Disclaimer: I don't know nothing and nobody.
Chapter Quote: "You shall be called, 'Dineniel', Silent Child."
Chapter Two
Awakening
It was so hot. Everything was burning. The images flashing inside my mind were bright and fast. None of the faces were familiar, but there tormented expressions of fear sent daggers to my heart. I wanted to scream, but no words would come to my dry, cracking lips...
My eyes opened. For one sickening moment I felt the rush of fear and pain and it made me shudder uncontrollably. I looked around with a startling quickness that I did not know I possessed. Laying still against the softness of the bed, I turned and saw a sleeping man sitting in a chair nearby. I could not bring myself to smile or to do anything but shake and cry, I knew I liked him. He had made me feel safe, had erased the fear of the other men and the pain from my mind. I probed deeper into the blank recessed of my mind and realized with another sharp jolt that I did not know who I was.
I felt panic rising up in my feverish body, sweat starting to dampen my skin and clothes. My mind was empty, a vast, black chasm. There were no memories, no names, only the horrifying blankness. And then suddenly...I could feel his hand again. The one they had called, 'Estel'.
"Do not be afraid." he said to me, squeezing my hand in an effort to calm me. I stared up at him, he had strange eyes. They reminded me of a cloudy day...or a stormy sea. My shivers gradually ceased until I was still, and Estel brought his other hand to my forehead. He frowned, clucking his tongue as he dipped a rag in a bowl of chilled water and wiped away the sweat from my face. "Do you have a name?" He asked me softly as he did so.
I slowly shook my head.
"Can you remember your name?"
I shook my head again, this was complicated. His jaw jutted out ever so slightly as he thought and he ran a hand over the stubble of dark hair covering his cheeks. I cannot speak, I thought despairingly, suppressing another sigh as my weary body began to shake again. My mind was losing its clear frankness, the fog was rolling in at an astonishing rate.
"And you cannot speak?"
No. I thought, I shook my head once more.
"Well, you must have a name." The fog were thick now, but the word 'name' drew me ever so slightly back. I wanted my name. I wanted it badly. Estel thought for a moment, then his face lit up with a cheery smile. "You shall be called, 'Dineniel', Silent Child."
I smiled wearily, my eyes were beginning to close of their own accord. It was a reminder of what I had become...that is if I had really changed from my past at all. Yet it was an appropriate name nonetheless and I liked it. The way in which Estel said it made me feel important, like I meant something to someone. I felt so lonely...and the empty chasm inside of me was tearing my fever worn body apart.
"Do you like it?"
I nodded my approval.
"Good. Now, you should go back to sleep. You need your rest in order to get well."
I nodded again and shut my eyes wearily in reply. I could hear him humming softly and felt again the cool cloth upon my forehead. Estel had ebbed my panic for now. I had so many questions to ask...so many things I wanted to know. But right now, I needed to sleep.
And now I had a name, Dineniel.
Silent Child.
I woke up many times, so many that I could not keep track. There were faces...all the unknown faces. Frightened faces...angry faces...sorrowful...monstrous...all unknown...and all tormenting me as my tortured body writhed with fever. I whimpered, I cried for them. But they passed to fast...to many to distinguish or recognize. All strangers, clamoring at the locked door of my mind to be remembered...but they were not. I wanted scream for them to go away, but I could not form the words... tears pouring down my face.
I could feel hands, warm gentle hands, holding me down as the faces tormented my soul during my time of agony...of eternal damnation. And then...as if the sun had broken through the clouds...there was Estel. Holding my hand, whispering for me to stop...that I was safe...and need not be frightened anymore.
My dreams were not as tortured and I slept peacefully. The faces were distant, carried on as if by a wave on a stormy sea...a stormy sea...
I knew then, that I would never forget Estel...as long as I lived.
"You are healing now Dininiel. Now that the fever has passed, your wounds will soon be gone."
This was Elrond, he moved his hands off my back as he completed studying the tender scars which decorated my starving flesh. It was hard...for some reason I was never really hungry. I found that I was able to eat the food of the earth, plants and herbs. But my stomach would not hold any soups or meat...by the doing of my condition, or for some other forgotten reason, I did not know. Estel had been propping me up, his gentle hands eased me back onto the pillows as Lord Elrond finished. I smiled faintly, both with the knowledge that I was getting well..and with the fact that Elrond had also picked up the habit of using my new name. My name. I laid still as he opened my shirt up to reveal the bandages covering my shoulder. He removed them and traced the rose imprinted like a brand with his long fingers. The rose had ceased to bleed...Estel told me I had been ill for many days...nearly a fortnight he said.
And now the rose, still easily visible, was no longer painful to a slight touch, only when probed did it cause me discomfort. I was uneasy that I could not answer their questions about it...for I knew in the black recesses of my mind that somewhere, this rose held the key.
"Much better." Elrond muttered as he fixed my shirt and put away his various herbs on shelves lining the walls of the room. After which he sat at the foot of my bed and looked at me with an unwavering gaze. Elrond possessed ageless eyes, something that Estel did not. Without knowing much about either, I could feel Elrond's wisdom and immortality, as well as Estel's youth and enthusiasm. I had seen and felt the same way about Glorfindel, my rescuer, as I did with Elrond. For besides a few others, they had been the only Elves I had seen, though Estel reassured me that there were many more in this place...this place they called Imladris.
I suddenly felt a feeling of disgust and hatred and quickly shoved it back into the back of my mind. It was strange...almost as if I had heard of them before...
"Dininiel, you must tell me the truth. Can you speak at all?"
I flushed deeply and bowed my head in shame.
"Do you know what makes you silent?"
No. I shook my head as I thought my answer. I looked up at Elrond apologetically and he smiled sadly at me.
"No, it is not your fault." He paused, thinking, then reached out and gently rubbed my throat on either side. His touch was gentle, though I had to suppress an overwhelming desire to shudder and recoil. I instead relaxed to his touch and closed my eyes. It reminded me of a face...
...a woman's face. Her eyes were like Estel's...young and mortal. She smiled kindly at me, caressing my face and whispering words to me that I could not understand.
"Dininiel?" Called Elrond, it sounded distant...like it was coming from some far off place.
The lady spoke me in the language that was both alien and familiar to me at the same time. And then I jerked awake as I felt Estel's hand on my brow. Both were frowning as I looked up at them.
"What did you see?" Elrond as gently, yet firmly.
Now I frowned, unable to speak and to tell him about the lady...the beautiful lady. I sighed, bowing my head and sniffing as tears of frustration ran down my cheeks.
"No, no child. It is all right." Elrond said soothingly, taking my hand and squeezing it. I looked up at him with watery eyes.
"You should sleep, you are still feverish."
I did not answer, I wanted to answer...but I couldn't. The last thing I saw before drifting off to sleep were the faces of Elrond and Estel...both faces whom I knew. And the comfort was not only that I knew who they were...but that I felt safe in their presence. Knowing that nothing would harm me.
In a few weeks I was on the road to recovery and was soon able to get up and walk around. My skin was stretched tightly over my back, which was still painful from the angry welts which decorated its surface. They were fading into scars, but it was difficult for me to move as easily as I would have liked. Soon I was able to go outside and often times Estel went with me. I stood barely up to his shoulders and I knew somehow that I was young, very young.
He made me smile and sometimes even issue silent giggles. Of course our conversations were mostly one-sided...he did all the talking of course. I grew to like him very much. For a long time I could only hobble around, my broken ribs only adding to the pain of my back and preventing me from running and playing as I should of. But as the welts faded into scars and the pain in my ribs into a sore reminder of the past, I was able to spend more time with him.
As time passed, Estel became to me as a brother. He was brave, and wise for his years, yet he did not mind spending time with me. Sometimes I dared to presume that he enjoyed spending time with me, because he enjoyed my company, though I was sure he did not. He began to teach me the language of the Elves, which he called Sindarin, along with many games...most of which I won. By his intervention...or by my own skill, I did not know. I only knew that as Spring became Summer, and Summer, Autumn, I knew that I had grown fond of Estel...and that I loved him.
"Well my child, I believe you are almost fully recovered."
I smiled warmly at Elrond as he ran his fingers down my back, and then my chest. The scars were still visible, a reminder that my past was still a blank spot in my mind. My ribs had healed, and now the only abrasions I carries were bruises from playing with Estel. He couldn't spend all his time with me, he was growing into manhood, and I was only a child. But he spent as much time with me as he could spare. The rose imprint on my shoulder sent chills down my spine as Elrond pressed on it. The Elven Lord frowned, but said nothing more. He re-buttoned my loose tunic and I turned, crossing my legs, to look at him with bright eyes.
"When will Estel be home?" Elrond asked with a smile, noting the look in my face and asking the question that needed no words. "Soon. He had to pick something up for me on the borders of the valley."
I frowned.
"Do not worry Dininiel." Elrond caressed my cheek and tilted my head up to him. "He will return soon." My smile returned, Elrond was kind, caring, and gentle. He was a good father to Estel. I had been surprised when I had learned this about him, for Estel and Elrond were so different. Estel told me, some time ago, that he and his mother had lived in Imladris since he had been very young, and had raised him as a son. I had not yet met Estel's mother, though I had heard she was very kind. This was mostly due to the fact that I hesitated when leaving the garden just below my room in the courtyard or my room itself. Though this day marked the fifth month since my arrival. And now, Elrond was raising me as if I too were a part of his family, and I liked it that way.
My mind wandered as it often did when people began to speak too many words to me that I could not respond to. I dug deeper into my mind as a memory appeared there suddenly. It was a creature of some sort. A marvelous creature, it had long legs and a long, sleek body. Its eyes were large and it watched me through them. It called, whinnying. Being able to name the term pleased me, and I found myself subconsciously wishing I could respond to its calls.
"Dininiel?"
I turned with a start back to Elrond, who was watching me with curiosity and worry.
"Did you see something?"
I nodded vigorously. A memory. It was a memory. I though wildly, my blood coursing hotly through my veins with excitement.
"What was it? What did you remember?" Elrond asked eagerly.
I frowned, this was difficult. Horse, it was a horse. The name came smoothly and readily to my mind as easily as breathing. I looked around desperately for some way to tell him in frustration at my inability to communicate properly with him. I spied a tapestry hanging on the far wall and I slid off the bed and hurried over to it. Horses, many of them. With tall, fair-haired Elves sitting astride them in glory. I pointed to them hurriedly, jabbing the material in my rush to make him understand.
"Horses?" Elrond asked, slightly puzzled. "You remembered something about horses?"
I nodded, excitement reaching a boiling point inside my chest. Horses.
"You...like horses?"
I nodded again, smiling broadly. Yes I like them! I like them a lot, I thought.
Elrond's expression of puzzlement slowly faded and he smiled. "Well, I think we might be able to do something about that."
"The grey? Her name is Tinnuroch. And the black? His name is Duelroch."
My eyes were wide as I gripped Elrond's hand tightly in an effort to ebb my curiosity, excitement, and fear as I watched the goings on of the stable. I felt so small, clinging to the robes of Elrond, the only familiar face in the building as we walked past the tall stall walls, with tall horses inside. I had pointed out any horse I had seen in order to learn its name. If I had learned nothing else during my stay here, it was that names meant something important, and also how few people would ever know the fear of not having one. Most of the horses watched me with pricked ears and snorts of wonder while others didn't even look up as we passed.
I smiled as we paused and one snorted in my outstretched hand. I looked at Elrond pointedly. What's his name? I asked him silently, wishing fervently to be able to speak with him. "This is Rochlos, one of my favorites." Elrond stroked the large, white horse's neck as he spoke to me. Whispering words in his own language as the horse whinnied with pleasure. He gestured for me to do the same, and I placed my hand on his neck as if I had done so a thousand times before.
His coat was soft and warm. I liked him. He lowered his head, studying me with large dark eyes. Then he snorted once more and upon losing interest in us, turned to finish eating his hay.
"Ahh." Elrond said after a slight chuckle. "He likes you."
I smiled up at Elrond in delight. I think this was my favorite part of Imladris, for only here did I ever truly feel at home.
There was a sudden commotion at the stable doors and an Elf came running over to Elrond, a hint of joy in the wise face. 'My Lord, your sons, they have returned!'
They began to converse quickly in Elvish and frustrated, I pulled upon Elrond's robes in irritation. Estel had taught me some Sindarin, but I was not yet fluent in it and was unable to understand Elrond's conversation. He looked down at me in surprise, then upon seeing my impatient expression, he smiled.
"Dininiel, Estel has returned."
A/N: Well, all you really know about Dininiel is that something happened to her in the past which was really sad and that she loves horses. More Estel will be coming soon! Also, just to clarify this before I get yelled at, Dininiel loves Estel as a brother, as the family she cannot remember. Not as a lover. This means a lot because Dininiel and Estel will be very close, but only in a sense of siblings or great friends. Also, don't know if you picked it up, but Estel is almost twenty so he will be meeting Arwen soon. :)
I never do these anymore but since this story is special to me I'll give it a shot...for old times sake. :) That's all folks! Hope people enjoyed this chapter and I hope I will continue to get support for this story. :) Thanks to my beta, Kiann. And I'll try to update soon!
TO BE CONTINUED...