CHAPTER 4 – Truth Be Told

Jag's body was crying out all over, resentful of Jaina's weight bearing down on it.  He tried to shift slightly to relieve some of the discomfort, careful to not disturb Jaina.  Jag knew that his pain was nothing compared to hers so he hoped she would stay in the peaceful sleep that had overtaken her.

Jaina's head rolled awkwardly off his shoulder with his new position.  Jag silently cursed himself as he gently eased her head to a more comfortable position resting against his shoulder.  He could feel her breathing become deeper and her muscles stiffen as she slowly awakened, struggling to come to terms with her strange surroundings.

"I fell asleep," she said wearily.

"You needed it.  Nothing to see anyway."

"Are you all right?" she asked, sensing his discomfort.

"I have been better."  He marveled that despite her predicament she was still concerned about him.  He imagined that even though they had not finished their conversation on the planet, Jaina just might feel as strongly as he did.  "Not much longer now."

Jag sat silently for a moment gathering his thoughts before continuing.  "Jaina, I want to talk about you and me before we get back. We may not have a chance later."  Jaina remained still, waiting for him to find the words, probably not sure where he was heading.  After gathering his wits, Jag began, "I want there to be an us.  I see a future for us after the war.  I want to try to make this work. I need to know if you feel the same way, if you want the same thing."

**********

Jag waited anxiously for a response; Jaina could feel his heart pounding in his chest beneath her.  She could sense anticipation and worry from him in the Force.  Jaina could even sense fear from a man who was never afraid, fear for what she would say.  At that moment, she recognized the true depth of his love for her.  Jaina knew in her heart that he was the one person in the galaxy meant for her, that they were meant to be together.

No matter what, believe in love.

"I want to be with you, too, Jag.  I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before.  I started to understand that after Ebaq.  But I cannot jeopardize all the work everyone has put into the Trickster illusion.  It is too important to the war, and I will not allow you to become a pawn for the Vong.  I could never forgive myself if something happened to you because they were to find out how I feel."

"I understand.  I don't have any expectations that we can be open about our relationship.  I just think it is important that we are honest with each other about our true feelings."  Jag adjusted his position so he could better see her face.

"I want nothing more than to be with you every minute of every day.  It is not fair that we have to put our lives on hold.  It makes me want to fight harder to end this war now.  I used to be afraid of my future, but not anymore.  I want to get on with my life.  So let's promise to be there for each other and make the most of the private moments we can steal."  Jaina wove her fingers through Jag's as she spoke and brought his hand up to her lips, kissing his palm.  "Let's promise our hearts to each other."

Jag curled his fingers around hers, squeezing them gently, returning the sentiment.  The anticipation and concern were gone from his heart and just the flame of true love burned in him.  Jaina had never felt anything so beautiful in the Force and wished he could feel it, too.  She would always have an insight into him that he could never have from her.

Almost like he understood what she was thinking he asked, "Promise always to be honest with me, Jaina.  Don't keep anything from me.  Let me feel what you feel.  Let me be your strength and support.  You don't have to save the galaxy on your own."

"I promise.  Jag, I…"  The chiming of the nav computer interrupted her.  Jag shifted so he could reach the controls around her.

"Time to go back to reality," he announced as the craft reverted to realspace.

Jaina sat still, trying her best to keep out of the way.  She never had a chance to finish her thought to Jag.  He was busy communicating with flight control and operating the craft, asking her to help where she could.

Jag landed the clawcraft without the slightest jar and began shutting down systems.  Jaina could see Kyp's X-wing set down gently next to them.  Jag released the canopy, and it eased open.  Quicker than humanly possible, Kyp Durron was on top of the clawcraft looking down into the cockpit.

"Cozy," Kyp called down to them, a huge smirk covering his face.

"Shut up, Kyp, and get me out of here," Jaina snapped back at him, hissing from the pain flaring in her ribs as she spoke louder than she should have.

"Patience. Let the Master work."  He raised his hands out, palms up.  Jaina rose out of the cockpit into Kyp's arms. "Better?" Kyp asked Jaina.

She nodded into his chest.  Jag climbed up next to him, just in time to see the edges of pain soften across Jaina's face and her limbs relax, as Kyp was applied a Jedi technique to her battered body.

Kyp stepped off the clawcraft and fell slowly to the ground, with Jaina still cradled in his arms. Jag climbed down after him.

"Show off." Jag looked in the direction of the voice and saw Jacen Solo and the Jedi healer Cilghal next to him.

Kyp walked over to set Jaina down on the repulsor bed next to them and stepped out of the way, making room for the two other Jedi.  Jacen wrapped his arms around his sister.  "Jay," he whispered in her ear.

Nothing else needed to be said; it was all shared between their twin bond.  Jacen quickly made way for the Jedi healer, sitting next to his sister on the sled.  He took Jaina's hand in his and closed his eyes, focusing solely on her presence in the Force.  Jaina could feel the pain ebbing away like a wave on the sand retreating to the ocean.

**********

Jag leaned over to Kyp. "He is doing something for her pain, isn't he?  Just like you did a minute ago.  I can see it in her face."

Kyp nodded.

"I envy you for that."

Kyp looked back at the green-eyed Corellian.  "I envy the piece of her heart that belongs to you." The two men looked at each other silently.  Jag tipped his head to Kyp in understanding.  Then they both looked back to watch Cilghal examine Jaina.

**********

Han and Leia Solo slipped up quietly behind the two men, not wanting to disturb the examination.  Jaina smiled at them both.  Leia could sense excitement course through Jaina in the Force when she arrived, like she had something important to tell her.  When it appeared Cilghal had finished, Leia spoke, "How is she?"

The healer turned to Leia.  "Your daughter has had head trauma, which resulted in a concussion; a fractured collar bone; two fractured ribs, that Colonel Fel did an excellent job of mending…" She nodded to the pilot, acknowledging his efforts.  "…and a substantial laceration to the right quadriceps.  Some time in the bacta tank coupled with a healing session, and Jaina will be functioning fully in no time."

"Can't keep a Solo down for long," Han quipped as he pushed past to hug his only daughter, barely able to conceal his delight in her safe return.

"Hi, Dad."  Jaina let go of Jacen's hand to wrap her arms around his waist.

Han pushed her away to arms' length and smiled the smile fathers reserved for their little girls.  "I'm happy you're home safe, honey."

"Take good care of my pilot. I need her back flying soon."  Wedge's voice startled the gathering.  Wedge slid past the others coming up next to Han Solo.  "Good to see you back, Lieutenant Colonel Solo.  It is a shame about your ship."

"Thank you, sir.  How is my squadron?"

Wedge laughed out loud, accented by snickers from Jag and Kyp.  "How about just worrying about you for a day, Jaina."

"You better make that an order," Kyp piped in from behind him.

Cilghal interrupted, "I really should get Jaina down to the medward and begin her treatment."

"Certainly," Wedge said as he stepped back.

Leia stepped into his place and put her hand on Jaina's shoulder, knowing her daughter would prefer to save the parental displays of affection for private.  "Jaina, why don't you lie down?"

Jaina started to protest but saw the look in her mother's eye and must have realized it was pointless. Jacen jumped off the repulsor bed to make room for his sister.  As she reclined, Jaina rolled her eyes for everyone to see.  Somewhat relieved of the strain on her worn out body, she visibly relaxed as Leia ignored her daughter's antics and soothed a mass of tangled bangs aside.

**********

Cilghal and the Solo family followed the repulsor bed as it moved toward the hangar exit leading to the medward.  Kyp and Jag started to tag along, but were halted by Wedge's voice.  "A moment of your time, gentlemen."

 Jag straightened to attention next to Kyp.  "Yes, sir," the younger man replied.

Wedge addressed the Jedi first, "Kyp, thank you for your assistance. Your help was greatly appreciated.  We seem to be stretched thin.  The higher ups want to keep Mon Calamari protected with top squadrons, but we also need them for high priority missions."

"About that, sir.  The refugee flow around Corellia has seemed to taper off.  My men and women may be more useful assisting the Defense Force at this juncture."

"We could definitely use the help.  I just recalled Vanguard Squadron to fill in some holes, but there are plenty more to be filled.  Admiral Kre'fey and I were just discussing the need to step up our patrols in the Coreward side of this system."

"It's settled then."

"Colonel Celchu will take care of all the necessary arrangements.  Do you mind if I have a minute with my nephew?"

"Sure thing.  The Dozen have probably taken over the base cantina by now. I  better go rescue the natives. Catch up to you later, Colonel."  Jag nodded to the Jedi, still standing erect and emotionless, anticipating his uncle's next move.

Wedge never looked at Jag rather started walking. "Let's head this way.  There is someone waiting for me."  Jag jogged to catch up, then walked silently next to Wedge. The older man was quiet for a minute. "Quite rash, taking off after Lieutenant Colonel Solo like that."

"That's what she said."

"Smart girl.  Pretty too."  Wedge eyed his nephew but saw no reaction, his military discipline allowing Jag to maintain a neutral face.  "I expect that this latest excursion was an anomaly just like the one Lieutenant Colonel Solo experienced at Borleias."

"Sir?" Jag responded curiously, wondering where his uncle was going with the conversation.

"You two seem to have this knack for saving each other.  Although I am thankful for Jaina's safe return and I realize nothing would stop you from saving the woman you love, I expect better of you as an officer.  I unfortunately will have to discipline you."

Jag had stopped dead in the hall.  "You know?"

Wedge turned back to face him.  "Of course I know.  Although you two have done an admirable job of concealing the truth, minus before mentioned anomalies, I am your uncle and Jaina's hold-father.  I think I know you two better than most.  My concern is that this does not affect what we have worked so hard for here."

"Jaina and I agree.  We both understand the importance of her role as the Trickster.  We have decided to keep our relationship under wraps as long as it is required.  I don't like the thought of her playing bait for the Yuuzhan Vong like at Ebaq Nine, but that is her decision, and I respect her for it.  We are willing to make sacrifices for the good of the many."

Wedge placed both hands on Jag's shoulders.  "If it is any consolation I don't think Jaina, or anyone else for that matter, realized that the Vong would take the bait so seriously at Ebaq Nine.  Admiral Ackbar never anticipated they would actually attack the moon."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, sir.  Not when her safety is involved."

"No, I imagine not.  That issue aside, this will be hard on both of you.  I do not envy the two of you one bit."

"I understand.  She is worth it to me."

"If you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me or Iella.  We'll always be there for you."

"Thank you, sir, uh, Wedge." Wedge grinned at his nephew, his discomfort in addressing Wedge informally always striking the older man as quite amusing.

Wedge turned and started walking again. Jag realized they were in the area reserved for senior staff quarters as he rushed to catch up, probably heading to the Antilles apartment.

"You sure did pick a spit fire," Wedge chuckled.

"Yes, I did."

"About your discipline.  You will pull double command duty for the week, I am short a squadron commander since I loaned one out to Twin Suns when they shipped out yesterday.  You will have to pick up his workload, I certainly don't have the time."

"Sounds fair."

Wedge stopped in front of his door and keyed the lock.  It slid open and Wedge turned to face Jag.

"Am I dismissed, sir?"

"No, we are having lunch."

"But, I thought you were expecting someone."

"I am."

Wedge motioned for Jag to enter his apartment.  Jag nodded at his commanding officer and stepped into the apartment.  He came to an abrupt stop just inside the door.  His eyes glued to the man sitting on the couch in the main room.  Dressed in a tailored long sleeve white shirt and plain dress pants, Soontir put down his drink on the end table and stood.

"You would think I raised a son with no manners, eh, Wedge," the Baron jested with his brother-in-law.

Jag regained his composure and addressed his father.  "I apologize, sir.  This is quite unexpected."  He walked over to his father and extended his right arm.  His father reached out and clasped his arm.  "It is good to see you, sir."

The father and son released each other.  Jag stood ramrod straight, like he was awaiting inspection.  Wedge observed the formal exchange between the father and son and began to piece together why Jag was so uncomfortable with his own family's casual demeanor.

"Likewise, Colonel."

"I expect my last report finally spurred the Chiss Council to act.  That is why you are here."  It was an observation rather than a question.

"Your report was quite convincing.  Your observations on recent develops here on Mon Calamari and the Battle of Ebaq have suggested to the Council the need for further participation on our part.

Wedge walked up next to the younger Fel.  "Jag, as I explained to your father earlier, the military formality remains at the door in the Antilles' household.  Please sit."  He motioned toward the chair facing the couch.  His father was already returning to his seat.

"Yes Son, please sit.  You must be exhausted after the search and rescue mission your uncle assigned you."  Jag sat down on the edge of the chair maintaining his erect posture.  He could sense the disapproval in his father's voice directed at his uncle.  Jag knew there was a storied history between the two men and was bound by honor to rectify his father's understanding of the events, despite the consequences to his own reputation.

"Uncle Wedge did not…"

"…have enough pilots to spare.  Thankfully, Jagged here had completed repairs to his clawcraft ahead of schedule and was generous enough to assist."

Jag was amazed that his uncle would accept responsibility in his father's eyes.  Such subversion was so unlike his father.  The truth was a line the Baron believed was straight and unbendable. Jag made a mental note to thank Wedge later.

"Jagged has always taken pride in completing every task first and better," a voice from behind remarked.  Syal Fel and Iella Antilles had entered the room quietly from the kitchen.

Jag shot out of his chair. "Mother!"

Syal floated across the room and swept her son into her arms, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.  Wedge hugged Iella as they watched the reunion, reminded of how much the couple missed their own children. Soontir Fel allowed a small smile to cross his lips, basking in his wife's joy.

Syal released Jag and stood back from him, running her arms from his shoulders down to his hands, pulling them to her.  "You look more handsome than the last time I saw you."  Pride radiated from her face.

"I can't believe you are here," he exclaimed, squeezing her hands in delight.

"Someone had to make sure Soontir and Wedge behaved."  Syal glared at the two older men, having witnessed the earlier verbal jab from her husband aimed at Wedge, before looking back at her son.  "Besides I missed you so much."

"What about Rane and Briaun?"

"They are also here.  Your brother is flying with Spike Squadron, which escorted us here.  Briaun is on the ship with the tutor.  She needs to keep up on her studies while we are away from Csilla.  They look forward to seeing you.  I practically had to tie Briaun to the chair when we left her behind today."

"Maybe in your spare time you can come up to the ship and visit."

Jag flashed Wedge a look.  "I don't have a lot of spare time, but I will try.  I have a lot of responsibilities currently."

"Not too many to keep you from rescuing Wedge's pet project," Soontir snarled.

Syal shot her husband a warning glance before cupping her son's face with her hands.  "You look tired.  Are you getting enough sleep?"

Jag pulled away from his mother, brushing off her concern.  "Yes, usually. I just have not had a chance to sleep since yesterday.  I am used to getting by on little sleep, being raised among the Chiss."

"Is Lieutenant Colonel Solo all right, Jagged?" Iella asked.

Jag addressed his aunt, knowing she truly would be concerned for Jaina's welfare.  "She will be.  The X-wing was a loss.  Jaina sustained some significant injuries from the crash and an additional leg wound from a fight with a couple of Yuuzhan Vong."

Syal crossed the room, taking her husband's hand, and sat down with him.  "She fought the Yuuzhan Vong by herself.  I understand they are fierce warriors," she stated with a hint of surprise.

"Lieutenant Colonel Solo is a Jedi Knight.  That is what she is trained to do."

"A squadron commander and a Jedi, she sounds like an impressive woman.  I think I would like to meet her."

"Syal, I have dealt with Jedi before.  You need not bother.  Jedi are an arrogant breed touting an ancient religion.  They believe they are better than any one who cannot sense the Force," Soontir interjected.

Wedge was about to speak when Jag addressed his father's opinion, "No, Father.  They are not that way at all. I have had the pleasure of working with several Jedi.  Jedi believe that their gift requires that they protect and respect all life.  Their burden is to serve.  Such a narrow-minded opinion could be compared to those that believe the Chiss are an intolerant society, unaccepting of outsiders, which we know not to be true."

"You are entitled to your opinion," the older Fel tipped his head to acknowledge his son's argument.  Jag knew it would take more than his last statement to sway his father's opinion.

A quiet fell over the room. But none too soon, Iella broke the awkward moment.  "Who's ready for lunch?"

**********

It was late night, and there was no activity in the medward other than the droids monitoring patients.  Jag stood in the quiet room watching Jaina float in the bacta tank in front of him.

Jag had taken time to get a shower and catch up on some much needed rest after lunch with his parents.  He was about to go out on patrol, but he wanted to check on Jaina first.  Jag had decided this would be the best time, when everyone was settling down for the evening.  That way he could spend a few minutes alone with her, without raising anyone's suspicions.  Even though transparisteel and a tank of bacta separated them, Jag simply loved being near her.  It brought a peace to his soul he never knew existed.

"She will be out in the morning." Han Solo must have been standing silently behind the Colonel, observing the pilot watch his daughter.

"I did not hear you come in, sir."

"Don't call me sir, kid.  It makes me feel as old as I truly am.  I wanted to thank you for bringing my daughter home."  Han Solo moved up to stand next to the younger man.

"Just doing my job, sir."  Realizing he had used the forbidden word again, Jag flashed an apologetic grin.  "Sorry.  I was glad to help out."

"Can't help yourself, can you?"

"No, it is part of the upbringing."

"Somehow I have visions of little Fels marching around the house saluting the Baron."  Han chuckled at the image.  Although he offered the older man no response, Jag was inclined to agree with the truth of the words.  His father did run a tight ship, not that he was incapable of showing love and compassion at other times.

Han frowned at Jag's lack of a sense of humor, then continued speaking, "So I understand your father brought the Chiss here to save the Rebel scum."  Han's remarks, in his usual style, were an attempt to test the other man's steely disposition.  Jag bristled at the implication but gave no outward indication.  Apparently, Han Solo was as opinionated as his father.  Jag chose to ignore the older Corellian's statement.

Han was impressed at Jag's restraint. "Sorry, old habit – insulting your father.  Don't take it personally.  You know, if she had heard me just now, Jaina would give me one of those Force slaps she used to torture her brothers with as a child, saying I was being rude to her savior."

"Apology accepted." Jag replied emotionlessly.

Both men looked back at Jaina, watching her float through the fluid in a peaceful slumber.  Han Solo walked over and put his hand to the transparisteel.  Jag could see the worry of a father for his child etched in his reflection.

"She grew up too fast. I would give anything for her to have a normal life," Han confessed, like he was tired of keeping his burden.  "A father should not have to see his child floating in a bacta tank because her X-wing was shot down saving another pilot.  Especially not when that child should be learning how to be a young woman, learning about life and love and all those wonderfully insane things teenagers do."

"Fathers should not have to bury their children either."  Jag stepped up to the man, keeping his eyes straight forward.  "But this is our war to fight, just like you had to fight yours."

"We fought ours so our children would grow up in a safe galaxy, free of all the suffering we endured.  It seems to be so pointless sometimes, but then I look at who she has become and I see the point.  Daughters have that affect on their fathers.  I can see Jacen for the man he has become, but she will always be my little girl.  Just wait until you have children, you will understand.  Just hope you don't have any girls."

"I think Jaina sees the point, too.  It's what drives her.  Jaina is an amazing woman."  Jag wanted to say more, but stopped himself for fear of revealing his true feelings.

Realizing the passionless Imperial had seen him without his smuggler's mask, Han flashed Jag his trademark grin.  "Listen, I'll make you a deal.  Don't tell your father I have gone soft, and I won't tell your dad you are turning into one of us Rebels."

"It's a deal."  Jag looked at his wristchrono when he realized that he had probably stayed longer than he should.  "I need to get down to the hangar. Duty calls."

"Working the night shift?"

"And the day shift, too, I am afraid."  Jag paused for a moment.  "I brought this down to leave for Jaina.  She left it in my fighter."  He pulled Jaina's lightsaber out of the cargo pocket in his flightsuit and handed it to Han.  "Can you see that she gets it?"  Jag reached out his other hand to Han, in it was a datacard.  "Can you give her this also?  I wanted to leave her a message letting her know I already took care of writing an incident report.  A copy is on the card, she can amend it as she sees fit before submitting it to General Antilles."

Han mused over the Colonel's efficiency at performing his duties.  "I can do that.  I'm sure Jaina will appreciate your assistance.  For a minute there I was a little worried.  I thought maybe you came down here because you had the hots for my kid.  Should have known better, that you were just covering all the details."

Jag dipped his head out of respect for the older man.  "Good evening, sir."  Jag added the sir to reaffirm the other man's impression before spinning on his heel and marching out of the medward with a slight smile, quite pleased the intimidating Han Solo had the wrong idea about him.

*********

END OF CHAPTER 4
TKL/jj00