Part III: Ties Of Blood And Water

"Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

--Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

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The Pataki family car sped over snow packed roads, winding its way through a veritable winter wonderland. What Helga hated most about trips to her grandmother's house was that it was almost literally over the river and through the woods. Nearly two thirds of the trip was dedicated to a bunch of state roads that meandered through the hind end of nowhere. Nothing but snow-covered trees on either side, which on rare occasion would give away to a small town whose hub would be a gas station and a run-down diner that shut its doors by 8PM every night. She vaguely considered throwing herself out the window and taking her chances, but since Bob had thrown the cut off switch in the front, even that possibility was lost to her. Thrice, Olga had made an effort to engage her in conversation. Helga had ignored her sister every time, until Olga finally got the hint that Helga was in her complete do not disturb mode. She glanced at Bob, listening to his talk radio. Useless. Miriam was passed out in the passenger seat, also of no use. And she didn't want to risk a look in Olga's direction, for fear of encouraging her. Realizing that there was no better alternative, she tossed the pills she had spirited out of the medicine chest into her throat and swallowed, willing her eyes shut and praying for sleep to take her. Within fifteen minutes time, her wish had been granted.

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"In case you're wondering how I survived, it's because I cheated. I took two of Miriam's sleeping pills, screwed my eyes shut, and just let sleep take me. Ah, sleep, the great escape. And it worked like a charm. By the time I woke up, we were here. I don't even remember dreaming. Maybe I didn't. I can't recall. It might be just as well. I only would've dreamed about you, anyway."

"Why is this happening to us now, Arnold? We shouldn't be apart like this, not at Christmas. We're supposed to be together, capturing the magic. Instead we're separated, and ever since you came to see me off this afternoon, I have feared that something between us will be lost. Bob is doing this to me on purpose, I know it. All he cares about is seeing his mother for Christmas. Never mind if I have to be miserable. This many Patakis under one roof can't be healthy, let me tell you. I worry that not all of us will make it out alive. Everyone's against me. Even my granny can't stop talking about Olga. And of course, I went and slept the entire drive here, so now it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake. Nothing ever goes my way. But for some reason, that's almost reassuring. Maybe this will be easier for you to understand now, Arnold, I'm not sure. But I don't trust to happiness. I never have. I have a lot of trouble with appreciating simple things, with being content. I can never trust in happiness. Whenever things start going my way, something inside of me always feels uneasy. In fact, that's how I know that I'm heading in the wrong direction. If I didn't have you to keep my course straight and true, Arnold, then I would be completely lost. I'm very lucky not to suffer that kind of misfortune. I do have you. My one safe port on the ocean of madness that is my life. Your very presence and influence on my life is the greatest gift I have ever received. You, who have made even the most unbearable portions of my life softer and more agreeable. And as I lie her in this guest bed, pondering the moon and clutching my purple pajamas to me tightly, I know that I have to be thankful for you. If nothing else in this world, I am thankful for you. I'm grateful that you're in my life. And more importantly, that you haven't given up on me, even though it's all I deserve. You have a wonderful heart."

"Why am I telling you all this? I don't really know, to be honest. I think that a part of me is just trying to show you the truth. That deep down, I am what you think I am, nay, what you know me to be. You've always seen the goodness in me, haven't you? Something about me that is better than what I deign to show the world. Something better than the person I often fear I will become. And then you give me hope. You're the boy who stayed with me, just as I asked. You took a nightcap in my soul and have never left. And because you stayed with me, I have never had to be alone again. I didn't have to go back. Not completely. There is still a part of me that you have helped to sustain. I'm still there, living inside that bubble in time we created over a year ago in the hospital. And it's only there where I am free to be the girl you've always known existed beneath every prank and insult I've ever perpetrated against you in my desperate yet misguided attempts to gain your attention. All the schemes, all the plots, all the lying and the cheating. All just to make you see me. Dare I admit it is all for love? Call me crazy, but I dare. Love, in all its wonder and splendor and majesty. Love. Always tormenting me, always teasing me, always pushing me to the brink of my sanity and even beyond, never allowing me even a moment of solace. My love for you, unfettered and unabated, destiny twining my heart to yours. Yet even though I may lose my mind over you, I do not count myself out. It's worth it, no matter how much I may go through. Experience has taught me that I'm much better off with you than without."

I push the stop button on my recorder, sitting up in bed and pressing my nose against the window pane. The chill that meets my skin somehow makes me feel a little more real, more alive. I need that after talking about myself. I'm so screwed up. I don't even feel quite real, alive. It's like I'm some kind of cartoon character. No one real could possibly have as many problems as I do. Not at my age, anyway. Sighing, I press record once more, knowing that I must let him hear what I have always held back. "Oh, my love, what will become of us? We have not yet had to endure true separation. Since I stopped fighting you, I have been with you each and every week, even playing nurse when you took ill. We should be further along, we would be further along, if it were not for my weakness. I am better than this, truly, but I just won't give in. I won't let myself be happy. I have doomed myself to this, to live the life of some kind of sick, psychotic freak, walking back and forth through the real world. Never loving fully, but demanding that I be loved completely by you. Because at long last, I've realized that my love is exactly that. Incomplete. Lacking. Not in spirit, perhaps. I have always loved you with everything that I am from afar. But up close, I won't let you see it. No more. No longer will I force you to wait for me. That is my gift for you. Merry Christmas, Goofwad. I hope you appreciate it."

Man, what I don't do for love. It's hard to resist smiling to myself after finally having gotten that off my chest. It's never easy to talk about these kinds of things. Especially when you take into account my unending fear of rejection. Not to say that Arnold hasn't given me clear signs. There have been times when I've felt that he's practically lighting up the runway and guiding me in with semi four flags. But it's never enough for me. It's not that I don't trust Arnold. Quite the contrary, actually. He's about the only person other than Phoebe that I trust almost implicitly. Well, okay, maybe not implicitly. But as much as I'm willing to trust another person, and that's got to count for something. Somebody's got to give the boy some credit. Goodness knows I don't, not nearly as much as I should, anyway. But I'm not used to being liked. I'm more accustomed to being feared and hated. Maybe that's my own fault for visiting a lot of unkindness around the kids in our class, maybe I do deserve it. But that doesn't mean I don't wish it were different. I always wish it were different. Deep down, I wish I could be like Arnold. But the truth is that I'm not, and I don't think I ever will be. But there's always hope that a little of him will rub off on me. There's always room for improvement, right?

Even with some of the caveats, I'm feeling pretty good. Everyone else in the house is asleep, so I let myself out of the room and tiptoe down the stairs, wincing when my bare feet make contact with the creaky step, which emits what I know to be only a small squeak, but in the quiet of the morning seems like a deafening thunder. I move a little faster, making a bit more noise but rapidly reaching the safety of the foyer. I plant my feet on the carpet like a gymnast, using my toes to grip the material tightly. I keep my body completely frozen, listening for sounds of stirring from upstairs. Hearing nothing forthcoming, I breathe a sigh of relief and resume a step-by-step walk to the living room, hoping to watch a little TV to numb my mind a bit. So you can imagine my surprise when I see Olga doing exactly the same thing, having beaten me to the punch. "Olga?" I ask, my voice low, my heart beating faster. This is perfect. Just perfect. Now my day is complete. I thought it had been a little too happy.

"Oh, hello, Baby Sister. What are you doing out of bed?" Olga asks me with a hesitant expression.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. I couldn't sleep. Did too much of it in the car." I respond. "What about you?"

"I was just thinking about the past. I've spent a few Christmas days here myself. It's been a long time since I've visited Grandma."

"I don't come very often myself. It's boring." In fact, I can think of few things less enjoyable than being here.

"You know, Helga, when I was your age, I felt exactly the same way. Grandma doesn't even have a piano. There's not much for a child to do here. But just think, one day, Grandma will be gone, and then we won't be able to visit her anymore, even if we wanted to."

"Yeah. I guess it sucks to get old." I don't much plan to ever come back here if I can help it. Won't be any loss to me.

"That's just it." Olga sighs, looking at me as though she needs my advice. "I feel old, Helga. I feel like I'm getting old before my time."

"You're not old, Olga." Geez, don't start getting all teary over nothing. You've still got men fawning all over you. You're the belle of the ball wherever you go. What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you now? Ha! Like that's gonna happen!

"I'm twenty-two, Helga. And I'm a professional student. No matter how much I learn, I just can't settle on finding one thing I want to do with my life!"

"Yeah, but a year and a half ago, you were all set to get married. You must have has some idea of what you wanted to do." Sheesh, am I her career counselor now too?

"That was different. Doug is gone. Whatever I do, it has to be by myself. I just don't know where I'm going to." Looks like I'm going to get stuck in a heart-to-heart after all. Why me?

"I don't know, Olga. Do we ever really know? I can barely handle being able to be a part of this family."

"I envy you, Baby Sister." Olga looks at me with admiration. What the heck is she thinking?

"You envy me?" I sputter, not able to fathom what on earth she could possibly be talking about.

"Yes. You aren't held to the same standards I am."

"Yeah. Bob and Miriam actually remember you exist." Oh brother, Olga's really losing it. The day people start genuinely envying me, that's going to be my signal to find a new line of work. Or better yet, a new life altogether.

"That's right. They don't notice you. They don't expect anything out of you. But we both know that regardless of what they might think, you're capable of so much. You can be anything that you want to be, Helga. You're so talented, yet you hide it from the rest of the world. But I know, Helga. When I was in your class as a student teacher, Mr. Simmons shared his concerns with me that you were holding yourself back. I know how brilliant you are, Baby Sister. I know that there's nothing you can't do when you decide to put your mind to it. You shouldn't be shy about how bright you are, Helga. Embrace it." Yeah, sure Olga. That's real easy for you to say, isn't it. I mean, it's not like there's any consequences to you. You don't have my reputation to worry about. You don't have Arnold. Sometimes I wonder if Olga can ever possibly understand what it really means to be me. I doubt it. We're just too different.

"I'm not holding back, Olga. I just do what I like. Believe me, I'll become whatever I want to become, when the time is right."

"I know I've said this before, Helga, but I just worry that you'll end up on the same path that I have. And you're better than that."

"So you keep saying. Look, Olga, I didn't come down here to have a debate about my future. I don't even want to think about my future! Can't I just be ten-and-a-half years old? Criminey!" It's totally worth the aggravation when I see the expression that begins to develop on Olga's face. She's feeling guilty. Good. About time she felt guilty. She's always making my life more difficult than it needs to be. Serves her right.

"You're right." Olga twiddles her thumbs, shutting the television off. Only the glow of a small nightlight beside the sofa illuminates the room. "I'm sorry, Helga. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. It really isn't my business. I hope you'll forgive me. I'm just. . .feeling a little sorry for myself, I guess. I should get back to bed. If you're going to stay up, make sure you get back to bed before anyone else wakes up in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah. No problem. I'm not a kid anymore Olga." Not that she'll ever see me as anything else, no matter how old I get.

"No." I watch Olga nod at me. "I suppose you're not. I'll. . .see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Baby Sister." Olga lifts herself off the couch and quietly creeps upstairs to her own guest room. I flip the TV back on to lose myself in its pointless forms of entertainment. I feel like I've managed to hurt Olga somehow. Normally, that wouldn't mean anything to me. But this time, it does. And I have no idea why.

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Part IV: Get This Party Started

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

--Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

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Gerald Johanssen stood on Rhonda's expansive front porch, his best friend Arnold beside him. He looked the blonde boy up and down, still worried about what his performance would be this night. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked, straightening his jacket. Gerald had decked himself out for the occasion, every ounce of his presence radiating the "cool dude" persona that he always worked so hard to nurture.

"I don't know, Gerald." Arnold hesitated, fidgeting with his bowtie. "I thought I was, but now that I'm here, and knowing she's inside there and all, it's kind of, I dunno, scary."

"Arnold, it's only Lila. It's not like you haven't seen her before."

"Yeah, but this is different. I stopped pursuing her, and this time, well, it might be different."

"You stopped pursuing her, but did you stop liking her?" Gerald questioned, pushing his friend into a corner.

Arnold sighed. "Lila isn't exactly the kind of girl you just stop liking. She kind of gets under your skin."

"No question that she's gotten under yours." Gerald shook his head. "Call me crazy, Arnold, but I don't get it. I mean, sure, she's pretty. And she's always nice. She's got a good personality. I get why you would like her, but she always just seemed a little too, y'know, perfect."

"Perfect?" Arnold cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah! I mean, the girl is nice to a fault. You never see her get mad at anyone, or do any yelling. She's like a little angel. I think it actually turns me off a little."

"She can't help it, Gerald. She's just really sweet. I mean, even after all the times she's shot me down, she always did it nicely."

"Okay, okay, I see your point." Gerald conceded. "And it's not like I don't want you to hook up with her. I guess it's just a case of Different strokes for different folks." He frowned when Arnold only chortled at his words. "What? You know one of us had to say it!" Gerald added his laughter to the mix.

"I'm just glad it was you." Arnold chuckled. "Speaking of you, are you going to ask Phoebe to dance tonight?"

"I dunno, man. The night is young."

"C'mon, Gerald. With Helga gone, she's got to be pretty lonely."

"And with Helga gone, I don't have to deal with her ever watchful eye." Gerald caught on quick. "I swear, I'd rather have her father as a chaperone than Helga."

"Well then, it looks like today is your lucky day. She likes you, Gerald. I'm sure she'll dance if you ask her."

"So what are we waiting for? Let's not keep our ladies waiting!" Gerald rapped on the front door of the Lloyd home, and moments later, Rhonda herself appeared, in a flowing red dress that hung from spaghetti straps over her otherwise bare shoulders, hugging her svelte form and billowing outward below her waist into a sea of ruffles and frills. Upon seeing the boys, her eyes lit up. Gerald had a habit of being the life of any party, and Arnold was most definitely on her mental cool list. He came from another world.

"Arnold! Gerald! So good to see you! I was beginning to worry that you wouldn't show." She extended her slender arm, her red gloves reaching all the way to her elbow. Gerald took her right hand in his, gently brushing his lips against it before releasing her.

"Enchante, my dear." Gerald flashed her his breath smile. "We wouldn't miss this for the world."

Rhonda blushed slightly, a little color spilling into her cheeks. "D-do come in!" She gestured, ushering the boys inside. "Arnold, I'm glad that you could come as well."

"It's nice to be here, Rhonda. The place looks great."

"Just a little something I had daddy help me put together." Rhonda smiled. "I've set out some punch and toast points on the long table in the dining room for now. I'll be serving something more filling in a bit. Please, make yourselves at home."

Arnold stepped into the living room, where lots of kids from his class were already milling about. Nadine immediately approached the two of them with a purposeful gleam in her eye. "Hi, Nadine." Arnold smiled, happy to see her. Nadine was usually in a good mood and had the skill of conversation. Of course, she did like to talk about bugs a lot, but they weren't the only thing on her mind, contrary to what many believed.

"Hi, Arnold. Merry Christmas! To you too, Gerald." She smiled as he appeared behind Arnold."

"Merry Christmas!" Arnold and Gerald said in unison, causing them all to laugh a bit.

"You can check your coats with me." Nadine explained. The boys quickly complied, and Nadine slung the jackets over her shoulder, heading off to place them in a bedroom, her blue dress billowing only slightly behind her from the bow she wore on her lower back.

"Man, I figured this would be a semi-formal, but Rhonda wasn't kidding." Gerald whistled lightly, clearly impressed at the spread their classmate had put out.

Arnold agreed wholeheartedly. "Well, Rhonda has always been good at throwing parties. Except maybe for that one she had in fourth grade when she only invited 'the cool kids.' Worst. Party. Ever. But aside from that, her record is pretty much flawless."

"It takes a special kind of skill to plan a successful party."

"I thought that geek party we threw to combat Rhonda's cool one was pretty successful." Arnold stated. "And what about the block party we helped organize to save the neighborhood? Man, if the police hadn't shut it down for no reason, that could've been the party of the century."

"Ah, don't sweat it. Before high school is over, you and me will throw the party of a lifetime. I promise."

"You really think so, Gerald?"

"Sure we will buddy. We'll make that geek party we threw seem like a small soirée!"

"Thanks Gerald. Um, don't look now, but I think there's someone looking for you." Arnold grinned, sizing up Phoebe in a conservative powder blue number. Her hair was out of its usual bun, and it now hung slightly over her shoulders. It was a very different look for the petite Asian girl, but Arnold immediately decided that he liked it. However, while Arnold knew that Phoebe would appreciate his comments, it was Gerald whose opinion she was likely searching for. Arnold immediately deferred to his friend, prompting him to approach Phoebe and pay her a compliment.

"Whoa." Gerald whispered under his breath. "Man, Arnold, what did she do? She looks great!"

"I know." Arnold grinned. "But I'm probably not the one you should be telling."

"Huh?" Gerald was still clearly lost in his reverie, admiring Phoebe's striking new appearance. "Oh, yeah, right. Wish me luck buddy." He raised his voice. "Hey, Phoebe! You're looking great!" Gerald called, trotting off in the direction of his pseudo girlfriend.

Arnold chuckled to himself, silently wishing the two kids luck. He hadn't had much luck himself in the love department. He still had no idea what he was supposed to be doing with Helga, she just wouldn't talk to him about the important things. And he still hadn't managed to find Lila yet. Perhaps it was time that he set himself to mingling. Taking a deep breath, Arnold decided to see what mysteries the home of Rhonda Lloyd would present him with this evening, the 23rd of December.

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Author's Notes

Okay, so here we are, at the end of another week. Before I get started this time, I just wanted to express that I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to responses on the last chapter of Instant Gratification that I put up. I've just been so busy lately, it's really hard for me to keep up with everything. I try my hardest, but I find that there just aren't enough hours in a day for me to do everything I like. But I do my best, and sometimes, that's all you can do. Work is keeping me crazy this close to Christmas, so I'm lucky if I can get one page done there in a day. Even on a significantly shorter story like COI here, that barely puts a dent in what I need to get done as far as writing goes. This chapter almost got pushed off for another time, but I decided to give up my Sunday and dedicate myself to it. I hope that you all thought it was worthwhile. For the record, I currently see this story going to four chapters overall. Maybe five, if I can't fit it all in. I can't think of any reason why it would need to be any longer. Assuming I go four chapters, then IG should make its return on January 9. If I go five, it will be the 16th. I need to take a week of somewhere just to crash for awhile and forget about deadlines, even if it's only for a week.

So, how about those HA Fanfic Awards, eh? They're really shaping up, and now we have some good competition in nearly all the categories. As for the controversy about pre-2005 stories, I'm thinking we should try to organize a separate awards competition for those. The point of the current ones is not to exclude older fics, I believe that the idea is just to keep it like the Oscars. A story has to be part of this year's batch to be considered. I'll be talking with Jarel Kortan very soon about the possibility of running an all-encompassing awards ceremony in the near future.

In the meantime, I'd like to thank everyone of you who has submitted nominations and helped make this process a success. There are some great stories and authors flitting around now, and they should make the voting a real competition. I would also like to say that in the end, I believe that the readers will be the true winners. There are a number of stories I know that I wasn't aware of which I would now like to check out. I hope that other people find some gems they may have missed as well.

Okay, onto the reviews for the first chapter of COI. Looks like there's only one that I have to respond to in here, so things should be a bit brief this time.

Acosta perez jose Ramiro, I'm glad that you feel I got off to a good start. It's strange to be writing Helga in this format again, but I think it's also good for me, as I've been working on IG for six months now. I've no doubt that a short break from that story will reinvigorate me as well. In fact, I recently came up with a great new angle for IG, but that will have to wait until I start production up on that again. You seem to have truly grasped what I was going for with Arnold last time. The boy is very torn, and he isn't sure what he's supposed to be feeling. There's something missing from his relationship with Helga, something that's been missing for a long time. He might have an opportunity coming his way to get it somewhere else, so we'll have to see what happens. Thanks for the nominations, that's thoughtful of you. I have a lot of heavy competition, though, so we'll just have to see how the awards turn out. In the end, I think that the awards will go to the stories and authors that truly deserve them, we'll just have to wait and find out where the votes fall.

Okay, I'm in the process of typing up personal response for the rest of the COI reviews right now, so no one panic. I'm going to get those out today! As for the next installment, look for it a day early, on Christmas morning. That's when it's supposed to be finished. I want it to be my Christmas present to all of you. Rest assured, it will definitely be the most dramatic chapter of the story to date. I hope that you will enjoy it. In the meantime, please feel free to send all your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:

Lord Malachite

12/19/05

3:52AM, EST

E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com

AIM: Asukaphile26