Author: Cyhirae

Notes: Trinity Blood, Alessandro, Caterina, Francesco and dEste ain't mine, never mine.
Ah, yes. And this is the final installment. Enjoy.

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Tempered Regrets

Everything was out of my control. I sat there upon the chair for the rest of the day while the council laid matters out before me- things I had no idea of being tossed acrossed the table..and swiftly picked up by either my brother or my sister before I had a chance to show my ignorance on the matter. I just wanted it to end. This wasn't right- I didn't belong here! Uncle did- or even one of them- but not me! I didn't know anything about ruling, about leading!

I was just an acolyte! Not even a particuarly talented one, for all my 'rightful blood' claim to this position.

Numbness sets in as the day wears on- I don't even try to understand what people are saying right now. I nod where it seems appropriate to do so by the tone, say yes or no at my siblings' urgings...but I just want out. I don't care what's going on. I don't belong here- I don't!

At last- it ends. A gentle nudge from Caterina sends me rising from my chair...she and Francesco only a heartbeat behind. The other Cardinals rise as well, bowing to us- to me...and then Caterina is guiding me away. I will not be going back to my own chambers today..they aren't 'mine' anymore. I can comprehend that much. The Pope's chambers are much deeper in..far more heavily guarded...

And Francesco isn't with us.

"..w..where is..."

"As the new Camerlengo, he has duties to attend to." Though she is walking behind me, she stays close enough to steer me through the halls- and somewhere along the way we aquired an escort. The Vatican's security stays close by us the entire way- stopping just outside the doors Caterina ushers me through...into my 'new home' as it were. And once those doors are closed?

The rod hits the floor, dropped like it burned me- the hat flying askew as I turn to stare at Caterina- I'm not going to try to hide the tears anymore. This is..just too much...

"H..how! why- I can't- I can't do this! I'm..I'm not a leader! I'm-"

"Your Holiness." Those words fall cold on my ears as Caterina looks down at me, drawing herself up to her full height..her presence just seeming to fill the room. "Pull yourself together. You can do this. You won this position yourself- all we did was show you how. It was your final answer that determined who, between you and Uncle, would ascend to the throne of Pope."

"B..but he..."

"He had an answer at the ready. He gave it no visible thought or consideration- He gave the answer he knew many conservatives would want to hear. They were not looking for someone who would tell them such a thing, Your Holiness." She pauses a moment, an odd expression crossing her face as she looks at me...then reaches out to straighten the hat and pluck the rod from the floor.

"You surprised us all with your answer. You were not eloquent- but you were honest." She presses the rod back into my hands, closing my numbed fingers over it. "It made them willing to take the risk you could be molded into a true leader- until that time, Medici and I will guide you." She turns to the doors then, starting to stride out...

"W..wait...Sister...wh-what of uncle?" I hadn't seen him since we had been answering the questions in the chamber..I had to see him, to say something...

"He is still in the Vatican, but not for much longer. He has placed a request to be moved to another district, where his...talents will be of more use, by his words. He is not accepting visitors at this time- not even the Pope, Your Holiness. You should rest now- this day has been a trying one." With that..she is out the doors and gone before I can formulate another question...leaving me alone to contemplate what I've done.

I did not betray my siblings- but I took my uncle's rightful place..and I said things I could not back up. Those weren't my words. Didn't they realize that? Didn't she? I drop into the nearest chair, dropping the rod beside it as I finally just bury my face into my hands to cry...Uncle was angry now and he was leaving - possibly for good. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again- see Rome again after the farce that was just pulled.

"Sister.." the words work there way out through the sobs as I raise my head to look to the doors she vanished through..now assuredly long gone. All that should be outside now were the guards..and they would never come in here.. "..I..if anyone..should be... pope because..of those words...i..it's not... me..."

But under their direction- I had made this bed..and now I had to lie in it. I only hoped I could do what they wanted me to..and that they would show me the way. I needed someone to...because for now? All I could think of was my favorite garden alcove to visit when things went miserably wrong and how far away it was from these rooms.

If God was out to punish me for something...perhaps playing along with their plans at all...He was certainly off to a good start...

Fin!