CHAPTER 11 - Misunderstandings

Jaina and Kyp sat in their cockpits, both too exhausted to move. Jaina was sure she could fall asleep in the cockpit, she was so tired. In their shared bond, the two Jedi allowed the Force to flow around them, drawing on it for a renewal of strength, but not demanding of it like they had earlier.

Neither of them knew how much time had passed until the hangar became alive again with ships returning from the battle. Most of the first incoming were damaged fighters, but a slow trickle of intact craft followed. Jaina heard a voice from below her.

"Are you coming down Goddess?"

Jaina looked over the side of her ship and offered a tired smile to her partner. "If I can get my legs to work."

Jaina crawled out of the cockpit and lowered herself hand over hand down the ladder. Once on the ground, Jaina grabbed Kyp in a fierce hug. She felt as if her legs were going to buckle right there, but she held them firm. Kyp picked her petite body off the ground as he tightened his arms around her.

"Thank you," she whispered in his ear.

Whoops and hollers began erupting throughout the bay as pilots and ground crew made their way to the pair. Jaina looked past Kyp at the approaching crowd. Corran Horn was the first to get to them. He slapped Kyp on the back as Jaina stepped away. "Nice going you two."

Kyp was almost embarrassed, not like the brazen, self-centered man he had once been. Congratulations abounded. A river of well-wishers swept past offering congratulations simultaneously, but Gavin Darklighter addressed the two directly.

"Don't think I will ever see anyone crazier than you two. There's a party starting down at the Rogue's rec room in your honor. I expect to see you there soon."

Jaina and Kyp smiled politely, sleep seemed such a more important priority. Most just passed through offering quick congratulations. Druin Glentaw, a Dozen's pilot stopped for a moment longer than most.

"Good job, Kyp, Jaina."

Kyp smiled graciously at his former pilot. "Thanks Drue."

"Will you be going to the party later?"

Kyp glanced at Jaina, hoping she was as tired as he. Jaina shrugged her shoulders. "We have to make an appearance."

Drue smiled at Kyp, touching him on the shoulder. "Good, I'll look for you."

Jaina raised an eyebrow at Kyp as the leggy blond Thyferran strutted away. The crowd began to diminish as the celebration headed for the barracks. Two last figures headed their way. Kyp grabbed Jaina by the shoulders and playfully shoved her to the side.

"Quick, run. I'll cover for you."

"Stop Kyp. I have to face the consequences of my actions eventually."

Jaina held her ground as the two generals got near. Wedge stopped at the two Jedi; Soontir Fel continued past with only a discreet nod to acknowledge the two pilots.

Kyp muttered, "You're welcome," under his breath as the general passed. Jaina shared the same sentiments, but remained silent, more fearful of the repercussions before her.

"General Antilles."

"Lieutenant Colonel Solo. Master Durron. Nice flying."

"Thank you sir."

"What am I going to do with you Jaina? I can't keep looking past your disrespect of the command structure."

"No sir, I expect you cannot."

"I thought about busting you back to Major, but I don't suppose rank means much to you does it?"

"Not really sir. I am a Goddess."

"Yes and that creates other problems, because your disregard is partly my fault. I have allowed you certain liberties and now you feel free to take them whenever it suits you, a similar problem I faced many times with the Wraiths. So fortunately I have some experience dealing with officers like you. Lucky for all of us, today was a success. I have to say I am not sure how many more of your successes I can manage without turning completely and utterly gray. So here is what I propose."

Wedge paused for effect. "No more breaks, not one Lieutenant Colonel or I send Vanguard squadron to the other side of the galaxy for the remainder of this blasted war. Do I make myself clear?"

Jaina opened her mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. "Crystal clear sir."

Wedge patted Jaina on the shoulder. "I thought so. Now I understand you have a party to go to. Go have a good time. It's not often you get to be the heroes of a battle. I take that back, unless you're a Solo or a Skywalker."

"Or an Antilles." Jaina smiled back at the decorated officer.

"Unfortunately, young lady, I think we've had more than our fair share."

----------

Jaina keyed the announcer to Tahiri Veila's quarters. The blonde Jedi stood in the doorway as it slid open. Jaina was sure she had never seen Tahiri look more attractive and wished Anakin were here to see how beautiful she had grown to be.

Tahiri wore a full-length skirt, slung low on her hips in a soft powder blue material. The top was of a similar material accented with a shiny design, cascading off a gold neckband and wrapping around her body to tie at the back. She was barefoot as always.

Jaina stepped in the room as Tahiri stepped aside. "Wow, you look great."

Tahiri walked to the refresher and adjusted her curls of blond hair in the mirror. "Is that what you're wearing?"

Jaina looked down at her plain brown jumpsuit as Tahiri stepped back in the room. "Uh, yes. Is there something wrong with it? It's just a Rogue party – a bunch of drunken pilots making fools of themselves."

The other woman laughed as she rummaged through her closet. "True, but you are the guest of honor. Don't you have someone to impress, a certain Imperial type maybe?"

Tahiri was Jaina's best friend and had known about the secretive relationship since Borleias. It seemed to Jaina that Tahiri, still mourning the loss of Anakin, was set on experiencing romance vicariously through Jaina. Tahiri was constantly encouraging Jaina to express her feminine side.

"It's not like I have to get his attention. I already have that."

Tahiri spun around holding an outfit in front of her. She looked down at it. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you can't drive him crazy, and every other pilot, while you are at it." Tahiri held the outfit away from her and nodded her approval.

"This will do perfectly."

----------

The party was in full swing as Jag Fel entered the Rogue squadron recreation area. In one corner of the room, a group of pilots engaged in an intense game of sabacc. Various other groups of conversation gathered around the makeshift bar. Loud boisterous music blared from yet another part with a crowd of revelers dancing to the beat.

The sight of two females in the center of the dance floor caught Jag's attention. One was the blond haired Tahiri Veila dressed in a soft blue outfit. In stark contrast, the dark-haired Jaina Solo wore a red halter-top, cropped high on her torso, and tight black synth leather pants set low on her hips. The two Jedi swayed and gyrated to the popular song playing. A good deal of attention was directed their way.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, Fel, before someone sees you." Kyp Durron, who had been enjoying the party from a quiet corner, had approached Jag after observing his arrival.

"I don't think anyone will notice. All eyes seem to be directed at her."

Kyp scanned the room and was inclined to agree. He slapped Jag on the back. "I suppose you're right. Care to get a drink? I believe I owe you one."

Jag faced Kyp, ripping his gaze from its captive state. "I would."

Jag followed Kyp to the bar. "Why did you get here so late?" Kyp turned sideways to slip between a knot of partiers. Jag traced the Jedi Master's path.

"I tried to meet with my father. I was concerned the Chiss would decide to return to the Unknown Regions after the welcome they received today."

"Were you successful?"

"No, he was tied up in a briefing. I hope my father has a better understanding of exactly what we are up against."

Kyp ended their trip at the bar; Jag settled in beside him. "Well, he looked none to happy when he crossed our paths earlier."

"That doesn't make me fell better."

"I hope this will then. Two lomin ales, please."

----------

The song playing had wound down, and the beat of a slower song flowed across the dance floor. Jaina wiped her brow and laughed at Tahiri, who was also glistening with exertion. Tahiri grabbed Jaina by the hand and pulled her toward the bar. "I need a drink."

Jaina was blind to the path before her and drifted with the pressure of Tahiri's movement. Tahiri pushed her way between some pilots crowding the bar and tugged Jaina along with her. As they arrived at the bar, the force of Tahiri's thrust pushed Jaina into another body. Jaina swiveled around to offer an apology for the intrusion and ended face to face with Jag. His standard subtle smile brushed his lips as Jag recognized the offender.

Jaina's grin was bigger; she was already affected by the infectious mood of the evening. "Hello, Colonel. Nice of you to join us."

Jaina had been anxious for Jag to arrive since the start of the party. Now that he was there, she was eager to see if Jag liked her new look. Jag's eyes raked down her body in a closer inspection. The approval in his eyes did not go unnoticed. "You look nice this evening, Lieutenant Colonel Solo."

Kyp watched the exchange with some amusement. It was apparent Jaina had taken their earlier conversation to heart. Jaina knew that she was in control of more than one set of eyes at the party, but the only ones she was interested in belonged to the man standing before her.

Jaina eyed the drink in Jag's hand and grasped it with her two hands on either side of his. She gently teased his fingers as she pulled the drink out of his grip. Jaina put the glass to her mouth and tipped back her head, allowing the cool amber liquid to slide down her throat. In four deep swallows, the contents of the glass were gone. Jaina plopped the empty mug on the counter and grinned at Jag. The shine of the ale reflected off her wet lips.

"Why thank you for the drink Jagged. Come on Tahiri, let's dance." Before Jag could respond, Jaina grabbed Tahiri, who was finishing her own refreshment hurriedly, and disappeared into the gathering.

Jag turned to Kyp, whose shoulders bounced in a silent chuckle. "She means to torture my Corellian soul, doesn't she?"

"Don't look at me. I had to fly that crazy diversion with her today. She simply means to be the death of me."

Kyp signaled the bartender for another drink for his partner. Once they were both armed with a drink, the two men searched out a less crowded area of the room. They chose a small remote table with a good view of the entire room.

Kyp leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up on the table. The events of the day were catching up to him, and he grew weary. Jaina, unfortunately, did not show any signs of slowing down, and he was stuck here until she did.

Jag was the first to speak, his mood suddenly serious. "Kyp, thank you for today."

"For the fifteen minutes alone, sure no problem."

"No, for flying her wing. For doing what you are doing right now."

Kyp was unaccustomed to people thanking him, most of his life had been spent accepting people's wrath not kind words. "Oh sure, no problem. All in a day's work."

Jag noted the man's discomfort. "Thanks for the fifteen minutes, too."

Kyp noticed the mischievous grin on Jag's face. The Jedi grinned back. "You're welcome."

There was a silent moment. "Kyp, do you remember on Hapes, you said the only man Jaina would be with would have to out fly her." Kyp curiously tipped his head. "Why did you say that?"

Kyp thought for a moment before responding. "Jaina has so many strengths being a Jedi that I suppose it would require a man that could better her somewhere to accept her for who she is. Otherwise she would always feel like she was limiting herself for the sake of her partner. With you, there are so many things you do as well as, if not better than her, that you present a challenge not a hindrance in her life. It doesn't hurt that you happen to be an arrogant full blooded Corellian either."

Jag laughed at the last comment, as he contemplated the rest. "I guess it's lucky for me I am as good as I am."

"Say nothing for modest either." Kyp's eyes sparkled with amusement. The funny thing about getting to know Jagged Fel was that none of his demeanor was hubris without the skill or intelligence to back it up. Jag truly was exceptional at everything he did.

The glint in his eyes suddenly disappeared, and Kyp sat up in his chair, pulling his feet down from their perch. Jag followed Kyp's stare. He could see Jaina leaving the dance floor following another Jedi Knight.

"Dammit Zekk. Why couldn't he just do as I asked?"

Jag sat up in his chair as well. "Is there a problem?"

"Zekk has been pining for Jaina for as long as I remember. Now he's back, and I think he has decided to act on his feelings. I tried to warn him off. Obviously, he didn't listen to my advice."

Both men watched the two Jedi leave out the door to the balcony overlooking the Mon Calamari ocean. Kyp started to rise, but was stopped by Jag's hand on his shoulder.

"Let them sort this out. Obviously a warning from the Jedi Master didn't sway him. He will just have to hear the truth from the source."

Kyp settled back in his chair. "You just want to let this happen."

"Zekk won't be the first or the last to try to start something with Jaina, especially since everyone thinks she's unattached. I trust her. Zekk lost his chance years ago. It was never more than a childhood crush for either of them. He just has not grown past it like Jaina has. Besides he can't out fly her, can he?"

"No, I suppose not," Kyp replied with a knowing grin.

A long-legged female form suddenly blocked their view of the balcony door. Both men followed the shapely form up to its face. The attractive blonde-haired woman smiled down at the Jedi. "Hello Kyp. I'm so glad you made it."

Kyp smiled back at the uninvited guest as she pulled up a chair and took up residence between the men and their desired view. Kyp adjusted his chair accordingly. "I aim to please. Colonel Jagged Fel, Druin Glentaw of the Dozen."

Jag tipped his head in acknowledgement.

"Nice to meet you, Colonel Fel."

Jag was distracted by concern for Jaina. He smiled politely and rose from his chair. "I'll leave you two to catch up."

Drue returned the smile before turning her attention to Kyp. "The Dozen's not the same without you."

Kyp laughed imagining what tortures Mara Jade Skywalker had inflicted on his squadron. "You don't say."

----------

Jaina leaned against the balcony railing along side Zekk, looking at the white caps dancing in the moonlight. The wind off the water chilled her to the bone as it whisked the sweat from her body. Jaina wished she had more clothes on for a second. Zekk, sensing her chill, slipped off his Jedi robe.

"Here, put this on." The young man reached around Jaina to pull the robe over her shoulders, drawing close to her as he did. Zekk paused and took a breath of the light scent of her hair before stepping back. Jaina looked up at Zekk and offered him a smile of gratitude. Zekk rubbed the robe around her arms. "Better?"

"Much. What's up?" Jaina had been puzzled ever since Zekk had interrupted her and Tahiri on the dance floor, asking to speak to Jaina privately.

Zekk shuffled uncomfortably on his feet; his eyes focused anywhere but on her. A feeling of dread washed over Jaina as she felt emotions boil off the man. Before she could sort them out or make sense of them, Zekk spoke. "Ever since leaving you on Hapes I have wanted to tell you something. I need to apologize."

Jaina was shaking her head. "Please Zekk don't." Jaina hated that her friend felt guilty for leaving her on Hapes. He had left because she had driven him away, along with many more people. The blame was hers alone.

Zekk grabbed her hands to keep her attention. "No, Jaina, I have to say this before it burns a whole in my heart. I left you on Hapes because I could never have been the one to fight you when you finally turned. I cared too much for you to do that. So I left. I know it seems cowardly of me, but I just couldn't face you like that."

"I understand Zekk. I was not myself after Myrkr. It was not your fault." Jaina could not say the true words she meant. I was not myself after the death of Anakin and loss of Jacen. They were too cruel to speak.

"But I shouldn't have left you Jaina. It was wrong."

Jaina put her hand to cup Zekk's face. "No, my friend's should never have to suffer for my own failings."

Zekk eyes bored down on Jaina. "But Jaina how could I leave the woman I love like that?"

The admission floored Jaina; her mouth dropped open in astonishment. Before she could think, Zekk had pulled her to him and pressed his lips to her mouth. The strength of his arms and the fierceness of his kiss stunned Jaina momentarily. As she regained her faculties, Jaina pulled her hands between them and forced the Jedi away.

"Zekk, please don't. I can't."

"Why not? We had something once. Why can't we go back to the way it was?" Pain pooled in his eyes.

"Because, Zekk, I don't love you, not like that. I never did."

"We were meant to be together. I know it in my heart."

Jaina knew she would have to be truthful with Zekk to sever his dream. "Then your heart fools you, because my heart belongs to someone else." The hurt drowned his eyes, and Zekk stepped back like he had been kicked in the heart.

"Who?" he demanded.

Jaina became defensive at the intrusion. "I think that is my business. I choose to protect the one I love and guard him in my heart." Jaina removed the robe from her shoulders as the young man stared at the ground; his fists clenched in balls. "I am sorry Zekk. I wish you the same happiness I have found." She held the robe out to him.

"It's not Kyp is it, because you are too good for him."

Jaina knew better than to allow Zekk to continue, but she bristled at the insult to her friend. "No, it's not Kyp, but I would appreciate if you would refrain from judging him so harshly. Kyp is the one who saved me from myself on Hapes." Jaina thrust the robe at Zekk again.

Zekk filed through other possible Jedi Jaina might pair with before reaching a conclusion. "He's not even a Jedi, is he?" Zekk glared at Jaina, a fury of hurt rising in his heart.

Jaina became more incensed by the remark, and her natural instinct to fight took over. "No, he's not, not that it should matter. Being Force sensitive does not make us better than others."

"No, but it makes us special. How can anyone who's not a Jedi understand you? He will never be able to share that special bond with you."

Jaina knew that truth; and it was the one regret she had for her relationship with Jag, that he would never know her like she knew him. The point fueled Jaina's anger like a soft wind on a fire. Her voice rose accordingly. "He understands me more than you ever will. He would never leave me because it became uncomfortable for him."

The words cut through Zekk like a vibroblade. He grabbed the robe and spun to leave. Jaina called after him. "Zekk..."

Zekk slowly rotated back to meet her stare. Her eyes had gone from harsh to sorrow. "I am sorry."

He looked down at the floor. "Not more than I. Goodbye Jaina. I hope he makes you happy." Zekk met her eyes one last time, and Jaina knew she was losing a friend. Zekk turned and was gone.

Jaina grasped the balcony rail and rotated around to lean her weight on it. A small tear trickled down her cheek and fell the long distance to be swallowed by the dark ocean below. One more loss to the war, she despaired. The wind whipped up from the sea like a cold reminder of that truth, and Jaina shivered.

"You should come back inside."

Jaina faced the voice, brushing her cheek dry as she did. "Jag, you shouldn't be here."

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

At that second Jag was the last person Jaina wanted to talk to about what had happened. Her irritation reflected in her voice. "You can't come out here like this. It doesn't look right."

Jag hated keeping their relationship a secret; he did it because it was what Jaina wanted. He knew she had good reasons, but the strain sometimes was unbearable. Standing there watching her cry over the balcony and not being able to take her in his arms was cruel and unusual punishment. "But it should be right." Jaina shot him a nasty glare. "Don't worry. It's a party, people talk to each other."

Jag took a step toward Jaina, and she stepped away. "Did Zekk upset you?"

Jaina began to pace the balcony. "He wanted something I couldn't give him. He didn't take it well when I told him there was someone else. Now I have lost another friend and not even to this blasted war. When will I get a break, just one? That's not asking too much, is it Jag?"

Jag could feel the weight of their burden pressing down on them both. He tried to offer her comfort with his words. "It was a long day for everyone. Your Goddess run through the Vong fleet probably exhausted you more than you realized. Maybe you should get some rest. I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow."

His words only served to anger her more. "Maybe I wouldn't be so exhausted if your father could have taken my advice. Then I wouldn't have had to take that run through the Vong fleet."

"Jaina, I am not trying to pick a fight with you. I am just concerned. I don't know how to make it better with my father. Maybe give it some time. He should have listened to you, but I doubt it was personal. He is very opinionated about tactics and fleet maneuvers. Perhaps he just misjudged the situation."

"I know all too well about your father's opinions."

"He apologized for that Jaina. You can't still hold it against him."

Jaina charged Jag, her eyes blazing. "No, he apologized for me hearing the words, Jag, not for what he said. And yes, today was personal, and it almost got most of your fleet killed and me and Kyp besides. I think your father better look in a mirror before he judges me again."

Jaina stormed past Jag in a fit of anger and blasted back through the doors into the Rogue party. Jag ran after her. His long stride allowed him to pass Jaina and block her path. "Jaina, my father is…"

"…AN ARROGANT TAUNTAUN'S BEHIND PUMPED UP ON OVERBLOWN IMPERIAL PRIDE!"

By the end of her rant, Jaina had the attention of the entire room, all eyes focusing on the pair. Fortunately for the couple, everyone thought the tirade was a personal affront on the pompous Jagged Fel and not a lover's quarrel about an interfering family member. Jag felt the burn of all eyes boring into him and knew that any response would only jeopardize their secret. He chose the best option possible and marched off, leaving Jaina standing alone in the eye of the storm.

----------

The corridors of the commander's barracks were unusually quiet. Jag listened to the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls. They were a distraction from his thoughts. Today had been filled with highs and lows. After the altercation with Jaina, Jag had left the planet and returned to the Talion. He had been concerned for his mother and sister after the attack and knew his father was unavailable for them.

Both women welcomed his visit, but his mother had seen past Jag's emotional barriers. After a long talk about the mysterious workings of the female mind and the troubled relationship between Jaina and Soontir, Jag had returned to the base feeling somewhat settled. Syal had promised to speak to his father upon his return. Tonight, Jag would sleep knowing that tomorrow would offer the opportunity to mend the obvious weaknesses in his relationship with Jaina.

Jag passed Jaina's room and wondered if she was still enjoying the party or had, like him, gone off to seek solace elsewhere. She probably stayed. It was her party after all. Jag rounded the corner as he pondered the thought.

"Jag!"

The Corellian pilot was startled by the sudden appearance of Jaina being balanced by Kyp Durron. Jaina pushed herself off her escort. "I can stand on my own, Kyp."

Kyp shrugged at the other man, while offering a smirk. "Whatever you say Goddess. Hello, Fel. You're missing a good party."

Jag eyed Jaina swaying on unsteady feet. "I can tell. Hanging it up so soon?"

Kyp put a hand up to steady Jaina, who swatted it away. "The Goddess here has an early appointment with Cilghal. I figured Jaina needed time to sober up before Cilghal did any tests."

Jaina put her hand on Kyp's shoulder. "Always thinking of me, aren't you Kyp. Be honest, you just wanted an excuse to escape Drue's advances." She wrapped her arms around his body and squeezed him tight, mocking the actions of Drue earlier in the evening. "Oh, Kyp."

Kyp peeled his hands free and pushed her away. He addressed Jag. "I didn't think babysitting a drunk pilot was part of the package when I signed up."

Jaina stretched on her tiptoes and planted a wet kiss on his cheek. "That's for all the extras, my dear friend."

Jag shuffled uncomfortably in front of the two, debating a way to make an escape. This was not how he had hoped to see Jaina again, and he was sure her intoxicated state would lead to no positive outcome. Jaina could sense his reluctance to stay. "Would you give us a minute, Kyp? I am sure I can make it around the corner to the room."

Kyp looked from Jaina to Jag, who nodded to the Jedi Master, letting him know he could take it from there, even though it was the last thing he desired at the moment. "She's all yours." Kyp strode past Jag and rounded the corner before disappearing from sight.

Jaina stepped closer to Jag, wobbling as she did. She put a hand on Jag to steady herself. "I'm sorry about earlier. Everything sort of caught up with me, and I took it out on you."

Jag chuckled nervously. "That's putting it mildly."

"It's not funny Jag. I'm trying to apologize."

Her speech was slow and deliberate. Jaina parted her legs, attempting to assert an offended air. All she accomplished was looking sillier than before. Jag laughed harder, then Jaina began to laugh as well, caught in the levity of the moment and uninhibited by the alcohol in her blood.

Unexpectedly, Jaina grabbed Jag around the neck with both arms and planted a kiss on him. The act caught Jag off guard for a moment, his faculties dulled by the sweet aroma of alcohol on her breath. As quick as she acted though, Jag pried her off, holding her wrists tightly to keep her at bay.

"Jag, what are you doing?"

"Keeping you from getting us in trouble."

"There's no one around. I wouldn't be that stupid. Jedi remember."

"Well I wouldn't agree after what happened at the party."

Jaina angered by Jag's rebuff jerked her hands free. In doing so, she lost her balance and started to stumble. Jag scooped her up in his arms and turned around, heading straight for her room.

"Put me down, Jagged Fel. What if someone sees us?"

"No one around, right Jedi?"

Jaina huffed in his arms as she tried to kick free. Jag tightened his grip and quickened his step. It only took a few seconds to arrive at her door.

"Code please?"

"Why should I tell you?" Jaina spat at him.

"Do you want to stay out here like this?"

Jaina stewed for a moment before conceding, but not completely. "My Lando's Folly time."

Jag thought for a moment, before punching in the code – two, seven, two, seven. Jaina was at the same time impressed he remembered and annoyed that he succeeded. The door slid open, and Jag sidestepped into the room, taking care not to knock any of Jaina's extremities in the doorframe. As he entered, Jag loosened his grip, and Jaina squirmed from his arms.

"Was that really necessary?"

"I believe so, based on your record today."

Jag had not intended to renew his conflict with Jaina, but something between them was obviously unresolved.

"What the Sith does that mean?"

The words spilled out of Jag before he knew the thoughts had formed. He was used to guarding his feelings, but his passion for Jaina overrode any safety valves in his mind. "What were you thinking pulling that crazy outburst at the party? Were you trying to get us found out?"

"I was mad about what your father did earlier."

"So, I'm mad about the crazy stunt you pulled in the furball today. You don't see me venting in the center of the Rogue party. Speaking of which, what were you thinking today? Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"No, I was trying to save the Chiss from a disastrous ending."

"Did they ask you for help?"

Jaina's voice raised a notch. "No, they did not, but you saw…"

"Jaina, you can't save everyone. You aren't a real goddess; you are a mortal. You aren't any good to anyone if you're dead."

"You mean I'm not any good to you dead, right?"

Jag stuttered over the truth of her words. "Well, I…you…"

Before he knew it, Jaina had tackled Jag on the couch with the strength he not thought possible from someone so small. Lying across him, she pressed her lips to his lips. Jag succumbed to the demands of her mouth, kissing her back as fiercely as she kissed him, fueled by the heat of passion racing through him. Jaina moaned and opened her mouth to him.

Jag's hands came up to her head, pulling his fingers through her hair. Jaina's hands skimmed down Jag's shirt until she reached his belt. She pulled at the shirt, releasing it and slid her hands along the ridges of his hard stomach, ending at the firm curves of his chest. As her hands moved up, his skin became exposed to her bare midriff. Jag moaned as the sensation seared across his skin like a brand. For a moment he lost all sense of time and space.

Jag, still tasting her, brought his hands down to her waist and pulled her closer. Her body fit against his like a puzzle piece, no part separate from his. He grazed his hands up along her ribs and then across her back into a warm embrace.

Jaina, sensing Jag's desire, raked her nails back down his skin, stopping at his belt. She fumbled to release the buckle, her hands trapped between the crush of their bodies, but was stopped as Jag flipped her over, landing on top of her. Her wrists were in his grip pressed against the cushion. His words were breathless.

"Jaina, stop."

Jaina looked at him through passion hazed eyes, her body comfortable under Jag's weight. Jag was all too aware of the press of her form to his, heightened by her heavy breathing. "Why?" She raised her head and trailed her lips along his neck.

Jag closed his eyes as if fighting off a demon and pressed down harder on her arms while pulling his shoulders further away from her. He forced himself to look at her.

"Because this is not the way it should be."

Jaina shoved Jag off her with the strength of her own fury combined with the Force. "When do you suggest it would be a good time? When the war is over and everyone is happy and carefree." Jaina spit her words at him as she rose from the couch.

"That's not it at all."

"Then maybe you don't want me." Jaina spun from Jag.

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back around. He tipped her chin up with a firm grip, willing his words into her mind. "You know that isn't true. I want you more than anything. When we make love, I want it to be special. I want to be able to hold you in my arms all night. I don't want it to be like this, spurred by passion unhindered by alcohol and raw emotions. We haven't even discussed protecting against pregnancy. This is no time to have an accident."

Jag stepped back as Jaina moved toward him. "I get the birth control shot like all the other female pilots. You don't have to worry about that." Jaina cornered Jag against the door. She placed her hand gently on his chest and leaned up to kiss him.

Jag ducked away to the side to avoid her advances. "Jaina, I couldn't even stay the night. In the state you are in, you might regret it in the morning. You might not even remember it in the morning. What if the base goes on alert again? It's too risky. Now's not the time."

Speaking the words pained Jag, but he knew he had to be the voice of reason. There was nothing more Jag desired in the universe than to take Jaina to his bed and show her the depth of his passion for her.

Tears started to pour down Jaina's cheeks. "And when will it be our time? When will it be about us and not everyone else?" The weight of being Lieutenant Colonel Jaina Solo, Trickster Goddess, came crashing down on the nineteen-year-old girl. Her vision blurred in a barrage of tears. Then Jag was there holding her, tears dampening his shirt.

"Shhhh. It will be all right. I promise." Jag stroked her hair with one hand, whispering reassuring words softly in her ear. Jaina's sobs quieted in time.

"You do. You promise?"

Jag took his hand from her hair and used it to cup her cheek tenderly, using his thumb to stroke a tear away. "Our time will come soon, and I can imagine it will be the one of the most memorable moments of our lives. We don't have to rush anything. We will both know when it is the right time and place. We will know in our hearts."

Jag was always there to make it better; he always knew the right things to say. Jaina smiled at him as her emotional turmoil subsided. The events of the day suddenly lapped at her body in waves of exhaustion. Sensing the change, Jag leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I'd better go before my resolve fails me." Jag backed away toward the door, tucking his shirt in his pants as he went. "Is it safe?"

Jaina scanned the hall with the Force and blew him a kiss as a sign it was safe to go. As the door opened behind him, Jag gave her a wistful smile before disappearing into the hall.

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End of Chapter 11
TKL/jj