Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter 7- Why didn't you tell me?

Sirius shook his hair out, he had just removed his helmet and placed it on the seat of his motorbike. He had gone back out for another fly after dinner. He had thought Marlene would love the ride, she liked broomstick flying. She hated it. He had liked Marlene, so it was too bad. He wouldn't be with any woman that couldn't enjoy flying on his bike. She had smelled like that girly smell in his amortentia. Truthfully, he had noticed a lot of girls at school wore that perfume. Lily was the only one he knew that wore a different scent. Lily was different though. That's why James loved her. Sirius liked different. He had strived all of his life to be different.

Remus looked back over his potions homework. He found a few errors here and there, but fixed them with his wand in no time. Katherine sat down at the table across from him. He fixed his gaze upon his parchment.

"Katherine, I'm really sorry but…"

"You're breaking up with me," she finished calmly. He could tell that she had been expecting this. Remus said not a word nor did he meet Katherine's steady even gaze. He rose, taking his parchment and wand, and went up to his room. Try as he might, the guilty feeling had been more than he could bear.

James and Lily made the last of their rounds through the dark and quiet castle. James had been trying to talk Lily into going for a late night snog in the Astronomy Tower.

"James, what if we get caught? We could get detention. Dumbledore could take our badges."

"Live a little Evans. Who's going to catch us? No one's supposed to be out but us, that's why we're making the rounds tonight."

The clock struck one.

"Or we could just go back to the common room, lights out was half an hour ago," she said.

"But Lily…" James started. "Yes you're right, we could go back to the common room, much nicer place for a snog than the Astronomy Tower."

Lily pulled away from James on the couch in front of the fire of Gryffindor common room. He face was flushed, her lips swollen from his kisses.

"Shh… James did you hear that?"

"No Lily, It's your imagination," he answered, pulling her close to him once more.

"James, listen, I heard something outside the portrait hole," she said, pushing him away slightly.

James sat in an agitated silence. He didn't hear anything. He rumpled his hair. Then he heard something as well. Someone was outside the entrance to the tower. He heard a suit of armor clank, as if being knocked over. James looked at Lily and pressed his finger to his lips, motioning for her to stay quiet.

Wand drawn, James went to the doorway, and slowly pushed the portrait open.

"Prongsy! Look Moony, its good ole James! You should have gone with us tonight," Sirius said loudly.

"Shh… Not so loud Sirius. We're supposed to be upstairs. You're going to get us caught," Remus said in what was meant to be a whisper.

James was holding back a laugh.

"Went to see Rosmerta, eh?"

"I had a whole bottle of firewhiskey, and so did Moony."

"What's the occasion?"

"Women, mate. You understand," answered Remus

"Yeah, it's just like those times we went drinking with you when Lily would shoot you down," Sirius said as he pushed past James into the common room. "Only Marlene didn't shoot me down, she just hates my bike, and Remus broke it off with Katherine because of his…" Sirius had stopped mid sentence, because he had seen Lily. Remus slammed into Sirius.

"Padfoot, what's your prob… Lily."

"Lily, please don't give them detention, and don't make me do it either" James pleaded.

"I know that you two are not drunk."

"Oh but we are," Sirius said proudly.

"No you are not, because if you had snuck out and gotten drunk tonight, I would have to give you both detention and turn you in to McGonagall. Now go to bed."

"Lily, you're wonderful," Sirius said, giving her a kiss before he and Remus tromped up the stairs.

She watched them climb safely up the steps before turning on James.

"How often does this happen?"

"Rarely? Almost never?"

"The truth James."

"The truth," he said sitting back down on the couch, "We've snuck out to drink each time that you turned me down."

"Why would you do something like that," she asked.

"Because I have been so in love with you from the moment I saw you step through the barrier onto Platform 9 ¾, and each time you shot me down I drank until I felt better. Of course at twelve it was only a few butterbeers, nothing to worry about."

"And now?"

"Firewhiskey or mulled mead."

"Why didn't you tell me," she asked.

"Like you would have cared, Lily you hated me from the day we met," he said sadly.

Without a word Lily darted up the stairs, she returned from her room minutes later with a thick well worn book, which she placed in James' lap.

"No, I never once hated you," she said, before kissing James on the forehead and going to bed.

James stayed up for the majority of what was left of the night looking through the book that Lily had given him. It was full of pictures. As the pages turned the smiling faces grew up before his very eyes, one face was featured in more pictures than the rest, his face. There he was in second year after his first quidditch match, and after loosing the house cup for the first time. He saw a picture of him with purple hair, complements of Peter and a horribly mixed potion. There he was with Marlene after she had died her hair black, she had changed it back days later. In one Sirius trying to do a handstand on his broom, while James rolled on the ground laughing. In another Lily was at a Quidditch game, she was leaning far out on the rail, Dorcas was holding on to the back of her cloak to keep her from falling over the edge. Lily's hair was whipping around her face, she was cheering wildly, her face beaming. The picture beneath it showed James holding the Quidditch Cup high in the air. He soon reached the end of the book. The last picture was of him and Lily. As he watched the photograph move, he realized what it was. It was at the party in fifth year when they had won the house cup, Lily was kissing him. Once the kiss was over, he noticed that Lily looked extremely happy, he looked stunned, but happy not just happy ecstatic.

James rose and carried the book up the stairs to his dormitory. He crept in quietly, expecting his friends to be asleep. He heard snores from Peter, and a quiet conversation from Sirius and Remus, they were quite sober now.

"James, we're sorry," Remus said upon seeing James' solemn face.

"We were out of line," Sirius continued. "Messed things up for you and Lily didn't we?"

"No. Thanks to you drunken gits, I learned a lot about Lily," James answered. He sat down in the floor clutching the album, his back resting against the footboard of Sirius' bed.

"If she liked me the whole time, why wouldn't she ever go out with me," James asked.

"Because you were an arrogant little berk," Sirius replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You acted like you were a prize and she should just fall into your arms because you were James Potter. Hell, she probably thought you weretrying to take the mickey out of her when you kept asking her out," Sirius said to James, knowing full well had anyone else dared to say something like that to James they would have regretted it, because Sirius would have hexed them. James lookedto Remus for support.

"He's right you know."

"How could you two let me screw up that badly?"

"Oh, like I could have stopped you," Remus said with a laugh. "Besides Sirius is still a right little berk some days."

"That's a bit rich coming from you Moony," Sirius said.

"So you ended it with Katherine?" Remus nodded. "Did she take it okay?"

"She took it a sight better than I did, I'll say that."

"Obviously, she didn't sneak back in the common room smashed. I thought you liked her," James commented.

"I do, that's why I ended things, before it got too serious."

"Lily knows about us sneaking out and drinking," James told his friends. "She said I should have told her before. What was I going to say, 'Hey Lily you ripped my heart out, so I got drunk last night'? I told her I didn't tell her because she hated me, then she hands me this." He handed the album to Sirius and Remus, it was opened to the last picture.

"Do you remember that night, Moony? He wouldn't shut up for days on end," Sirius belted out his bark like laugh. "She does look happy mate, you both do."

"She said that she never hated me. If she didn't hate me why did she always turn me down?"

"No idea, if I could understand women, I'd be the richest wizard in the world," Remus answered in a matter of fact tone.

Lily lay in her bed feeling horrible. She had never known how close to his heart James had taken it each time she had said she wouldn't go out with him. She had done it to protect herself, to guard her heart. In the end she had hurt the person that she longed to be closest to. She had always been a chicken. She feared breaking the rules or going out on a limb. She felt that she had gotten what she deserved.

Lily tossed and turned trying to go to sleep. Thoughts raced through her mind, it wouldn't slow down.

Finally around five in the morning, she got up and put on her dressing gown. She went down the girls' staircase, and back up the boys' stairwell. She didn't knock when she came to the now familiar door of James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. Why knock she reasoned, surely they were all asleep in their beds.

The boys were not all asleep in fact they were very much awake. Sirius who was sitting on his bed, his tan muscled body clad only in pajama pants, was the first to speak, marveling at their intruder.

"Speak of the bloody devil. James I believe you have a visitor."

"Well I am certainly not here to see you Sirius, not after that abysmal firewhiskey laden kiss."

"You could be corrected about the quality of my snogging abilities Lily, were it not for James here being my best mate," Sirius bantered. Lily rolled her eyes in response.

"Yeah I meant to talk to you about that," James remarked.

"It was the alcohol," Sirius stated firmly. James nodded with a smirk.

"One would hope," Lily quipped.

"Sirius, let's go to the kitchens, I'm sure Lily wants to talk to James with out us," Remus said.

"No, this will only take a minute. I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you all these years James. I had no idea that it bothered you so badly when I wouldn't go out with you. I thought you were teasing me, just someone else to pick on, you know. If I had only known, things would have been so different." With that being said Lily stepped forward to kiss James on the cheek quickly before she left. His reflexes were faster than she had anticipated, and before she knew it she was wrapped securely in his arms. He could taste her salty tears of regret through their kiss.

Author's Note: I can picture Sirius and Remus so well during this chapter. Before anyone asks, yes Sirius kissed Lily. In his defense he hed been drinking heavily, and meant nothing by it. Speaking of Sirius, can't you just picture him when Lily walks into the room? Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, or put me or my fic on their favorites or alerts, it all makes me so happy. Special thanks to bri007, I love reading your reviews, they're great.

Hurleygurl- I hope I have sufficiently picked up the pace between Lily and James.

CandyCaneJones- I only wish I could post updates as lengthy and fast as you do. I am envious.

Erin- I hoped to throw everyone for a loop on Remus' reason for smelling lavender. Mission accomplished?

power-of-the-lightning-bolt- I like the word Jamesish, it's a good word. We'll all have to start using it.