My High School Love Life
Part Six

Something Is A Secret

Did I mean what I said to her?

The answer's no.

Now then, why did I say it you ask?

I understand that I could have just told her right out that I was completely in love with her too, take her in my arms and kiss her - no matter how incredibly corny that may sound, but I didn't. Of course, you know that part already, so basically I'm just repeating myself.

You see, as you have read, I had changed almost completely since the beginning of my freshman year.

Was the change good?

Once again... no.

When Sora and I were standing outside of our elementary school after we had officially graduated fifth grade, Sora had made me promise something...

Flashback

Sora's pretty ruby eyes sparkled as she stared longingly at the school we would never return to for education, for we had finally graduated. We were going to become sixth graders... middle schoolers. We were gradually stepping up the ladder towards adulthood. I was ecstatic while Sora became... well... sad.

"Why're you crying Sora? I don't like it when you cry..." I told her softly as I tried to comfort her by gently rubbing her back, taking her into my arms and hugging her.

"Tai..." she said looking up at me with her tear stained eyes and cheeks.

"Yeah?" I asked, taking the corner of my shirt sleeve and wiping her tears away as I stepped away from the hug.

"You know I hate change right...?" she asked me quietly, as she looked down at the ground. There was silence then she continued on not waiting for my answer. "I heard that when people go to middle school, they change, and things change along with them. I don't want things to change Tai!"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't give her comforting words that began with "Things won't change Sora" because I knew that things were indeed going to change, so instead, I chose to remain silent.

"Tai... promise me... even if everyone else around us changes, neither you or I will change," she practically pleaded me.

I couldn't refuse that, so I smiled. "Yeah, of course I promise."

"Besides, I like the way you are. You should never change Tai!" she finally smiled at me.

"I promise Sora. I promise."

End of flashback

I understand that people do change, and they can't help themselves. In fact, Sora and I had undergone a few changes ourselves since middle school up until now, but Sora's changes were never as drastic as mine. She was still the same innocent, kind, wonderful, beautiful girl that I had always known...

As for me...

Everyday since my senior year, I would look at myself in the mirror with disgust. I would always see some type of uncaring monster who played around with girls' emotions. I hated myself... I hated the way I turned out to be.

Back to the question of why I had told Sora that I didn't love her.

When she implied that she loved me, yes, I admit that I was happy, but I didn't deserve her. The monster that I let myself become didn't deserve her.

I didn't want to lead us into anymore situations, and I wanted to push her away; didn't want to give her hope that we could be together because I would always feel lowly if I were to be with her, therefore never truly enjoying her company, which would then in turn make her depressed thinking that she wasn't making me happy.

Excuses, excuses... I guess that's all they really are... but would if you loved someone so much... wouldn't you want them to be happy? Even if they were happy... without you...?

I wanted to join Matt to America when he asked me to. He wanted me to be his song writer... I could have made a new life for myself.

Just one problem: I was afraid to leave.

It's funny when you think about it. I mean, me, the guy who screwed up his whole possible relationship with the girl he really loved because of some stupid shit he did back in high school.

I didn't want to leave behind my friends and my family here. I had always dreamt about staying in Odaiba, living in a home here and raising a family here. Even though I messed up, I held on to that hope that my dream would come true one day. I was afraid that if I ever left it, even for just a weekend, it would never come true.

After Matt left, Sora and I finally got to hang out the way we used to before high school.

Sounds crazy right? I mean after that conversation where in I lied to her, we had closer communication. Even I was confused, and shocked to say the least. I mean, before I walked out that door, Sora took my hand and asked me if this changed out friendship in any way, shape or form. I didn't lie to her and tell her that it didn't, because both you and I know that it changed our friendship, if not drastically then at least by a bit.

The changed weren't bad actually. In fact, they were great. I started really liking what those changes brought out even though I was still a little confused about it. I mean, after what I told Sora, I noticed that physical contact became more common, as in, more hugs per day, and added kisses to the cheek.

The thing that confused me about the whole situation was the fact that I would have thought Sora would lessen our contact, I mean most people, especially girls, they would be a least a little embarrassed because of the rejection. I mean, I would be at least, I don't know about you.

There was something about her actions that made me think... Maybe... just maybe she knew something that I didn't know.

Not a year after Matt left, he called me from some five star hotel in Hollywood. He said something about how they had 'hit it big' in the United States. Of course everyone already knew that. Television is always a great way for people to know what's going on in the world.

Well, he called and said that the songs that I had written for him when he and his band were still here, were the ones that caused his band to sky rocket. Anyways, he asked if I could go there and be their official song writer.

Author's Point of View

"I don't think you should go Tai."

The said man turned around to face his best friend. "What do you mean Sora? This is the chance of a lifetime! Do you have any idea how much money the Wolves are getting right now Sor? In U.S. dollars? It's a dream job, I can't just pass it up!" he exclaimed. He looked at her as if she were insane.

"Tai..." she went up to him and took his hands. "I... I just don't think your family will like that very much..." she stuttered.

"Yeah well... I'm over eighteen. I can do whatever I want now. Come one Sor. Why can't you just support me on this?"

"I... It's just that... Well... Don't you remember what you told me a while ago...? That thing you said about if you leave Odaiba some dream you had will never come true? What if... What if it never comes true...?"

He freed himself from her grasp, then put both hands on either of her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "Look. Sora, I'm not in college right now. I'm working as some stupid soccer side kick coach for some man named 'Kiki', and I still live with my parents. Now tell me how my dream can ever become a reality if I can't even talk to any other girl besides you once they find out about my situation. If I leave... I can actually make that dream become a reality without having to wait so long."

She casted her ruby eyes towards the ground. "Ma...Maybe you're right. I-I guess so. I mean... Yeah. I was just worried about what your family would say anyways. Besides, if they ever find out that I actually supported you on leaving them, your mom will never let me inside the house to eat all that wonderful food she always tends to cook," she finally said, bringing her eyes back up to meet Tai's.

"You can come with me you know?" he suggested.

She shook her head. "I still have college and that stupid waitressing job to help pay for those stupid bills for my small, danky apartment... I think... I think you should just visit. Very often. Oh! And write too! Like everyday. If you miss a day, I'll have to personally bite your head off for that okay?" she smiled sweetly.

Tai turned to face the envelope that Matt had sent him the day after the phone call. "He's already sent me a ticket... I guess he really wants me there right away 'cause it says right here that the flight's tomorrow morning..." he read off.

"Tomorrow?! You're crazy! You haven't even told anyone else but me yet. How's everyone else going to take it?"

"I'll pack up, leave then call everyone when I get there," he said.

Sora turned around and crossed her arms. "Well that's a stupid idea Tai."

"Yeah well... As you've said before: I'm always filled with stupid ideas. Now.. do you think you can help me pack up?"

"How much?"

"Not that much, I mean... I am gonna strike it rich there as their song writer aren't I?"

"Yeah... Yeah Tai..." she said somewhat sadly.

Tai's Point of View

Believe me when I say that my actions right there were completely false. Sora was telling me something, but I just didn't try and decipher it. I didn't want to. I wanted to get out of her life as soon as possible. I couldn't, and wouldn't keep ruining her life. You see, as we got closer together again, Sora hadn't even looked at one guy at all. She was slowly torturing me. It was as if she knew how I truly felt and she just kept reeling me in.

She was tempting me to try and get something that I didn't deserve...

... And I didn't know it... but I was slowly falling for her trap...

Author's Notes: I'm so sorry!!! I know that this took sooo long to make, and I really do apologize. I've been having writer's block for a while now, and I still have a little bit of it, that's why I wasn't able to finish this story yet, even though I said that I would. I also apologize for the shortness of this chapter! I apologize for the delay, but I thank those who are still reading.

One more thing: I will be taking a vacation to the Philippines for a month, so I apologize for another long delay for my chapter(s). I really wish that you all still continue to read this.

I love you all!

Thanks for you patience.

Please review!