CHAPTER 9
Padme walked from the bed to the window. She pulled back the luminescent curtains to look out at the waterfalls, thundering in the distance. The woman stood quietly for a few minutes before turning back to the room.
"Dorme, I just feel like if I tell Anakin I won't marry him, he would never recover. If you could have seen him after his mother died, you would understand. He was so angry, so not in control. He held onto me like I was his anchor to reality. He killed every one of the Tusken Raiders, even the children." Padme sat down at the table in front of a mirror, willing her image there to push away the terrible vision of the butchered Sand People etched in her mind.
Dorme came up behind Padme and began undoing her ornate hair braids. "Couldn't you just pledge your hearts to each other rather than risk getting caught if you marry?"
Padme watched Dorme's reflection in the mirror, following her nimble fingers as they worked. Dorme was her dearest friend and confidant. Padme had to make Dorme understand. "I feel like the actual ceremony is important to him. It isn't enough to say it. Anakin needs it to be true in everyway. Then he will have something he can call his own."
"But, how will marrying Anakin make a difference for you?"
"When I am with Anakin, I am complete. I am needed for who I am, not what I can do. He gives me his undying love, and my love in return gives him the strength to quiet the rage. He has control then. Anakin struggles with the restrictions the Council imposes on him. Maybe with this one concession on my part, he will be able to accept their control in other matters."
Padme reached up to take Dorme's hand from the braids. She turned in her chair and pulled the handmaiden down to kneel before her. "Not having me as his own in name will drive him further into his frustration. I have to try to save him. I feel he will be lost to us all. The Republic needs him more than ever, and I cannot bear to lose him to the grasp of the Dark Side."
Dorme cupped Padme's face with her hands, using her thumb to wipe away the tear trickling down her cheek. "You must do what you feel is right in your heart. I will be here, whatever you decide."
"Thank you my dear friend."
Dorme reached to Padme's shoulders and shook her lightly. "Are you alright?"
Padme blinked. Dorme's eyes went from brown to green. "Jaina, are you alright?"
A bright light blinded Jaina as a pain seared through her head. Jaina brought her hands to her temples, where the pain emanated. Kyp's voice echoed in her mind. "Jaina, are you alright?" Jaina blinked and Kyp's face came into focus.
Jaina pushed Kyp away from her and sat up in her bed. A scowl crossed her face. "I'm fine Kyp. What are you doing here?"
It took Jaina a minute to remember she was in her new bedroom. The day before, she and Kyp had moved to their new quarters in the commander's barracks. Jaina had an apartment with a small living area containing a kitchenette and a bedroom off the main room. Kyp was in the room next to hers. Both apartments had doors to the main hallway, but there was a door adjoining Kyp's room to her living area. He must have come in that way, she thought.
"I felt your emotions in the Force. They were so troubled. I came over to check on you. Were you having a vision?" Kyp's face reflected the concern in his voice.
"I think so. They haven't been that bad before." Jaina bit her lip realizing she had let more information slip that she would have liked.
"You mean you have had others recently?"
"Ever since Naboo. I think the Force is trying to beat me over the head with something. I just can't figure out what."
"Have you talked to someone about it?"
"I'm talking to you. I haven't had the time to think about them otherwise."
"You said they hurt?" Kyp touched her temples, letting the Force flow through his fingers, probing for problems. "I don't sense anything wrong. Maybe we should see Cilghal later."
"Okay, later." Jaina pulled back her sheet, rising from the bed as she did so, and walked to the dresser. She rummaged through the drawers for some clothes to wear. Jaina spun around when she sensed a surge of embarrassment from Kyp that he quickly stifled. Nonetheless, Kyp was looking down at the bed, where she had left him.
Jaina looked down and realized she was only wearing a tank and underwear. "Oh, sorry. I am used to having two brothers. I guess this will take some getting used to."
Jaina was not uncomfortable with her body, but it was obvious Kyp, for whatever reason, was not comfortable seeing a nineteen-year-old nubile woman walk around dressed in next to nothing. Jaina decided to ignore his discomfiture.
"I am going to hop in the refresher. Do you want to go down to the mess for breakfast afterwards?"
Kyp never looked up. "Sure, I'll meet you in the hall when you are ready. Just buzz my comm." Jaina stepped in the refresher as he spoke, leaving his line of sight. Before Kyp could get off the bed, her tank hit him squarely in the head.
Jaina could be heard snickering from the refresher. As the door shut, Kyp heard her say, "That will teach you to disturb a goddess from her beauty rest."
The artisan, a Mon Calamari, recognized the green eyed pilot as he approached. "Good day, Colonel Fel. It is a fine day to be off the base."
"Good day, Master Trabal. Yes, it is indeed."
The artisan reached under the display case in his kiosk and pulled out a small pouch made of a soft black material. "Is this the beautiful young lady you spoke of, Colonel?"
Jag smiled at his mother before addressing the artist. "No, this is my mother, Syal Fel. Mother, this is Master Trabal, the finest worker of platinum in these parts. I brought her along for a woman's opinion."
Trabal blinked his big eyelids in recognition of Jag's compliment. "Why, she is far too young to be your mother. Mrs. Fel, you are quite stunning. You could have been a holodrama star."
Syal batted her eyes at the native. "You flatter me, Master Trabal. May I see your handiwork?" She motioned to the small pouch he held in his hand.
Trabal pulled open the pouch and dropped its contents in Syal's palm. He looked to Jag. "I think you will be pleased, Colonel."
Syal studied the piece closely before passing it to her son. Jag gently caressed it with his fingers, admiring the delicacy of the work. "Do you think she will like it?"
The corner of Syal's mouth curved slightly. "I think she is a very lucky lady. A Corellian heart gem is meant to signify you are giving your heart to someone. That is a big step." Syal studied her son's eyes. "But she already has it, doesn't she?"
Jag did not answer; he just revealed one of his subtle smiles, undetectable to those who did not know him. He turned to the artisan. "Master Trabal, it is perfect – exactly what I envisioned."
"I am glad it meets your approval." Trabal accepted the piece back and placed it in a small black box lined with matching material. He handed the box to Jag. "Please remember me if you ever require further special pieces."
Jag accepted the box and placed it in the inside chest pocket of his flight suit. "I will. I wish to thank you again, Master Trabal.
"Good day. It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Fel."
Jag offered his arm to his mother and led her back into the commotion of the marketplace. They walked together without a word for a ways before Syal spoke. "The Known Regions seem to agree with you. I worried you would find it difficult after being raised among the Chiss."
"I was uncomfortable at first. There were so few humans, or non-Chiss for that matter, at home, all of who conformed to the Chiss standards. Dealing with anyone here was a little unnerving. At first I used my superior abilities as a shield. I hid behind my own arrogance because I discerned a lack of discipline and values among those I dealt with. Jaina's fire and resolve unnerved me most of all, but that is also what attracted me to her initially."
"And you see things differently now I would assume?"
"Yes, the Chiss have lived within a stable society for many hundreds of years. There has not been any relative peace in the lives of many in these parts for just as long I would suppose, between the Clone Wars, the Rebellion and the Yuuzhan Vong invasion. That makes the rules different. Everyone I have met in the military, like Uncle Wedge, is just doing the best they can. Out here it is simply about survival, whereas the Chiss fight to keep their way of life untouched."
"It is different; that is why we chose to stay with the Chiss. It was a more stable environment to instill values in our family. What your father and I failed to realize is that it would not protect our children from every harm we perceived. The danger was just in a different form."
Jag dipped his head in agreement. "You could not protect Davin and Cherith from their fates, so I must suffer the overbearing concerns imposed by Father. Jaina is not the enemy here; the Vong are. He chooses to protect his family at what cost? Will our relationship be irreparably harmed?"
Syal put her hand on Jag's arm in a comforting gesture. "Give him time son. Jaina certainly made significant steps toward that end by showing up at dinner. I know he will eventually see her for the wonderful woman she is, as I do. Your father is a proud man, but not too proud to admit he is wrong. He will come around eventually."
Jag's brow furrowed in thought. "He still thinks of me like a green recruit at the academy, not a man capable of forging his own path."
Syal knew this was the farthest from the truth. She also knew it was not her place to offer advice to her son on this matter. Jag and Soontir would have to come to that understanding on their own. Syal studied her son before continuing. A question tugging at her heart begged to be heard. "You won't be coming back after the war, will you Jag?"
Jag did not speak immediately; he just looked ahead, knowing his answer would not please her. " No, I won't. Not if Jaina still wants me." He did not express his other fear, that one or both of them would not make it through the war.
Syal understood her son well enough to know his unspoken fear. "You worry about her. She takes a lot of risks."
"Risks that could end this war sooner. Jaina would not be the woman I love if she didn't take those risks."
"Even so, it is hard on both of you. This holy war her uncle spoke of, it means even more danger for both of you."
Jag touched his mother's arm with his free hand. "Not for me, that is why we aren't open about our relationship. I would scream it from the highest point, if she would let me, but Jaina insists that no one else be endangered by the Trickster gambit. If there is one thing I have learned about Jaina, it is not to cross her when she sets her mind to something. She would leave me first. Besides, Kyp is going to be there to protect her."
Jag was not sure if he added the last part for his mother's benefit or his own. Syal detected something in his voice. "Does it bother you that Jaina will spend so much time with another man?"
"I trust Jaina, and Kyp is a good friend to her and me. They have a relationship I can never understand, like a special connection only Jedi can have. It is not love though. I have learned to respect it; not fear it. I am grateful for everything he has done for both of us. Kyp saved Jaina on Hapes and me at Borleias.
"Then I must thank this Kyp for saving my son and the woman he loves." Syal paused for a moment. "If you don't mind me asking, how do you two find time together, if you have to be secretive?"
Jag heaved a sigh. "That is the trick. We spend as much time as we can in groups of people, like at the mess or simming. Otherwise we sneak every moment we can. There really are so few times we can be alone. Other than dinner the other night, we haven't even had a real date. What I wouldn't give for a whole day alone with her. Sometimes I just want to kidnap her and runaway."
Syal walked silently next to Jag. She thought back to a time long ago when she had runaway with Jag's father. Syal hoped her husband and son could come to an understanding soon. They were, after all, not so different as they believed.
"I'm sorry if I offended you earlier."
Kyp did not look up from his plate, where he rearranged the contents more than removed them. "Don't apologize." There was an awkward pause. Jaina waited for the Master to organize his thoughts. Kyp brought his eyes to hers. "I know we've been figuring out what our partnership, if that is what you want to call it, means, but there are still some things…" Kyp's voice trailed off as he looked back down at his plate.
Jaina reached across the table and stopped his hand that was absent-mindedly twirling his utensil. "Maybe Uncle Luke shouldn't have asked you to do this."
Kyp stared at her hand. "No, I wouldn't want it to be anyone else. It's not that. I love you Jaina. I mean, I am not in love with you, but you are my best friend. You can't forget though that I am still just a man, and you are a beautiful young woman, who is way too confident in her own skin. There are limits of control even for a Jedi Master."
Pulling her hand away uncomfortably, Jaina averted her eyes as she felt the heat of a blush warm her cheeks. "I won't let it happen again."
Kyp put down his utensil and stopped her hand from withdrawing. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, Jaina. I don't even think you see yourself like all the men on base do."
"What do you mean?" Jaina jerked her hand away.
"You don't see the way men follow you with their eyes?"
Jaina nodded from side to side. Kyp grinned teasingly.
"I think if they knew your heart belonged to Fel, they would all throw themselves into a Sarlacc pit. You must know. I mean Jag must go crazy when the two of you…Oh."
Jaina slammed her hands on the table. "Durron, get out of my head."
"I just assumed the two of you must have…Sorry. None of my business."
They both sat quietly pondering where to go from there. A smirk crept across Kyp's lips. "Jag must have will-power made of steel."
Jaina's face became still, not revealing the questions stirring underneath it, her eyes turned aside. Kyp tapped the table to get Jaina's attention. "Hey, don't go there. Trust me, he wants you. It's not that."
Jaina heaved a sigh. "I feel like we never get more than brief moments together; we are fighting timing and opportunity every step of the way. It's not like we can even go to each other's rooms."
"A little too obvious, huh?"
"Or jump each other in our fighters."
"Ooo, cramped."
"Or make use of…"
Kyp held his hand up. "I get the picture."
Jaina was on a roll though. "Or he's on patrol or I'm on patrol or we are all blasting Vong." Jaina grew more agitated. "Or we are just plain exhausted." Jaina flopped back in her chair. "What I wouldn't give for a day alone, without this blasted war."
A voice came from behind Jaina. "I know what you mean."
Jaina twisted in her chair to greet the new arrival. "Hi Zekk." She pushed her tension aside and presented him with a smile. Zekk was holding a plate overflowing with food. Jaina patted the seat next to her, glad for the sudden distraction. "Join us."
Kyp did not express the same enthusiasm to see the other Jedi. "The food is not that good Zekk," he noted eying Zekk's plate.
Zekk sat down next to Jaina, placing his tray on the table in front of him. "Anything is better than the rations on that refugee ship." Zekk turned to Jaina as he scooped a heaping of food onto his utensil. "By the way, thanks for the help out there." He shoveled in a mouthful of food.
"All in a day's work. Sorry about Campur and Palu."
Zekk swallowed. "There was probably nothing you could have done. The Brigaders had pretty much gutted their ship before Twin Suns arrived."
"I know. I think the Peace Brigade make me madder than the Vong. How can they slaughter innocent people like that, or sell them as slaves. Don't they have any respect for life?" Jaina's voice grew more agitated as she went on.
"Down girl," Kyp laughed at Jaina before turning his attention to their guest. "So Zekk, what are you doing here still? Don't you have a new assignment from the Council yet?"
Zekk eyed the Master. "Anxious to get rid of me, Kyp?"
Jaina laughed. "Don't be silly Zekk. We are all happy you're here. Right Kyp?"
Kyp smirked as he took a bite.
"I asked Luke if I could stay awhile and fly with Blackmoon Squadron while Mara leads her new squadron. What are they called, Jade's Dozen, or something like that."
Kyp bristled at the remark, but Jaina flashed a big grin, failing to notice the tension between the two men. "That's great," Jaina replied enthusiastically.
Zekk perked up at Jaina's response, forgetting all about Kyp. "You think so?"
Jaina nodded. "We can use all the Jedi pilots available." Zekk was a Jedi Knight so he hid his disappointment to her response, but Kyp was a Master, the emotion did not go unnoticed in his eyes.
Jaina pushed back her chair. "Zekk, sorry but Kyp and I have to run, we have a patrol coming up shortly."
"I understand. Maybe we can get together to spar later – if you have time."
Jaina stood, and put her hand on Zekk's shoulder. "I would love to." Kyp watched as Zekk placed his hand on Jaina's hand.
"Be careful Jaina. I worry about you with this Yunchavral stuff."
"Thanks. I will; besides, I have the Master here to be my protector." Jaina smiled across the table at Kyp, who was still seated. "Aren't you coming?"
"I will be right behind you. I want to talk to Zekk for a minute."
"Okay, see you at the hangar."
Jaina gave Zekk an affectionate squeeze on his hand before spinning on her heel. As she sauntered out of the mess hall, Kyp and Zekk both watched her go. When the Master knew Jaina was out of earshot, he turned to the younger man.
"Zekk, I know why you are here, and you need to let it go."
Zekk, obviously in better control of his emotions now that Jaina was gone, revealed nothing to Kyp. "I don't know what you mean."
"You want to start something with Jaina. If you are planning to confess your love after all these years and abandoning her on Hapes, forget it. I am warning you now. Jaina has enough troubles without you throwing yourself at her feet."
Zekk remained a blank slate. "The relationship between Jaina and I is none of your business, Kyp. I would appreciate it if you would keep it that way. You aren't her keeper."
Kyp stood from his seat and leaned over the table, his eyes flashing with anger. "Don't cross me Zekk. If I find out you did something to upset her, you will answer to me."
Zekk returned the glare. "I would never do anything to hurt her, unlike some people I know. Jaina is awfully forgiving of those who do hurt her, isn't she Master Durron?"
Spurred by the biting truth of the younger man's words, the Jedi Master required every ounce of his control to keep from grabbing Zekk by his tunic and shaking him senseless. "You have been warned," he spit at the younger man before sweeping out of the room.
Zekk did not fail to miss the heat of Kyp's anger boiling in the Force across the room. He inhaled and exhaled sharply before slumping in his chair. Zekk was sure facing off with Kyp took as much courage as staring down a voxyn.
The debriefing following Twin Suns mission had taken longer than Jaina had expected. She had sent Kyp back to the barracks, assuring him she could make the trip back without an escort. Kyp had left her reluctantly, and now she felt him reaching out for her in the Force. She felt Kyp's relief when he realized she was just heading down the hall to her apartment.
When Jaina got there, she went straight to the door between the two apartments and keyed it open. Kyp was sprawled on the bed still in his flight suit, his boots resting on the floor. Kyp propped his head up on his right hand facing her.
He yawned lazily. "I don't miss going to debriefings. That definitely is one plus to giving up your squadron."
Jaina stood with her feet apart, hands on her hips. "Don't enjoy your rest too much, we have a reception to go to this evening."
Kyp rolled himself up, dropping his feet over the side of the bed. "Are you kidding? This was our only chance to get decent sack time."
"No joke. I am not any happier than you about it either, but the rest of the Chiss battle group came in today. The Chiss are holding a reception on their flagship tonight. All squadron commanders have orders to attend." Jaina paused, thinking for a moment. "I suppose you don't really have to come, seeing as you aren't a commander anymore."
Kyp ran his hands through his messed hair. "Oh no, Luke said I go where you go, no exceptions."
The corners of Jaina's mouth turned down. "But you said you were tired. I am sure there are no Peace Brigade or Vong spies on the Chiss ship. You could catch up on your sleep while I…"
"No but's. I wasn't even comfortable leaving you at the debriefing even though you were a building away. There is no way you are going up to the Chiss flagship without me. I don't like this anymore than you, but we are just going to have to get used to it."
Jaina thought it best not to argue the point. "Can you at least not shadow me all night?"
"I will respect your space as long as you respect my wishes."
Jaina thought for a moment. "Agreed. Get cleaned up, we are leaving with my parents in the Falcon in an hour."
Jaina left Kyp to his preparations, closing the door between the two apartments. She sat down at the small table by the kitchenette and pulled off her boots, letting them fall on the floor. Jaina deliberated over what to wear for the evening and settled on her dress uniform. Kyp would wear his Jedi robes, but Jaina was going as a squadron commander representing the military. She rose and headed for the closet in the bedroom, hoping her dress uniform was pressed. If not, she was going to have to beg Threepio off her parents.
As Jaina stepped into the bedroom, she halted abruptly, her breath caught in her throat. Jaina gawked at the sight before her. Flower petals were scattered across her bed. A small black box sat in the middle of the bed, resting with a piece of paper folded over. Jaina walked over and picked up the box and note. She thumbed open the note.
My dearest Jaina,
Here is a small token of my love. I hope this gift reminds you of my constant devotion while you have it with you. I look forward to seeing you tonight. Even if we are not together in body, you will be in my heart.
You are my everything.
Jagged
Jaina put the note back on the bed before slowly opening the small case. Resting on the soft black material inside was a platinum chain holding an intricate replication of a clawcraft, of the same material. Jaina pinched the chain between her thumb and forefinger, pulling it out of the box for a closer inspection. Jaina peered at the charm, amazed at the detail.
In the center, where the ball of the craft sat was cradled a Corellian heart stone which was worked into the design. Jaina let out a little gasp. Heart stones, a rare and priceless gem, were meant to express the giving of one's heart to another.
Jaina lowered herself down on the edge of the bed. She took the necklace and hooked it around her neck. The charm fell down below her collarbone, just far enough to be hidden behind most clothes. Jaina fingered the charm before wrapping it in her hand and falling back on the bed of petals.
TKL/abm