Merry Christmas everyone! I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to get this part up but you cannot imagine how hectic the last two weeks of school were. Supposedly I'm working over the holidays but hopefully I should have the time to get a few more parts written so posting may be a bit more regular.

Have a great Christmas, and if I don't post sooner, a great Hogmanay too!

Em xx

"How many shocks do you think we can cope with in a week?" Nick asked; a confusion of anger, hurt and concern mixed in his voice. Sara looked away, unable to meet the confrontation in his eyes. "I'm not telling you off, Sara," he continued. "I just can't go on having these conversations. I don't want to have to regularly convince you that live is worth living."

"Is it?"

"Evidently you don't think so."

It suddenly occurred to Sara how melodramatic this whole scene was. She felt like the star of a bad movie, waiting for her handsome prince to come rescue her. It then occurred to her that if someone were to try to sweep her off the bed the drips that were attached to her body might make it slightly difficult and she laughed out loud at the strange way in which her mind worked.

"What exactly is funny, Sara?"

The hilarity passed in an instant and was replaced immediately by guilt. All of a sudden a certain person reappeared in her mind.

"Where's Grissom?"

"He's just outside. The doctor told us you didn't want to see him."

"I don't," she confirmed, without being entirely sure why she felt this way. The room went silent again. She glanced up for a second and met Nick's eyes for the first time.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, instantly realising the inadequacy of her words. "I never meant to cause anyone else any pain. I just thought it would be easier this way."

"Easier for who, exactly? For me? For Catherine? Greg, Warrick? For Grissom? Please don't tell me you thought this would make life easier for Grissom."

"I'm a hassle, Nick. I'm a mess; I can't cope. I know none of you were ever going to let me deal with this alone, but I didn't want to be a burden. I just thought that-"

"That it would be so much easier if you were dead? What were you thinking? Did you think that we'd all breathe a sigh of relief and get on with life?"

Put that way, Sara suddenly felt ridiculous. "I'm sorry," she muttered again, feeling the meagreness of her words even more.

Nick came over and sat down on the side of the bed. "Just promise me you'll never, ever do that again." He smiled at her. "I don't think my heart could take it."

She smiled back it him. But she could not muster any words. Right now she was worried that, for all that she wanted to, she might not be able to keep the promise.

Sara awoke, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the harsh hospital lights. A nurse was fiddling with something to the side of her bed. Sara's throat felt horrifically dry. She croaked something incoherently, attracting the nurse's attention.

"You're awake." Sara nodded. "I'll get you some water."

Sara gratefully supped a cup of water with the help of the nurse, feeling weak and helpless.

"I think the doctor is going to come and speak to you soon."

Right on cue, Sara's doctor walked through the door.

"Ah good, you're awake."

"I'll leave you to it," the nurse said, gently tending to Sara's pillows and leaving the half full cup of water on her bedside. The doctor approached Sara's bed and took a deep breath. Sara had a horrible feeling that there was bad news coming.

"Sara," the doctor began. "First of all, you're recovering very well. Despite your best attempts, your body is fighting back."

"But-"

"But we had to run some tests when you came in. In doing so we uncovered something."

"Something bad," Sara added, preparing herself.

"That depends. Sara, you're pregnant."

"What?" Her mind spun, unable to register what she had just heard. "No- I- It-"

"I understand this is difficult for you, but we're going to be with you every step of the way. Can we assume that-?" The doctor broke off, seemingly struggling to word her question. Sara was equally struggling to decipher her words.

"Assume what?"

"The father-"

Sara took a deep breath. The announcement had come as such a shock that as she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that there was a little life growing inside her she had not even contemplated that that life was as much a part of someone else as it was of her. "The father…" she murmured.

"Do we know, Sara?" the doctor probed gently.

"It has to be- I- I wasn't seeing anyone else. That means- Oh God." She broke off. For once her eyes were dry; her body was still. But the thoughts running through her head were dizzying. She closed her eyes but when she opened them again the doctor was still there, concerned. As it dawned on Sara that this was not just a horrible dream, she was glad she had not made the promise to Nick earlier.

"I want an abortion."

"Sara, this isn't the time for rash decisions."

"I said I want an abortion."

"Maybe I should give you some time."

"I'm an adult, doctor. I can make my own decisions."

"You could talk to someone?"

"Doctor, I-" Sara suddenly stopped. "Actually, yes, get Grissom."

"Sorry?"

"Dr Grissom. I want to speak to him. Is he outside?"

"He hasn't left since you got here."

Sara smiled to herself. "Tell him to come in."

The doctor nodded and left the room. In a matter of seconds Grissom had replaced her and was standing watching Sara. The look in his eyes hurt Sara even more than Nick's had.

"Grissom-"

"Sara-"

They both began in unison.

"You first."

"No, you."

"I'm pregnant."

Sara shocked herself. She did not know why she had just come out and told him. For hours she had not even wanted to see him and now here she was confessing everything.

"Sorry?"

"I said I'm pregnant, Grissom."

He moved over to the bed and sat down gently, as much for his own good as hers, Sara thought.

"Is it-"

"The result of my rape? Yes."

"Oh, God." Grissom stared down into his lap, apparently struggling to say anything positive.

"I'm going to get rid of it."

Grissom immediately looked up. "What?"

"Please don't try and persuade me otherwise. You said you'd help me get through this. Part of that is getting rid of this – thing." She refused to consider the life inside her as more than that.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I can be. It's part of him, Grissom. I'd never be able to look my own child in the eye."

Grissom reached out for Sara's hand. "Why did you not want to see me earlier?"

Sara was shocked by the sudden change of topic but gladly let Grissom stroke her hand in his. "I don't know. Really, I don't. My head is in turmoil."

"I'm glad you changed your mind."

"Me too."

"I'll be with you all the way, Sara, whatever your decision."

The subtle implication that her decision had not been made was not lost on Sara, but she could not be angry. She was just so glad to have Grissom here, sitting at her bedside, holding her hand. It made her think that maybe, just maybe, something good could come of all of this.