all.

Stop lying to yourself, Yami, you knew all along. You just never wanted to see, so you closed your eyes as tightly as you could, blinding yourself to it…pretending that he's no more than the callous, cold monster that you named him.

You named him…

The scene on the last day before winter vacation played in his mind. Kaiba stood before the crumpled body of a student. The freshman's arm was at an odd angle and it was clear he had broken it from a fall off the bars. The crowd parted before Kaiba, the space around the freshman clearing despite the few uncertain friends that tried to stand their ground. Mokuba trailed along after his older brother.

Yami, watching, didn't exactly know what he was expecting. A strange welter of feelings assaulted him as he watched Kaiba crouch by the student's side, examining the injury but not making a move to touch the younger boy. For the briefest moment, he thought that, despite all previous instances, Kaiba would suddenly reveal his all too human heart. He would show some sort of kindness, which would serve as a confirmation. Yami would know that Kaiba wasn't what everyone thought of him…that there really was something more inside, that he simply didn't show the world.

And like every time, his illusions were shattered by reality.

"Stop crying, you fool," Kaiba snapped at the boy.

The callousness of his words had everyone gasping, a quick indrawn breath and then a few nervous rustles, as if the people were whispering I can't believe he actually said that. But no one moved to help or to call a teacher over. School had been out for a long time and no one was around.

"I told you, stop crying." Kaiba's blunt, harsh words had the effect of stopping the youth's tears. He looked more defiant than terrified, despite his broken arm. Pain was forgotten as he focused his anger on Kaiba. But though Kaiba still knelt at by his side, he was now talking on the thin silver cell phone he had pulled from his trench coat.

"Leave him alone. You're a monster, Kaiba," Yami hissed, sudden fury blinding him as it did every time Kaiba did something else to prove Yugi wrong – Yugi, who somehow always led him to hope that Kaiba was victim, not victimizer. And, gods help him, he'd always been too willing to listen, to accept Yugi's explanations…

Disappointment washed over him like a warm tide, and brought with it a helpless sort of anger, at himself, for being such a fool time and time again, but also at Kaiba. How could someone be so adept at shattering all his illusions? Why couldn't he just give it up? Instead, he was hopelessly caught in this endless cycle of expectation and disappointment.

The taunts of the younger children now echoed Yami's own accusation, the boy with the broken arm forgotten to puerile insults. "Mokuba has a monster for a brother…"

There was the look in his eyes when Yami had said those words, the sudden stiffening of his figure. Mokuba stood forlornly by Kaiba's side, his slate-blue eyes looking at Yami accusingly, enormous and full of hurt.

"Don't you dare say anything about Mokuba." His voice was colder than Yami had ever heard it, so cold it gave the impression of ice being thrust through their hearts. Mokuba clung to Kaiba's side, and Yami remembered that he was in actuality younger than he appeared, despite all the times his intelligence and maturity had made him seem to be their equal.

Kaiba had ordered everyone to leave, but the boy's look of fear compelled Yami to stay. When Kaiba's silver car had come, Yami had refused to leave the boy, so he had been there when Kaiba expertly set the arm, given him painkillers — and where were those from? When they had finally arrived at the hospital, Kaiba had taken charge efficiently. Oddly, the boy looked up to Kaiba with gratitude, even as he was being led away by the nurses. What was his name? Yami doubted Kaiba ever found out.

Then the boy's parents had come, taken one look at their son's savior, and all hell had broken loose. Kaiba had turned away, just as silent as ever, except the cold, terse reassurance that "Your boy is fine." The parents' anger had shocked the whole hospital as they hurled invectives and insults to the famous duelist with turmoil in his blue eyes. Kaiba had seemed to shrug everything off as if he were an umbrella in the rain, and then he'd left.

But not before Mokuba had run up to Yami, hands clenched in fists. Yami, who had never felt the crushing censure of a child, almost instinctively took a step back. "My brother was right. You don't understand, any of you! You don't know what it's like. People like you—you wouldn't see that Seto was helping him all along."

And Yami had been left standing as Mokuba ran to catch up with his brother, and he saw the two of them disappear into the silver car. He'd understood then, but it was too late, and words couldn't be taken back as if they never had been said. Actions couldn't be undone.

It happened more than a few days ago, but now Yami remembered suddenly with a strange clarity the cruel words he had uttered, words meant to cut, to hurt. He found himself delving into his memory, needing to know if there had been pain in those blue eyes, if just for that one moment, when Kaiba had been unguarded.

He thought about how it had felt so absurd to be overwhelmed by loneliness, not so many hours ago at Yugi's Christmas party. They were his friends and he truly cared for them, as they did for him, but he still felt as if something essential were missing. How could one never feel more alone than when one was surrounded by people? It had been almost like a shock to realize that he'd never truly been part of the group, that it was Yugi's group and he was there simply because of that connection. The differences, when he had been at the party, had merely been contrasted in such a way that he could not ignore them. He did not belong here, in this era and with these people, not truly. His heart was still in his past.

He stood for a few minutes in front of Kaiba's door, listening to the muted melodies. Finally, Yami knocked on the door softly, fighting the compulsion to turn around and leave. He had promised Mokuba, however, and his pride would not let him retreat. He was not a coward. Without thinking, he straightened and his almandine eyes narrowed with determination.

There was a soft "Come in," without a break in the heartbreakingly slow music, and Yami knew that Kaiba was expecting Mokuba, returned from the party. He opened the door slowly and then stood there in the doorway, listening to the music pouring out of nowhere like magic, as if Kaiba had found a key to unlock the piano's secrets. The allure of the piano was something new to him. Kaiba turned his head slightly to look at him, and the melody faltered for a moment before it resumed.

Yami was lost in the swirling music. There was something so beautiful about the way it effortlessly spiraled out of the gleaming, polished wood of the grand piano. The notes were clear, like individual drops of water flowing into a melody. The lower notes were rich and dark, but somehow raw, the soul of the piano crying out…then the song drifted in, a summer breeze, and it was as if true love had been found, all the pain transforming into joy…

A dark longing caught at his heart, and he wasn't sure why. Yami walked over to stand by the curve of the grand piano, watching Kaiba. The blue eyes flickered up to catch his gaze, and Yami thought that those eyes were the saddest things he had ever seen. He drew closer, until he was standing close to him, off to the right. The slender fingers danced gracefully across the keyboard and the music swelled up and then died away all of a sudden, leaving a wistful desire hanging in the air – Yami could tell it was not the end of the piece.

He looked up and Kaiba was smiling at him, the sardonic half-smirk that always met him scornfully. But now he wasn't so sure, because it seemed as if Kaiba were mocking himself, as well. The loneliness that Yami read in his eyes contrasted sharply with his suddenly tense body. But there was also a challenge in his manner, that indefinable aura around him that always provoked Yami so, for some unknown reason.

"Come over here, put your hands on the keys," he said with a tone that was half savage, half seductive. There was something feral about him tonight, the same reckless wildness that a cornered animal exhibits when it is desperate, afraid it is dying. The sensation that life was full of contradictions, paradoxes, and there was nothing to lose, everything to gain.

"I've never…I don't know how to play." But Kaiba got up and Yami sat, feeling the pressure of the taller duelist's hands on his shoulders. Hesitantly, he touched the smooth white keys.

"Close your eyes," came the whispered command from just behind him. Startled, Yami twisted around, but Kaiba smiled gently. He had never seen such a look on the usually impassive face, and the thought crossed his mind that it was extraordinary. The tender expression softened the beautifully sculpted angles of his face. Perhaps it was because of this, or some other reason, but Yami trusted him enough to surrender to darkness.

He felt hands slip under his, their fingers intertwining and then settling so that his hands rested lightly over Kaiba's. And slowly, so slowly, he began to play. They began to play.

"Let it go," Yami found himself whispering, or maybe he was only thinking it in his mind. "Just for tonight, let it go—all the pain, all the sadness inside."

Without speaking, they continued, and Yami suddenly found that the music had become a medium for him to gaze into Kaiba's soul. He understood, silently, that healing was his gift to give, and his alone.

The rhapsody surrounded them, the vibrant chords throbbing with life, full of despair and yet transmuting it into something beautiful, at the same time grotesque, because there was always fragile hope woven through it all. The haunting notes reached deep into his heart and called up unbidden memories…

Yami remembered Kisara, the beautiful girl that had come between them so briefly, that Seto had loved and lost. Set, his prince of darkness…they had both been named for darkness, then and now. But now when he leaned back towards the warmth he no longer saw Set, for they were the one and the same in his mind.

So much time had passed, and they were different, with different stories, different lives. Seto had no memory of his past, and even Yami's memories were blurred, a welter of confused feelings. But still somehow they were drawn together, throughout the ages, and the love in his heart endured. If only he knew that it had been the same for the other…

Their hands ceased at last and the slow, painful melody died away, the strings of the piano giving an exhausted hum, as if the song had torn out pieces of its wooden heart. Yet the music still lingered in Yami's heart, and he closed his eyes, willing for it to be real. Wanting, fearing that love was just an illusion, something he had created out of his desperate need.

The soft brush of lips against his neck, the sudden loss of warmth as Seto stood up behind him. There were no words spoken, but they were written in those blue eyes, and Yami knew that some things could not be denied, could not be hidden away again as if they were shameful secrets.

They slept together, but it was chaste. There was desire, but this was not the place or time for it, because they were content with love – something so long denied for both – and that need transcended the body because it was of the soul.

When Seto felt cold metal on his skin and took Yami's hands into his own, rolling up the sleeves to reveal the golden bands…there was time enough for tears, tears of healing and letting the past go, tears of joy that did not have to be hidden because for one night he could let himself feel. There was something special in the sharing, and it was all right, because it healed the hole in his heart that had been caused by a million and one things.

And then later, when desire became just another form of love, he found that he was still beautiful to the only person that mattered, and that the scars had lost the power to hurt him all over again, the way it was intended when they were first made.

xxxxx

Morning light shone down through the windows and Seto woke a little at a time, a drowsy feeling of happiness that slowly transmuted to joy as he recalled last night and all the reasons for his current bliss. He let his eyes remain lazily closed, reveling in the luxury of an unhurried awakening. When was the last time he did that? He was always up at the first sounds of the alarm clock, crushed by the knowledge of all the things that had to be done in one day, the whole complicated mess of a schedule to somehow work with.

Mokuba's voice was excited as he came down the hallway, and Seto remembered that it was Sunday, and that they made blueberry pancakes on Sundays. He smiled a little, wondering if Yami had ever tried them. The door burst open and he sat up hurriedly, remembering with shock that Yami had been the last person through that door and hadn't locked it.

"Wait, Mokuba, I can explain—" Though he had no idea what to say to a kid that found his brother in bed with a lover.

"Explain what?" Mokuba asked, grinning. "See you in the kitchen!"

It was only then that he realized he was completely alone in the room. He tried to quell his dread and the sudden ache inside his heart, but it had been so perfect…too perfect… The thought was unbearable. Yami…

Was it all a dream, this winter rhapsody?

xxxxx

A/N: Uh...explanation: I wrote this story last year on a whim (a very weird whim, I'll admit) and without the real intention of ever posting this. Yes, this was the ending. I wasn't aiming to be cruel, this was just an idea of mine. But I've also had some second thoughts, so I'll leave it all up to you guys, whether you want another part or not. Please review. Your thoughts are quite important!