Parts V and VI: Miss You (Ever So Much) / Ceremony Of Innocence

"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."

--Oscar Wilde

"I can resist anything but temptation."

--Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

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Arnold had just about given up on locating Lila. He couldn't find her anywhere in the dining room, and both the foyer and living room were filling up with dancing couples, enjoying the music and each other's company. Harold appeared to be trying to empty the contents of Rhonda's buffet into his stomach. Sid was chatting up several of the girls who came without dates, no doubt looking for a suitable dance partner. Arnold knew who his partner would be, if she were here, anyway. Just as he was about to give up hope and crash on one of the sofas, he caught a glimpse of an unmistakably green dress. His eyes lit up, and he darted after the sight, his heart beating faster as he recognized the trademark bows and braids of P.S. 118's most cherished flower. Lila Sawyer walked gracefully across the floor, he thin braids trailing behind her. "Lila!" Arnold called to her, and she turned like a princess, never missing a beat.

"Arnold!" Lila blinked, then smiled. "It's just ever so nice to see you, Arnold. Just ever so nice."

"It's nice to see you too, Lila." Arnold tried to keep a blush out of his cheeks. "How's your vacation going?" He asked.

"Daddy and I are still doing the decorating. We're going to trim the tree tomorrow."

"That sounds like fun, Lila."

"Oh, it's ever so much fun! He and I don't get to spend very much time together, because he has to work so much. Only when I'm on vacation from school. I miss him sometimes. Arnold?"

"Yes?"

"Well, I don't want to sound upset or accusing or anything, but, I couldn't help but notice that you haven't really talked to me this year. Are we not friends anymore?" She asked hesitantly, bracing herself for the answer.

Arnold swallowed audibly. "No, Lila. That isn't it. I've just been, well, preoccupied."

"Oh." Lila frowned. "It's because you still like me like me, and I just like you, isn't it?"

"Lila, don't be silly. That never stopped me before."

The girl merely shook her head. "No, Arnold, I know it's the truth. I pushed you away."

"I'm sorry, Lila. It's just that you turned me down so many times, and I thought maybe you just didn't want me hanging around anymore."

"But I've always liked you Arnold. I always had fun with you. I just. . .I never felt-"

"That oh-so-special feeling?" Arnold finished for her. Lila nodded. "Hey, don't sweat it. I guess maybe we just weren't meant to be, Lila."

"That's what I've wanted to talk to you about." Lila sighed. "I was thinking about how in the fourth grade, when were going out for a few days. And it was kind of nice."

"Yeah, it was pretty nice, wasn't it?" Arnold smiled, thinking about the memories that had caused him to fall for the girl in the first place.

"But then you said that you didn't like me like me, you just liked me." Lila frowned, causing Arnold to wince. It wasn't an untrue statement, and they were words Arnold wished he could take back all the time.

"I know, Lila. I'm really sorry about that. I know it sounds crazy, but at the time, it was how I truly felt. I really wasn't the one who wrote 'Arnold Loves Lila' on that wall. It was someone else. And I felt like someone was trying to make a fool of us. That's why I told you that I wasn't interested. I didn't want to see you getting hurt."

"But then why did you want to tell me that you like me liked me later?" Lila persisted.

"Because I thought about how nice it was being with you, and, well, I missed that. I didn't really expect to feel that way. But you're hard not to like, Lila."

The brunette blushed. "Arnold, I broke it off with you because I felt the same way. I thought that I liked you because I thought that you liked me. Plus I was pretty upset over what you said to me that day." She put her hands on her hips. "But I did get over it. And I was never angry. I was just hurt."

"But you always turned me down after that." Arnold sighed. "You said that you didn't like me like me, you just liked me. Why?"

"Because I did only like you, Arnold. Besides, even if I did like you like you, I don't think it would've been good for us to go out again."

"Why not?"

"Because of the history and all."

"So what you're saying is, if I hadn't told you that I didn't like you like you in the first place, then none of this would've happened? That we would still be together now?"

"Well, who's to say how long it would've lasted." Lila blushed again. "But to be just perfectly honest, I suppose it's possible, Arnold. I'm sorry." Her expression looked pained.

"I'm the one who should be sorry, Lila. I messed everything up."

"Would you like to dance?" Lila asked hopefully. "Maybe we both need the closure. And I am alone."

"I'd like that very much, Lila."

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"I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you here, Football Head. I didn't think I could stand to be kept away from you, but now that I am, I'm going to grudgingly admit that maybe a little time apart is a good thing. A little. After all, how else can you expect me to talk about this kind of stuff? I don't think I could ever talk like this, say these things to you in person. It just isn't in my nature. I need the false sense of security—something to make this a little less real for me. But the truth is that I do trust you, Arnold. I trust you with everything that I am. I know that I have a funny way of showing it, but when you have the kind of feelings I do, well, all I can tell you is that every last bit of who I am is wrapped up in them. And they're for you, so that's something. Everything that I am has always been for you. I don't mean to sound so pitiful or wretched. But how can I be anything but? Here I sit, asking someone as wonderful as you to be the steward of my black and lonely heart. Is it wrong of me to ask this of you? And while I am ordinarily able to put up a strong front for the rest of the world to see, alas and alack, I cannot stand up under the scrutiny any longer. Because in this weary heart beats the truth. That no matter how much I might dare to hope and dream, I cannot escape the inevitable let down. The uncompromising fact that girls like me do not get guys like you. It is not the order of things in this world. And I suppose that's all there is to it."

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"I never knew you danced so well, Arnold." Lila beamed as her blonde escort dipped her handily, much to the delight of the other couples.

"Maybe I just needed to find the right partner." Arnold winked, purring like Gerald had taught him to what felt like ages ago.

"Arnold. . ." Lila's cheeks began to glow scarlet. "I'm ever so flattered that you like me, but-"

"Can't we fix it?" Arnold interrupted her with a whisper. "Go back in time and correct the mistake?"

"Maybe we should stop." Lila hesitated.

"I'm sorry, Lila. I didn't mean to get carried away."

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"But even so, how can I not be in awe of you? So much have I asked you to be, so much patience from you have I insisted upon. But even through all I have put you through, not once have I seen you waver. You have always been trustworthy, loyal, and forgiving. Even in the schoolyard where I show you no mercy, when our eyes meet, I can see you searching for the real me. And it's then that I know how much you truly care. And I'm forced to wonder if you've always known, since the moment we met, just how much I love you."

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Lila stood with a glass of punch in her hand; Arnold beside her, looking sheepish. "I guess it's impossible to go back in time, isn't it?" He asked.

"We can still go forward." Lila offered. "I do miss you, Arnold. Just not in the way you were hoping."

"Even after the way we just danced, you still don't think that there's anything between us?"

"No, that isn't it." Lila shook her head. "There is something between us. But I think that we missed it."

Arnold sighed. "I'm sorry you feel that way. You're smart, and funny, and pretty; I really, really like you, Lila. But if I can't be the one to make you happy, then I hope you find that special someone you're looking for."

"You do make me happy, Arnold." Lila smiled. "Again, it's just, not in the way you were hoping."

Arnold rubbed his neck, feeling awkward. "Well, I'm glad that you at least like me."

"Oh, I do like you Arnold. Just ever so much!" Lila hugged him gently, her eyes catching sight of something that set fire to her cheeks. "Arnold?"

"Yes?" He asked, regretfully allowing the girl to disentangle herself.

"Don't look now, but, well. . ." Lila inclined her head upwards, where Arnold's gaze quickly followed. Hanging above them was a strategically placed sprig of mistletoe. Looking outward, the ceiling was peppered with the most infamous of festive decorations. Rhonda was nothing if not devious.

"We don't have to, Lila." Arnold blushed profusely.

"It's tradition." Lila countered. She placed her left hand over his, shutting her eyes.

Unsure where this was going but not wanting to leave Lila all puckered up with nowhere to go, Arnold moved in, shutting his own eyes and meeting her lips with his own. The sensation was more than he expected. Her lips were soft, yes, but there was also a sweet flavor he could taste; like a dusting of sugar, perhaps representative of her personality. It felt different than he was accustomed to. Until now, the only girl he had ever kissed in his entire life was. . .HELGA! There was a tear of lightening across his vision. Helga! How could he have forgotten her? Lips that were surprisingly gentle and inviting, hair that smelled like fresh cut flowers; curiously delicate features that seemed out of place on a girl ordinarily so rough. Her touch always intensified any reaction between them, wanting yet never forceful. Was this what she had spoken of a year ago? A mark she had left on him, nearly vampiric in its design and desire. Or had he failed to notice that Lila had not yet moved away? She had not ended their kiss, and yet he could only think of Helga. Helga, with her awkward beauty that she would only let him see on rare occasions; when she would favor him with an honest smile that wasn't full of malicious intent. There was no longer any question. What did it matter now if Lila decided to throw herself at him? He belonged to Helga, and nothing could ever change that.

Arnold withdrew from Lila, noticing the way her eyes remained closed and the peaceful expression on her face. "Ar-Arnold. . ." Lila stammered as her eyes fluttered open. "That was. . ."

"I'm sorry, Lila. I have to go now." Arnold blocked her, not wanting to risk a conversation that would only serve to hurt her feelings. "I, um, hope you have a merry Christmas. I'll see you at school." He moved off quickly, not wanting to entangle himself any further with the temptation. He had to talk to Helga. Immediately. Unfortunately, she wasn't available. So Phoebe would have to do.

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"I only wish I knew what you were doing this night, my love. No doubt something noble and selfless to spread the Christmas spirit to those who need it most. Unlike myself, you never hide your light under a bowl, or snuff another's candle to make your own shine brighter. How strange the fates must think me. A fish in love with a bird, darkness enamored with the light itself. If there be any mercy left in this cruel, misbegotten world, take pity on me and grant me this one wish. Do not let love pass me by. Oh, let me wash away the misdeeds and cruelty of my few wasted years and live anew in brighter ones. I am not beyond all hope. I will learn to fight back, to better myself. Let love be my guide and destiny my friend, yet most of all, pray gentleness will be my goal, for I shall endeavor to be a better person. And even thought it is not in my nature to be trusting, I shall place my trust fully in you, my sweet angel love. I will trust you not to hurt me, but in time, to support me and dispel all remnants of my worser half. For what man alive is more upright and true than you?"

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"Gerald!" Arnold called to his best friend, who was slow dancing in the now largely vacant dining room with Phoebe, who looked as though she had stars in her eyes.

"Hey there, lover boy." Gerald smirked, never taking his eyes off of his girl. "How are things going?"

"Gerald, I need to cut in for a few minutes." Arnold choked, desperation in his voice.

"Say what!"

"I just need to talk to Phoebe." Arnold pleaded. "Alone. Please, it'll only be for a few minutes."

Gerald sighed. "All right, but just try not to ruin the mood." Gerald finally acquiesced. He reluctantly released his girlfriend, stepping out of the room to accommodate his best friend's request. To Arnold's credit, he hardly missed a beat, taking up the slow dance handily. Phoebe herself possessed quite a bit of grace, adjusting to the change in partners with ease.

"Arnold! This is a pleasant surprise." Phoebe smiled, proffering her arm to him, which he took. He gently placed his other hand on her waist, and the two fell into a comfortable rhythm with the romantic music Rhonda had arranged purely for the couples.

"Phoebe, I'm sorry to ask, but how much do you know?" Arnold asked.

"About what?" Phoebe inquired, not certain what this was all about.

"About me, and Helga, and. . .stuff." Arnold whispered into her ear.

Phoebe blushed a bit at being questioned so directly about her best friend's love life. "I know everything that I need to know."

Arnold nodded once before proceeding to explain everything that had happened that night with Lila. Phoebe did her best to calm her friend, approaching the situation in a cool, rational manner. "Arnold, I must point out that your intentions towards Lila this evening are a matter that you must work out with your own conscience. However, I also believe that this situation is not as bad as it could be. A kiss under mistletoe is a holiday tradition, a ceremony of innocence that dates back a long way. I would hardly consider it to be a binding connection with another girl, provided it was just the once. Especially since from what you're telling me, you weren't able to stop thinking about Helga." Phoebe smirked.

"What can I say? She does strange things to me."

"She's been doing that for years!" Phoebe let out a string of laughter. "I'm sorry, I just find it terribly sweet. Be good to her Arnold. She needs it."

"I will." Arnold nodded. "I still have to tell her about this. She would never forgive me if she found out any other way, and too many people saw us."

"I agree." Phoebe nodded. "If she gets upset, I'll try to put in a good word for you."

"Somehow, I think it might take more than that."

"I know you care about her, Arnold."

"I think it's more than that now. I should get going. I have to do something for her. Something big. If I don't see either you or Gerald. . ."

"Merry Christmas." Phoebe smiled, understanding completely.

"Merry Christmas." Arnold released the girl, kissing her hand. "And thanks, Phoebe. For everything."

"All part of helping my friends." Phoebe bowed. As Arnold left to record his own message for Helga, Phoebe felt satisfied that, while there might still be some rough road ahead, Helga might soon have real reason to celebrate. Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by a familiar yet seemingly out of place voice.

"May I have this dance?"

Phoebe's eyes widened when she saw who was asking. "Lorenzo?"

"Yes. Long have I wanted to ask you, but you have been very preoccupied this evening. I did not wish to intrude."

"Not at all." Phoebe blushed. "My date is a little busy right now anyway, and I don't see what harm it could do." In truth, she had never been more curious in her life. She and Gerald had always been making eyes at each other since they were young, but the thought of another man being even mildly interested in her sent a furious excitement coursing through her veins. Lorenzo seemed very encouraged as he deftly took Phoebe's arm in his, and she instantly noticed how much more experienced his form was than either Gerald or Arnold. Something she had hidden away in a corner of her mind seemed to click, and there was a question that she knew she had to ask her new dance partner. "So tell me, Lorenzo, did you by any chance send me a Valentine earlier this year?"

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Author's Notes

All right, that's it for this week. It may not seem overly long, but hey, I covered a lot of ground here, and I just don't have enough time to even type these notes, I've had to do so much overtime this week. I'm darn tired. I've been getting by on four hours of sleep a night.

But okay, no more whining and whatnot. It's Christmas, a time to be merry! It doesn't feel like Christmas this year, for some reason, but that's okay. I feel good and full of the right spirit and all that fun stuff. I only wish that the person to whom this story is dedicated could be here. Unfortunately, she is away at the moment, but since she's visiting her family, I'd say it's for a worthy cause. But wherever you might be when you read this, Holly, merry Christmas to you! I hope it brings you the kind of joy and delight you bring me every time we meet. Christmas may come but once a year, but you keep it in my heart every day. That's a gift you've given me I hope never to lose.

So, I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Scandalous, is it not? But fear not, it isn't quite over yet. We still have one or perhaps two chapters to go, I haven't yet decided. But I do hope you'll come back next week. I might even have a little surprise coming to IG soon. Truth be told, I really wanted to do a special Christmas column from Ginger, but it appears as though time is not going to be on my side. Even so, I have to say it again. Merry Christmas, everyone!

I'd also like to thank everyone for all the nominations in the HA fanfic awards. They already seem like a rousing success to me, and now that we're in the voting phase, I wish the best of luck to everyone in the polls!

As for the reviewer responses, argh, time. But don't worry. It just so happens I have plenty of time to do them on Monday night, so don't be shy, I won't be leaving anyone out, as usual. I like to be thorough to my fans!

I'll see you back here next week, everyone! But until then, feel free to send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:

Lord Malachite

12/25/05

3:22AM, EST

E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com

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